Category Archives: Default

Starting a Budget 101

A speaker once said that more people buy V-8 juice than drink it. They know it’s good for them, so they buy it, bring it home and leave it in the back of the refrigerator until it is past its expiration date. Their head tells them it’s a good thing, but their emotions go for the hot chocolate, lemonade, or soda.

Budgeting falls into the category of things that are good for you but not necessarily emotionally appealing, like flossing your teeth or exercising. The truth of the matter, though, is that everyone budgets. Drawing up a budget is just making your spending more intentional rather than allowing your whims to determine how you will spend your money or your time. Budgeting is a tool to help you figure out in advance where you want to spend your resources. The problem is that most of us come with lots of baggage about the use of money that makes us scared to look at it in the clear light of day. Thinking about money can cause many of us to feel discouraged and fearful when we consider the failures to handle money well in the past.

The key, though, is that those behaviors were in the past. The present and future are what concern you now, and you have an opportunity to start your financial life anew. As you approach marriage, you have a partner to share the decisions and the work. Just as it’s often easier to exercise with another person, you may find that handling financial decisions is easier when there are two heads working on them. Setting up some dreams for the future, whether it’s plans for children, moving to a new town, or checking off items on a bucket list, might make it easier to work toward them.

You might want to think about what motivates you to do other things that seem hard. If you gave up smoking, what made it possible for you to do that? If you floss, or exercise, or have another daily routine that is good for you, how did you build it into your life? Finding the key to what motivates you is a big part of establishing a budget.

Another important key to managing a budget is talking with each other about money and about your priorities so that you are on the same page. Facing the fact that one of you considers buying furniture a priority while the other thinks a vacation is just what you both need right now can be wearisome, but these opinions won’t go away just because you don’t talk about them. They’ll pop up eventually and affect your relationship.

Author Jason Kelly offers one tip that is helpful in trying to change any bad habit: Don’t try to get rid of bad spending habits all at once. At first, just cut back. Are there any monthly subscriptions to magazines, technologies, or other deliveries that you no longer use? Take an inventory and unsubscribe. If you were used to renting ten movies a month, cut back to eight. If you ate out five times a week last month, try to make it four or three this month. Every step we make will bring us closer to our goal. If we try to leap there, we’re almost sure to fall short and get discouraged.

Love isn’t always expressed in hearts and flowers. Sometimes it is reflected in the hard work you do with each other to create a budget, So haul out the credit card debts, the student loan payments, old doctor bills and any other leftover debts from the past, and look at your finances without criticism or sarcasm. Laying all your cards on the table will be the foundation for your new life of sharing your finances and making decisions together.

Related books:

Related articles:

The Lunch Box Legacy

We bring to marriage many conscious and unconscious influences from our family of origin and follow what we saw or react against it. We often think, “I’ll never repeat what I experienced as a child,” and then find ourselves doing or saying those very things.

This is a generational story about lunch boxes. My daughter, Carole, wanted a new lunch box for first grade. To save money, I spray painted the old one, much to her dismay. Unknown to me, while walking home from school, she’d toss her box along the road hoping the damage would get her a new lunch box. Carole now has a first grade daughter, Amy, who wants a new lunch box. Amy was told that she could make-do with the old one for another year. On reflection, I remembered disliking my workman’s lunch box in first grade. I wanted to carry a brown bag like my friends. Three generations of first grade girls in our family have had unpleasant lunch box experiences.

I questioned my parents, the fourth generation, about their lunch box experiences. Dad wanted a “lunch bucket” like his classmates but went home for lunch each day. Mom carried a disliked “brown bag” on the days she stayed at school for lunch. Both had reacted against their experience by providing me with the workman’s lunch box, and Carole and I had followed our legacy by not giving our daughters any choice. Amy did get a new lunch box with her Dad’s intervention.

Instead of “lunch box” the issue could be alcohol abuse, communication patterns, conflict resolution, finances, forgiveness, etc. The legacies unconsciously handed down from our families are part of each of us. We emotionally follow what we saw happening, such as making a lunch box decision without honoring a child’s request. Or we might go to the opposite extreme and try to remedy a childhood experience by giving our own child everything we missed. Either way our family of origin is influencing our decision.

With intentional effort the patterns we learned in our family of origin that are destructive or inappropriate can be changed or modified for more satisfying and loving interactions. It is a process that continues throughout the lives of the spouses.

About the author 
Anne H. Funkhouser, M.Ed., CFLE is the Co-Director of Marriage & Family at St. Augustine Church in Gainesville, Florida.

Family of Origin Exercise

In my family of origin…

Affection was:

A. Shown warmly and often

B. Rarely shown in public

C. Other __________________________

My home was usually:

A. Neat and clean

B. Comfortably cluttered

C. Other __________________________

Decision making was done by:

A. Father

B. Mother

C. Both parents in consultation

D. Everyone in the home (including the kids)

E. Default (Nobody seemed to make decisions. Life just happened.)

F. Other _____________________________

When my parents disagreed or fought:

A. They yelled and screamed

B. One usually gave in to the other

C. They compromised

D. They separated to cool off

E. One or both used the “silent treatment”

F. I wouldn’t know. They never fought in front of me.

G. Other ____________________________

Responsibility for keeping the home picked up belonged to:

A. Everyone picked up after themselves

B. Mother or father picked up after the kids

C. I never noticed. It was never an issue.

D. Nobody picked up. (It was pretty messy.)

Privacy was:

A. Respected

B. A sign of secretiveness and selfishness

Money was:

A. Saved for a rainy day

B. Spent only on necessities

C. We were always in debt

D. Used freely for recreational pursuits

E. Other ______________________________

Relationships were:

A. Close. We had many times of fun together.

B. Cordial, but each person primarily recreated by themselves

C. Strained

D. Other ______________________________

Household chores were divided according to:

A. “Women’s work” or “Men’s work”

B. Who had the most time or skill at the chore

C. Both parents took equal responsibility

D. Other ________________________________________

On Sunday or religious holy days we would:

A. Go to religious services together

B. One parent would attend services, the other stayed home.

C. Neither parent was involved in an organized religion.

D. Other _________________________________________

On Christmas, we:

A. Put a tree up and decorated early

B. Christmas Eve was the big celebration when we opened presents

C. Santa Claus decorated the tree when the kids were asleep and we opened gifts Christmas morning.

D. We’re non-Christian and don’t celebrate Christmas

E. Other _______________________________

 

Exchange answers with your fiancé(e). Which experience of your fiancé(e) is most different from yours? Discuss what impact this might have on your future marriage.

7 Reasons Not to Marry

The decision to marry is the biggest decision that most people make in a lifetime. Following is a list of danger signs. If any of these are present in your relationship now, it is best to postpone the marriage until the issue is resolved. Marriage itself will not make these problems disappear. In fact, these problems almost always get worse after marriage.

1. Marrying to get out of the house.

This is simply trading one set of problems for another. Other options exist to get away from a troubled home. A counselor can help you find them.

2. No one better will ask me to marry him/her.

This kind of thinking suggests that you don’t think much of yourself. People who think this way aren’t sure enough of themselves to hold their own in marriage and are generally unhappy when they do find their true selves. Postponing or canceling your wedding is a good idea. Some good counseling can help, too.

3. It’s just time to get married.

Actually, what is needed is the right time AND the right person.

4. Being hit, slapped, threatened or intimidated, verbally put down, or forced to do things you don’t want to do by your partner.

Being treated like this is wrong and you should not put up with it. This is not the normal way that engaged or married couples relate to one another. Marriage is based on respect, not fear and force. Don’t be fooled by your partner’s promise to stop.

5. You or your partner are dependent on drugs and/or alcohol. Some of the symptoms of dependence include:

  • One of you uses drugs or alcohol to escape from problems or worries.
  • Getting drugs or alcohol is always on your mind.
  • You can’t have fun or relax without drugs or alcohol.
  • You become careless with important relationships.
  • You drink alone or in secret.

A person dependent on drugs and alcohol is not a free person. Their love affair is with the bottle or drugs – not with you!

6. You and your partner have major items which you avoid talking about because it might upset your relationship.

For example: children, money management, division of responsibility for home and children, whether to keep both careers, religious identity of children in an interfaith marriage.

You need to talk about all important issues openly before marriage. The wedding ceremony itself will not eliminate the issues or the effects of your disagreements. Consider enlisting the help of a priest, minister, or counselor if these issues seem too threatening to handle alone.

7. Marriage just seems like the next logical step.

This sometimes happens to couples who are living together. They slide into marriage not because they have fully explored the idea of a permanent commitment and freely choose that for themselves, but because getting married is the next thing to do. Or they slide into marriage to fix a relationship that is limping along, thinking that having their families’ or church’s stamp of approval will fix their relationship. If this describes your relationship, slow down and look more carefully at what marriage is. Are you ready, willing, and able to fulfill its responsibilities?

About the author
Susan Stith is the Family Life Director for the Diocese of Altoona-Johnstown.

When Teens Know One Parent Will Say Yes

The Situation

We have been happily married for fifteen years and believe we have handled most of our parenting well, but now our fourteen year old daughter’s drive for independence often causes us to argue. When she wants to go to a party or to the mall with her friends, my husband and I react differently, in ways that surprise both of us.

Usually, she goes to my husband first for permission, because he is more likely to let her go and not ask for details. When I find out, I end up being the bad guy because I insist on knowing who she is meeting or calling the parents who are hosting the party. If I say she can’t go, she throws a fit, and sometimes my husband overrules me, right there in front of her, saying we need to trust her. I think he doesn’t want to see her disappointed, but then I am angry at him and worried all evening. I’m afraid my husband and I are hurting our relationship, not to mention setting a bad example for our daughter. What can we do to keep our marriage together when our daughter stresses us out?

A Response

All parents face the tough job of striking a balance between balancing privileges and safety. When one parent is more protective than the other, tends to think more vividly about the dangers that are out there, or is more prone to worry in general, a teen is likely to notice the cracks in the parental unit and drift toward the parent most likely to allow freedoms. To minimize the strong emotions and conflicts that tend to happen in the throes of decision-making, consider the steps below.

  • Set aside time to talk to your spouse about your mutual commitment to your marriage and to the job of parenting. Name the thoughts you have when your daughter makes requests (e.g., “I just want her to have fun,” “She’ll hate me if I say no” or “I just know there will be alcohol at that party”), and talk about ways to relieve that concern. Remind yourselves that your daughter and your relationship will benefit if you can present a united front about your household rules.
  • Consider your teen’s developmental level. Early adolescence is a period of insecurity for many teens. They want to be part of the group that seems to have it together and also feel fairly invincible as far as the dangers that are out there. Take time to ask what your teen is thinking, hoping and dreaming. Ask how she can participate at some level without endangering herself or causing you excessive worry (Face it: you’re always going to worry a little).
  • Decide ahead of time the basic permissions you are both comfortable with in a given scenario and promise each other that you will present decisions as a team. Let your daughter know the basic rules about parties or going out. When she surprises you with a new request, tell her, “I’ll talk with your mother/father about this and we’ll get back to you with our answer.” Then hold a private discussion with each other.
  • Work out ways to back each other up. One way to show your support for each other is to have the stricter parent go first – the one who is more likely to say “no” to a situation – and plan that the other parent will agree saying, “Your mother (or father) said, ‘no,’ and I agree.” If your daughter poses a reasonable argument, tell her you will take her statements back to the other parent for consideration. Again have a private parental discussion. If the information prompts a change of heart, allow the stricter parent to be the one to give the good news, to help balance the permission granting. Finally, agree that you will both watch for disrespectful behavior from the daughter and back each other up about that, too, e.g., “It’s not okay to talk to your father/mother that way, and here is the consequence…” Talk about hypothetical situations. This may reassure you that your teen can make good decisions in difficult situations. For example, during dinner, casually bring up scenarios you have read about in the news or heard about from friends – don’t mention names. Ask your daughter what she might do if faced such a situation. If she gives a reasonable answer, let her know you are pleased with her thinking and add any suggestions you might have. If she gives a less than satisfactory response, suggest a few things that could happen as a result and ask what she might do instead. It also can be interesting to ask your daughter what she thinks about the complete lack of rules some parents seem to have. Often, teens will admit they view overly permissive parents as not really caring about their children.
  • Building trust and character take time. Let your teen know that the more she shows herself to be trustworthy, the more trust you will give. Yes, you want her to have fun, but you also love her and thus, her safety is your top concern. Parents sometimes have tough decisions to make, but sticking by your rules, even in the face of a child’s unhappiness, is showing your love. Not bending to pressure from others when things don’t seem safe is a skill you hope she also will exercise as she ventures out in the world on her own.

Finally, if necessary, don’t be afraid to seek professional help. It is a sign of love, not weakness to seek help from a therapist or counselor who can help all family members voice their concerns, reframe the conflict as one borne in love and possibly fear, and move toward solutions that will work for everyone.

About the author
Dr. Madison is a clinical psychologist, author and director of FOCCUS, Inc. USA. She speaks internationally on topics related to children, marriage and families.

View more Marriage Rx prescriptions here.

Overcoming Obstacles

Over the years a couple can expect to face many issues, both big and small. Some, such as financial, career, and parenting decisions, can be handled by honestly discussing them with each other or with friends who can provide wise advice. Others, such as infidelity or addictions, need the counsel of professionals and a tremendous amount of commitment to change. Still others, such as illness, may have to be endured patiently with the support of family and friends.

We all want to live happily ever after. Inevitably, though, we all experience bumps along the marriage road.

Some bumps come from within the marriage. We may start to think our love wasn’t real, or that we’ve fallen out of love. We may even want to give up. Most couples go through a disillusionment phase. Preventive maintenance can minimize the damage. This means taking time to nurture the relationship, and perhaps attending an enrichment program or two.

Then there are the bumps that come from outside the marriage. For some couples, that means dealing with the heartbreak of miscarriage. A growing number of couples face the challenge of caring for aging parents.

Whether the difficulties arise from inside or outside marriage, many couples can benefit from counseling. Find out when to seek counseling, how to find a counselor, and what to expect from the process.

Domestic violence is the one deal breaker. It is never part of the normal ups and downs of marriage. Safety for the victim and children must be the top priority.

For Further Reading:

Virtue of the Month

Listening to many couples reflect on their marriage, I’ve been struck by how many speak of their sense of helping each other to heaven. They instinctively grasp St. Paul’s call to “a still more excellent way” in which their married love, which is God’s power alive within them, leads them to heaven.

As Christians, we understand this call to growth as a call to a holy, or virtuous, marriage. “Virtue” may sound like an old-fashioned word, but it lies at the heart of spirituality. A virtue is a stable part of one’s character that allows a person to perform good acts and to give his or her best (Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 1803).

Couples, like individuals, acquire virtues through the repetition of particular practices and behaviors. They make the virtue their own by freely choosing to act in certain ways, every day. The question posed in For Your Marriage‘s past radio and TV spots, “What have you done for your marriage today?” is really an invitation to grow in virtue through a gentle word, a generous deed or an act of self-sacrifice.

No one brings all the necessary virtues into a marriage, and the virtues that spouses do bring need to be developed. So marriage is a “school for virtue,” in which spouses learn such virtues as forgiveness, kindness, and humility. It’s the work of a lifetime.

A holy marriage, one that is a communion of persons and a sign of God’s love, is made up of many virtues. In this series, we’ll look at several virtues that characterize a holy and happy marriage. Each article will consider how the virtue can be practiced in marriage and offer one or two questions for reflection. I hope that couples will be able to set aside time each month to read and prayerfully discuss these articles.

Love, of course, is the more excellent way that includes all the virtues. As a couple grows in virtue, they also grow in love. Hand in hand they walk the journey to holiness. I pray that you may persevere in this journey, knowing the love of God, the encouragement of the Church, and the support of the many couples who are walking this journey with you.

“Just” Friends by Paul Leingang

Try a Little Kindness by Dan Mulhall

Gratitude: Foundational for Marriage by Dolores R. Leckey

Patience: Key to a Lasting Marriage

Play: A Virtue to Take Seriously by Donald J. Paglia

Humility: Foundation for Marital Happiness by Tim Lanigan

Forgiveness: Healing the Hurts in Marriage by Kathy Heskin

Perseverance: Love Never Ends by Mary Jo Pedersen

I Promise to be True to You by Mary Ann Paulukonis

The Courage to be Married by Tom McGrath

Grade Your Marriage

Marriage is not a test that you either pass or fail. It’s an ongoing process of learning about each other and how to accommodate differences so that both of you can feel satisfied and grow in love for each other.

Marriage is also not a competition in which one person wins at the expense of the other. If both spouses are not happy with a decision, then the marriage suffers since one person’s happiness cannot be at the expense of the other’s.

In this spirit, we invite you to assess where you are in your marriage.

  • Identify the issues that you agree on and are working smoothly for you.
  • Identify the issues that you disagree on and need to work out a compromise.
  • Identify the issues that you haven’t gotten around to talking about – but you should.

All this can add up to a blueprint for deepening your marriage and helping you reach your full marriage potential. The following categories can get you started:

On a scale of 1 – 10 rate your satisfaction with your marriage in the areas of:

1. Shared Values _____

2. Commitment to each other _____

3. Communication Skills _____

4. Conflict Resolution Skills _____

5. Intimacy/Sexuality _____

6. Spirituality/Faith _____

7. Money Management _____

8. Appreciation/Affection _____

9. Lifestyle _____

10. Recreation _____

11. Decision Making _____

12. Parenthood _____

13. Household chores / gender differences _____

14. Careers _____

15. Balancing Time_____

TOTAL: _____

Since this isn’t a test, but rather a map for you to use for further discussion, your total is not based on 100%. If your self-ratings on a specific topic are:

8-10: You are quite happy with this aspect of your marriage. This could be because you are generally an optimistic person and easy going, or you’ve been very intentional about working on your marriage.

4-7: You are sliding along in your marriage, perhaps not paying much attention to it or avoiding areas of conflict. It’s also possible that you have high expectations and are not an easy grader.

1-3: You are pretty dissatisfied with this aspect of your marriage. Check out the other areas of this website that address this topic.

Another way of assessing whether you need to pay more attention to certain areas of your marriage is by comparing answers with your spouse. If your ratings on any given topic differ by more than three points, you’ll want to discuss why.

Finally, if both you and your spouse have total scores of:

100 + Give yourself an A – but don’t get proud or complacent.

75-99 Give yourself a B – you’re in good shape and can pinpoint those areas you’ll want to discuss further.

50-74 Give yourself a C – You may have much to discuss or one of you may be more dissatisfied than the other. Check it out.

15-49 Looks like trouble. The fact that you are visiting this website and have filled out this self-assessment, however, is a good sign. You haven’t given up; you want to make your marriage better. Now get to work on it. See a counselor or attend a program offered by Retrouvaille or The Third Option for help.

Marriage Prep Resources

You’re engaged. Congratulations! The Church rejoices with you as you prepare to enter the Sacrament of Marriage and embark on this great vocation of love and service.

The Catholic Church has long been a leader in providing high-quality marriage preparation programs for engaged couples. These programs come in many forms: weekend retreats, a series of evening meetings, one-day events, online programs, or meetings with a priest or mentor couple. But they all share the common goal of providing engaged couples with the knowledge, skills, and formation they need to have a happy, holy, lifelong marriage.

Each diocese has its requirements for marriage prep, so check with the church where you’ll be getting married to see what program(s) is recommended or required in your diocese. Below are some widely-used marriage preparation programs and other resources for engaged couples.

Your engagement is also a great time to take Natural Family Planning (NFP) classes to learn more about the beautiful gift of fertility and prepare to live a marriage that is open to life and God’s plan for your family.

For couples who are currently civilly married outside of the Church and would like their marriage to be recognized by the Catholic Church, please see Convalidation: Bringing Your Marriage Into The Church.

Disclaimer: Please note that the content on this page is provided solely for your information and should not be interpreted as an official endorsement of the organizations, programs, and websites listed. To the best of our knowledge, the information listed here did not conflict with Catholic teaching and was accurate at the time of posting.

Table of Contents

Complete Marriage Preparation Programs

Agape Catholic Marriage Prep
A division of Agape Catholic Ministries, dedicated to the building of strong Christ-centered marriages since 2004. Online, interactive, and mentor-led Pre-Cana Program that can also be given in-person by trained instructors. Available anytime from anywhere. Based on Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body and the teachings of the Catholic Church. Available in English, Spanish, and French.

Contact: info@catholicmarriageprep.com, 800-208-1364

Better Together from Dynamic Catholic
You dream about your wedding day, your honeymoon, and growing old together. What about everything in between? Better Together equips you with the tools you need to build a lasting, happy, and faith-filled marriage.

Catholic Engaged Encounter
An in-depth, private, personal marriage preparation experience within the context of Catholic faith and values. The weekend retreat offers a “time out” where engaged couples can dialogue intensively about prospective lives together and hear helpful presentations from married couples. Weekends are offered periodically throughout the country; map of upcoming weekends here.

Contact: fill out the form on the website

Catholic Marriage Prep Class Online
The Marriage Group’s online, on-demand courses are enjoyed by thousands of Catholic couples every year, worldwide. Featuring videos from experts and married couples, followed by exercises and discussion guides, these courses are interactive and convenient. The courses are produced in collaboration with several diocesan offices, ministry leaders, and published authors/speakers. Courses available in English and Spanish.

Email: hello@themarriagegroup.com,1-855-PRE-CANA (773-2262)

EverMore in Love: Marriage Preparation
This mentor-led course helps engaged couples understand the Theology of the Body and practically implement it into their daily lives. It is available at the parish level and live online in both a one-on-one and group setting. When the course is complete, couples are invited to continue their formation with their mentor couple and an online community of other couples striving to live this way of life. (This course was formerly called Preparing to Live in Love.)

Contact: ruth@evermoreinlove.org, 610-640-4105
EverMore In Love

For Better and For Ever
A parish-based “sponsor couple” approach to marriage preparation. Married couples of the parish are trained to meet the engaged “where they are” to dialogue about the vocation of Matrimony. Sponsor couples host a series of 4-6 meetings with the engaged couple in their own home (or Zoom), then after the wedding, they follow up with the newly married couple through the first year(s) of marriage. Available in English, Spanish, Vietnamese, and French.  Training/enrichment of “sponsor couples” on Zoom is a FREE SERVICE.

Contact: robcssr@gmail.com, 210-534-1129

Joined by Grace: Preparing for the Sacramental Journey of Marriage, by Ave Maria Press, John and Teri Bosio, and Spirit Juice Studios
Grounded in Church teaching and incorporating the wisdom of Pope Francis’s apostolic exhortation Amoris Laetitia (The Joy of Love), the Joined by Grace program allows pastoral leaders and mentors to help couples build strong, life-giving, and lasting marriages. Offering couples the tools they need for life after their wedding day, Joined by Grace shows how the seven sacraments can help build marriages that are rooted in Christ by teaching couples to accept and be fully present to one another, give themselves completely, and serve and forgive each other. While developed for use in six sessions by mentors and engaged couples or small groups, the Program Manual offers a weekend retreat format as well.

The Joined by Grace program includes a Program Manual, Mentor’s Guides, Couple’s Guides, and a DVD. The DVD includes videos by pastoral leaders and the witness of real-life couples unscripted in their homes. An online library includes free resources to support marriage ministry coordinators, mentors, and engaged couples: JoinedbyGrace.com.

Contact: Ave Maria Press, 800-282-1865

Joy-Filled Marriage
Includes a virtue-based life skills component (“Living a Joy-Filled Marriage”) and a component focused on the Sacrament of Marriage and the Theology of the Body (“God’s Plan for a Joy-Filled Marriage”). Both components have Leader’s Guides. The two parts can be used separately, perhaps as a supplement to an existing marriage prep program, or together. Published by Ascension Press.

Contact: info@joyfilledmarriage.com, 1-800-376-0520

A Marriage in the Lord – The Marriage Group
Staged in a traditional style and setting, this course version offers engaged couples the opportunity to view videos on topics that are helpful in a Catholic marriage. There are Questions for Reflection and downloadable worksheets for you and your future spouse to fill out and discuss. Upon completion of all the videos and Questions for Reflection, a Certificate of Completion will be issued to you. You can take this class anywhere you have an internet connection, anytime that is convenient for you 24/7/365.

The Picture of Love Marriage Preparation Program
The Picture of Love Marriage Preparation Program is available for both Engaged Couples and Convalidation Couples explores the joys and challenges of living out the Sacrament of Matrimony with a special focus on the importance of inviting Jesus to be the center of marriage and family life. Originally released in 2002, Picture of Love is an officially sanctioned and proven Marriage Preparation Program, currently used in Catholic parishes and dioceses across the nation. The newly revised 2017 version of Picture of Love has received the imprimatur of Archbishop Jose H. Gomez, Archdiocese of Los Angeles.

Smart Loving Engaged Online
SmartLoving Engaged Online combines psychological insights with the Theology of the Body to equip couples to navigate the joys and challenges of married life. Now available online, couples can access the course anytime and from anywhere in a self-directed capacity or invite a married sponsor couple from the parish to accompany them at no extra charge. Flexible and affordable, the course has an imprimatur and is approved for use in many dioceses throughout Australia, the UK, the USA, Canada, Africa, and Asia. If you and your fiancé are separated by distance, you can complete the course separately meeting on Skype after every lesson to complete the activities together.

Contact: info@marriagerc.org

Theology of the Body Marriage Preparation
This marriage prep program, which Dr. Janet Smith calls a “real contribution to the need for truly useful marriage preparation materials,” gives poignant, refreshing insights into personal growth, communication skills, finances, catechesis, and more, all from the perspective of the Theology of the Body. The unique diagrams and charts—which Dr. Peter Kreeft lauds as “delightful” and “memorable”—flesh out St. John Paul II’s insights, make tough concepts accessible, and offer food-for-thought for discussions by couples. This complete program comes with a slide show presentation with the facilitator’s notes and three downloadable files (Facilitator’s Guide, TOBET Tips for Presenting, and Addressing Tough Issues: A Theology of the Body Pastoral Response). TOB expert Monica Ashour can be brought in to train the trainers. Written by Monica Ashour, MTS, M Hum, and members of TOBET (Theology of the Body Evangelization Team). Available in English, Spanish, and Vietnamese.

Contact: Monica Ashour, mashour@tobet.org,972-849-6543 (for content questions);
info@tobet.org (for order questions).

Three to Get Married
The Three to Get Married Marriage Preparation Program draws upon the best in contemporary psychology, practical wisdom from the experience of married couples, and the beauty of the Catholic Church’s teachings on marriage and family life to give you the best foundation on which to build a successful marriage. This marriage preparation course is an intensive preparation experience true to the teachings of the Catholic Church. It aims to provide each couple with a reflective and in-depth preparation for a joyful, faith-filled marriage—based on love that not only endures but grows stronger year after year.  “Prepare to Love for a Lifetime!” Virtual and in-person weekend sessions are available

Contact: Betsy Ring, bring@ourladyofbethesda.org

Together in God’s Love
Together in God’s Love uniquely combines cultural perspectives, modern psychology, and Catholic theology as couples prepare to become one in Christ through matrimony. Using very practical, multi-sensory, and active learning techniques, the program focuses on the areas of Faith, Communication, Sexuality, and Stewardship to express marriage as a communion of persons, just as the Holy Trinity is a communion of persons. It is attentive to various learning styles as well as cultural diversity through the use of language, games, role-playing, and self-assessments.

Transformed in Love: Building Your Catholic Marriage
Transformed in Love (revised 2020) provides the groundwork for engaged couples to begin the noble and holy work of marriage. It was developed by a team of ministry leaders, professionals, and laity who work closely with engaged couples in the Boston Archdiocese. It allows for the transformative power of kerygmatic witness, scripture, and Catholic teaching while engaging couples in activities to practice the skills provided. It can be used in a variety of formats (mentor-led, retreat, or weekly sessions) and has an accompanying Leader Guide with downloadable resources to assist with the in-person or virtual gatherings. It is now available in Spanish –Transformados en el Amor and can be found at www.evangelizeboston.com.

Contact: Liz Cotrupi, cotrup_e@rcab.org

Unveiled
Unveiled was created by the Catholic Diocese of Richmond to blend marriage preparation and evangelization. This innovative video-based solution offers a consistent, comprehensive, and captivating approach to marriage preparation. Unveiled allows you to ensure the integrity of the theological and practical content, focus your efforts on training facilitator couples to be story-telling evangelists, and implement a dynamic educational methodology that integrates beautiful media. Unveiled can be used as an online e-learning course, run at the parish level, or offered on the diocesan scale.

Contact: marriageprep@richmonddiocese.org, 804-622-5109

When the Cake is Gone
When the Cake is Gone is based on the “Back to Back, Face to Face and Shoulder to Shoulder” (corresponding to the three vows of Christian marriages) model of marriage enrichment created by Dr. Healy. Over 100,000 copies have been purchased. Dioceses and parishes frequently give the CD to all the engaged couples who go through their programs.

Witness to Love
Witness to Love is a tool for parishes that want to use the marriage prep process to benefit engaged couples by building a support system to accompany them before and after the wedding, integrating them into parish life, focusing on evangelization, and getting the most out of the marriage prep process. This is not just a program but a system that will help enhance the current offerings that a parish, or diocese, already has in place and it is compatible with any PMI or marriage prep program listed on this page. Witness to Love was established in response to St. John Paul II’s apostolic exhortation Familiaris Consortio and operates under the guidance of the Archdiocese of New Orleans. Online or live training for clergy or marriage prep personnel is available. Available in English and Spanish (Testimonio de Amor).

Contact: Mary-Rose Verret, info@witnesstolove.org

Your Marriage
“Your Marriage” is a parish-based marriage prep resource from Liguori Publishing as part of their Sacramental Preparation Series. It is led by marriage prep leaders in small or large groups or individually, with an emphasis on regular meetings with the parish priest. The program includes a solid and thorough, yet accessible, presentation of Church teaching regarding marriage, as well as practical application to address the needs and challenges faced by couples today. The series includes a DVD of testimonies from married couples and spiritual direction from Fr. Byron Miller, CSsR corresponding with each chapter, as well as additional resources available through the publisher’s website. Available in English and Spanish.

Contact: Mary Wuertz von Holt, mwuertz@liguori.org, 636-223-1435

Premarital Inventories

A premarital inventory, or PMI, is a common tool in marriage preparation for an engaged couple to gain a deeper understanding of themselves and each other and to identify subjects that may need additional discussion or consultation. Best practices for PMIs include having the engaged couple go over the results of their inventory with a trained priest or mentor couple.

Better Together Inventory
Great communication is essential to having a great marriage. Our marriage prep inventory is a free questionnaire designed to celebrate strengths and highlight opportunities for growth between engaged couples.

Catholic Couple Checkup
A comprehensive premarital inventory with an illustrative report and discussion guide can be sent to a priest or mentor couple to discuss with the engaged couple. Promoted by The Marriage Group, the Catholic Couple Checkup can be used together with their popular online marriage preparation program (comes free with the program) or separately by couples.

Couple Checkup
Couple Checkup is an online relationship assessment that is tailored to each couple and the Catholic faith. The computer-generated report helps couples discover their strength and growth areas across several relationship categories such as communication, conflict resolution, roles, financial management, personality, and more. Couples can bring their results to a priest or premarital counselor to work through their results. Powered by Prepare/Enrich.

Contact: 1-800-331-1661

F.A.C.E.T.
The questions in F.A.C.E.T. are intended to open up areas for discussion under thirteen different topics. There will be opportunities for couples to review their results with facilitators, but they are encouraged to begin a dialogue with each other as soon as they are finished. In addition, couples are given some open-ended questions to take home that are intended to stimulate further discussion on the same topics. F.A.C.E.T is not a test, but an opportunity to keep communications moving in a positive direction between two people who plan to get married. In English and Spanish

FOCCUS
Premarital inventory that covers major areas engaged couples should discuss. Offers research and training that Facilitate Open, Caring Communication, Understanding, and Study. After taking the FOCCUS pre-marital inventory, couples meet with a trained facilitator. Available in Spanish, Chinese, and for couples with English as a second language.

Also REFOCCUS for a second marriage.

Contact: foccus@foccusinc.com, 1-877-883-5422

Fully Engaged
A Catholic catechetical pre-marriage inventory that carries a Nihil Obstat and Imprimatur. This comprehensive, catechetical tool forms engaged couples in the riches of the Church while equipping them with the essential skills necessary for a healthy marriage. This program utilizes a catechetical workbook for the engaged couple and contains a detailed Facilitator’s Guide for the Facilitator. Follow-up formation emails are sent to the newlywed couple for one year after their marriage. Fully Engaged also contains a complete Convalidation Inventory for civilly married couples.

Contact: For more information or to order a Preview Package, call 800-624-9019 or email fe@gw.stcdio.org.

IPI Intercommunications Publishing
IPI was the first to offer pre-marriage inventories, beginning in 1980. We have programs available for various premarital situations, such as never-married couples, couples entering a second marriage, couples having their civil marriage convalidated, couples from different faith traditions, and more. Inventories are available both in hard copy and online with English and Spanish options.

Contact: 800-999-0680

Prepare/Enrich
An online relationship inventory and skill-building program based on a solid research foundation. Custom-tailored to a couple’s relationship and provides a couple with exercises to build their relationship skills. It can be used both for engaged and married couples. After taking the inventory, couples meet with a trained facilitator.

Contact: 800-331-1661

Spirituality and Religion in Your Marriage: A Reflective Process for Engaged Couples by Dr. James Healy, Director of the Center for Family Ministry in the Diocese of Joliet

This booklet contains a short inventory that places the individual in one of four categories: 1) high in both Spirituality and Religion, 2) high in Spirituality and low in Religion, 3) low in both Religion and Spirituality, and 4) high in Religion and low in Spirituality. It affirms strengths and encourages growth in both the individual and the couple towards category number 1. Available in Spanish.

Workbooks and Books for Engaged Couples

The following workbooks can be used as a supplement to existing marriage preparation programs, or by engaged couples on their own for additional formation.

A Marriage in the Lord, 6th edition
This Catholic marriage preparation workbook helps couples to prepare for a lifelong happy, healthy, and holy marriage. The revised edition includes a discussion of the Theology of the Body, threats to marriage, and couple prayer. Bulk discounts are available. Provided by the Marriage and Family Ministries Office of the Archdiocese of Chicago.

Contact: 312-534-8351, email through this form

The Mission of Love: A Sacramental Journey to Marital Success by John Curtis, Fr. Dominic McManus, O.P., and Mike Day
Focused on helping engaged couples embrace their mission and vocation in the Sacrament of Marriage. A unique vantage point encourages couples to design their family’s mission statement and “job descriptions” for each member. Book format and Couple’s Guidebook with exercises. Available in Kindle version.

Contact: newpriorypress@opcentral.org, 312-243-0011

Revolution of Love: the 21st Century Home – Seven Ways to Bring Love into the Home
Reflections from Pope Francis, St. Josemaria, and Cormac Burke; published in 2016.
This beautifully presented handbook features compelling photographs and quotes that capture hearts with a joyful, loving vision of marriage, family, and home. Brief chapters reflect on such topics as “The Warmth of Home,” “Marriage: A Divine Adventure,” “Communication in the Home,” “Prayer: Loving God with Affection,” “Pursuing Our Dreams,” and more. Pope Francis’s addresses and writings are a primary source of the book’s text, beginning with the first quote in this handbook, taken from The Joy of the Gospel, “The Son of God became man to summon us to a revolution of tenderness.” This handbook hopes to offer, in Pope Francis’s words, “ways to restore and safeguard God’s loving plan for humanity.”
For both engaged and married couples.

Contact: rolbooks2016@gmail.com for group discounts & more information.
This book is also available on Amazon (see the “Look Inside” feature).

Theology of the Body Marriage Preparation
This marriage prep guide—which Dr. Peter Kreeft lauds as “delightful” and “memorable”—gives refreshing insights into personal growth, communication skills, finances, catechesis, and more, all from the perspective of the Theology of the Body. The unique diagrams and charts flesh out St.John Paul II’s insights, make tough concepts accessible, and offer food-for-thought for discussions by couples. Dr. Janet Smith calls this program a “real contribution to the need for truly useful marriage preparation materials.” Written by TOB expert Monica Ashour, MTS, MHum, and the members of TOBET (Theology of the Body Evangelization Team). Available in English, Spanish, and Vietnamese.

Contact: Monica Ashour, mashour@tobet.org, 972-849-6543 (for content questions); info@tobet.org (for order questions).

Supplemental Curriculum

10 Great Dates Before You Say “I Do.”
Want to help couples discern if they are right for each other—even before becoming engaged? Then this video-based curriculum, disguised as fun dates, will help you help couples decide if they should take the next step toward marriage. You can also use this book as homework assignments for your parish marriage prep or mentoring couples, or combine them with the video date launches for the greatest impact. The DVD (with host couple Heather & Peter Larson) was a joint project with Prepare/Enrich and designed to help couples develop the skills and put into practice what they learned about each other after taking a premarital inventory. It’s a match made in heaven!

Contact: Arps@marriagealive.com, 865-690-5887

Natural Family Planning Classes
Natural Family Planning (NFP) is an umbrella term for methods of fertility observation used to achieve or avoid pregnancy. Couples preparing for marriage are encouraged to take an NFP class to learn this holistic way of respecting the life-giving nature of married love. Various methods are available, in both in-person and distance-learning classes.

Learn NFP Online™
The Marriage Group offers online, on-demand courses introducing couples to the good news of Natural Family Planning. NFP Life™ provides an overview discussing what NFP is all about. A full course is also available focusing on the Billings Ovulation Method™

For more Natural Family Planning options, contact: USCCB Natural Family Planning Office, nfp@usccb.org

Navigating Engagement with Peace, Joy, and Gratitude – by Emily Wilson
This is a video series for women about what really matters during engagement – your heart, and what is going on inside of it during this time! Speaker, YouTuber, and author, Emily Wilson Hussem (@emwilss), will walk alongside you like a sister on your journey, covering a vast array of topics that you will encounter during engagement, but topics that are rarely talked about or addressed. Topics include; The Trap of Comparison, Discerning a Choice, The Wedding Night, Bachelorette Parties, Loving your Fiancé Well, and so much more to help you cultivate peace throughout your engagement, and on your wedding day.

Contact: info@emilywilsonministries.com

The Roadmap to a Happy Marriage by Verily Magazine
This easy-to-access online course was designed to give people seeking a healthy, happy, lasting relationship the tools they need to achieve it, whatever their current relationship status. The course consists of videos, worksheets, and some practical exercises and covers issues such as how your family of origin impacts your approach to relationships, conflict, and communication styles, and how to navigate practical issues as a couple. While it is not aimed at Catholics, the course content is consistent with Church teaching and can be taken alongside any other marriage prep engaged couples might be receiving through their parishes. It’s also helpful for single people who want to take a more intentional approach to relationships and dating, people who are dating and trying to discern whether they are ready for marriage, and newlyweds looking for a refresher.

Contact: support@verilymag.com

Videos

“Saying I Do: What Happens at a Catholic Wedding”
Produced by the USCCB. Walks the viewer through the Rite of Marriage both within and without Mass, and answers FAQs about Catholic weddings. Designed for engaged couples, both Catholic couples and those marrying non-Catholics. Also helpful for those who are helping to prepare engaged couples for marriage.

Contact: marriage@usccb.org, 202-541-3013

BELOVED: Finding Happiness in Marriage – Parish Edition
Beloved is a video-based study program by the Augustine Institute that explores the true meaning of the Sacrament of Marriage. In twelve sessions, couples will discover the deepest spiritual, emotional, and practical realities of Marriage through Scripture, Tradition, and Church teaching. They’ll see firsthand how to experience the wonder, mystery, and joy of this sacrament—from that first “I do” through the rest of their lives. Beloved sessions are presented on a 6-DVD set, and kits come complete with Couple’s and Leader’s Guides – everything you need to experience the full power of Beloved for a marriage preparation program.

For more information, contact Colleen at (866) 767-3155 or visit augustineinstitute.org/beloved.

“When Two Become One”
Produced by the Diocese of Rockville Centre’s Office of Faith Formation. In this 25-minute DVD engaged couples learn about the Sacrament of Marriage, love, sexuality, natural family planning, and more through the witness of four couples sharing their experiences, challenges, and joys.

Contact: 516-678-5800 ext. 223

Marriage Boosters™
Engaged and married couples are invited to personalize their marriage preparation and enrichment with videos and supplemental materials that relate to particular circumstances. Register for free and gain immediate access to content including Unique Challenges of Military Families, Cohabitation, Forming a Stepfamily, Children of Divorce, Second Marriages, Interfaith, and Interchurch Marriages, and Strengthening African–American Catholic Marriages. Marriage Boosters are offered as a free resource by The Marriage Group.

Preparing for the Wedding Liturgy

The high point of a Catholic wedding is the Order of Celebrating Matrimony, where the bride and groom become husband and wife in the lifelong bond of marriage. The below resources assist engaged couples planning a Catholic wedding to understand and prepare for the wedding liturgy. On For Your Marriage are walk-through articles about Catholic weddings within Mass, without Mass, and between a Catholic and non-baptized person.

A Catholic Bride’s Wedding Planner, by Tracy Becker
Practical tool for Catholic brides (and grooms). Includes reflections on engagement and the Sacrament of Marriage, steps for getting married in the Catholic Church, a calendar with stickers to mark important moments leading up to the wedding, and an organizational section for wedding vendor contact information.

Catholic Wedding Help
A step-by-step guide to planning a Catholic wedding, including Scripture readings, the vows, various parts of the wedding liturgy, and information about Catholic marriage. Provided by Our Sunday Visitor.

CatholicWeddingPlanner.com
Offers assistance for clergy and engaged couples to plan the wedding ceremony. Engaged couples can select prayers and Scripture readings for the liturgy, organize musical choices, and create printed programs. Clergy can provide liturgical options to the couples they serve and receive a complete ceremony printout.

The Order of Celebrating Matrimony Complete Set, from Ave Maria Press
Approved as an official liturgical document by the USCCB, this all-in-one wedding resource for parish ministers is based on the revised Catholic wedding rite, The Order of Celebrating Matrimony. The complete card and ceremonial binder set includes 19 tabs and 144 three-hole-punched ritual cards with a single scripture reading, prayer, or blessing from the approved text of The Order of Celebrating Matrimony. The cards are printed in large, bold, easy-to-read type. Ave’s The Order of Celebrating Matrimony corresponds to the 2016 edition of Together for Life. The cards and binder are also available separately.
Contact: Ave Maria Press, 800-282-1865

“Saying I Do: What Happens at a Catholic Wedding”
Produced by the USCCB. Walks the viewer through the Rite of Marriage both within and without Mass, and answers FAQs about Catholic weddings. Designed for engaged couples, both Catholic couples and those marrying non-Catholics. Also helpful for those who are helping to prepare engaged couples for marriage.

Contact: marriage@usccb.org, 202-541-3013

Together for Life: Celebrating & Living the Sacrament, by Joseph M. Champlin, with Peter A. Jarret, C.S.C.
With more than nine million copies sold, Together for Life provides all of the tools engaged couples and their ministers need to plan the liturgical celebration of their wedding—prayers, Bible readings, vows, and sample intercessions. Together for Life also includes catechetical commentary to help couples deepen their understanding of the Sacrament of Matrimony. The sixth edition incorporates the changes and additions in The Order of Celebrating Matrimony, and includes all approved liturgical texts for planning weddings within Mass, without Mass, or between a Catholic and a Catechumen or non-Christian. The text is supported by Together for Life Online, which helps couples through their engagement, the first years of their marriage, and beyond. Also available in Spanish.

Contact: Ave Maria Press, 800-282-1865

Prayer Resources

“If we were to offer any advice to a couple preparing for marriage it would be this: Pray. Pray a lot.” – For Your Marriage blogger Sara (Suchy) Rennekamp

Advice about prayer from Pope Francis
“On this journey [of marriage] prayer is important, it is necessary, always: he for her, she for him, and both together. Ask Jesus to multiply your love. In the prayer of the Our Father, we say: ‘Give us this day our daily bread’. Spouses can also learn to pray like this: ‘Lord, give us this day our daily love‘, for the daily love of spouses is bread, the true bread of the soul, what sustains them in going forward. … This is the prayer for engaged couples and spouses. Teach us to love one another, to will good to the other! The more you trust in him, the more your love will be ‘forever,’ able to be renewed, and it will conquer every difficulty.” – from an address on St. Valentine’s Day, Feb. 14, 2014

Catholic Household Blessings and Prayers
A book with numerous blessings and prayers that can be prayed at home in the domestic Church, including a blessing for engaged couples, a prayer of a future wife and a future husband, a table blessing for weddings, and a blessing of a son or daughter before marriage.

Available through USCCB Publishing: www.usccbpublishing.org, 877-978-0757

Reflections to Accompany a Rosary Novena for a Couple Preparing for Marriage by Dianne M. Traflet, J.D., S.T.D.
These beautiful reflections, based on the Mysteries of the Rosary, guide the engaged couple and those praying for them to a deeper appreciation of the sacrament and vocation of marriage.

Other Resources

CatholicMatch Institute
The CatholicMatch Institute is focused on providing dating and marriage resources for singles, couples, and church leaders. They publish online daily content as well as printed resources that are especially useful in parishes and dioceses. The resources encourage purposeful dating that helps increase the number of healthy marriages.

Contact: 888-267-8885 ext. 3

Spoken Bride
Under the patronage of Our Lady and Sts. Louis and Zelie Martin, Spoken Bride is a site that offers resources for newly engaged and married women pursuing beauty in their vocation. Spoken Bride features a variety of Catholic vendors who care not only about the externals of the wedding day but the depth of the meaning of the Sacrament of Marriage. The blog features practical help for the wedding day and sacramental preparation, engagement and wedding stories from Catholic couples, and Christ-centered reflections for spiritual growth.

Contact: hello@spokenbride.com

I Believe in Love
I Believe in Love is a storytelling website written by and for young people who want more for their romantic relationships. At our site, we invite ordinary young adults to tell their stories—their successes and failures, their hopes and their worries about love, dating, sex, and marriage to inspire themselves and readers to find lasting love in marriage. I Believe in Love is a project of the Chiaroscuro Institute, a nonpartisan nonprofit organization dedicated to reconnecting sex, marriage, and children to promote flourishing communities.

Contact: editor@ibelieveinlove.com

Frequently Asked Questions by Engaged Couples

How do I know if I’m ready to marry?

  • Do most people consider you emotionally mature, able to compromise, communicate well, share your feelings, and handle anger constructively?
  • Do you love this other person so much that you are willing to put his or her happiness before your own?
  • Are you marrying out of strength (I know who I am and am happy with myself) rather than weakness (I need someone to fill the gaps in my personality)?
  • Have you developed strong friendships that have lasted over time?
  • Are you able to keep commitments and delay gratification?
  • Do you struggle on a regular basis with harmful habits or addictions, e.g. to alcohol, drugs, or pornography? That’s not necessarily a reason not to marry, but it is something that left untreated can seriously weaken your ability to have a healthy marriage.
  • Is God calling you to marriage? Have you prayed and discerned about this?

How do I know if this is the right person?

  • Do you share similar basic values about respecting human life, fidelity, commitment, what’s right and wrong, honesty, life goals, and lifestyle?
  • Does your significant other bring out the best in you, and you in him or her?
  • Are you physically attracted to this person?
  • Can you imagine growing old together?
  • Do your trusted family members and friends support your relationship and affirm that it’s healthy and respectful?
  • Do you experience ongoing conflict or, worse, violence and abuse in your relationship? That is a red flag to slow down and seek advice and help, ensuring your safety if necessary.
  • Is God calling you to marriage with this person? Have you prayed and discerned about this?

Is it necessary to feel “chemistry” between us for this to be the right person to marry?

Chemistry, or feeling like you “click” with another person, is a natural part of a deepening relationship, and a wonderful part of falling in love, but unfortunately, chemistry is sometimes confused with infatuation, which can be fleeting.

In the good sense, chemistry means you feel a strong physical and emotional attraction to the other person and want to become closer to him or her. You feel happy in his or her presence and enjoy your time together. This sense of unity and joy at the other’s presence can be a great foundation for a happy marriage.

In contrast, infatuation means you are consumed with thinking of the other person to the point of doing silly or risky actions to be together. You are blind to the faults of the other and consumed with being noticed by him or her. Your need to be liked is so strong that you are willing to give up your own personality or morals for the other’s affection. Often infatuation is an unequal relationship between the object of adulation and the infatuated person. If this describes your relationship, you may want to step back and reevaluate.

Doesn’t living together before marriage prevent me from marrying the wrong person and thus getting divorced later on?

Although it may sound counterintuitive, studies show that cohabiting couples:

  • Increase their risk of breaking up after marriage (46% higher divorce rate)
  • Increase the risk of domestic violence for women, and the risk of physical and sexual abuse for children
  • Have lower levels of happiness and well-being compared to married couples

Why should I attend a marriage preparation program? We’ve known each other for a long time and can’t imagine we’d learn anything new.

You don’t have to discover all the things that make a marriage work by trial and error. Others have done some of that work for you. At a marriage prep program, you get a glimpse into other couples’ marriages so you can have a more realistic sense of what’s normal and what’s not, and you can get solid advice on how to have a happy, holy marriage.

Although every marriage relationship is unique, there are many tips experienced couples can share that will help you when you face bumps in your own marriage. Marriage preparation programs also give you an opportunity to talk with each other about the wide spectrum of “must-have conversations” before marriage. You’ve probably talked about most of them, but you may have avoided a few. This is a time to check yourselves.

Most likely you will find that you gain confidence in your decision to marry as a result of attending a marriage preparation program. Occasionally, attending a marriage preparation program can make you realize that it isn’t the right time to marry, or that this may not be the right person. That’s okay, because engagement is a time to discern marriage actively and intentionally.

How much income should we have between us to marry?

Many couples, especially younger ones, start their married lives together without a large income, and possibly with debt. This can be a challenge, but it shouldn’t necessarily delay marriage. There’s no magic number when it comes to the income and financial assets a couple should have before marrying, and bride and groom promise to be faithful “for richer” or “for poorer.” At the same time, it’s important to realize that financial hardship can cause conflict in a marriage, and to talk with each other about your plan for meeting your basic needs. Don’t be afraid to seek wise counsel if you’re not sure how you’ll make ends meet.

How much does a typical wedding cost?

Many wedding planners will tell you that the average wedding costs between $20,000-$30,000, but it definitely doesn’t have to! Although the ante has been rising as to what is considered “typical” for a wedding, simplicity can be elegant. Consider asking friends and family for help on your big day, having a smaller wedding if cost is a major concern, or researching inexpensive do-it-yourself alternatives. Don’t let the perceived cost of weddings keep you from saying “I do.” And remember, a wedding is a day; a marriage is a lifetime.