Tag Archives: Wedding Liturgy / Nuptial Mass

Why Marry in the Catholic Church?

If you are beginning to dream about getting married you may also be thinking about where to hold your wedding ceremony. Every couple wants their wedding to be a memorable event and wants the ceremony to have a special meaning. The wedding day is one of the most important days in a couple’s life. You probably have friends who have found very creative ways to celebrate this day. Some may have selected natural settings such as beaches or mountains, or intimate settings such a parent’s or a friend’s home.

If you and/or your fiance(e) is Catholic, you are expected to marry in a Catholic church unless you have received permission to marry elsewhere. But marrying in a church is much more than an obligation. It’s an opportunity to hold a celebration that is joyful and meaningful, one that can have a positive impact on the rest of your married life.

What can be more romantic than the centuries-old tradition of walking down the aisle in a parish church full of family and friends? What is more reassuring for the couple than being surrounded by the people who love them and who will give them ongoing support? What is more meaningful than reciting wedding vows handed down by Christian tradition? What is more awe-inspiring than a rite through which you enter a spiritual reality where God unites you as husband and wife and gives you an important mission?

In the Catholic tradition, husband and wife accept a role in God’s plan for humanity. They are to be ambassadors of God’s love. Through their love for each other, they show God’s deep love for us, and they collaborate with God to keep humanity alive. The Catholic Church considers marriage a sacrament, a vehicle for God’s graces to the couple and to the community.

The Promise of Permanence

The focal point of any wedding ceremony is the exchange of consent, often called the wedding vows. The promises are not simply a ritual that defines the relationship of two people in love. They are much more. They are a sacred pact through which the spouses embrace each other and, together, embrace Christ as their partner. The pledge they make is unbreakable because through their union with Christ they participate in the unbreakable pact between God and humanity: the covenant that was sealed in the death and resurrection of Jesus.

A permanent commitment is an inherent attribute of the marital relationship. All couples who marry want their marriage to last a lifetime. Researchers tell us that the presence of an irrevocable commitment contributes to the happiness of the spouses. Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher, the authors of The Case for Marriage, write: “Having a partner who is committed for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, makes people happier and healthier.”

But married life is difficult and today many couples find it hard to keep their promises. Many young people have grown up experiencing the pain of divorce. While wanting to marry, they find it hard to believe that marriages can last a lifetime. They are afraid to commit. One of the benefits of a sacramental marriage in the Catholic Church is the power of God’s grace, which helps spouses keep their commitment and find happiness together. Social scientists are finding that couples who recognize God’s presence in their relationship are most satisfied in their marriages and are least likely to put their children, families, and friends through the pain of a divorce.

Experiencing God’s Grace

Couples of faith are more successful and satisfied in marriage not because they have fewer problems than anyone else. What helps these couples grow and overcome obstacles is the help they find in God’s grace. Recently we asked some couples: “How do you experience God’s grace in your marriage?”

A wife married 28 years said: “We experience God’s grace in our marriage through the seasons of our life. He was present when we were newlyweds, when we had young children, and he is present now that we are empty nesters. He gives us strength in the tough times and celebrates with us the good times.”

A husband married 43 years said, “I experience God’s grace in the love and support I receive from my wife. Her care and patience are gifts I do not deserve. They are grace.”

Another husband married 15 years said, “I feel God’s grace when life gets out of control — loss of a job. I know I can turn to God and find the courage I need to carry on.”

A wife married 20 years said, “There are times when we are having an argument and we go to church still upset with each other. We hear a reading that speaks right to us. We look at each other and smirk because we know that God has touched our stubbornness. This is grace.”

God’s grace is all around because the spouses do not travel their journey alone. Blessed Pope John Paul II said: “Jesus does not stand by and leave you alone to face the challenge. He is always with you to transform your weakness into strength. Trust him when he says: ‘My grace is enough for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ (2 Cor. 12:9)”

Marriage in the Catholic Church is attractive not only because of its meaningful rituals and traditions, but because of its impact on your life and happiness. Couples can fully appreciate its value they look at married life through the eyes of faith. Then you will see your wedding not as a one-day event but as the door to a great adventure that will last the rest of your life, a journey that involves not just you and your spouse but one that includes God, your children, your community, and all of society. Marriage is not an isolated relationship. The family-based on marriage is the fundamental cell of human society. The Catholic Church invites you to give meaning to your life by embracing the vocation of marriage and forming a family that is dedicated to cultivating and sharing God’s love.

When you are ready to make your commitment, speak to your pastor and ask for his guidance on preparing for such a noble vocation.

Why Does a Catholic Wedding Have to Take Place in a Church?

Emily and Jim are planning their spring wedding. They’ve found the perfect site—an historic mansion with lovely grounds that will be in full bloom. They are pleased that their guests can stay in one place for both the wedding and the reception. But there’s one problem: Emily, who was baptized and raised Catholic, would like to marry in a Catholic ceremony. She wants to know how she can find a Catholic priest or deacon who will officiate at the wedding. Even though Jim was baptized and raised Lutheran, he supports Emily in her desire for a Catholic ceremony.

Many couples like Emily and Jim are surprised, and sometimes disappointed, to find out that the Catholic Church normally requires weddings to take place in a Catholic church. Paulist Father Larry Rice explains the reason:

“The Church expects that a wedding, being a solemn and sacramental event, should occur in a church—in sacred space…We Catholics take this notion of sacred space very seriously. That’s why being inside a church feels different from being somewhere else. An atmosphere of peace, reverence, and respect is important to us so that all will feel welcome, and so that a sense of God’s loving presence permeates the place. We believe that weddings are sacred moments, which should ordinarily happen in the place where the bride or groom worships, with their families and their faith community. A church isn’t just a set or backdrop for a wedding; rather, a wedding is an expression of a faith community’s joys and hopes.”

In order to celebrate their sacramental marriage in a place other than a church or oratory, Emily and Jim need to obtain permission to do so. Emily should discuss with her pastor the process for seeking such a permission within the diocese. Such permission is usually given only for serious reasons. Moreover, without such permission, a Catholic priest or deacon who wants to remain in good standing cannot officiate at such a wedding.

Why Get Married in a Church?

As someone working full-time in Campus Ministry, one of my frequent responsibilities is preparing couples for marriage. One frequent question I hear from couples is, “Can we get married outside in the park,” or “Can we get married at the country club?” Often what they’re looking for is a location more convenient to their reception, or a place more aesthetically pleasing than the Newman Center or their local parish church.

I usually end up explaining to these couples that the Catholic Church expects that a wedding, being a solemn and sacramental event, should occur in a church—in a sacred space. Usually, that’s something that they understand, and it’s not a problem. Occasionally I hear, “Well, isn’t God present equally everywhere?” To this, I generally respond, “Well, yes, God’s just as present at the bus station downtown, but you wouldn’t want to get married there, would you?”

We Catholics take this notion of sacred space very seriously. That’s why being inside a church feels different from being somewhere else. An atmosphere of peace, reverence, and respect is important to us so that all will feel welcome, and so that a sense of God’s loving presence permeates the place. We believe that weddings are sacred moments, which should ordinarily happen in the place where the bride or groom worships, with their families and their faith community. A church isn’t just a set or backdrop for a wedding; rather a wedding is an expression of a faith community’s joys and hopes.

Of course, there are occasionally special circumstances that might require a wedding in a different location. For that to happen in most dioceses, permission must be granted. The Catholic party should discuss with his or her parish priest the process for seeking such permission. In many places permission is difficult to obtain unless the reason is particularly serious. “I just want to be married outside” is generally not going to be reason enough.

The Unity Candle

Chances are if you’ve been to a wedding in the past couple of decades, you’ve seen something called a “Unity Candle” ceremony. At some point in the ceremony, the parents of the couple being married– or maybe just their mothers– light two small side candles, and then the bride and groom take those candles and light a larger candle. They may or may not blow out the side candles, which, one hopes, doesn’t reflect their feelings about their families of origin.

No one seems really clear about the origin of the Unity Candle. Some claim it was popularized by the 1981 wedding of television’s Luke and Laura on General Hospital, although there’s evidence of its use in the mid-1970s. Some sources claim it was developed as a way to sell couples three pounds of wax for $50 dollars.

In many Catholic churches, the Unity Candle is discouraged or prohibited. It isn’t part of our wedding ritual. Liturgy requires inculturation, but it’s not clear that a Unity candle is part of anyone’s culture.

The fact is, we Catholics already have a powerful symbol of love and unity at our nuptial masses, one that connects us to our families, the whole community of faith, and the communion of saints. We have the Eucharist. For Catholics, that’s a symbol of unity you can’t hold a candle to.

Things You Won’t See at a Catholic Wedding

There are few events in life that are as steeped in tradition as a wedding. And the traditions surrounding weddings come to us through our families, our friends, our culture, and our religious traditions. However, every religious tradition handles weddings differently, and some of the things that people expect to see and hear are often not part of the Catholic way of celebrating weddings.

For example, in some traditions, at the conclusion of the procession into the Church, the presiding minister may ask, “Who gives this woman to be married?” And the father of the bride will be expected to respond that he, or he and his wife, do. At Catholic weddings, it’s presumed that the bride—and the groom for that matter—give themselves to each other.

If you’ve ever seen a wedding on a television series, you’re probably familiar with the dramatic possibilities that arise when the minister asks, “If anyone knows any reason why these two should not be wed, let him speak now, or forever hold his peace.” Well, we Catholics don’t do that. In many places, notices of upcoming weddings are published, allowing anyone with objections to come forward before we get to the altar.

Another touching moment in most TV weddings is the phrase, “With this ring, I thee wed.” For us Catholics, the moment of the marriage is the exchange of consent and the speaking of the vows. The ring is a symbol of the union that has already taken place. We bless wedding rings, and they are exchanged with the phrase, “Receive this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”

Another thing we don’t say at Catholic weddings is “I now pronounce you man and wife.” We believe that the couple becomes husband and wife not because the minister declares them to be such, but because they have given their consent and made their vows to each other. The function of the priest or deacon is to preside and witness these vows, not to make the marriage happen.

Throughout the ceremony, the emphasis is on what the bride and groom do, and not on anyone else. This celebration of love and unity mirrors the love of God for his people. Ideally, it inspires all of us to be more loving, more committed people.

Responsorial Psalms

There are 7 options for the Responsorial Psalm at a Nuptial Mass. We encourage you to spend time in prayer with your fiancé/e to choose the psalm which best speaks to your hopes and dreams for your Christian marriage.

  1. The earth is full of the goodness of the Lord (Psalm 33)
  2. I will bless the Lord at all times (Psalm 34)
  3. The Lord is kind and merciful (Psalm 103)
  4. Blessed the man who greatly delights in the Lord’s commands (Psalm 112)
  5. Blessed are those who fear the Lord (Psalm 128)
  6. How good is the Lord to all (Psalm 145)
  7. Let all praise the name of the Lord (Psalm 148)

1. Psalm 33:12 and 18, 20-21, 22

R. (5b) The earth is full of the goodness of the Lord.

Blessed the nation whose God is the Lord,
the people he has chosen as his heritage.
Yes, the Lord’s eyes are upon those who fear him,
who hope in his merciful love.

R. The earth is full of the goodness of the Lord.

Our soul is waiting for the Lord,
He is our help and our shield,
in him do our hearts find joy.
We trust in his holy name.

R. The earth is full of the goodness of the Lord.

May your merciful love be upon us,
as we hope in you, O Lord.

R. The earth is full of the goodness of the Lord.

2. Psalm 34:2-3, 4-5, 6-7, 8-9

R. (2a) I will bless the Lord at all times.
OR:
R. (9a) Taste and see the goodness of the Lord.

I will bless the Lord at all times;
praise of him is always in my mouth.
In the Lord my soul shall makes its boast;
the humble shall hear and be glad.

R. I will bless the Lord at all times.
OR:
R. Taste and see the goodness of the Lord.

Glorify the Lord with me,
together let us praise his name.
I sought the Lord, and he answered me
from all my terrors he set me free.

R. I will bless the Lord at all times.
OR:
R. Taste and see the goodness of the Lord.

Look toward him and be radiant;
let your faces not be abashed.
This lowly one called; the Lord heard,
and rescued him from all his distress.

R. I will bless the Lord at all times.
OR:
R. Taste and see the goodness of the Lord.

The angel of the Lord is encamped
around those who fear him, to rescue them.
Taste and see that the Lord is good.
Blessed the man who seeks refuge in him.

R. I will bless the Lord at all times.
OR:
R. Taste and see the goodness of the Lord.

3. Psalm 103:1-2, 8 and 13, 17-18a

R. (8a) The Lord is kind and merciful.
OR:
R. (see 17) The Lord’s kindness is everlasting to those who fear him.

Bless the Lord, O my soul;
and all within me, his holy name.
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and never forget all his benefits.

R. The Lord is kind and merciful.
OR:
R. The Lord’s kindness is everlasting to those who fear him.

The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger and rich in mercy.
As a father has compassion on his children,
so the Lord’s compassion is on those who fear him.

R. The Lord is kind and merciful.
OR:
R. The Lord’s kindness is everlasting to those who fear him.

But the mercy of the Lord is everlasting
upon those who hold him in fear,
upon children’s children his righteousness,
for those who keep his covenant.

R. The Lord is kind and merciful.
OR:
R. The Lord’s kindness is everlasting to those who fear him.

4. Psalm 112:1bc-2, 3-4, 5-7a, 7b-8, 9

R. (see 1) Blessed the man who greatly delights in the Lord’s commands.
OR:
R. Alleluia.

Blessed the man who fears the Lord,
who takes great delight in his commandments.
His descendants shall be powerful on earth;
the generation of the upright will be blest.

R. Blessed the man who greatly delights in the Lord’s commands.
OR:
R. Alleluia.

Riches and wealth are in his house;
his righteousness stands firm forever.
A light rises in the darkness for the upright;
he is generous, merciful, and righteous.

R. Blessed the man who greatly delights in the Lord’s commands.
OR:
R. Alleluia.

It goes well for the man who deals generously and lends,
who conducts his affairs with justice.
He will never be moved;
forever shall the righteous be remembered.
He has no fear of evil news.

R. Blessed the man who greatly delights in the Lord’s commands.
OR:
R. Alleluia.

With a firm heart, he trusts in the Lord.
With a steadfast heart he will not fear;
he will see the downfall of his foes.

R. Blessed the man who greatly delights in the Lord’s commands.
OR:
R. Alleluia.

Openhanded, he gives to the poor;
his righteousness stands firm forever.
His might shall be exalted in glory.

R. Blessed the man who greatly delights in the Lord’s commands.
OR:
R. Alleluia.

5. Psalm 128:1-2, 3, 4-5

R. (see 1a) Blessed are those who fear the Lord.
OR:
R. (4) See how the Lord blesses those who fear him.

Blessed are all who fear the Lord,
and walk in his ways!
By the labor of your hands you shall eat.
You will be blessed and prosper.

R. Blessed are those who fear the Lord.
OR:
R. See how the Lord blesses those who fear him.

Your wife like a fruitful vine
in the heart of your house;
Your children like shoots of the olive.
around your table.

R. Blessed are those who fear the Lord.
OR:
R. See how the Lord blesses those who fear him.

Indeed thus shall be blessed
the man who fears the Lord.
May the Lord bless you from Zion:
all the days of your life!
May you see your children’s children.

R. Blessed are those who fear the Lord.
OR:
R. See how the Lord blesses those who fear him.

6. Psalm 145:8-9, 10 and 15, 17-18

R. (9a) How good is the Lord to all.

The Lord is kind and full of compassion,
slow to anger, abounding in mercy.
How good is the Lord to all,
compassionate to all his creatures.

R. How good is the Lord to all.

All your works shall thank you, O Lord,
and all your faithful ones bless you.
The eyes of all look to you
and you give them their food in due season.

R. How good is the Lord to all.

The Lord is righteous in all his ways
and holy in all his deeds.
The Lord is close to all who call him,
who call on him in truth.

R. How good is the Lord to all.

7. Psalm 148:1-2, 3-4, 9-10, 11-13a, 13c-14a

R. (13a) Let all praise the name of the Lord.
OR:
R. Alleluia.

Praise the Lord from the heavens,
praise him in the heights;
Praise him, all you his angels,
praise him, all you his hosts.

R. Let all praise the name of the Lord.
OR:
R. Alleluia.

Praise him, sun and moon;
praise him, all you shining stars.
Praise him, you highest heavens,
and you waters above the heavens.

R. Let all praise the name of the Lord.
OR:
R. Alleluia.

Mountains and all hills,
fruit trees and all cedars;
beasts, both wild and tame,
creeping things and birds on the wing.

R. Let all praise the name of the Lord.
OR:
R. Alleluia.

Kings of the earth and all peoples,
princes and all judges of the earth,
young men and maidens as well,
the old and the young together.
Let them praise the name of the Lord,
for his name alone is exalted.

R. Let all praise the name of the Lord.
OR:
R. Alleluia.

His splendor above earth and heaven.
He exalts the strength of his people.

R. Let all praise the name of the Lord.
OR:
R. Alleluia.

Other Nuptial Mass Readings
Old Testament Readings
New Testament Readings
Gospel Readings

Ecumenical and Interfaith Marriages

Until recent decades, the idea of a Catholic marrying outside the faith was practically unheard of, if not taboo. Such weddings took place in private ceremonies in the parish rectory, not in a church sanctuary in front of hundreds of friends and family.

These days, many people marry across religious lines. The rate of ecumenical marriages (a Catholic marrying a baptized non-Catholic) and interfaith marriages (a Catholic marrying a non-baptized non-Christian) varies by region. In areas of the U.S. with proportionately fewer Catholics, as many as 40% of married Catholics may be in ecumenical or interfaith marriages.

Because of the challenges that arise when a Catholic marries someone of a different religion, the church doesn’t encourage the practice, but it does try to support ecumenical and interfaith couples and help them prepare to meet those challenges with a spirit of holiness. Theologian Robert Hater, author of the 2006 book, “When a Catholic Marries a Non-Catholic,” writes: “To regard mixed religion marriages negatively does them a disservice. They are holy covenants and must be treated as such.”

A marriage can be regarded at two levels – whether it is valid in the eyes of the Church and whether it is a sacrament. Both depend in part on whether the non-Catholic spouse is a baptized Christian or a non-baptized person, such as a Jew, Muslim or atheist.

If the non-Catholic is a baptized Christian (not necessarily Catholic), the marriage is valid as long as the Catholic party obtains official permission from the diocese to enter into the marriage and follows all the stipulations for a Catholic wedding.

A marriage between a Catholic and another Christian is also considered a sacrament. In fact, the church regards all marriages between baptized Christians as sacramental, as long as there are no impediments.

“Their marriage is rooted in the Christian faith through their baptism,” Hater explains.

In cases where a Catholic is marrying someone who is not a baptized Christian – known as a marriage with disparity of cult – “the church exercises more caution,” Hater says. A “dispensation from disparity of cult,” which is a more rigorous form of permission given by the local bishop, is required for the marriage to be valid.

The union between a Catholic and a non-baptized spouse is not considered sacramental. However, Hater adds, “Though they do not participate in the grace of the sacrament of marriage, both partners benefit from God’s love and help [grace] through their good lives and beliefs.”

Marriage Preparation

Good-quality marriage preparation is essential in helping couples work through the questions and challenges that will arise after they tie the knot.

Questions that the engaged couple should consider include in what faith community (or communities) the couple will be involved, how the couple will handle extended family who may have questions or concerns about one spouse’s faith tradition, and how the couple will foster a spirit of unity despite their religious differences

Of all the challenges an ecumenical or interfaith couple will face, the most pressing one likely will be the question of how they raise their children.

“The church makes clear … that their marriages will be more challenging from the perspective of faith,” Hater writes. “… Special challenges exist as well when it comes to raising children in the Catholic faith.”

Because of these challenges, the church requires the Catholic party to be faithful to his or her faith and to “make a sincere promise to do all in his or her power” to have their children baptized and raised in the Catholic faith. This provision of the 1983 Code of Canon Law is a change from the 1917 version, which required an absolute promise to have the children raised Catholic.

Likewise, the non-Catholic spouse is no longer required to promise to take an active role in raising the children in the Catholic faith, but instead “to be informed at an appropriate time of these promises which the Catholic party has to make, so that it is clear that the other party is truly aware of the promise and obligation of the Catholic party,” the code states. (See the 1983 [current] Code of Canon Law, canons 1124-1129 on “Mixed Marriages” for the full text.)

But suppose the non-Catholic party insists that the children will not be raised Catholic? The diocese can still grant permission for the marriage, as long as the Catholic party promises to do all he or she can to fulfill that promise, Hater writes. The marriage may be legal, he notes, but is it a wise choice? Those are questions that may also need to be explored in marriage preparation.

If children are raised in another faith, he notes, “the Catholic parent must show children [a] good example, affirm the core beliefs of both parents’ religious traditions, make them aware of Catholic beliefs and practices and support the children in the faith they practice.”

The Wedding Ceremony

Because Catholics regard marriage as a sacred event, the church prefers that ecumenical interfaith couples marry in a Catholic church, preferably the Catholic party’s parish church. If they wish to marry elsewhere, they must get permission from the local bishop. He can permit them to marry in the non-Catholic spouse’s place of worship or another suitable place with a minister, rabbi, or civil magistrate – if they have a good reason, according to the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops. This permission is called a “dispensation from canonical form.” Without it, a wedding not held in a Catholic church is not considered valid.

It’s popular, and acceptable, for an ecumenical or interfaith couple to invite the non-Catholic spouse’s minister to be present at the wedding. But it’s important to note that, according to canon law, only the priest may officiate at a Catholic wedding. A minister may offer a few words, but he or she may not officiate or preside at a joint ceremony.

It is generally recommended that ecumenical or interfaith weddings not include Communion. Therefore, most ecumenical or interfaith weddings take place outside of Mass: there is a different service for a Catholic marrying a baptized Christian and a Catholic marrying a non-baptized person or catechumen (person preparing for baptism).

“The reception of Communion is a sign of unity with the ecclesial community,” he explains. “On a wedding day, the fact that one-half of the congregation does not belong to the Catholic community [and, hence, does not receive Communion] cannot be a sign of welcome or unity on a couple’s wedding day.” It might be “likened to inviting guests to a celebration and not allowing them to eat,” he adds.

If an ecumenical couple wants to celebrate their wedding within Mass, they must get permission from the bishop, Hater says.

Catholic-Jewish Weddings

Jews and Christians share a view of marriage as a holy union and symbol of God’s bond with his people.

Stricter branches of Judaism, such as Orthodox and Conservative, forbid or strongly discourage Jews from marrying non-Jews and prohibit their rabbis from participating in interreligious marriage ceremonies.

“Conservative Judaism sees only the marriage of two Jews as … a sacred event,” reported the USCCB’s Committee for Ecumenical and Interreligious Affairs, which discussed Catholic-Jewish marriages at a conference in November 2004. The Reform branch of Judaism strongly discourages interfaith marriages, but there is no legal prohibition against it as there is in the stricter branches.

Often, a Catholic-Jewish wedding is held at a neutral site – with permission from the bishop – so that neither family will feel uncomfortable. In such cases, a rabbi is likely to officiate. The couple needs to have a dispensation from the canonical form for such a wedding to be valid in the Catholic Church.

“Your pastor could be involved in the wedding by giving a blessing, but in Catholic-Jewish weddings, usually the rabbi will officiate,” writes Father Daniel Jordan, judicial vicar for the Tribunal of the Diocese of Burlington, Vt.

As for the children of a Catholic-Jewish marriage, religious leaders agree that it is “vastly preferable for the offspring of mixed marriages to be raised exclusively in one tradition or the other, while maintaining an attitude of respect for the religious traditions of the ‘other’ side of the family,” the conference report said.

Traditionally, Jews consider any child of a Jewish woman to be Jewish. The question of what faith in which to raise children must be an ongoing topic of dialogue between the couple and during marriage preparation. “Attempting to raise a child simultaneously as both Jewish and Catholic … can only lead to violation of the integrity of both religious traditions,” the report said.

Catholic-Muslim Marriages

Marriages between Catholics and Muslims present their own particular challenges.

Islamic men may marry outside of their faith only if their spouse is Christian or Jewish. In fact, the prophet Muhammed had a Christian wife and a Jewish wife. A non-Muslim wife is not required to adopt any Muslim laws, and her husband cannot keep her from attending church or synagogue. However, Islamic women are forbidden from marrying non-Muslim men unless the spouse agrees to convert to Islam.

For Catholics and Muslims, one of the most difficult aspects of marriage is the religion of the children. Both faiths insist that the children of such marriages to be part of their own religious faith.

Such issues will continue to be challenges for Catholics marrying outside the faith in this increasingly diverse world, Hater writes. But with positive approaches to preparation and ministry and a spirit of welcome to both parties, many ecumenical and interfaith marriages can be intimate, holy reflections of God’s love.

“Regarding mixed marriages with hope does not minimize the challenges that they present,” he says, “but recognizes the blessings that they can afford to spouses, children and the faith community.”

RESOURCES:

For Further Reading:

Order of Celebrating Matrimony

The Catholic Church provides three different forms of celebrating the Rite of Marriage. When two Catholics are marrying, the celebration will normally take place within a Mass. The second form, which does not include a Mass, is used when a Catholic marries another baptized Christian. A third form, also outside Mass, is usually celebrated when a Catholic marries someone who is not baptized. The second and third forms are structured around the celebration of the Liturgy of the Word.

The couple chooses one of these options based on their particular circumstances in conversation with the priest or deacon who will witness the exchange of consent, often called the vows. When a deacon leads the liturgy, which is increasingly common, the wedding is celebrated outside of Mass even when two Catholics marry.

This video explains more about the Rite of Marriage and what to expect at a Catholic wedding.

Nuptial Mass Readings

The readings at a Catholic wedding liturgy are a proclamation of God’s Word and of the Church’s faith about marriage. For this reason, they are limited to readings from the scriptures (the Bible). There are nine options for the first reading from the Old Testament, thirteen options for the second reading from the New Testament, and ten choices for the Gospel. You choose one from each of these categories.

You may find it helpful to reflect prayerfully on each reading and to choose those that speak to your hopes and dreams for your Christian marriage. The links below include the reading options in their entirety, as well as commentary to provide some context and highlight key themes in each reading.

Old Testament Readings

Responsorial Psalms

New Testament Readings

Gospel Readings

For more information on how Scripture is used during Mass, please visit the Liturgy page on the USCCB’s website.

Prayers and Blessings

Prayer is the glue that holds a marriage and a family together. Prayer comes in many forms, including recited prayers, such as the Hail Mary; spontaneous prayer, as a husband and wife might say before bedtime; praying with Scripture; and that perfect prayer–the Mass.

The book, Catholic Household Blessings and Prayers, is an excellent resource for your marriage as you explore the Catholic tradition of prayer. Here are some excerpts:

Blessing of an Engaged Couple

The betrothal of a Christian couple is a special occasion for their families, who should celebrate it together with prayer and a special rite. In this way, they ask God’s blessing that the happiness promised by the engagement will be brought to fulfillment. When the engagement is celebrated within the circle of the two families, one of the parents should preside.

When the families have gathered, all make the sign of the cross.

The leader greets those present in the following words:

Brothers and sisters, let us praise our Lord Jesus Christ, who loved us and gave himself for us. Let us bless him now and forever.

R/. Blessed be God forever.

In the following or similar words, the leader prepares those present for the blessing.

We know that all of us need God’s blessing at all times; but at the time of their engagement to be married, Christians are in particular need of grace as they prepare themselves to form a new family.

Let us pray, then, for God’s blessing to come upon this couple: that as they await the day of their wedding, they will grow in mutual respect and in their love for one another; that through their companionship and prayer together they will prepare themselves rightly and chastely for marriage.

One of those present or the leader reads a text of sacred Scripture.

Listen to the words of the First Letter of St. Paul to the Corinthians: 13:4-13

Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, love is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails. If there are prophecies, they will be brought to nothing; if tongues, they will cease; if knowledge, it will be brought to nothing. For we know partially and we prophesy partially, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I used to talk as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I put aside childish things. At present we see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but then face to face. At present I know partially; then I shall know fully, as I am fully known. So faith, hope, love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Or John 15:9-12: This is my commandment: love one another as I have loved you.

Reader: The Word of the Lord.

R/. Thanks be to God.

The intercessions are then said.

Leader: God our Father has so loved us that in Christ he makes us his children and the witnesses of his love before the entire world. Let us, therefore, call upon him in all confidence, saying:

R/. Lord, help us to remain always in your love.

God our Father, you willed that your true children, brothers and sisters in Christ, should be known by their love for one another. R/.

You place upon us the sweet demands of love so that we may find happiness by responding to them. R/.

You call N. and N. to the communion of life and love that binds the Christian family together, mind and heart. R/.

The engaged couple may exchange rings or some other gift that signifies their pledge to each other.

One of the parents may bless these gifts:

N. and N., in due course may you honor the sacred pledge symbolized by these gifts which you now exchange.

R/. Amen.

The leader says the prayer of blessing with hands joined.

We praise you, Lord, for your gentle plan draws together your children, N. and N., in love for one another. Strengthen their hearts, so that they will keep faith with each other, please you in all things, and so come to the happiness of celebrating the sacrament of their marriage. We ask this through Christ our Lord.

R/. Amen.

The leader concludes the rite by signing himself or herself with the sign of the cross and saying:

May the God of love and peace abide in you, guide your steps, and confirm your hearts in his love, now and forever.

R/. Amen.

The blessing may conclude with a suitable song.

Prayer of a Future Husband

Adapted from Tobit 8:5-7

Blessed are you, O God of our ancestors, and blessed too is your name forever. Let the heavens bless you forevermore and all the things you have made. It was you who created Adam, you who created Eve his wife to be his help and support; and from these two the human race was born. It was you who said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; let us make him a partner like himself.”

I take N. in sincerity of heart. Have mercy on her and on me and allow us to live together to a happy old age.

Prayer of a Future Wife

Adapted from Psalm 16

Keep me, O God, for in you I take refuge; I say to the Lord, “My God are you. Apart from you, I have no good.” I bless the Lord who counsels me; even in the night, my heart exhorts me. I set the Lord ever before me; with him at my right hand, I shall not be disturbed. Therefore my heart is glad and my soul rejoices, my body abides in confidence.

You, O Lord, will show me the path to life, the fullness of joys in your presence, the delights at your right hand forever.

Blessing of a Son or Daughter Before Marriage

In the days immediately before the wedding, the family may gather around its member who is to be married, perhaps at a special meal in the family’s home.

All make the sign of the cross. A parent begins:

Let us bless the Lord, by whose goodness we live and by whose grace we love one another. Blessed be God forever.

R/. Blessed be God forever.

Then the Scripture is read:

Listen to the words of the Book of Deuteronomy: 6:4-7

Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone! Therefore, you shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength. Take to heart these words which I enjoin on you today. Drill them into your children. Speak of them at home and abroad, whether you are busy or at rest.

Reader: The Word of the Lord.

R/. Thanks be to God.

The parents may give a Bible or crucifix to the one who is to be married. Then all join in prayers of intercession for the couple to be married and for the world. After the Lord’s Prayer, the parents and other family members place their hands on the head of their son or daughter as one or both parents speak the blessing.

May the Lord, who gave you into our care and made you a joy to our home, bless you and keep you.

R/. Amen.

May the Lord, who turns the hearts of parents to their children and the hearts of children to their parents, smile on you and be kind to you.

R/. Amen.

May the Lord, who delights in our love for one another, turn toward you and give you peace.

R/. Amen.

All make the sign of the cross as the leader concludes:

May the God of love and peace abide in you, guide your steps, and confirm your heart in his love, now and forever.

R/. Amen.

Table Blessing for Weddings

This blessing may be used before the meal at a wedding reception. A member of the wedding party or one of the parents of the newly married couple may serve as the leader.

When everyone has gathered at the table and the meal is ready to be served, all make the sign of the cross.

Leader: Blessed be God who has brought us together in joy.

R/. Blessed be God forever.

The leader introduces the blessing in these or similar words:

We have gathered here to celebrate the love of N. and N. God has brought them together, and we pray that God will hold them in his love always. As the food we share will strengthen our bodies, may our time together strengthen the love that binds us.

After a time of silence, the leader prays:

Let us pray. Lord God, you sustain all creatures and never cease to give your children the food they need. We bless you for bringing us together in the love that unites us around this table where the food we take strengthens our bodies. We pray that, nourished by your Word, we may grow ever stronger in faith as we strive for the coming of your Kingdom. We ask this through Christ our Lord.

R/. Amen.

Blessing on Anniversaries #1

When the household and friends have gathered, all make the sign of the cross.

The leader greets those present in the following words:

Blessed be the God of all consolation, who has shown us his great mercy. Blessed be God now and forever.

R/. Blessed be God forever.

In the following or similar words, the leader prepares those present for the blessing.

We have come together to celebrate the anniversary of the marriage of our brother and sister. As we join them in their joy, we join them also in their gratitude. God has set them among us as a sign of his love and through the years they have remained faithful (and have fulfilled their responsibilities as parents). Let us give thanks for all the favors N. and N. have received during their married life. May God keep them in their love for each other, so that they may be more and more of one mind and one heart.

One of those present or the leader reads a text of sacred Scripture.

Listen to the words of the First Letter of St. Paul to the Corinthians 1:4-9

I give thanks to my God always on your account for the grace of God bestowed on you in Christ Jesus, that in him you were enriched in every way, with all discourse and all knowledge, as the testimony to Christ was confirmed among you so that you are not lacking in any spiritual gift as you wait for the revelation of our Lord Jesus Christ. He will keep you firm to the end, irreproachable on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, and by him, you were called to fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.

Reader: The Word of the Lord.

R/. Thanks be to God.

The intercessions are then said.

Leader: In the tender plan of his providence, God our almighty Father has given married love, its faithfulness, (and its fruitfulness,) a special significance in the history of salvation. Let us, therefore, call upon him, saying:

R/. Lord, hear our prayer.

Father all-holy, you have made marriage the great symbol of Christ’s love for his Church; bestow on these your servants the fullness of your own love. For this, we pray: R/.

Father all-holy, the faithful one, you ask for and respond to fidelity to your covenant; fill with your blessings your servants who are celebrating their wedding anniversary. For this, we pray: R/.

It is your will that all married life should be a lesson in Christian living; grant that all husbands and wives may be witnesses to the wonders of your Son’s love. For this, we pray: R/.

The leader says the prayer of blessing with hands joined.

Lord God and Creator, we bless and praise your name. In the beginning, you made man and woman, so that they might enter a communion of life and love. You likewise blessed the union of N. and N., so that they might reflect the union of Christ with his Church: look with kindness on them today. Amid the joys and struggles of their life you have preserved the union between them; renew their marriage covenant, increase your love in them, and strengthen their bond of peace, so that (surrounded by their children) they may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing. We ask this through Christ our Lord.

R/. Amen.

Blessing on Anniversaries #2

Almighty and eternal God, you have so exalted the unbreakable bond of marriage that it has become the sacramental sign of your Son’s union with the Church as his spouse. Look with favor on N. and N., whom you have united in marriage, as they ask for your help and the protection of the Virgin Mary. They pray that in good times and in bad they will grow in love for each other; that they will resolve to be of one heart in the bond of peace.

Lord, in their struggles, let them rejoice that you are near to help them; in their needs let them know that you are there to rescue them; in their joys let them see that you are the source and completion of every happiness. We ask this through Christ our Lord.

R/. Amen.

The leader concludes the rite by signing himself or herself with the sign of the cross and saying:

May the God of hope fill us with every joy in believing. May the peace of Christ abound in our hearts. May the Holy Spirit enrich us with his gifts, Now and forever.

R/. Amen.

Excerpts from Blessings and Prayers for Home and Family (c) Concacan, Inc, 2004. Used and adapted by permission of the Canadian Conference of Catholic Bishops.

Excerpts from the English translations of Book of Blessings (c) 1988, International Committee on English in the Liturgy, Inc. (ICEL). All rights reserved.

Bring prayer into your marriage! Use Catholic Household Blessings and Prayers to:

  • Learn the “by-hearts”-the prayers that every Catholic needs to know by memory
  • Practice the simple form of the Liturgy of the Hours as a family
  • Celebrate the feasts and seasons of the Church year in ritual and prayer
  • Bless the Advent wreath, Christmas crèche, and Easter foods
  • Lead grace before and after meals
  • Pray for family members
  • Bless the home before a move and in times of trouble

Additional Resources: