Tag Archives: Virtual Retreat

Marriage Retreat 2016: “A Retreat With Pope Francis”

Day One: Marriage Is The Icon Of God’s Love

Pope Francis:
“The image of God is the married couple: the man and the woman; not only the man, not only the woman, but both of them together. This is the image of God: love, God’s covenant with us is represented in that covenant between man and woman. And this is very beautiful!” (General Audience, April 2, 2014)

Breaking open the theme:
It is a beautiful truth! A husband and wife image God in their marital union. As the Second Vatican Council taught, married love is “caught up” in the divine love of God, who is a Communion of Persons: Father, Son and Holy Spirit (Gaudium et Spes, no. 48). In the union of husband and wife there is mutual love and reciprocity, which reflects the love of God Himself. In Ephesians, St. Paul teaches that Christian spouses reflect a “great mystery”: the nuptial relationship between Christ and His Church (Eph 5:21-22). In their ordinary lives, husbands and wives can be a visible sign of Christ’s love for His Church by giving themselves in fidelity and service to each other and to those around them. This is a high calling…and a beautiful one!

Reflection:
Think of an example of a good marriage. The husband and wife go out of their way to do nice things for each other. They give of their time and energy without asking for anything in return. They are faithfully committed to their marriage and are ready to make sacrifices for the other. Some could say they are head-over-heels in love with one another, even after many years! Does this describe your marriage? When spouses exhibit marital behavior like this, they help us understand what it means that marriage is an image of God’s love. Husbands and wives are called to display those qualities of love that Christ Himself displayed on the Cross.

Put it into practice:

  1. Pray: Read together 1 Corinthians 13, St. Paul’s hymn of love.
  2. Reflect: Is your love for each other patient, kind, etc. (from the list in 1 Corinthians)? Where can you grow?
  3. Do: Place a picture from your wedding day in a well-trafficked area of your home (if there’s not one already), and put on it or next to it the words, “We are called to be an image of God’s love.” Consider this your daily reminder.

Prayer for Married Couples:
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Day Two: Christian Love Is Concrete

Pope Francis:
“You see that the love John speaks of [1 Jn 4:11-18] is not the love of soap operas! No, it is something else. Christian love has a particular quality: concreteness. Jesus Himself, when He speaks of love, speaks to us about concrete things: feeding the hungry, visiting the sick, and many concrete things. Love is concrete.” (Mass at Casa Santa Marta, January 9, 2014)

Breaking open the theme:
The love between Christian spouses should not rely on romantic feelings alone. As Pope Francis said, Christian love is concrete. It reveals itself in our everyday lives. Words and affectionate language have their place, but actions speak volumes as well. Christian love is marked by selflessness. It seeks to give rather than receive. Spouses are called to love in this way: to give to their spouse in the practical happenings of everyday life.

Reflection:
As time passed and they grew out of their “newlywed phase,” Jimmy and Sandra found that the affectionate language they had once used was fading. Instead of being sad about leaving an intensely romantic period in their marriage, the bride and groom developed new ways of showing their love for one another. A heartfelt “Good Morning, I Love You!” conversation turned into doing both the cooking and cleaning when one of them had a long day at work. And yet, as more of their romantic notions transformed into practical self-gifts and mutual service, the couple found that they fell even more deeply in love.

Put it into practice:

  1. Pray: Read Matthew 25:31-46 together with your spouse.
  2. Reflect: Think about the concrete acts of the love in this passage: feeding the hungry, visiting the sick, etc. Which is hardest for you, and why?
  3. Do: Is there a chore your beloved dislikes? Do it for them…with a smile.

Prayer for Married Couples:
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Day Three: The Family Is The Domestic Church

Pope Francis:
“Families are the domestic Church, where Jesus grows; he grows in the love of spouses, he grows in the lives of children.” (National Convocation of the “Renewal of the Spirit,” June 4, 2014)

Breaking open the theme:
The family can be seen as a domestic Church in two main ways, as explained in the bishops’ pastoral letter Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan (pp. 38ff). First, the family is a community that is nourished by the Church, especially through the Sacraments. Second, the family is a reflection of the life of the Church. It is called to be a place of faith, hope and love, just like the larger Church. The love of Christ abides and “grows” in the family, as Pope Francis said. In the domestic Church, spouses and children learn how to share Christ’s love. The Catechism of the Catholic Church says, “Here [in the home] one learns endurance and the joy of work, fraternal love, generous — even repeated — forgiveness, and above all divine worship in prayer and the offering of one’s life” (no. 1657).

Reflection:
When Dave and Katie were dating and engaged, they often went to Mass together or prayed a rosary together. As they started their journey as a married couple, they quickly realized how essential these times of prayer were. They noticed that when they slacked in their faith life together, their marital happiness decreased too. But when they relied on the Sacraments and participated in the life of the Church, they found it easier to mirror that life of love in their own relationship. As Dave and Katie’s first child Maria grew, she began to imitate the loving and prayerful acts that her parents demonstrated, and the family grew together as a domestic Church.

Put it into practice:

  1. Pray: Read Philippians 4:6-7 together with your spouse.
  2. Reflect: How do you incorporate prayer in your marriage? In the lives of your children?
  3. Do: If you don’t have prayer as part of your nighttime routine, add it tonight. Consider the Ignatian “examen” in honor of Pope Francis’s Jesuit vocation.

Prayer for Married Couples:
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Day Four: Christ Gives Couples The Confidence To Say “Yes” Forever

Pope Francis:
“We must not allow ourselves to be conquered by a ‘throwaway culture’. This fear of ‘forever’ is cured by entrusting oneself day by day to the Lord Jesus in a life that becomes a daily spiritual path of mutual growth, step by step.” (Valentine’s Day Address to Engaged Couples, February 14, 2014)

Breaking open the theme:
Many in our culture today think that it is not possible to love another person for the entirety of one’s life. Some protest that love “dies out” and say you can move on and find another person. Pope Francis, however, says that the fear of lifelong commitment is resolved by relying on Christ. In the Our Father, we say, “Give us this day our daily bread”; for Christian couples, we must also ask, “Give us this day our daily love.” If a Christian couple entrusts their love to Christ, He will sustain and multiply it. “He has an infinite reserve!” the Pope said.

Reflection:
Juan and Louisa had been married for about fifteen years when Louisa decided that she just didn’t feel that “spark of love” any longer. She convinced herself that their marriage was doomed and it was about time to call it quits. As she came home from work that day and went to approach her husband about her decision, she found him praying by their bedside. He prayed, “Lord, I feel as if my wife doesn’t love me anymore. I just don’t know where to go from here… Please take control of our marriage and help us to love each other as we once did.” Immediately, her heart was moved as she realized that a “spark” would not save their marriage, but Christ could.

Put it into practice:

  1. Pray: Pray a rosary together – or just a decade – and focus on how Mary relied not on her own strength but on God’s.
  2. Reflect: How can you rely on Christ in your love for your spouse?
  3. Do: Write your spouse a note about how your feelings for him or her have deepened over time.

Prayer for Married Couples:
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Day Five: Three Pillars Of The Spousal Relationship

Pope Francis:
“Faithfulness, perseverance, and fruitfulness are the three pillars of Christ’s love for His bride, the Church – three characteristics that are also at the heart of Christian marriage.” (Mass in Casa Santa Marta with Fifteen Married Couples, June 11, 2014)

Breaking open the theme:
When constructing a building, a blueprint is essential. When getting married, a bride and groom find the “blueprint” for their marriage in Jesus Christ. Looking at Jesus, husbands and wives see the “pillars” of their marital home, as Pope Francis so aptly described. Christ’s love is faithful: he will never leave or forsake his beloved, the Church. Christ’s love perseveres: he told his disciples, “I am with you always, until the end of the age” (Mt 28:20). Christ’s love is fruitful: “Whoever remains in me…will bear much fruit” (Jn 15:5). Fidelity, perseverance, and fruitfulness are the “pillars” that hold up the marital home, making it a place of peace and joy for all its members.

Reflection:
Runners know all about perseverance. There’s a moment in every run – maybe the 10 mile mark, maybe the 1-lap mark – when the body protests, “No more!” and every pace is painful. But if you fight through the discomfort, on the other side is a second wind. Marriage, too, has moments where one more minute feels impossible. Veteran married couples advise to take a deep breath, say a prayer, seek help, but by all means, keep going! The best is yet to come.

Put it into Practice:

  1. Pray: Read Psalm 136 together with your spouse; “God’s love endures forever” (NAB).
  2. Reflect: Think back on a time when the going got tough. How did you get through it? Maybe you’re in a tough time now; don’t be afraid to ask for help.
  3. Do: Reach out to another married couple you know and invite them to a night of prayer and fellowship.

Prayer for Married Couples:
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Day Six: The Family As The Birthplace Of Communication And Love

Pope Francis:
“In the family, we learn to embrace and support one another, to discern the meaning of facial expressions and moments of silence, to laugh and cry together… This greatly helps us to understand the meaning of communication as recognizing and creating closeness.” (World Communications Day 2015, January 23, 2015)

Breaking open the theme:
Communication skills are commonly taught in marriage preparation classes, and for good reason. Communication happens every day in a couple’s relationship. Good communication solidifies a relationship while bad communication leads to squabbles and misunderstandings. Pope Francis encourages married couples to see communication as a way of building communion: “creating closeness.” When done respectfully and with love, simple requests, or planning the day’s activities, can foster a sense of unity. Learning to listen well shows respect to the other person. Families have a unique role in modeling how patient, loving communication is possible.

Reflection:
John and Doreen knew something needed to be changed in the way they spoke to each other. After 22 years of marriage, subtle (or not-so-subtle) tones of disrespect and sarcasm had crept into their words. Both of them often felt hurt and misunderstood. But they wanted to improve their communication, and little by little learned to speak gently and respectfully to each other. It took practice, but they began to see how asking politely for the salt and listening attentively to the other person’s story created a renewed sense of unity and closeness.

Put it into Practice:

  1. Pray: Prayer is a kind of communication, with God! Try praying out loud with your family, sharing with your loving Father the ups and downs of your day.
  2. Reflect: What are your “triggers” for bad communication? For example, do you tend to communicate poorly when you are rushing out the door, or when you’re tired? Talk about how you can better deal with those situations.
  3. Do: Spend a half hour in heartfelt communication with your spouse: make eye contact, have no distractions, and be attentive. Take turns, and notice how pleasant it is to be heard.

Prayer for Married Couples:
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Day Seven: Take Forward The Meaning Of Family

Pope Francis:
“Do not hide your faith, do not hide Jesus, but carry him into the world and offer the witness of your family life!” (Meeting with Families in the Philippines, January 16, 2015)

Breaking open the theme:
Did you know that families are called to be missionaries? For some families, that may mean moving around the world to share the Gospel with people who don’t know Jesus. But for most families, being missionaries means living the Gospel in the midst of your daily family life: carrying Jesus “into the world,” as Pope Francis says. Offering “the witness of your family life” in the carpool, at work, at soccer practice, in the grocery store. Families are challenged not to be closed in on their own needs and concerns, but to be open to others. A particular witness is being welcoming to people without families or with difficult family situations, for example widows, children of divorce, and single people. “Do not hide Jesus!” Pope Francis exhorts.

Reflection:
At first, Patty and Mike were intimidated by the idea of serving others. Service and evangelization weren’t part of their childhood experiences, and they felt overwhelmed by the demands of their jobs and home life. But they were inspired by the example of another couple at their parish who found simple ways to reach out: calling an elderly widow to check in, making a meal for an ill parishioner, and so on. Patty and Mike started to brainstorm how their family could serve others. They started by inviting college students over for dinner, and even that little act of hospitality made their whole family feel more alive.

Put it into Practice:

  1. Pray: Together, ask God to show you how your family can reach out to others right now, in whatever circumstances you are currently in.
  2. Reflect: Talk about families you know who exemplify being missionaries to those around them. Do they give you any ideas?
  3. Do: As a family, choose one way to serve others in the coming months. Keep it simple, and try to involve everyone.

Prayer for Married Couples:
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Virtual Retreats Homepage

“Retreat with Pope Francis” Day Four: Christ Gives Couples the Confidence to Say “Yes” Forever

Pope Francis:
“We must not allow ourselves to be conquered by a ‘throwaway culture’. This fear of ‘forever’ is cured by entrusting oneself day by day to the Lord Jesus in a life that becomes a daily spiritual path of mutual growth, step by step.” (Valentine’s Day Address to Engaged Couples, February 14, 2014)

Breaking open the theme:
Many in our culture today think that it is not possible to love another person for the entirety of one’s life. Some protest that love “dies out” and say you can move on and find another person. Pope Francis, however, says that the fear of lifelong commitment is resolved by relying on Christ. In the Our Father, we say, “Give us this day our daily bread”; for Christian couples, we must also ask, “Give us this day our daily love.” If a Christian couple entrusts their love to Christ, He will sustain and multiply it. “He has an infinite reserve!” the Pope said.

Reflection:
Juan and Louisa had been married for about fifteen years when Louisa decided that she just didn’t feel that “spark of love” any longer. She convinced herself that their marriage was doomed and it was about time to call it quits. As she came home from work that day and went to approach her husband about her decision, she found him praying by their bedside. He prayed, “Lord, I feel as if my wife doesn’t love me anymore. I just don’t know where to go from here…please take control of our marriage and help us to love each other as we once did.” Immediately, her heart was moved as she realized that a “spark” would not save their marriage, but Christ could.

Put it into practice:

  1. Pray: Pray a rosary together – or just a decade – and focus on how Mary relied not on her own strength but on God’s.
  2. Reflect: How can you rely on Christ in your love for your spouse?
  3. Do: Write your spouse a note about how your feelings for him or her have deepened over time.

Prayer for Married Couples
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Virtual Retreats Homepage

“Retreat with Pope Francis” Day One: Marriage is the Icon of God’s Love

Pope Francis:
“The image of God is the married couple: the man and the woman; not only the man, not only the woman, but both of them together. This is the image of God: love, God’s covenant with us is represented in that covenant between man and woman. And this is very beautiful!” (General Audience, April 2, 2014)

Breaking open the theme:
It is a beautiful truth! A husband and wife image God in their marital union. As the Second Vatican Council taught, married love is “caught up” in the divine love of God, who is a Communion of Persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit (Gaudium et Spes, no. 48). In the union of husband and wife there is mutual love and reciprocity, which reflects the love of God Himself. In Ephesians, St. Paul teaches that Christian spouses reflect a “great mystery”: the nuptial relationship between Christ and His Church (Eph 5:21-22). In their ordinary lives, husbands and wives can be a visible sign of Christ’s love for His Church by giving themselves in fidelity and service to each other and to those around them. This is a high calling…and a beautiful one!

Reflection:
Think of an example of a good marriage. The husband and wife go out of their way to do nice things for each other. They give of their time and energy without asking for anything in return. They are faithfully committed to their marriage and are ready to make sacrifices for the other. Some could say they are head-over-heels in love with one another, even after many years! Does this describe your marriage? When spouses exhibit marital behavior like this, they help us understand what it means that marriage is an image of God’s love. Husbands and wives are called to display those qualities of love that Christ Himself displayed on the Cross.

Put it into practice:

  1. Pray: Read together 1 Corinthians 13, St. Paul’s hymn of love.
  2. Reflect: Is your love for each other patient, kind, etc. (from the list in 1 Corinthians)? Where can you grow?
  3. Do: Place a picture from your wedding day in a well-trafficked area of your home (if there’s not one already), and put on it or next to it the words, “We are called to be an image of God’s love.” Consider this your daily reminder.

Prayer for Married Couples:

Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Virtual Retreats Homepage

“Marriage And Mercy” Retreat Day Four: Mercy And Tenderness

Quote for reflection:
“Merciful love also means the cordial tenderness and sensitivity so eloquently spoken of in the parable of the prodigal son, and also in the parables of the lost sheep and the lost coin. Consequently, merciful love is supremely indispensable between those who are closest to one another: between husbands and wives, between parents and children, between friends.” – St. John Paul II, Dives in Misericordia, no. 14

Breaking open the theme:
St. John Paul II, in his encyclical “Rich in Mercy,” gives some helpful descriptors of mercy: tenderness and sensitivity. Consider the Scripture story he references, the return of the prodigal son. In this story – beloved also by Pope Francis – the father is a model of tenderness. He yearns for his son’s return and he runs to meet him, embracing him in a joyful, tender hug. He doesn’t first tell him what he did wrong; first he assures him of his love. It can be hard to be merciful when someone close to you has let you down. But an attitude of tenderness can help see the whole person and not just his or her failings, and goes a long way in mending relationships.

Real-life example:
Ronald set high standards for himself and his family: his wife of eighteen years, Jackie, and their four children. When one of them made a mistake or did something wrong, his manner was stern and he made very clear his disappointment. His well-intentioned goal was to help his family grow in virtue. But one evening after chastising his daughter for a poor grade, she shouted at him, “You are always so harsh!” Stung, Ronald spoke with his wife and to his surprise, she agreed that he could lighten up a bit. “Maybe be a little more kind,” she said, “more tender. We’re all trying our best, after all.” While it felt uncomfortable at first, Ronald started to make a conscious effort to be gentler with his wife and children, and was pleased to see their relationships deepen in ways they hadn’t before.

Put it into practice:

  1. Pray: Read the Scripture story of the prodigal son (Lk 15: 11-32) together.
  2. Reflect: How can you be tenderer toward your spouse and children?
  3. Do: The next time your spouse or child does something to disappoint you, try to temper your disapproval with an affirmation of their goodness and your love for them.

Prayer for married couples:
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Virtual Retreats Homepage

“Marriage And Mercy” Retreat Day Three: Mercy Is Slow To Anger And Quick To Forgive

Quotes for reflection:
“Merciful and gracious is the Lord, slow to anger, abounding in kindness.” (Psalm 103:8)

“Jesus, who knows us well, teaches us a secret: don’t let a day end without asking forgiveness, without peace returning to our home, to our family. It is normal for husband and wife to quarrel…perhaps you were mad, perhaps plates flew, but please remember this: never let the sun go down without making peace! Never, never, never!” – Pope Francis, Address to Engaged Couples (2.14.14)

Breaking open the theme: 
In Pope Francis’ typical expressive style, we can picture vividly the strong emotions that can be present in a marriage during a disagreement: “…perhaps plates flew”! But drawing on the wisdom of the Scriptures (Eph 4:26), the Holy Father urges couples to follow a tried and true rule: forgive each other before the day is over. As the Psalmist says, the Lord shows his mercy by being “slow to anger.” What a beautiful image: imagine if spouses were slow to anger and quick to forgive, instead of the other way around.

Real-life example: 
Janice knew that she had a quick temper. Especially when she was tired, or when her plans were disrupted at the last minute, she just felt so angry. She often took it out on her husband Todd, and she always regretted it afterwards. Todd often felt like he was on eggshells around her, not knowing when the next outburst would come. Sincerely desiring change, Janice spoke with her spiritual director about ways to channel her anger and interact with Todd in a more loving, merciful way. For example, she learned to take a break – step away – when her feelings of anger threatened to overwhelm her. Over time, she made great strides in becoming “slow to anger.”

Put it into practice:

  1. Pray: Read together with your spouse Ephesians 4:25-32, which is packed with advice for daily life.
  2. Reflect: What are your anger “triggers”, the things that make you mad easily? Think about what might be behind them. How could you respond differently in those moments?
  3. Do: Put the words “slow to anger” somewhere in your home as a reminder to be more merciful.

Prayer for married couples: 
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Virtual Retreats Homepage

“Marriage and Mercy” Retreat Day Two: Mercy and the Sacraments

Quote for reflection:
“Husbands and wives should take up the burden appointed to them, willingly, in the strength of faith… Let them implore the help of God with unremitting prayer and, most of all, let them draw grace and charity from that unfailing fount which is the Eucharist. If, however, sin still exercises its hold over them, they are not to lose heart. Rather must they, humble and persevering, have recourse to the mercy of God, abundantly bestowed in the Sacrament of Penance.” – Bl. Pope Paul VI, Humanae Vitae, no. 25

Breaking open the theme:
Bl. Paul VI talks about the “burden” given to husbands and wives of living their marriage faithfully day in and day out. While that might at first sound like a harsh word, not many spouses would disagree that on some days at least, marriage can feel burdensome! The pope goes on to lay out something of an “action plan” for spouses who want to keep their marriage strong: regularly receive the Eucharist, the “unfailing fount” of all grace and strength; and go often to the Sacrament of Penance, where God’s mercy is found in abundance. To hear the words “…and I absolve you from your sins” brings tremendous peace, as well as the strength to overcome sins in the future.

Real-life example:
While John and Marissa didn’t go to confession as much as they would have liked – it always seemed hard to find the time, especially on Saturday afternoons – there was no doubt that they felt a difference whenever they did go. After receiving the sacrament, Marissa noticed that she could be calmer when she felt frustrated with her husband, and John found it easier to say “I’m sorry” to his wife after saying it to God in the confessional. Both resolved to make confession a more regular part of their life as a family.

Put it into practice:

  1. Pray: Memorize the Prayer of Contrition said during the Sacrament of Penance. Even outside of the confessional, it can help spur you on to love of God and growth in virtue.
  2. Reflect: Do you feel closer to God after confession? Closer to your spouse? Why might that be?
  3. Do: Block off on your calendar a regular time for confession for the whole family, like every third Saturday (for example). If you don’t make it sometimes, don’t fret; but do make an effort.

Prayer for married couples: 
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Virtual Retreats Homepage

Marriage Retreat 2015: “Marriage And Mercy”

Day One: With Mercy, God Goes First

Quote for reflection:
“In short, we are called to show mercy because mercy has first been shown to us. Pardoning offenses becomes the clearest expression of merciful love, and for us Christians it is an imperative from which we cannot excuse ourselves.” – Pope Francis, Misericordiae Vultus, no. 9

Breaking open the theme:
Perhaps one of the most powerful verses in all of Scripture is Romans 5:8, “But God proves his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.” While we were still sinners, Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice of his life. This same principle is shown in the story of the prodigal son: while the son “was still a long way off” his father runs to him and embraces him (Luke 15:20). When it comes to mercy, God seeks us first. Always. What possible response could we make to such overwhelming love? To receive it gratefully, and show that same mercy to others.

Real-life example:
Stephanie was still fuming days later. Her husband of just over a year, Tom, once again had lost track of time with his friends and made her wait for hours, wondering where he was and worrying about him. She refused to let it go; how could he be so insensitive? And he didn’t even seem sorry. At the same time, Stephanie realized deep down that her unwillingness to forgive Tom was also hurting her, causing her a lot of tension and unhappiness. Recalling advice they had received during marriage preparation, Stephanie began praying for the Lord to soften her heart, and said out loud, “I forgive you” even though she didn’t feel it. While it didn’t happen instantly, she did feel more charitable toward Tom over time, and felt her own heart become lighter. Soon they were able to talk calmly about what had happened, reconcile, and talk about what to do differently in the future.

Put it into practice:

  1. Pray: Read Matt 18:21-35 together with your spouse, about the unforgiving servant.
  2. Reflect: Do you find it hard to forgive others unless you think they “deserve” it or have “earned” it? Why? Reflect on your own life and the gift of God’s mercy to you.
  3. Do: Are you holding a grudge about something and refusing to forgive? Try journaling about your feelings or talking with a trusted spiritual director. Perhaps even take the plunge and say, “I forgive you.”

Prayer for married couples:
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Day Two: Mercy And The Sacraments

Quote for reflection:
“Husbands and wives should take up the burden appointed to them, willingly, in the strength of faith… Let them implore the help of God with unremitting prayer and, most of all, let them draw grace and charity from that unfailing fount which is the Eucharist. If, however, sin still exercises its hold over them, they are not to lose heart. Rather must they, humble and persevering, have recourse to the mercy of God, abundantly bestowed in the Sacrament of Penance.” – Bl. Pope Paul VI, Humanae Vitae, no. 25

Breaking open the theme:
Bl. Paul VI talks about the “burden” given to husbands and wives of living their marriage faithfully day in and day out. While that might at first sound like a harsh word, not many spouses would disagree that on some days at least, marriage can feel burdensome! The pope goes on to lay out something of an “action plan” for spouses who want to keep their marriage strong: regularly receive the Eucharist, the “unfailing fount” of all grace and strength; and go often to the Sacrament of Penance, where God’s mercy is found in abundance. To hear the words “…and I absolve you from your sins” brings tremendous peace, as well as the strength to overcome sins in the future.

Real-life example:
While John and Marissa didn’t go to confession as much as they would have liked – it always seemed hard to find the time, especially on Saturday afternoons – there was no doubt that they felt a difference whenever they did go. After receiving the sacrament, Marissa noticed that she could be calmer when she felt frustrated with her husband, and John found it easier to say “I’m sorry” to his wife after saying it to God in the confessional. Both resolved to make confession a more regular part of their life as a family.

Put it into practice:

  1. Pray: Memorize the Prayer of Contrition said during the Sacrament of Penance. Even outside of the confessional, it can help spur you on to love of God and growth in virtue.
  2. Reflect: Do you feel closer to God after confession? Closer to your spouse? Why might that be?
  3. Do: Block off on your calendar a regular time for confession for the whole family, like every third Saturday (for example). If you don’t make it sometimes, don’t fret; but do make an effort.

Prayer for married couples:
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Day Three: Mercy Is Slow To Anger And Quick To Forgive

Quotes for reflection:
“Merciful and gracious is the Lord, slow to anger, abounding in kindness.” (Psalm 103:8)

“Jesus, who knows us well, teaches us a secret: don’t let a day end without asking forgiveness, without peace returning to our home, to our family. It is normal for husband and wife to quarrel…perhaps you were mad, perhaps plates flew, but please remember this: never let the sun go down without making peace! Never, never, never!” – Pope Francis, Address to Engaged Couples (2.14.14)

Breaking open the theme:
In Pope Francis’ typical expressive style, we can picture vividly the strong emotions that can be present in a marriage during a disagreement: “…perhaps plates flew”! But drawing on the wisdom of the Scriptures (Eph 4:26), the Holy Father urges couples to follow a tried and true rule: forgive each other before the day is over. As the Psalmist says, the Lord shows his mercy by being “slow to anger.” What a beautiful image: imagine if spouses were slow to anger and quick to forgive, instead of the other way around.

Real-life example:
Janice knew that she had a quick temper. Especially when she was tired, or when her plans were disrupted at the last minute, she just felt so angry. She often took it out on her husband Todd, and she always regretted it afterwards. Todd often felt like he was on eggshells around her, not knowing when the next outburst would come. Sincerely desiring change, Janice spoke with her spiritual director about ways to channel her anger and interact with Todd in a more loving, merciful way. For example, she learned to take a break – step away – when her feelings of anger threatened to overwhelm her. Over time, she made great strides in becoming “slow to anger.”

Put it into practice:

  1. Pray: Read together with your spouse Ephesians 4:25-32, which is packed with advice for daily life.
  2. Reflect: What are your anger “triggers”, the things that make you mad easily? Think about what might be behind them. How could you respond differently in those moments?
  3. Do: Put the words “slow to anger” somewhere in your home as a reminder to be more merciful.

Prayer for married couples:
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Day Four: Mercy And Tenderness

Quote for reflection:
“Merciful love also means the cordial tenderness and sensitivity so eloquently spoken of in the parable of the prodigal son, and also in the parables of the lost sheep and the lost coin. Consequently, merciful love is supremely indispensable between those who are closest to one another: between husbands and wives, between parents and children, between friends.” – St. John Paul II, Dives in Misericordia, no. 14

Breaking open the theme:
St. John Paul II, in his encyclical “Rich in Mercy,” gives some helpful descriptors of mercy: tenderness and sensitivity. Consider the Scripture story he references, the return of the prodigal son. In this story – beloved also by Pope Francis – the father is a model of tenderness. He yearns for his son’s return and he runs to meet him, embracing him in a joyful, tender hug. He doesn’t first tell him what he did wrong; first he assures him of his love. It can be hard to be merciful when someone close to you has let you down. But an attitude of tenderness can help see the whole person and not just his or her failings, and goes a long way in mending relationships.

Real-life example:
Ronald set high standards for himself and his family: his wife of eighteen years, Jackie, and their four children. When one of them made a mistake or did something wrong, his manner was stern and he made very clear his disappointment. His well-intentioned goal was to help his family grow in virtue. But one evening after chastising his daughter for a poor grade, she shouted at him, “You are always so harsh!” Stung, Ronald spoke with his wife and to his surprise, she agreed that he could lighten up a bit. “Maybe be a little more kind,” she said, “more tender. We’re all trying our best, after all.” While it felt uncomfortable at first, Ronald started to make a conscious effort to be gentler with his wife and children, and was pleased to see their relationships deepen in ways they hadn’t before.

Put it into practice:

  1. Pray: Read the Scripture story of the prodigal son (Lk 15: 11-32) together.
  2. Reflect: How can you be tenderer toward your spouse and children?
  3. Do: The next time your spouse or child does something to disappoint you, try to temper your disapproval with an affirmation of their goodness and your love for them.

Prayer for married couples:
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Day Five: Mercy And Patience

Quote for reflection:
“Brothers and sisters, God’s face is the face of a merciful father who is always patient. Have you thought about God’s patience, the patience He has with each one of us? That is His mercy. He always has patience, patience with us, He understands us, He waits for us, He does not tire of forgiving us if we are able to return to Him with a contrite heart.” – Pope Francis, Angelus(3.17.13)

Breaking open the theme:
Have you thought about God’s patience, like the pope asks? Think of all the times in the Old Testament when the Lord gave the Israelites another chance after they sinned. Think of Jesus’ words that we should forgive others “not seven times but seventy-seven times” (Matt 18:22). Even now, there is no point during our life when it is “too late” for God to forgive us. We shouldn’t put off asking God’s forgiveness, but neither should we fear that he will grow tired of our pleas for mercy. This same patience should be shown to our family members, too.*

*This does not mean that spouses or children should endure domestic violence. If you or someone you know is in danger in their home, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233.

Real-life example:
For Kathy, one of the biggest challenges in her marriage was forgiving her husband of forty-two years, Dave, when he did the same inconsiderate thing, again. “Why can this man not learn?” she would grumble to herself. At the same time, she knew that she, too, struggled with the same selfish tendencies now as when they were newlyweds, and Dave time and again offered his forgiveness to her. In other words, a good dose of humility and self-knowledge helped Kathy realize that Dave was in fact trying and that her willingness to forgive (seventy times seven did not seem far-fetched for one lifetime!) made their marriage ever-stronger.

Put it into practice:

  1. Pray: Ask the Lord for patience like his, especially for the daily opportunities to forgive your spouse.
  2. Reflect: Is there anything you are holding back confessing to God, or to your spouse, because you’re not sure if they will forgive you?
  3. Do: Thank your spouse for the forgiveness he or she offers you.

Prayer for married couples:
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Day Six: Jesus Shows Us The Face Of Mercy

Quotes for reflection:
“Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.” (Matt 5:7)

The Paschal Mystery – Jesus’ death and Resurrection – “bears within itself the most complete revelation of mercy, that is, of that love which is more powerful than death, more powerful than sin and every evil, the love which lifts man up when he falls into the abyss.” – St. John Paul II, Dives in Misericordia, no. 15

Breaking open the theme:
To know what mercy really is, we must look at Jesus. Mercy is more than simple kindness or forgiveness or being nice to people, although it can certainly be shown in those actions. The most perfect image of mercy, though, is Jesus’ willing sacrifice on the Cross and his triumph over death itself. Because Jesus defeated sin, we can be forgiven our own sins, no matter what. We can take confidence in Jesus’ promise that good will ultimately triumph over evil. That is the message of mercy!

Real-life example:
For over twenty years, Michael had felt a gnawing guilt over his habit of watching pornography. He loved his wife, Janet, and furtively hid his pornography use from her. But one day – he knew it had to happen eventually – she found out. Janet felt deeply betrayed, and Michael felt almost unbearable shame. They both wondered whether their marriage would survive. Janet insisted that Michael seek out help, so he called their parish priest. In their first meeting, Michael let everything off his chest for the first time, all the years of hiding and guilt and sin. The priest responded with kindness and offered the Sacrament of Penance. Michael felt overcome with unworthiness but also for the first time felt hope that he could change. God’s mercy had never felt so real.

Put it into practice:

  1. Pray: Together with your spouse, pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet for your marriage and family.
  2. Reflect: What difference does it make to you to know that God’s mercy can forgive any sin and that his goodness triumphs over all evil? What would it be like if this weren’t true?
  3. Do: If you or your spouse is struggling with a major sin like pornography use, infidelity or something else damaging to your marriage, get help right away from a priest or trusted friend.

Prayer for married couples:
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Day Seven: Forgiveness In The Family

Quote for reflection:
“One cannot live without seeking forgiveness, or at least, one cannot live at peace, especially in the family. We wrong one another every day. We must take into account these mistakes, due to our frailty and our selfishness. However, what we are asked to do is to promptly heal the wounds that we cause, to immediately reweave the bonds that break within the family.” – Pope Francis, Wednesday Audience (11.4.15)

Breaking open the theme:
Do Pope Francis’ words ring true to you? “We wrong one another every day.” We are frail and selfish. Unfortunately, sin affects all of us and all of our relationships. The communion of persons in marriage and the family is a sign of God’s love, so division and strife strike at its very meaning and mission. However, the realization that we fail our family members, perhaps even daily, is not a cause for despair. It is an invitation to receive God’s mercy and to offer that mercy to our loved ones – “immediately,” says Pope Francis!

Real-life example:
After a long day of work, both Samuel and Angela felt tired and out of sorts. When they realized that neither of them had thought to make babysitting arrangements for the following travel weekend, the incriminations started. Ten minutes later, they both felt even worse and now misunderstood and blamed. “Is this what marriage is supposed to be like?” thought Angela to herself. Samuel was about to storm out of the room with an angry word when he stopped and checked himself. He had been trying to get into the habit of offering forgiveness quickly, before a situation escalated. “I’m sorry, honey,” he said. “Look – let’s get some dinner and wind down, and then figure something out.” The words were welcome and healing to Angela, and she too was grateful for an about-face that prevented the couple from another dead-end argument.

Put it into practice:

  1. Pray: Ask the Lord’s healing for situations in your marriage and family that aren’t peaceful.
  2. Reflect: What areas of selfishness do you struggle with the most? How do they affect your spouse?
  3. Do: Don’t hesitate to speak healing words into a tense situation as soon as possible: “I love you,” “I forgive you,” “I’m sorry.” These can defuse tension and re-focus the conversation.

Prayer for married couples:
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Virtual Retreats Homepage

“Marriage And Mercy” Retreat Day Five: Mercy And Patience

Quote for reflection:
“Brothers and sisters, God’s face is the face of a merciful father who is always patient. Have you thought about God’s patience, the patience He has with each one of us? That is His mercy. He always has patience, patience with us, He understands us, He waits for us, He does not tire of forgiving us if we are able to return to Him with a contrite heart.” – Pope Francis, Angelus (3.17.13)

Breaking open the theme:
Have you thought about God’s patience, like the pope asks? Think of all the times in the Old Testament when the Lord gave the Israelites another chance after they sinned. Think of Jesus’ words that we should forgive others “not seven times but seventy-seven times” (Matt 18:22). Even now, there is no point during our life when it is “too late” for God to forgive us. We shouldn’t put off asking God’s forgiveness, but neither should we fear that he will grow tired of our pleas for mercy. This same patience should be shown to our family members, too.*

*This does not mean that spouses or children should endure domestic violence. If you or someone you know is in danger in their home, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233.

Real-life example:
For Kathy, one of the biggest challenges in her marriage was forgiving her husband of forty-two years, Dave, when he did the same inconsiderate thing, again. “Why can this man not learn?” she would grumble to herself. At the same time, she knew that she, too, struggled with the same selfish tendencies now as when they were newlyweds, and Dave time and again offered his forgiveness to her. In other words, a good dose of humility and self-knowledge helped Kathy realize that Dave was in fact trying and that her willingness to forgive (seventy times seven did not seem far-fetched for one lifetime!) made their marriage ever-stronger.

Put it into practice:

  1. Pray: Ask the Lord for patience like his, especially for the daily opportunities to forgive your spouse.
  2. Reflect: Is there anything you are holding back confessing to God, or to your spouse, because you’re not sure if they will forgive you?
  3. Do: Thank your spouse for the forgiveness he or she offers you.

Prayer for married couples:
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Virtual Retreats Homepage

“Marriage and Mercy” Retreat Day One: With Mercy, God Goes First

Quote for reflection:
“In short, we are called to show mercy because mercy has first been shown to us. Pardoning offenses becomes the clearest expression of merciful love, and for us Christians it is an imperative from which we cannot excuse ourselves.” – Pope Francis, Misericordiae Vultus, no. 9

Breaking open the theme:
Perhaps one of the most powerful verses in all of Scripture is Romans 5:8, “But God proves his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.” While we were still sinners, Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice of his life. This same principle is shown in the story of the prodigal son: while the son “was still a long way off” his father runs to him and embraces him (Luke 15:20). When it comes to mercy, God seeks us first. Always. What possible response could we make to such overwhelming love? To receive it gratefully, and show that same mercy to others.

Real-life example:
Stephanie was still fuming days later. Her husband of just over a year, Tom, once again had lost track of time with his friends and made her wait for hours, wondering where he was and worrying about him. She refused to let it go; how could he be so insensitive? And he didn’t even seem sorry. At the same time, Stephanie realized deep down that her unwillingness to forgive Tom was also hurting her, causing her a lot of tension and unhappiness. Recalling advice they had received during marriage preparation, Stephanie began praying for the Lord to soften her heart, and said out loud, “I forgive you” even though she didn’t feel it. While it didn’t happen instantly, she did feel more charitable toward Tom over time, and felt her own heart become lighter. Soon they were able to talk calmly about what had happened, reconcile, and talk about what to do differently in the future.

Put it into practice:

  1. Pray: Read Matt 18:21-35 together with your spouse, about the unforgiving servant.
  2. Reflect: Do you find it hard to forgive others unless you think they “deserve” it or have “earned” it? Why? Reflect on your own life and the gift of God’s mercy to you.
  3. Do: Are you holding a grudge about something and refusing to forgive? Try journaling about your feelings or talking with a trusted spiritual director. Perhaps even take the plunge and say, “I forgive you.”

Prayer for married couples:
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Virtual Retreats Homepage

Seven Day Virtual Marriage Retreats

Looking for a way to enrich your marriage? Take one of our seven day virtual retreats! Each day for seven days, set aside some time for prayer. Read about the theme for the day, reflect on a real-life marriage scenario, and think about ways to strengthen your own marriage. End each mini-retreat by praying a prayer for married couples. If possible, do the retreat together with your spouse!

Marriage Retreat 2020: “Stories from the Domestic Church”

This retreat will help you ponder how each marriage, each family is the domestic church. Full of inspirational stories of overcoming adversity and finding grace in everyday moments, this retreat is perfect for anyone who wants to pray and reflect on finding God in family life. For a complete version of this retreat, click here. For a PDF version, click here.

Day One: Ten Years of “I Do”
Day Two: Christ in Our Midst
Day Three: The Mystery of Marital Faith and Its Fruit
Day Four: Parenting with Friends
Day Five: The Tree that God Grows
Day Six: Love in Truth
Day Seven: Learning at a Later Stage

In Español: Historias de la iglesia doméstica

Marriage Retreat 2019: “Marriage: Made for a Reason”

This retreat will help you further reflect on what makes marriage unique as established by God, between a man and woman, as the basis for family and society. For a complete version of this retreat, click here. For a PDF version, click here.

Day One: Marriage: Made by God
Day Two: Marriage: Made for Love
Day Three: Marriage: Made for Each Other
Day Four: Marriage: Made for Life
Day Five: Marriage: Made for Freedom
Day Six: Marriage: Made for the Common Good
Day Seven: Marriage: Made for Eternity

In Español: El Matrimonio: Hecho por una Razón

Marriage Retreat 2018: “Marriage: School of Life and Love”

These reflections are drawn from a few magisterial documents: Mulieris Dignitatem, an apostolic letter on the dignity and vocation of women by Pope John Paul II (1988), Humanae Vitae, an encyclical by Pope Paul VI on the regulation of birth (1968), and Amoris Laetitia, the post-synodal apostolic exhortation by Pope Francis, as well as from the Catechism of the Catholic Church, and Sacred Scripture. For a complete version of this retreat, click here. For a PDF version, click here.

Day One: Marriage is a School of Life
Day Two: Marriage Lasts for Life
Day Three: Marriage Welcomes Life
Day Four: Marriage is a School of Love
Day Five: Marriage Reflects God’s Love
Day Six: Marriage Lives by God’s Law of Love
Day Seven: Marriage as a Domestic Church

Marriage Retreat 2017: “Amoris Laetitia” and “Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan”

This retreat is based on Pope Francis’s apostolic exhortation Amoris Laetitia (2016) and the USCCB pastoral letter Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan (2009). For a complete printable version of this retreat click here. For a PDF version, click here.

Day One: Marriage is a Blessing and a Gift
Day Two: Marriage is the Unique Union of a Man and a Woman
Day Three: Marriage is a Communion of Love and Life
Day Four: Marriage is a Sacrament of Christ’s Love
Day Five: Marriage is the Foundation of the Family and Society
Day Six: Marriage is a Journey of Human and Spiritual Growth
Day Seven: Marriage is a School of Love and Gratitude

Marriage Retreat 2016: “A Retreat with Pope Francis”

This retreat is based on advice from Pope Francis to married couples and families, given at his general weekly audiences. For a complete printable version of this retreat, click here.

Day One: Marriage is the Icon of God’s Love
Day Two: Christian Love is Concrete
Day Three: The Family is the Domestic Church
Day Four: Christ Gives Couples the Confidence to Say “Yes” Forever
Day Five: Three Pillars of the Spousal Relationship
Day Six: The Family as the Birthplace of Communicate and Love
Day Seven: Take Forward the Meaning of the Family

Marriage Retreat 2015: “Marriage and Mercy”

This retreat is an extended reflection on the theme of mercy. It was created during the Jubilee of Mercy in 2015. For a complete printable version of this retreat click here.

Day One: With Mercy, God Goes First
Day Two: Mercy and the Sacraments
Day Three: Mercy is Slow to Anger and Quick to Forgive
Day Four: Mercy and Tenderness
Day Five: Mercy and Patience
Day Six: Jesus Shows Us the Face of Mercy
Day Seven: Forgiveness in the Family