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Retiro Matrimonial 2019 – El Matrimonio, Hecho por una Razón

Acompáñanos a celebrar la Semana Nacional del Matrimonio (del 7 al 14 de febrero de 2019), tomándote unos momentos cada día para reflexionar y orar con tu cónyuge. El tema de este año es: El matrimonio, hecho por una razón. Este retiro te ayudará a reflexionar sobre lo que hace que el matrimonio sea algo único, tal como fue establecido por Dios, entre un hombre y una mujer, como la base de la familia y la sociedad.

Para más instrucciones o inspiración, visita el sitio web marriageuniqueforareason.org.

Día 1 – El matrimonio: hecho por Dios

Abriendo el tema
A pesar de las grandes diferencias entre las culturas, sociedades y religiones, el matrimonio siempre se ha considerado un vínculo sagrado que expresa una forma profunda y comprometida de amor mutuo. El matrimonio no es, sin embargo, una institución puramente humana: “el estado matrimonial fue establecido por el Creador y dotado por él con sus propias leyes… Dios mismo es el autor del matrimonio” (GS, 48).

¿De qué manera es Dios el autor del matrimonio?

Primero, “Dios creó al hombre a su imagen; a imagen de Dios lo creó; varón y hembra los creó” (Gén. 1:27). Dado que el hombre y la mujer son creados a imagen de Dios, quien es Amor, el amor es una vocación innata del hombre y de la mujer. El matrimonio responde a un deseo fundamental y a la necesidad de dar y recibir amor.

Segundo, como varón y hembra, Dios creó al hombre y a la mujer con una complementariedad anatómica única que posibilita la colaboración con Su trabajo de creación. La naturaleza misma del hombre y de la mujer está preparada para la posibilidad del matrimonio y del recibimiento de una nueva vida.

Tercero, la Sagrada Escritura afirma que es bueno que un hombre y una mujer se pertenezcan el uno al otro y formen un vínculo de comunión: “No es bueno que el hombre esté solo” (Gén. 2:18)…”Por tanto, dejará el hombre a su padre y a su madre, y se unirá a su mujer, y los dos serán una sola carne (Gén. 2:24). En el Nuevo Testamento, Jesús invoca el plan original de Dios para la humanidad como una unión inquebrantable de dos vidas, recordando el plan inicial del Creador: “Así que ya no volverán a ser dos, sino una sola carne” (Mt. 19: 6)

En el plan divino, el matrimonio es la comunión exclusiva e indisoluble de vida y amor entre un hombre y una mujer. Entre dos cristianos bautizados, esta alianza es un sacramento.

Reflexión
Como católicos, la comprensión del plan de Dios para el matrimonio y la familia es una parte esencial de vivir el llamado a la santidad. Los esposos católicos han sido bendecidos con la certeza de que el sacramento del matrimonio proporciona las gracias necesarias para santificarse como esposo y esposa, padre y madre. Esta gracia otorga fuerza a la alianza matrimonial y la fortalece en momentos de dificultad. También se traslada a la iglesia doméstica, el hogar, donde la familia crece y se convierte en un testigo del amor de Dios hacia los demás.

Sin embargo, el plan de Dios para el matrimonio no se limita a los católicos. Como se explicó anteriormente, está enraizado en la naturaleza e identidad del hombre y de la mujer, creados a imagen de Dios. La dignidad del matrimonio con su propósito y características específicas es un bien que debe sostenerse y defenderse para beneficio de todas las personas.

Para pensar
Para iniciar esta semana de reflexión, pregúntense individualmente y como pareja:

a) ¿Qué hace al matrimonio distinto de otras relaciones? ¿Por qué el amor y el compromiso matrimonial son únicos? ¿Qué significa cuando se dice que Dios creó el matrimonio en el mismo momento en que creó al ser humano?

b) Como pareja, ¿cómo nos complementamos en nuestras necesidades, deseos y atributos? ¿De qué manera nos otorga Dios los diferentes dones, como hombre y mujer, que contribuyen al matrimonio?

Oración de las parejas casadas
Dios todopoderoso y eterno,
bendijiste la unión de marido y mujer
para que podamos reflejar la unión de Cristo con su Iglesia:
míranos con bondad.
Renueva nuestra alianza matrimonial.
Incrementa tu amor hacia nosotros
y fortalece nuestro vínculo de paz
para que [con nuestros hijos]
podamos siempre regocijarnos en el regalo de tu bendición.
Te lo pedimos a través de Cristo nuestro Señor. Amén.

Día 2 – El matrimonio: hecho para el amor

Abriendo el tema
El matrimonio entre un hombre y una mujer responde al anhelo más profundo del corazón humano por el amor y la pertenencia. Anhelamos ser amados y recibir amor. Lo mismo puede decirse de la vida familiar: en una familia, los hijos son recibidos para ser amados y retornar ese amor.

A pesar de las limitaciones humanas, la pareja casada y la familia son reflejos de Dios, quien es tres personas divinas en una comunión de amor. En el matrimonio, el hombre y la mujer se convierten en “una sola carne” (Gén. 2: 24), una comunión de amor que genera nueva vida. De manera similar, la familia humana se convierte en una comunión de amor a través del intercambio de amor entre sus miembros.

El matrimonio y la vida familiar son escuelas de amor. Nos enseñan cómo alcanzar una comunión de amor en el contexto de la vida cotidiana: llena de alegrías, sacrificios, pruebas y esperanzas. En todo esto, el amor se purifica y se perfecciona, se hace auténtico y completo. Como el ejemplo del sacrificio de Cristo en la cruz, el amor es dar la vida del uno por el otro. Los cónyuges y los miembros de la familia están llamados a hacer lo mismo todos los días.

Reflexión
A pesar de nuestros mejores esfuerzos para amar fiel e incondicionalmente, el matrimonio y la vida familiar pueden ser difíciles y desafiar nuestra capacidad de amar continuamente. Sin embargo, el amor conyugal que es bendecido por el sacramento del matrimonio es fortalecido y sostenido por una gracia única que pretende “perfeccionar el amor de la pareja y fortalecer su unidad indisoluble” (CCC, 1641). En virtud de esta gracia, la pareja se ayuda mutuamente para alcanzar la santidad.

La fuente de esta gracia es Cristo. “Así como en la antigüedad Dios se encontró con su pueblo a través de una alianza de amor y fidelidad, así nuestro Salvador, el cónyuge de la Iglesia, se encuentra ahora con esposos cristianos a través del sacramento del matrimonio” (GS, 48). Cristo vive con ellos, les da la fuerza para tomar sus cruces y puedan seguirlo, levantarse de nuevo después de haber caído, perdonarse el uno al otro, sobrellevar el uno la carga del otro, “someterse el uno al otro por respeto a Cristo, “y amarse el uno al otro con amor sobrenatural, tierno y fructífero” (CCC, 1642).

Para pensar
Elige una o más de las siguientes preguntas para reflexionar con tu cónyuge:

(a) ¿Qué hace que el amor entre el hombre y la mujer sea único, especialmente dentro de la relación matrimonial? ¿Qué hace que el amor de los miembros de una familia sea una comunión entre personas?

(b) ¿Cómo son nuestras escuelas de amor matrimonial y familiar? Como pareja y familia, ¿demostramos una comunión de amor que se nutre a sí misma, que es pura y sacrificada?

(c) Como pareja, ¿qué tanto confiamos en la gracia del sacramento del matrimonio para que nos ayude en los momentos de retos y dificultades?

Día 3 – El matrimonio: hechos el uno para el otro

Abriendo el tema
Dios creó al hombre y a la mujer juntos y quiso que fueran el uno para el otro. “No es bueno que el hombre esté solo. Voy a crear a alguien adecuado a sus necesidades para que lo ayude” (Gén. 2:18). La mujer que Dios ‘fabrica’ de la costilla del hombre, hace que él exclame maravillado, con amor y comunión: “Ésta, por fin, es hueso de mis huesos y carne de mi carne” (Gén. 2: 23). Este hermoso relato del libro de Génesis sobre la creación de Eva del costado de Adán demuestra cómo la mujer fue creada específicamente como ayudante, compañera y pareja adecuada para el hombre. A diferencia de cualquier otro ser creado, el hombre descubre a la mujer como su otro “yo”, como alguien que comparte su misma humanidad (ver CCC, 371).

“El hombre y la mujer fueron hechos ‘el uno para el otro’, no es que Dios los haya dejado a medias e incompletos: él los creó para que sean una comunión de personas, en donde cada uno puede ser ‘compañero’ del otro, ya que son iguales como personas (“hueso de mis huesos…”) y complementarios como masculino y femenino” (CCC, 372).

Debido a que son personas iguales en cuanto a su humanidad, pero complementarios debido a sus diferencias como masculino y femenino, el hombre y la mujer contribuyen al matrimonio con dones únicos, especialmente a causa de las diferencias físicas de sus cuerpos que permiten la transmisión de la vida humana. Solo a través de la diferencia sexual, un esposo y una esposa pueden darse completamente a sí mismos.

Por lo tanto, la verdadera unión marital no es posible sin la diferencia sexual; la diferencia sexual es esencial para el matrimonio. La diferencia sexual es el punto de partida necesario para comprender por qué no es arbitrario ni discriminatorio proteger y promover el matrimonio como la unión entre un hombre y una mujer. Más bien, es una cuestión de justicia, verdad, amor y libertad real. Solo un hombre y una mujer, en todos los niveles de su identidad: biológicos, fisiológicos, emocionales, sociales y espirituales, son capaces de hablar auténticamente el lenguaje del amor conyugal, es decir, el lenguaje de la entrega de sí mismos, abiertos al don del otro y al regalo de la vida.

Reflexión
Nuestra masculinidad o femineidad es esencial para nuestra identidad como personas. Nuestro género no se añade a nosotros como algo posterior, ni tampoco es una parte incidental de quienes somos. El hombre y la mujer son dos tipos diferentes de seres humanos, en cuerpo y alma. Cuando negamos nuestra identidad como seres sexualmente diferenciados, reducimos nuestra humanidad.

Una unión conyugal o matrimonial se produce solo a través de la diferencia sexual. Solo un esposo y una esposa tienen el espacio o la capacidad para recibir verdaderamente el don sexual distintivo del otro, y solo de esa manera un esposo y una esposa pueden regalarse el uno al otro el don de sí mismos. La belleza de la enseñanza de la Iglesia sobre el matrimonio, basada en esta base antropológica, arroja luz sobre la responsabilidad del hombre y la mujer de colaborar con Dios en Su plan para la raza humana.

Para pensar
Elige una o más de las siguientes preguntas para reflexionar con tu cónyuge:

(a) ¿Por qué la razón y la fe no entran en conflicto cuando se trata del matrimonio? En otras palabras, ¿de qué manera el sacramento del matrimonio, que se realiza entre un hombre bautizado y una mujer bautizada, reafirma y no le resta valor a las verdades básicas y razonables esenciales de todo matrimonio?

(b) ¿Piensas que la diferencia sexual de hombre a mujer y de mujer a hombre se entiende y aprecia hoy? ¿Por qué sí o por qué no?

(c) Como pareja, ¿cómo pueden ayudar a otros a reflexionar sobre la importancia de la diferencia sexual y la complementariedad?

Día 4 – El matrimonio: hecho para toda la vida

Abriendo el tema
“Creó al varón y a la hembra. Los bendijo y les dijo: “Sean fructíferos y multiplíquense” (Gén. 1: 27-28).

El matrimonio es el contexto humano natural para concebir y recibir correctamente un hijo como el “regalo supremo del matrimonio” (GS, 50). Y con esta actitud de apertura y aceptación, destinada a marcar todos los aspectos del amor conyugal, un esposo y una esposa se acercan más entre sí. Entregar el don de sí mismo al otro como cónyuge y estar abierto a los hijos es a la vez elección y acción. Como el Papa Juan Pablo II enseñó: “Así, mientras los esposos se dan el uno al otro, no solo se están dando a sí mismos sino también a la realidad de los hijos que son un reflejo vivo de su amor, un signo permanente de unidad conyugal y una síntesis viviente e inseparable del hecho de ser padre y madre”. (FC, 14).

En otras palabras, en el matrimonio, el amor y la vida son inseparables. Esto es lo que quiere decir la Iglesia cuando enseña que el sentido de unión y procreación del amor conyugal son inseparables. Al abrazarse el uno al otro, el esposo y la esposa abrazan su capacidad de concebir un hijo y son llamados a no hacer nada deliberado para cerrar parte de sí mismos al don del otro.

Esto no significa que con cada acto de intimidad sexual tenga que concebirse un hijo. El matrimonio no es una fábrica mecánica de producción de niños en masa. La Iglesia enseña a las parejas, en su sinceridad con la vida, a practicar la paternidad responsable, discerniendo si tienen o no razones serias, de acuerdo con el plan de Dios para el matrimonio, para posponer el ser padres y madres en un momento determinado.

“La tarea fundamental de la familia es servir a la vida, hacer realidad a lo largo de la historia la bendición original del Creador de transmitir a través de la procreación la imagen divina, de persona a persona (…) Sin embargo, la fecundidad del amor conyugal – entendida incluso en su dimensión específicamente humana – no se limita únicamente a la procreación de los hijos, sino que se amplía y enriquece con todos aquellos frutos que el padre y la madre deben entregar a sus hijos y, a través de los hijos, a la Iglesia y al mundo”(FC, 28).

Reflexión
Cualquier consideración honesta del matrimonio debe incluir a los hijos, la esperanza de nuestro futuro. Durante milenios, personas de todas las generaciones y de todas las culturas han comprendido que el matrimonio de un hombre y una mujer es la principal institución social en pro de los hijos, y la roca de la familia natural. El matrimonio reúne a un hombre y a una mujer que se unen como marido y mujer para formar una relación única, dispuesta a recibir y cuidar de una nueva vida. Tratándose de la unión de marido y mujer, el matrimonio es una unión abierta desde dentro a la bendición de la fecundidad. Los hijos nacen “desde el mismo corazón” del matrimonio, a partir de la entrega mutua entre marido y mujer (CCC, no. 2366). Son el “regalo supremo” del matrimonio y su “máxima corona” (GS, n. 50, 48).

Así como las plantas necesitan los elementos adecuados no solo para comenzar a crecer sino también para florecer, los hijos también necesitan los elementos adecuados. Se necesita un hombre y una mujer, con la ayuda de Dios, para traer un hijo a la existencia. Tiene sentido que si la diferencia sexual es esencial para el comienzo de la vida, también es vital para el cuidado de esa vida. Las madres y los padres son importantes para la vida de un hijo.

El matrimonio es la institución destinada a garantizar que un hijo sea recibido como un regalo que debe ser nutrido y criado con el amor singularmente diferente que solo una madre y un padre pueden dar. Así como una semilla necesita la presencia de tierra, luz solar y agua para crecer y florecer, también un hijo necesita los cimientos naturales de la vida y el amor que solo proporcionan el matrimonio amoroso de un hombre y una mujer abiertos al regalo de un hijo.

Para pensar
Elige una o más de las siguientes preguntas para reflexionar con tu cónyuge:

(a) ¿Cómo se relacionan la apertura a la vida y la diferencia sexual? ¿Por qué es esto tan importante para entender el significado del matrimonio?

(b) ¿Cómo entiendes y acoges la enseñanza de la Iglesia sobre la santidad de la vida humana, incluida la enseñanza de la Iglesia sobre el uso de la anticoncepción?

(c) ¿De qué manera puedes dar testimonio como pareja de la santidad y la dignidad de la vida humana, y de la importancia de las madres y los padres en la vida de sus hijos?

Día 5 – El matrimonio: hecho para la libertad

Abriendo el tema
“Jesús les respondió: ‘Amén, amén, les digo, todos los que cometen pecado son esclavos del pecado. Un esclavo no permanece en una casa para siempre, pero el hijo sí permanece. Así que si un hijo te libera, entonces serás realmente libre” (Jn. 8: 34-36).

El teólogo moral dominicano, Servais Pinckaers (1925-2008), identificó dos conceptos de libertad que contrastan entre sí: la libertad de indiferencia y la libertad por excelencia.

La “libertad de indiferencia” significa ver la libertad de manera abierta y neutral hacia todas las opciones disponibles. Toda elección, en la medida en que es una elección, es igualmente libre. Es la libertad de no ser forzado a hacer nada (“ausencia de coerción”). Si la libertad está realmente desconectada de cualquier otro aspecto de la persona o de la verdad objetiva, entonces elegir asesinar a otra persona es una decisión tan “libre” como comprarle una comida a una persona sin hogar. Por supuesto, cualquiera diría que la persona que ayuda a otra persona está “usando” su libertad mejor que el asesino, pero ¿es eso suficiente? ¿Es solo una cuestión de usar nuestra libertad bien o mal? La libertad de indiferencia dice que sí, esas dos personas son igualmente libres para elegir entre el bien y el mal.

En contraste, si entiendes la libertad como la “libertad por excelencia”, dirías que el asesino es en realidad menos libre que el donante caritativo. Al hacer algo que está mal, al actuar en contra del orden verdadero y objetivo de las cosas, la persona que elige el mal en realidad está disminuyendo o perdiendo su libertad. De hecho, es un abuso de la libertad. No le traerá la felicidad. Por lo tanto, no es una elección verdaderamente libre. La libertad por excelencia es la libertad de hacer el bien: la libertad de convertirse en lo que estás destinado a ser.

La verdadera libertad, entonces, es la capacidad de amar la verdad y de elegir el bien. Esto reafirma las palabras del Catecismo: “En la medida en que haces más el bien, más libre te haces”, y “la verdadera libertad” proviene “del servicio a lo que es bueno y justo” (CCC, 1733).

La libertad correctamente utilizada que sirve a la verdadera felicidad es el servicio a los demás. Esta libertad corresponde a lo que una persona está llamada a ser: una bendición para los demás.

Reflexión
El matrimonio entre un hombre y una mujer bautizados requiere del libre consentimiento de la voluntad. Los dos cónyuges consienten libremente en entregarse el don de sí mismos el uno al otro. El Catecismo aclara que para ser libre, el consentimiento “debe ser un acto voluntario de cada una de las partes contrayentes, libre de coerción o de temor grave externo” (CCC, 1628). Por medio del consentimiento, los cónyuges se entregan mutuamente y se convierten en “una sola carne”. El consentimiento de los cónyuges es recibido por el sacerdote (o diácono) en nombre de la Iglesia, seguido de la bendición de la Iglesia.

En muchos sentidos, el consentimiento para casarse es uno de los actos más profundos de la libertad humana. Es un acto de libertad por excelencia que abre nuevas posibilidades a mayor excelencia y felicidad. Cuando lo ejercen juntos, marido y mujer demuestran un esfuerzo conjunto para convertirse más verdaderamente en lo que son llamados a ser a partir de la sincera entrega de sí mismos.

Para pensar
Elige una o más de las siguientes preguntas para reflexionar con tu cónyuge:

(a) ¿De qué manera la libertad por excelencia corresponde más a una visión cristiana del ser humano que la libertad de indiferencia?

(b) ¿De qué formas se ha abusado de la libertad en nombre de una libertad falsa y cómo ha afectado esto al matrimonio?

(c) El matrimonio en la Iglesia requiere el libre consentimiento voluntario de ambos cónyuges. ¿Fue tu matrimonio una elección libre por excelencia: con la libertad de convertirte en lo que estabas destinado a ser?

Día 6 – El matrimonio: hecho para el bien común

Abriendo el tema
“Amar a alguien es desear el bien a esa persona y tomar las medidas efectivas para asegurarlo. Además del bien del individuo, hay un bien vinculado a vivir en sociedad: el bien común. Es el bien de ‘todos nosotros’, compuesto por individuos, familias y grupos intermedios que juntos constituyen la sociedad (CV, 7).

El bien común es responsabilidad de todos. Los esfuerzos que hacemos diariamente para estar atentos a las necesidades de los demás son una contribución al bien común. La familia es un componente esencial del bien común, arraigado en el matrimonio entre un hombre y una mujer.

Los matrimonios saludables son modelo de muchas virtudes y buenos hábitos que son vitales para la vida social. Por ejemplo, el amor gozoso y el amor sacrificial entre un hombre y una mujer en el matrimonio sirven de ejemplo a sus hijos de lo que significa amar a otras personas en general. El matrimonio promueve una “genuina ecología humana”, que incluye el respeto y la comprensión adecuada del cuerpo humano y la sexualidad. En un nivel fundamental y básico, un matrimonio intacto entre marido y mujer sigue siendo la fuente más fértil y el entorno mejor integrado para los nuevos miembros de la sociedad.

Los hijos que se crían en hogares con sus propios padres y madres casados disfrutan de la estabilidad que no ofrece ninguna otra estructura familiar. Si consideramos estos puntos, queda claro que el matrimonio es importante para el bien común de la sociedad: la alianza matrimonial, entendida correctamente como un hombre y una mujer unidos entre sí y con sus hijos, ayuda a que todos en la sociedad prosperen. Anima a los hombres y mujeres jóvenes a hacerse promesas el uno al otro si desean constituir “una pareja”; proporciona un reconocimiento social a tal promesa y la inversión de la comunidad para ayudar a la pareja a cumplirla, al tiempo que les da a los hijos los hogares estables que merecen.

Reflexión
“La familia fundada en el matrimonio es una institución natural insustituible y un elemento fundamental del bien común de todas las sociedades” (Papa Juan Pablo II, Discurso a los participantes en la asamblea plenaria del Consejo Pontificio de la Familia, 20 de noviembre de 2004).

El Catecismo enumera tres componentes esenciales del bien común: el respeto por la persona, el bienestar y desarrollo social, y la paz. (CCC, 1905-1917) En otras palabras, la sociedad debe ordenarse de tal manera que a las personas les resulte más fácil ser buenas, desarrollar sus dones y capacidades en paz, cumplir con sus deberes y responsabilidades sin tener que luchar contra la opresión o el miedo, y poder actuar según sus conciencias. El bien común está destinado a garantizar que las personas puedan vivir una “vida verdaderamente humana” (CCC, no. 1908).

Los matrimonios sólidos, aquellos matrimonios en los cuales un hombre y una mujer permanecen juntos durante toda su vida, son buenos tanto para la sociedad como para la pareja. Sirven como ejemplos para la comunidad de las virtudes del amor, la fidelidad y la perseverancia. Demuestran la capacidad del ser humano para cumplir sus promesas.

Para pensar
Elige una o más de las siguientes preguntas para reflexionar con tu cónyuge:

(a) ¿Cuáles son las tres características del matrimonio que lo hacen bueno para toda la sociedad?

(b) ¿De qué manera contribuye tu matrimonio a tu propio potencial y crecimiento como persona? ¿Cómo contribuye esto a su vez al beneficio de tu familia y sociedad?

Día 7 – El matrimonio: hecho para la eternidad

Abriendo el tema
El hombre ha sido creado para conocer, amar y servir a Dios en esta vida y disfrutar de Su presencia para la eternidad. La recompensa eterna es una bienaventuranza que supera toda comprensión humana. Es el don de la verdadera felicidad que proviene de buscar el amor de Dios por encima de todo lo demás. El camino hacia la santidad o la bienaventuranza está pavimentado con elecciones y consecuencias: rendir tributo a Dios o a la riqueza, servirse a sí mismo o al prójimo.

Todos los cristianos en toda situación o condición social están llamados a la santidad, o a la perfección de la caridad. “Para alcanzar esta perfección, los fieles deben usar la fuerza que les ha sido otorgada por el don de Cristo, de manera que. . . “haciendo la voluntad del Padre en todo, puedan dedicarse de todo corazón a la gloria de Dios y al servicio de su prójimo” (LG, 40). El camino de la perfección también pasa a través de la Cruz, que exige sacrificio, mortificación y la renuncia a uno mismo.

Reflexión
El matrimonio es una oportunidad para lograr la santidad. El día de su boda, los cónyuges se convierten en los principales compañeros el uno del otro para el viaje de la vida, hasta la muerte. El viaje hacia el cielo debe ser sostenido mutuamente por los cónyuges. Una vida sacramental y de oración compartida puede contribuir a que el uno ayude al otro a progresar en la santidad.

El camino de la vida matrimonial también es sostenido por las gracias proporcionadas en el sacramento del matrimonio que ayudan a los esposos en su vocación particular de amar y servir a los demás.

Para pensar
Elige una o más de las siguientes preguntas para reflexionar con tu cónyuge:

(a) ¿Cuáles son algunas de las maneras en las cuales experimentas cada día que las elecciones y consecuencias nos acercan o nos alejan de alcanzar la santidad?

(b) ¿De qué manera tu matrimonio te desafía para alcanzar la santidad?

Documentos de la Iglesia
CCC – Catecismo de la Iglesia Católica, Librería Editrice Vaticana, 1993, Vaticano, http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/_INDEX.HTM#fonte.

GS – Concilio Vaticano II, Constitución Pastoral sobre la iglesia en el mundo moderno Gaudium et Spes, 7 de diciembre de 1965, Vaticano, http://www.vatican.va/archive/hist_councils/ii_vatican_council/documents/vat-ii_cons_19651207_gaudium-et- spes_en.html.

FC – Papa Juan Pablo II, Exhortación Apostólica Familiaris Consortio, 22 de noviembre de 1981, Vaticano, http://w2.vatican.va/content/john-paul- ii/en/apost_exhortations/documents/hf_jp-ii_exh_19811122_familiaris-consortio.html

LG – Concilio Vaticano II, Constitución Dogmática sobre la Iglesia Lumen Gentium, 21 de noviembre de 1964, Vaticano, http://www.vatican.va/archive/hist_councils/ii_vatican_council/documents/vat-ii_const_19641121_lumen-gentium_en.html.

CV – Papa Benedicto XVI, Carta Encíclica Caritas in Veritate, 29 de junio de 2009, Vaticano,

http://w2.vatican.va/content/benedict-xvi/en/encyclicals/documents/hf_ben-xvi_enc_20090629_caritas-in-veritate.html.

Marriage Retreat 2019 – Marriage: Made for a Reason

Also available as a printable PDF.

Day One – Marriage: Made by God

Breaking Open the Theme
Despite many variations throughout cultures, societies, and religions, marriage has always been regarded as a sacred bond that expresses a deep, committed form of mutual love. Marriage is not, however, purely a human institution: “the married state has been established by the Creator and endowed by him with its own proper laws … God himself is the author of marriage” (GS, 48).

How is God the author of marriage?

First, “God created mankind in his image; in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them ” (Gen. 1:27). Since man and woman are created in the image of God, who is Love, man and woman carry an innate calling to love. Marriage responds to a fundamental desire and need to give and receive love.

Second, as male and female, God created man and woman with a physical complementarity that is uniquely able to collaborate in His work of creation. The very nature of man and woman is prepared for the possibility of marriage and the welcoming of new life.

Third, Holy Scripture affirms that it is good for a man and woman to belong to one another and form a bond of communion: “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Gen. 2:18) …. ” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body (Gen. 2:24). In the New Testament, Jesus invokes God’s original plan for mankind as an unbreakable union of two lives by recalling the plan of the Creator in the beginning: “So they are no longer two, but one flesh” (Mt. 19:6).

In the divine plan, marriage is the exclusive, indissoluble communion of life and love entered by one man and one woman. Between two baptized Christians, this covenant is a sacrament.

Reflection
As Catholics, an understanding of God’s plan for marriage and family is an essential part of living the call to holiness. Catholic spouses are blessed with the certainty that the sacrament of marriage provides the graces necessary to become sanctified as husband and wife, father and mother. This grace endows the marriage covenant with strength and fortifies it in moments of difficulty. It also carries over into the domestic church, the home, where the family grows and becomes a witness to God’s love for others.

God’s plan for marriage is not restricted to Catholics, however. As explained above, it is rooted in the nature and identity of man and woman created in God’s image. The dignity of marriage with its specific purpose and characteristics is a good to uphold and defend to the benefit of all people.

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

What makes marriage distinctive compared to other relationships? Why are love and commitment in marriage unique? What does it mean to say that God created marriage in the very same moment that he created the human person?
As a couple, how are we complementary in our needs, desires, and attributes? How does God endow us with different gifts, as man and woman, that contribute to the marriage?
How can we, as a couple, bear witness to the beauty and wisdom of God’s design for marriage?

Prayer of Married Couples
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
so that we might reflect
the union of Christ with His Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.
We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Day Two – Marriage: Made for Love

Breaking Open the Theme
Marriage between one man and one woman responds to the deepest longing of the human heart for love and belonging. We yearn to be loved and to receive love. The same can be said of family life: in a family, children are received to be loved and to love in return.

Despite human shortcomings, the married couple and the family are reflections of God who is three divine persons in a communion of love. In marriage, the man and the woman become “one body” (Gen 2: 24), a communion of love that generates new life. In a similar way, the human family becomes a communion of love by the exchange of giving and receiving love between its members.

Marriage and family life are schools of love. They teach us how to reach a communion of love within the context of daily life: full of joys, sacrifices, trials, and hopes. In all of this, love is purified and perfected, made authentic and complete. As Christ’s sacrifice on the cross exemplified, love is laying down one’s life for another. Spouses and family members are called to do the same, each and every day.

Reflection
Despite our best efforts to love faithfully and unconditionally, marriage and family life can be difficult and challenge our ability to love continually. The marital love that is blessed by the sacrament of marriage is fortified and sustained, however, by a unique grace intended to “perfect the couple’s love and to strengthen their indissoluble unity” (CCC, 1641). By virtue of this grace, the couple helps one another to attain holiness.

The source of this grace is Christ. “Just as of old God encountered his people with a covenant of love and fidelity, so our Savior, the spouse of the Church, now encounters Christian spouses through the sacrament of Matrimony” (GS, 48). Christ dwells with them, gives them the strength to take up their crosses and so follow him, to rise again after they have fallen, to forgive one another, to bear one another’s burdens, to “be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ,” and to love one another with supernatural, tender, and fruitful love” (CCC, 1642).

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

What makes the love of man and woman unique, especially within the marital relationship? What makes the love of family members a communion of persons?
How are our marriage and family schools of love? As a couple and family, do we demonstrate a communion of love that is self-giving, pure, and sacrificial?
As a couple, how do we rely on the grace of the sacrament of marriage to assist us in moments of challenge and difficulty?

Day Three – Marriage: Made for Each Other

Breaking Open the Theme
God created man and woman together and willed each for the other. “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suited to him” (Gen. 2:18). The woman that God ‘fashions’ from the man’s rib elicits from the man a cry of wonder, an exclamation of love and communion: “This one, at last, is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” (Gen. 2:23). This beautiful account from the book of Genesis of the creation of Eve from Adam’s side demonstrates how woman was created specifically as a helper, companion, and suitable partner for man. Unlike any other created being, man discovers woman as another ‘I’, as sharing the same humanity (see CCC, 371).

“Man and woman were made ‘for each other’ – not that God left them half-made and incomplete: he created them to be a communion of persons, in which each can be ‘helpmate’ to the other, for they are equal as persons (“bone of my bones…”) and complementary as masculine and feminine” (CCC, 372).

Because they are equal as persons in their humanity, but complementary in their differences as masculine and feminine, man and woman contribute unique gifts to the marriage, especially the physical differences of their bodies which allow for the transmission of human life. Only through sexual difference can a husband and a wife give themselves completely to one another.

True marital union, therefore, is not possible without sexual difference; for this reason, sexual difference is essential to marriage. Sexual difference is the necessary starting point for understanding why protecting and promoting marriage as the union of one man and one woman isn’t arbitrary or discriminatory. Rather, it’s a matter of justice, truth, love, and real freedom. Only a man and a woman—at every level of their identity: biological, physiological, emotional, social, spiritual—are capable of authentically speaking the language of married love, that is, the language of total self-gift, open to the gift of the other and the gift of life.

Reflection
Our maleness or femaleness is essential to our identity as persons. Our gender is not something that is pasted onto us as an after-thought, or that is an incidental part of who we are. Male and female are two different ways of being a human person, body and soul. When we deny our identity as sexually differentiated beings, we diminish our humanity.

A conjugal or marital union comes about only through sexual difference. Only a husband and a wife have the space or capacity to truly receive each other’s distinctive sexual gift, and only a husband and a wife can make a gift of their selves to the other in that way. The beauty of the Church’s teaching on marriage, grounded in this anthropological foundation, sheds light on the responsibility of man and woman to collaborate with God in His plan for the human race.

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

(1) How do reason and faith not conflict when it comes to marriage? In other words, how does the sacrament of marriage, which is between a baptized man and a baptized woman, build upon, and not detract from, the basic and reasonable truths at the heart of every marriage?
(2) Do you think sexual difference, man to woman and woman to man, is understood and appreciated today? Why or why not?
(3) As a couple, how can you help others reflect on the importance of sexual difference and complementarity?

Day Four – Marriage: Made for Life

Breaking Open the Theme
“Male and female he created them. God blessed and God said to them: ‘Be fertile and multiply’” (Gen. 1:27-28).

Marriage is the natural human context wherein a child is properly conceived and welcomed into life as the “supreme gift of marriage” (GS, 50). And in this stance of openness and welcoming, meant to mark every aspect of married love, a husband and a wife grow closer to each other. Making a gift of himself or herself to the other as spouses and being open to children is one and the same choice and act. As Pope John Paul II taught, “Thus the couple, while giving themselves to one another, give not just themselves but also the reality of children, who are a living reflection of their love, a permanent sign of conjugal unity and a living and inseparable synthesis of their being a father and a mother” (FC, 14).

In other words, in marriage, love and life are inseparable. This is what the Church means when she teaches that the unitive and procreative meanings of married love are inseparable. In embracing each other, husband and wife embrace their capacity to conceive a child and are called to do nothing deliberate to close part of themselves to the gift of the other.

This does not mean that a child will be conceived from every act of sexual intimacy. Marriage is not a mechanical factory for the mass production of children. The Church teaches couples in their openness to life to practice responsible parenthood by discerning whether or not they have serious reasons, in keeping with God’s plan for marriage, to postpone becoming a father and a mother here and now.

“The fundamental task of the family is to serve life, to actualize in history the original blessing of the Creator – that of transmitting by procreation the divine image from person to person. (…) However, the fruitfulness of conjugal love is not restricted solely to the procreation of children, even understood in its specifically human dimension: it is enlarged and enriched by all those fruits of moral, spiritual and supernatural life which the father and mother are called to hand on to their children, and through the children to the Church and to the world” (FC, 28).

Reflection
Any honest consideration of marriage must think about children, the hope of our future. For millennia, people of every generation and of every culture have understood that the marriage of a man and a woman is the central pro-child social institution and the rock of the natural family. Marriage brings together a man and a woman who unite as husband and wife to form a unique relationship open to welcoming and caring for new life. As the union of husband and wife, marriage is a union open from within to the blessing of fruitfulness. Children are born “from the very heart” of marriage, from the mutual self-giving between husband and wife (CCC, no. 2366). They are the “supreme gift” of marriage and its “ultimate crown” (GS, nos. 50, 48).

Just as plants need the proper elements not only to begin to grow but also to flourish, children need the proper elements as well. It takes a man and a woman, with God’s help, to bring a child into existence. It makes sense that if sexual difference is essential for the beginning of life, it is also vital for the caring of that life. Mothers and fathers matter for the duration of a child’s life.

Marriage is the institution meant to ensure that a child is welcomed as a gift to be nurtured and raised by the uniquely different love that only a mother and a father can give. Just as a seedling needs the presence of soil, sunlight, and water to grow and flourish, so too a child needs the natural foundation of life and love uniquely provided in the loving marriage of a man and a woman open to the gift of a child.

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

(1) How are openness to life and sexual difference related? Why is this important for understanding the meaning of marriage?
(2) How do you understand and embrace the Church’s teaching on the sanctity of human life, including the Church’s teaching on the use of contraception?
(3) In what way can you witness as a couple to the sanctity and dignity of human life and the importance of mothers and fathers in the lives of their children?

Day Five – Marriage: Made for Freedom

Breaking Open the Theme
“Jesus answered them, ‘Amen, amen, I say to you, everyone who commits sin is a slave of sin. A slave does not remain in a household forever, but a son always remains. So if a son frees you, then you will truly be free’” (Jn. 8:34-36).The

Dominican moral theologian, Servais Pinckaers (1925-2008), identified two concepts of freedom that are in contrast to one another: freedom of indifference and freedom for excellence.

“Freedom of indifference” means seeing freedom as open and neutral toward all the available options. Every choice, in so far as it is a choice, is equally free. It is the freedom to not be forced to do anything (“freedom from coercion”). If freedom is really unconnected to any other aspect of the person or objective truth, then choosing to murder another person is just as “free” a decision as choosing to buy a meal for a homeless person. Of course, anyone would say that the person helping out another person is “using” their freedom better than the murderer, but is that saying enough? Is it just a question of using our freedom well or badly? Freedom of indifference says yes, those two people are equally free to choose good or evil.

In contrast, if you understand freedom as the “freedom for excellence”, you would say that the murderer is actually less free than the charitable giver. In doing something that is wrong, in acting against the true, objective order of things, the person choosing evil is actually diminishing or losing his (or her) freedom. It is in fact an abuse of freedom. It will not bring him (or her) happiness. Therefore, it is not a truly free choice. The freedom for excellence is the freedom to do good: the freedom to become who you are meant to be.

True freedom then is the capacity to love in truth and to choose the good. This echoes the words of the Catechism: “The more one does what is good, the freer one becomes,” and “true freedom” comes “in the service of what is good and just” (CCC, 1733).

Rightly ordered freedom, which serves true happiness, is service to others. This freedom corresponds to what a person is called to be: a gift for others.

Reflection
Marriage between a baptized man and woman requires the free consent of the will. The two spouses consent freely to make a gift of self to the other. The Catechism clarifies that to be free, the consent “must be an act of the will of each of the contracting parties, free of coercion or grave external fear” (CCC, 1628). By means of the consent, the spouses mutually give themselves to each other and become ‘one body’. The consent of the spouses is received by the priest (or deacon) in the name of the Church, followed by the blessing of the Church.

In many ways, the consent to marry is one of the most profound acts of human freedom. It is an act of freedom for excellence which opens new possibilities of greater excellence and happiness. When exercised together, husband and wife demonstrate a joint effort to become more truly who they are called to be by their sincere gifts of self.

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

(1) How does freedom for excellence correspond better to a Christian vision of the human person than freedom of indifference?
(2) In what ways has freedom been abused in the name of a false freedom and how has this affected marriage?
(3) Marriage in the Church requires a free consent of the will by both spouses. How was your marriage a choice made freely for excellence: in the freedom to become who you are meant to be?

Day Six – Marriage: Made for the Common Good

Breaking Open the Theme
“To love someone is to desire that person’s good and to take effective steps to secure it. Besides the good of the individual, there is a good that is linked to living in society: the common good. It is the good of ‘all of us’, made up of individuals, families and intermediate groups who together constitute society (CV, 7).

The common good is everyone’s responsibility. The efforts we make on a daily basis to be attentive to the needs of others are a contribution to the common good. The family is an essential component of the common good, rooted in marriage between a man and woman.

Healthy marriages model many virtues and good habits that are vital for social life. For example, joyful and sacrificial love between a man and a woman in marriage serves as an example to their children of what it means to love other people in general. Marriage advances a “genuine human ecology,” which includes a respect for and proper understanding of the human body and sexuality. At a fundamental and basic level, an intact marriage between husband and wife remains the most fertile source and well-integrated environment for new members of society.

Children who are raised in homes with their own married mother and father enjoy stability that no other family structure offers. If we consider these points, it becomes clear that marriage is important to the common good of society – the institution of marriage, properly understood as a man and a woman, bound to one another and their children, helps everyone in the society to flourish. It encourages young men and women to make promises to one another if they want to be “a couple”; it gives a societal recognition of such a promise and the community’s investment in helping the couple to keep it; and it gives children the stable homes they deserve.

Reflection
“The family founded on marriage is an irreplaceable natural institution and a fundamental element of the common good of every society” (Pope John Paul II, Address to the participants in the plenary assembly of the Pontifical Council of the Family, November 20, 2004).

The Catechism lists three essential components of the common good: respect for the person, social well-being and development, and peace. (CCC, 1905-1917) In other words, society should be ordered in such a way that people will find it easier to be good, to develop their gifts and capacities in peace, carrying out their duties and responsibilities without having to struggle against oppression or fear, able to act according to their consciences. The common good is meant to ensure that people may live a “truly human life” (CCC, no. 1908).

Strong marriages – marriages in which a man and a woman stay together for their entire lives – are good for society as well as for the couple themselves. They serve as examples to the community of the virtues of love, fidelity, and perseverance. They demonstrate the capacity of the human being to live up to his or her promises.

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

(1) What are the three ways marriage is good for the entire society?
(2) How does your marriage contribute to your own capacity and growth as a person? How does this in turn contribute to the benefit of your family and society?
(3) In what ways do you recognize the benefit to the common good of a stable marriage between man and woman?

Day Seven – Marriage: Made for Eternity

Breaking Open the Theme
Man is created to know, to love, and to serve Him in this life and enjoy His presence for eternity. The eternal reward is a beatitude which surpasses all human understanding. It is the gift of true happiness that comes from seeking the love of God above all else. The path to holiness or beatitude is paved with choices and consequences; homage to God or wealth; service to self or neighbor.

All Christians in every state or walk of life are called to holiness, or the perfection of charity. “In order to reach this perfection, the faithful should use the strength dealt out to them by Christ’s gift, so that . . . doing the will of the Father in everything, they may wholeheartedly devote themselves to the glory of God and to the service of their neighbor” (LG, 40). The way of perfection also passes by way of the Cross which calls for sacrifice, mortification, and dying to self.

Reflection
Marriage is an opportunity to become holy. On their wedding day, the spouses become each other’s primary companion for life’s journey until death. The journey towards heaven should be sustained by one’s spouse. A sacramental and prayerful life shared together can contribute to helping one another progress in holiness.

The journey of married life is also sustained by the graces provided in the sacrament of marriage which assist the spouses in their particular vocation to love and serve one another.

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

(1) What are some ways in which you experience daily the choices and consequences that bring us closer or farther from reaching holiness?
(2) In what ways does your marriage challenge you to become holy?
(3) Do you believe that you are each called to beatitude with God? How do you sustain one another in the walk towards holiness?

Church Documents
CCC – Catechism of the Catholic Church, Libreria Editrice Vaticana, 1993, Vatican, http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/_INDEX.HTM#fonte.

GS – Vatican Council II, Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the Modern World Gaudium et Spes, December 7,1965, Vatican, http://www.vatican.va/archive/hist_councils/ii_vatican_council/documents/vat-ii_cons_19651207_gaudium-et-spes_en.html.

FC – Pope John Paul II, Apostolic Exhortation Familiaris Consortio, November 22, 1981, Vatican, http://w2.vatican.va/content/john-paul-ii/en/apost_exhortations/documents/hf_jp-ii_exh_19811122_familiaris-consortio.html.

LG – Vatican Council II, Dogmatic Constitution on the Church Lumen Gentium, November 21,1964, Vatican, http://www.vatican.va/archive/hist_councils/ii_vatican_council/documents/vat-ii_const_19641121_lumen-gentium_en.html.

CV – Pope Benedict XVI, Encyclical Letter Caritas in Veritate, June 29, 2009, Vatican,
http://w2.vatican.va/content/benedict-xvi/en/encyclicals/documents/hf_ben-xvi_enc_20090629_caritas-in-veritate.html.

For a version of this retreat with only one day per page, head over to our Virtual Retreat Homepage.

Marriage Retreat 2020 – Stories from the Domestic Church

Also available as a printable PDF.

Day One: Ten Years of “I Do”

A Story about Love’s Promise
A memorable moment in our marriage was the celebration of our 10th wedding anniversary. Our parish priest had agreed to perform a special blessing and renewal of our commitment to our marriage promises during morning Mass. Following the homily, he called us both up before the altar, facing one another, hand in hand, just like at our wedding a decade before. Unlike our wedding, however, the weight of the words was profoundly different. As a blissfully hopeful engaged couple preparing for the sacrament, we thought we understood “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health” – even perhaps imagining what forms these highs and lows might take. Ten years later, they were no longer words of anticipation but a reality.

Our shared gaze as newlyweds captured the promise of new opportunities that would fade, however, many times over… into job loss and debt through unemployment; into uncertainty as the foundations of our first home gave way to near foreclosure during the housing crisis; into the joy of new life and the disillusionment that came through our daughter’s extended NICU stay and major life changes to support ongoing medical issues; into the hope of growth within our family and the wounds of loss through our first miscarriage.

To bring the whole of ourselves before the altar, not just the joys but also the sorrows, beneath the crucified Christ, and to verbally express our renewed commitment to our marriage promises was a source of strength and a powerful reminder of our sacramental calling as a husband and wife that still ripples through and carries us today. Our family has certainly been blessed with times of great joy, of course, but the things that seemed so overwhelming and difficult to carry at the time, have been the very experiences that knit us closer together.

The “I do” of our wedding should never become an “I did,” it will never be past tense. Our promises, like the covenant God swore to us, are a promise to always say “I do,” to choose the other, in every moment of our lives, the good and the bad. By doing so, the life-giving love of Christ becomes realized within us and we allow grace to heal our wounds and draw us ever closer to His merciful heart.
– Mike and Evie

To Think About
To start this week of reflection, ask yourselves individually and as a couple:

Reflect on your wedding day and the marriage promises. How have you seen these lived out in your marriage? Which have new meaning?
What are sources of strength in your marriage? Where are possible opportunities for growth?
In what ways has your experience of marriage and family life revealed the presence of Christ?

Prayer to the Holy Family
Jesus, Mary and Joseph,
in you we contemplate
the splendor of true love;
to you we turn with trust.

Holy Family of Nazareth,
grant that our families too may be places of
communion and prayer,
authentic schools of the Gospel
and small domestic churches.

Holy Family of Nazareth,
may families never again
experience violence, rejection and division;
may all who have been hurt or scandalized
find ready comfort and healing.

Holy Family of Nazareth,
make us once more mindful
of the sacredness and inviolability of the family,
and its beauty in God’s plan.
Jesus, Mary and Joseph,
Graciously hear our prayer.
Amen.
(AL, 325)

Day Two: Christ in Our Midst

A Story about Home Life
Pope Francis often speaks about the importance of having an encounter with Christ, especially for a Christian’s journey. He never tires of repeating the words of Benedict XVI: “Being a Christian is not the result of an ethical choice or a lofty idea, but the encounter with an event, a person, which gives life a new horizon and a decisive direction.” (EG, 7)

Our prayers always begin with gratitude for the visible signs of Christ’s presence in our lives. Encounters with Christ often come when we least expect them, through the little people who provide us unique challenges: our kids.

Like most Catholic families, our home life celebrates the beauty of the liturgical year with traditions. We read stories about the saints and celebrate their feast days. We light the Advent wreath and set up the nativity figures at Christmastime. These moments are the highlights of our year as we live the seasons of the Church in our own home.

On any given day, however, our home life is also messy and frustrating (not unlike the history of the Church!). Spaghetti stains on Sunday clothes, sticky kitchen floors, pouting and tears before bedtime or endless requests for stories that try a weary parent’s patience.

Every day God enters and encounters us in the brokenness of this world and in the messiness of our families. Even when our kids adeptly put our misery on display, we are being offered the opportunity to welcome humility and holiness into our midst. Our own parenting failures allow God’s love and mercy to meet us right where we are.
– Ramie and Jake

To Think About
Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on with your spouse:

How can you affirm, respect, and connect with your children or spouse as you go through your daily routines together?
Think back to a recent loss of temper you had with your child. Could that situation have been a moment of encounter with Christ?
How quickly and easily do I grant forgiveness and show mercy to my child/spouse? How quickly and sincerely do I ask for forgiveness from them?

Prayer to the Holy Family
Jesus, Mary and Joseph,
in you we contemplate
the splendor of true love;
to you we turn with trust.

Holy Family of Nazareth,
grant that our families too may be places of
communion and prayer,
authentic schools of the Gospel
and small domestic churches.

Holy Family of Nazareth,
may families never again
experience violence, rejection and division;
may all who have been hurt or scandalized
find ready comfort and healing.

Day Three: The Mystery of Marital Faith and Its Fruit

A Story about Adoption
Faith is the willingness to set off on a journey, without knowing exactly where we are going or how we are going to get there. If there is anything resembling certainty, it is in the companions we choose to share our journey.

Saint Paul speaks of husband and wife becoming “one flesh” as “a great mystery” (Ephesians 5:32), a mystery that mirrors Christ and his bride, the Church. Part of the mystery, we think, is that God makes our hearts capable of letting go of our past relationships, however beautiful or broken, in order to enter freely into the shared hope that our marriage will be life-giving.
In our experience, that fundamental faith of husband and wife – setting off on a journey together – has also come to mean faith in what God is doing to knit our family together. Ours started as a common story: boy meets girl, wedding bells … but, the baby carriage… it took a while. We waited year after year, eventually going through all the invasive and heartbreaking testing that accompanies infertility. Yes, God was with us through it all, and sustained us with extraordinary graces which, in retrospect, were often exquisitely timed. But He does not always spare us from suffering. Instead, we have found that God draws near to share our suffering.

Going to that place of suffering with God was what opened our hearts to the seed that God had planted—the seed of adoption. Once it began to bear fruit, wonderful things began to happen. There was new hope, discernment of possibilities, and new discoveries. After much struggle, we brought our oldest daughter home from China, slowly discovering that a place on the other side of the world could begin to feel like another home. Three years later, we brought our second daughter home. And surprise of surprises, nine years later we returned to China and brought home our son.

Every year, we celebrate three adoption days in addition to three birthdays, so we have constant reminders of how odd and yet beautiful our journey with God has been. Seldom has the road ahead been clear, and still we draw courage from the faith that God will lead. “I do not ask to see the distant scene,” wrote St. John Henry Newman, “one step enough for me.” That has been our experience.
– Tim and Sue

To Think About
Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse

Where has your marriage proven fruitful in ways you least expected?
What are new forms of fruitfulness that God may be calling your marriage to bring forth?
When has God drawn near to share in your suffering as a couple?

Prayer to the Holy Family
Jesus, Mary and Joseph,
in you we contemplate
the splendor of true love;
to you we turn with trust.

Holy Family of Nazareth,
grant that our families too may be places of
communion and prayer,
authentic schools of the Gospel
and small domestic churches.

Holy Family of Nazareth,
may families never again
experience violence, rejection and division;
may all who have been hurt or scandalized
find ready comfort and healing.

Day Four: Parenting Among Friends

A Story about Spiritual Parenthood
John and Patti, good friends of ours, are great examples of how marital love is called to be, and can be, fruitful both biologically and spiritually. In addition to their immediate family, their domestic church, their marriage has borne spiritual fruit for countless others, including ourselves.

When we first met John and Patti, they had already been married a few years and had three (of their now six) children. We became instant friends and soon found ourselves at their home most Friday nights for a delicious dinner, a decade of the rosary with their family, and then, after the kids were tucked into bed, a relaxing evening together. We have many fond memories of sinking into their comfortable living room couches with a glass of wine in hand to simply catch up on the past week and enjoy each other’s company.

They also invited us to join their group of friends who had been meeting monthly for a few years for prayer and dinner. We were honored to be invited and their friends quickly became our friends. And they, like John and Patti, helped to nourish the seed of faith in our lives. Besides the monthly gatherings of prayer and fellowship, we were all soon celebrating joys together (births, birthdays, playoffs, etc.) and we accompanied one another in trials (illnesses, unemployment, family difficulties, etc.).

Five years ago, however, with the advent of a new job opportunity 1,200 miles away, we left this amazing group – fortified in the faith but doubtful that we would ever find friends who nourished our faith as much as they had. But we did – by God’s grace. Inspired by that group, we invited a few couples at our new parish to start a similar group. For four years now this new group of couples continues to grace our lives in rich and meaningful ways. And, some members of our group have continued to spread the gift by helping other groups begin in our parish, as well. And, because of that, we have now created materials for new groups to begin anywhere in the country.

We thank God, therefore, for John and Patti and for all of the couples in both groups, old and new, and for the spiritual fruit that these relationships have borne in our lives. Truly, all of these couples have been spiritual parents to us, giving us and our marriage a more meaningful life. And, we praise God for the fruit it is now bringing to many other couples, too!
– Kari and Stephen

To Think About
Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse

What does spiritual parenthood mean to you? How can it be lived in different ways?
Who has helped you and your marriage? Whom have you helped to have a better marriage?
What can you do to find couples who can accompany you as mentors and guides? What can you do to accompany couples who may need help along the journey?

Prayer to the Holy Family
Jesus, Mary and Joseph,
in you we contemplate
the splendor of true love;
to you we turn with trust.

Holy Family of Nazareth,
grant that our families too may be places of
communion and prayer,
authentic schools of the Gospel
and small domestic churches.

Holy Family of Nazareth,
may families never again
experience violence, rejection and division;
may all who have been hurt or scandalized
find ready comfort and healing.

Day Five: The Tree that God Grows

A Story about Perfect Imperfection

This past Advent I started a Jesse Tree. I was tempted to go all in, DIY style, with the help of more seasoned mommy crafters who host their annual Jesse Tree swap in town. But, the temptation wasn’t strong due to my complete lack of skill and patience to deal with anything calling for glue, paint, or toothpicks. Instead, I was lured by the beautiful display of perfectly hand-painted wooden disks portraying each symbol of the Jesse Tree that I found at a local gift shop. For a few dollars I could opt out of the messy affair of gooey toothpicks and paint-smeared fingers; it sounded like a glorious plan.

Later at a White Elephant Party, I happened to notice a simple but radiant little Jesse Tree on the hostess’s piano. It was decorated with homemade symbols of different proportions, colors, and textures. It was multi-dimensional and dynamic; it made my Jesse Tree seem flat and uninspiring.

As I behold my children – each unique and exquisite in their own way – I’m reminded of the homemade Jesse Tree. Each branch held a symbol sculpted by a different person’s hand, bearing the stamp of the crafter’s creativity and cleverness. Each child bears the mark of the Creator and bears His image in a unique way. Each child is a blossom upon my family tree or a young sapling that needs to be cultivated, watered, and pruned. But, like the challenge of the Jesse Tree, I often feel inadequate before the challenges of raising these young saplings. My craftiness isn’t tested, but my calmness is. My inner Etsy isn’t tested, but my self-control is!

Part of the great parental privilege is that God provides His grace, and it suffices. It is enough to rely on His gracious help to assist us in every challenge. Yet, with social media awash in images that deliver a message of external perfection – so much so that “Instagrammable” is a new word – it is hard not to feel inadequate and insufficient. It is hard to admit that I am not ‘the Etsy type’ and my children’s nursery is not ”Instagrammable.” Likewise, it is hard to admit time and time again in confession that I have failed to be patient and forbearing with my children.

Time and time again, however, with the grace of God, as a couple, we are reminded to simply love each of our children well and to recognize that He is the Crafter of our tree, our little domestic church, and of each of its blossoms, and He will make it grow.
– Julia and Francis

To Think About
Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on with your spouse:

In what areas of your marriage or family do you feel inadequate or incapable?
How can you and your spouse or family establish greater trust in God’s grace?
Think about a present challenge in your life. How will you and your spouse meet this challenge with the help of God?

Prayer to the Holy Family
Jesus, Mary and Joseph,
in you we contemplate
the splendor of true love;
to you we turn with trust.

Holy Family of Nazareth,
grant that our families too may be places of
communion and prayer,
authentic schools of the Gospel
and small domestic churches.

Holy Family of Nazareth,
may families never again
experience violence, rejection and division;
may all who have been hurt or scandalized
find ready comfort and healing.

Day Six: Love in Truth

A Story about Unexpected Challenges
We have been blessed in our 42 years of marriage with four beautiful and amazing children. Our children, the source of our greatest pride and joy, have also been the source of our greatest suffering.

With the sudden death of our first son, at only six months old, we experienced our first crucible. The first fruit of our love had withered, testing our own love as a couple. It was a life-changing experience in our marriage, but, fortunately, our grief led us to a deeper commitment to one another and to our faith. This prepared us to meet other challenges that were to come, testing our unity as a couple and family.

While still in college, our daughter announced that she was pregnant with our first grandchild, outside the bond of marriage. Although stunned and saddened by the circumstances, we welcomed the gift of new life that would bless our family. During the turbulent time that surrounded these events, we accompanied our daughter in her struggle to recognize and follow God’s plan. We are proud to be the grandparents of a young man with deep faith who now serves our country overseas as a U.S. Marine.

One day, our youngest son announced that he experienced same-sex attraction and had embraced a lifestyle that was contrary to his human dignity in the eyes of God. The pain of losing our son to the lies of the world is hard to describe.

As our son, we made him know that our love is unconditional. However, we also needed to remain steadfast in truth, as true love warrants. When we did not attend the same-sex union with his partner, a deep hurt was felt on both sides. His departure from any practice of a life in the Catholic faith is our greatest sorrow, which elicits a constant prayer rising from our hearts for Mary to lead him back to her Son.

On our wedding day, we promised each other that we would accept children lovingly from God and educate them according to the law of Christ and His Church. Little did we realize the great gift we were agreeing to receive, nor the tremendous responsibility it entails. We continue to educate our children and grandchildren in the faith, challenging them to true discipleship.

While our work to build our domestic church is not done, we trust that the faith that we set as the foundation of our family will be as a reminder to our children of God’s unwavering faithfulness and unfailing love. Even the greatest blessings can blossom in the midst of thorns.
– Christine and Rick

To Think About
Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on with your spouse:

How have you dealt with the challenges and disappointments experienced in your marriage or caused by your children? Where have you found God’s grace and mercy present in those times?
In what ways may God be asking you to give greater witness to truth in love within your family?
How have you noticed God’s hand in the midst of suffering and loss?

Prayer to the Holy Family
Jesus, Mary and Joseph,
in you we contemplate
the splendor of true love;
to you we turn with trust.

Holy Family of Nazareth,
grant that our families too may be places of
communion and prayer,
authentic schools of the Gospel
and small domestic churches.

Holy Family of Nazareth,
may families never again
experience violence, rejection and division;
may all who have been hurt or scandalized
find ready comfort and healing.

Day Seven: Learning at a Later Stage

A Story told by Grandparents
Early on as grandparents, we learned a lesson about teaching children to pray while babysitting our 4-year-old grandson. Come bedtime, the parents had not yet re-appeared, so we had the chance to do bedtime routine with little Antonio: story, snack, bath, pajamas. We had lots of experience with that, although we hadn’t remembered how much energy it took!

When he finally climbed into bed, we were exhausted. We quickly said a short rote prayer with him, “Now I lay me down to sleep…” Ok, kisses and lights out. Right? No! Antonio started to wail, “I want the long prayer! I want the long prayer!” He cried and cried. We were mystified. What could the long prayer be? We sat on the bed and shared our own nighttime prayers with him, beginning with Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be, special intentions, blessings all around. Antonio calmed down and went to sleep like a lamb.

When the parents came home, we told them about the drama and asked “What’s the ‘long prayer’?” They laughed and said, “Oh, we usually do a longer bedtime prayer routine with him, including a whole litany of intentions, followed by the Our Father, Hail Mary, and Glory Be, just like you taught us. It’s our special time together, and he looks forward to it. But when he is being rowdy, and we are at the end of our rope, we just say a short simple prayer with him. He must have thought you were punishing him by not saying the long prayer!”

By praying together as a family, we had instilled in our son a love of shared family prayer that he had passed on to his own family. We had witnessed how the habit of prayer, instituted when our children were young, was still resonating with them as adults.

Our parental responsibility to foster the faith in our home continues as grandparents – now in the homes of our children and children’s children. Prayer is an excellent way to foster the faith, even when it has grown weak in our next of kin. Praying together is a time to reconnect, renew, and reconcile. At bedtime, meal time, car time, in sickness and in health, a family builds the bonds of love when they turn to God together.

Customs, traditions, and celebrations are all potential opportunities for prayer and faith building. Drawing on the homemade spiritual practices of yesteryear, a future of faith can be forged for next generations, one celebration at a time.

Just as God was with us through the long nights and exhausting days of our own parenting journey, He is with us in this new chapter of life in the bigger domestic church. We now say the “long prayer” for our children and grandchildren, sharing the comforting and encouraging love of our heavenly Father.
– Lauri and John

To Think About
Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on with your spouse:

What traditions can you share with your grandchildren to foster the faith? Do you pray regularly for your children and grandchildren?
How does the faith and prayer shape your responsibility as a grandparent?
If you are not a grandparent, what are other forms of ‘grandparenting’ that you can provide to someone who needs it?

Prayer to the Holy Family
Jesus, Mary and Joseph,
in you we contemplate
the splendor of true love;
to you we turn with trust.

Holy Family of Nazareth,
grant that our families too may be places of
communion and prayer,
authentic schools of the Gospel
and small domestic churches.

Holy Family of Nazareth,
may families never again
experience violence, rejection and division;
may all who have been hurt or scandalized
find ready comfort and healing.

Church Documents
AL – Pope Francis, Apostolic Exhortation Amoris Laetitia, March 19, 2016, Vatican, https://w2.vatican.va/content/dam/francesco/pdf/apost_exhortations/documents/papa-francesco_esortazione-ap_20160319_amoris-laetitia_en.pdf.

EG – Pope Francis, Apostolic Exhortation Evangelii Gaudium, November 24, 2013, Vatican, http://www.vatican.va/content/francesco/en/apost_exhortations/documents/papa-francesco_esortazione-ap_20131124_evangelii-gaudium.html.

LG – Vatican Council II, Dogmatic Constitution on the Church Lumen Gentium, November 21,1964, Vatican, http://www.vatican.va/archive/hist_councils/ii_vatican_council/documents/vat-ii_const_19641121_lumen-gentium_en.html.

For a version of this retreat with only one day per page, head over to our Virtual Retreat Homepage(coming soon!)

Marriage Retreat 2018: “Marriage: School of Life and Love”

Day One: Marriage is a School of Life

Breaking Open the Theme
For those called to the vocation of marriage, it is a school of life. Marriage teaches us about ourselves and others, how to make and maintain good relationships, how to develop character and virtue, and how to love those God gives us as family. The unique relationship between husband and wife is a privileged place for this journey of life where a couple learns how to become the man and woman they are called to be together in a union of life-giving love. Sanctified and fortified by the matrimonial covenant, husband and wife assist one another in “a partnership of the whole of life” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, no.1601). Marriage shows in a special way how men and women are made for each other.

In His divine design, God has established marriage as an “intimate community of life and love…” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, no.1603; see Amoris Laetitia, no. 67). As a community of persons, it reflects the shared life and love of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The married couple, therefore, is invited to draw from the divine school of Trinitarian love to learn the lessons of life that pave the walk towards holiness.

Reflection
In our technological age, it can be difficult to put aside the cell phone and laptop to spend some quality time living side by side with those who are most precious to us. Marriages can become strained by the constant ringing and dinging of our devices, which increasingly demand our attention and life can quickly pass us by without noticing or being present to those around us.

Marriage demands a far greater commitment of life than an occasional glance in the direction of our loved one. In order for it to grow and deepen, it needs to be watered and nurtured, cared for and tended to like any delicate form of life. It requires our undivided attention and devotion. It deserves our love and respect. All married couples to some extent experience this learning curve in marriage. It takes time and repetition to learn the lessons that make marriage a school of life.

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

What are a few lessons that you have learned at the school of marriage?
How could you improve your ability to learn from one another as a couple?
In what way can you and your spouse improve your “partnership of the whole of life”?

Holy Couples – Saints Louis and Zelie Martin

Day Two: Marriage Lasts for Life

Breaking Open the Theme

“The matrimonial union of man and woman is indissoluble…” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 1614). Marriage is a sacred covenant, a bond “established by God himself” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 1640) that is permanent. From the beginning of time, God intended it to be this way, such that “when ‘a man shall leave his father and mother and is joined to his wife, so that the two become one flesh’, there remains in force the law which comes from God himself: ‘What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder’ (Mt. 19:6)” (Mulieris Dignitatem, no. 12).

Following from the permanency of marriage is its faithfulness and exclusivity: “Married love is also faithful and exclusive of all other, and this until death. […] Though this fidelity of husband and wife sometimes presents difficulties, no one has the right to assert that it is impossible; it is, on the contrary, always honorable and meritorious. The example of countless married couples proves not only that fidelity is in accord with the nature of marriage, but also that it is the source of profound and enduring happiness” (Humanae Vitae, no. 9). “The lasting union expressed by the marriage vows is more than a formality or a traditional formula; it is rooted in the natural inclinations of the human person” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 123). Moreover, the sacramental grace received in marriage between the baptized is available to the husband and wife to assist and strengthen them at every moment—times of joy and times of pain, sadness, and need.

Reflection
Every couple will experience at some point in their marriage times of pain and dissatisfaction. It is to be expected that imperfect people lead to imperfect couples. Perfection and impeccability are not what make for good marriages. A good marriage is one in which husband and wife continue to try and try again. They don’t give up on themselves or on one another (or on God!). Marriage is a lasting commitment to be tenacious in this ongoing relationship to one another. The ability to forgive and start again is the most eloquent expression of faithful love.

In a “throw-away” culture of hook-ups, co-habitation, and pre-nuptial agreements, the commitment to anyone “until death do us part” can be perceived as irresponsible at best or terrifying at worst. Many people desire lasting commitment but at the same time fear it or fear rejection and failure. The Christian way of life challenges us to embrace the grace of God, which makes all things possible and satisfies the innermost desire of men and women for love that lasts.

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

Name one or two examples of tension or difficulty in your marriage. How have you worked through these times or plan to?
In what ways, if any, is your fidelity to one another challenged? How can these challenges be met?
How does forgiveness play a part in your marriage? Are there areas that still need to be forgiven?

Holy Couples – Saints Gregory and Nonna

Day Three: Marriage Welcomes Life

Breaking Open the Theme
The Church teaches that there are two ends or purposes of marriage: the unitive – the intimate union of man and woman – and the procreative – the fruit of their union. Married love is life-giving, fruitful. “And if each of these essential qualities, the unitive and the procreative, is preserved, the use of marriage fully retains its sense of true mutual love and its ordination to the supreme responsibility of parenthood to which man is called” (Humanae Vitae, no. 12).

A child is the incomparable gift of marriage between a man and woman. Procreation is a wonderful and awe-inspiring participation in God’s creation. From the beginning of creation, God intended that man and woman partake in this transmission of life “to which marriage and conjugal love are by their nature ordered: ‘Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it’ (Gen. 1:28)” (Mulieris Dignitatem, no. 6). The gift of human life is meant to arise from a mutual cooperation between God’s love and the love of the couple. Moreover, it is the fruit of the mutual self-giving of the spouses in marriage (see Mulieris Dignitatem, no. 18). This beautiful interplay of cooperation and mutual self-giving are vivid examples of how God continues to create life through those who welcome it.

Reflection
Every married couple forms a community of life around them, but not every couple will experience this through the gift of their own child. This can be a source of great pain and discouragement. Infertility is on the rise in the United States and many couples who dreamed of large families are faced with the unexpected inability to bear children. However, God still wants the couple to partake in His creative love. He desires that every marriage be fruitful. The fruitfulness of Christian marriages “expands and in countless ways makes God’s love present in society” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 184).

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

(1) If you are a parent, how has your child (or children) been a blessing to you? How have you changed for the better since becoming a parent?
(2) If you do not have children, how do you demonstrate the mutual gift of self in other ways that serve as an example to your community? What other life-bearing fruit has God born through you?
(3) Do you know a couple experiencing infertility or miscarriage? How have you accompanied them in their pain?

Holy Couples – Saints Joachim and Anne

Day Four: Marriage is a School of Love

Breaking Open the Theme
“It is a love which is total—that very special form of personal friendship in which husband and wife generously share everything, allowing no unreasonable exceptions and not thinking solely of their own convenience. Whoever really loves his partner loves not only for what he receives, but loves that partner for the partner’s own sake, content to be able to enrich the other with the gift of himself” (Humanae Vitae, no. 9). To love another for his or her own sake requires selfless seeking of the other’s authentic good. This selfless form of friendship takes on new qualities and responsibilities in marriage when our own happiness also depends on it.

Marriage is a school of love because it demands the gift of love each and every day. The source of our love for one another lies beyond ourselves, it is rooted in the love of God: “The order of love belongs to the intimate life of God himself, the life of the Trinity […] Love, which is of God, communicates itself to creatures: ‘God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us’ (Rom 5:5)” (Mulieris Dignitatem, no. 29). When drawing from the love of God, we can transform our marriages into true friendships of authentic self-giving. Moreover, marriage is “an ‘affective union’, spiritual and sacrificial, which combines the warmth of friendship and erotic passion, and endures long after emotions and passion subside” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 120).

Reflection
Friendship can take many forms, between men and women, gals and pals, and brothers and sisters. The friendship that exists in marriage, however, is an unrepeatable form of friendship that combines both philos (friendship) and eros (attraction), allowing it to take on new dimensions of intimacy and involvement. It can sometimes be difficult to draw the line between what we share with our best friends and what we share with our spouse exclusively. It is important to define ‘friend boundaries’ as couples and recognize that however close we may be with others, there is always something unique to the friendship we cherish with our spouse.

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

(1) How do you and your spouse nurture your unique friendship?
(2) Are there any friends who get in the way of your own bonding time?
(3) How can friends of one or the other spouse become friends to both spouses and enrich rather than detract from your marriage?

Holy Couples – Saints Isidore the Farmer and Maria de la Cabeza

Day Five: Marriage Reflects God’s Love

Breaking Open the Theme
“God who created man out of love also calls him to love the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being. For man is created in the image and likeness of God who is Himself love. Since God created him man and woman, their mutual love becomes an image of the absolute and unfailing love with which God loves man” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 1604). With these words, the Church reminds us that married couples are called to be living signs of God’s love to the world. Moreover, they represent the union of Christ and His Church: “The marriage of those who have been baptized is, in addition, invested with the dignity of a sacramental sign of grace, for it represents the union of Christ and His Church” (Humanae Vitae, no. 8; see Amoris Laetitia, no. 11).

These may seem like impossible expectations. How can married couples be living signs of God’s love and Christ’s love for the Church? It is actually easier than expected. God gives us examples of His love in the Old Testament using the analogy of a man’s love for a woman (see Is. 54:4-8, 10). Israel is His bride with whom He makes a covenant: “On the part of God, the Covenant is a lasting ‘commitment’; he remains faithful to his spousal love even if the bride often shows herself to be unfaithful” (Mulieris Dignitatem, no. 23). In a similar way, Christ nourishes, protects and loves His bride, the Church, composed of us men and women, with a tender love despite her shortcomings. Furthermore, “marriage and the family have been redeemed by Christ and restored in the image of the Holy Trinity, the mystery from which all true love flows” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 63). God does not expect us to love any differently than how He loves: with faithfulness and forgiveness.

Reflection
We all grow up with role models and people to whom we look up as examples of how we want to be. When we think of other married couples whom we admire, what is it about them that attracts us? What is it that we like about the way they carry themselves and interact with each other? What are some of their qualities that we would like to imitate? Do they somehow reflect the love of God? Married couples can be terrific role models, friends, and mentors. Why not reach out to couples who seem to have a ‘special-something’ and ask them their ‘secret’?

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

(1) How do you and your spouse reflect the love of God to others around you and to one another?
(2) Is there a couple at church or in your community that you look up to?
(3) As a married couple, how can you better practice faithfulness and forgiveness?

Holy Couples – Saints Zachary and Elizabeth

Day Six: Marriage Lives by God’s Law of Love

Breaking Open the Theme
“Married love particularly reveals its true nature and nobility when we realize that it takes its origin from God […] Marriage, then, is far from being the effect of chance or the result of the blind evolution of natural forces. It is in reality the wise and provident institution of God the Creator, whose purpose was to effect in man His loving design” (Humanae Vitae, no. 8). If marriage is part of God’s loving design for man and woman, then there are specific laws that He has instituted to guide it. By “preserving intact the whole moral law of marriage, the Church is convinced that she is contributing to the creation of a truly human civilization” (Humanae Vitae, no.18).

The law of marriage is part of God’s law of love that protects human love from manipulation and inauthenticity. This law also governs and protects life, the fruit of love. For this reason, “to experience the gift of married love while respecting the laws of conception is to acknowledge that one is not the master of the sources of life but rather the minister of the design established by the Creator” (Humanae Vitae, no.13). Thus, “the Church’s teaching is meant to help couples to experience in a complete, harmonious and conscious way their communion as husband and wife, together with their responsibility for procreating life” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 82). Love and life, therefore, are designed and guided by God’s law, allowing for their natural flourishing and fulfillment.

Reflection
Some couples struggle with God’s law governing the sanctity of sexual intercourse, reserved for marriage, as a one-flesh union open to life. There is a natural, God-given means for the regulation of birth (commonly called Natural Family Planning), which allows couples to responsibly welcome life as their situations allow. There is no reason, therefore, to fear that God or the Church unreasonably expects more than a couple can give. If you or another couple is confused by the Church’s teaching on the natural regulation of births, talk to your priest or diocesan family life director. More information can be found here: http://www.usccb.org/issues-and-action/marriage-and-family/natural-family-planning/index.cfm.

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

(1) Do I understand what the Church teaches about the regulation of births? Am I aware of a natural family planning alternative to contraception?
(2) How can I support or help educate another couple that struggles with this issue?
(3) What does following God’s law of love mean to my spouse and me? Does it impact the way we look at our marriage?

Holy Couples – Blessed Luigi and Maria Beltrame

Day Seven: Marriage as a Domestic Church

Breaking Open the Theme
“In humble obedience then to her voice, let Christian husbands and wives be mindful of their vocation to the Christian life, a vocation which, deriving from their Baptism, has been confirmed anew and made more explicit by the Sacrament of Matrimony. For by this sacrament they are strengthened and, one might almost say, consecrated to the faithful fulfillment of their duties. Thus will they realize to the full their calling and bear witness as becomes them, to Christ before the world. For the Lord has entrusted to them the task of making visible to men and women the holiness and joy of the law which united inseparably their love for one another and the cooperation they give to God’s love, God who is the Author of human life.” (Humanae Vitae, no. 25)

The early Church understood the Christian family as an ecclesia domestica or domestic church. The domestic Church rests on the foundation of a baptized husband and wife. They establish a communion of love into which children are welcomed. By creating a home where love, care, and growth in the faith flourish among family members, married couples reflect the life of the Church in the world.

By the power of the Holy Spirit working in the married couple, they “are consecrated and by means of a special grace build up the Body of Christ and form a domestic church, so that the Church, in order fully to understand her mystery, looks to the Christian family, which manifests her in a real way” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 67).

By their reception of the sacrament of marriage, Christian parents “become ministers of their children’s education. In educating them, they build up the Church, and in so doing, they accept a God-given vocation” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 85). In the family, parents teach their children how to pray, how to embrace God’s loving commandments, and how to grow in virtue and holiness.

Reflection
Family is the fundamental unit of society. Strong families lead to strong societies and nations. Without the family, our social, political, and cultural spheres would be deeply shaken to the core. Unfortunately, there are already signs of a weakened societal framework due to the breakdown of family structure. The Church also depends on the family, calling it to be a beacon, a reflection of God’s people. The family begins with the marriage between a man and a woman, united by God. Within their home, the couple nurtures the life of a domestic church by welcoming new life and fostering love in their midst. In this way, they give witness to Christ and build the Kingdom of God.

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

(1) List five ways your family or you and your spouse are striving to be a domestic church.
(2) How do you and your family live a sacramental life? Is that sacramental life reflected in your home? How could it be improved?
(3) Do you and your family give testimony to your faith by witnessing to friends and acquaintances?

Holy Couples – Saints Aquila and Priscilla

“School” Retreat Day Seven: Marriage as a Domestic Church

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

Holy Couples – Saints Aquila and Priscilla

Virtual Retreat Homepage

“School” Retreat Day Six: Marriage Lives by God’s Law of Love

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

Holy Couples – Blessed Luigi and Maria Beltrame

Virtual Retreat Homepage

Domestic Church Retreat Day One: Ten Years of “I Do”

Also available as a printable PDF.

Day One: Ten Years of “I Do”

A Story about Love’s Promise
A memorable moment in our marriage was the celebration of our 10th wedding anniversary. Our parish priest had agreed to perform a special blessing and renewal of our commitment to our marriage vows during morning Mass. Following the homily, he called us both up before the altar, facing one another, hand in hand, just like at our wedding a decade before. Unlike our wedding, however, the weight of the words was profoundly different. As a blissfully hopeful engaged couple preparing for the sacrament, we thought we understood “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health” – even perhaps imagining what forms these highs and lows might take. Ten years later, they were no longer words of anticipation but a reality.

To bring the whole of ourselves before the altar, not just the joys but also the sorrows, beneath the crucified Christ, and to verbally express our renewed commitment to our vows was a source of strength and a powerful reminder of our sacramental calling as a husband and wife that still ripples through and carries us today. Our family has certainly been blessed with times of great joy, of course, but the things that seemed so overwhelming and difficult to carry at the time, have been the very experiences that knit us closer together.

The “I do” of our wedding should never become an “I did,” it will never be past tense. Our vows, like the covenant God swore to us, are a promise to always say “I do,” to choose the other, in every moment of our lives, the good and the bad. By doing so, the life-giving love of Christ becomes realized within us and we allow grace to heal our wounds and draw us ever closer to His merciful heart.
– Mike and Evie

To Think About
To start this week of reflection, ask yourselves individually and as a couple:

Reflect on your wedding day and the vows. How have you seen these lived out in your marriage? Which have new meaning?
What are sources of strength in your marriage? Where are possible opportunities for growth?
In what ways has your experience of marriage and family life revealed the presence of Christ?

Prayer to the Holy Family
Jesus, Mary and Joseph,
in you we contemplate
the splendor of true love;
to you we turn with trust.

Holy Family of Nazareth,
grant that our families too may be places of
communion and prayer,
authentic schools of the Gospel
and small domestic churches.

Holy Family of Nazareth,
may families never again
experience violence, rejection and division;
may all who have been hurt or scandalized
find ready comfort and healing.

Virtual Retreat Homepage

Domestic Church Retreat Day Two: Christ in Our Midst

Also available as a printable PDF.

Day Two: Christ in Our Midst

To Think About
Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on with your spouse:

How can you affirm, respect, and connect with your children or spouse as you go through your daily routines together?
Think back to a recent loss of temper you had with your child. Could that situation have been a moment of encounter with Christ?
How quickly and easily do I grant forgiveness and show mercy to my child/spouse? How quickly and sincerely do I ask for forgiveness from them?

Prayer to the Holy Family
Jesus, Mary and Joseph,
in you we contemplate
the splendor of true love;
to you we turn with trust.

Holy Family of Nazareth,
grant that our families too may be places of
communion and prayer,
authentic schools of the Gospel
and small domestic churches.

Holy Family of Nazareth,
may families never again
experience violence, rejection and division;
may all who have been hurt or scandalized
find ready comfort and healing.

Virtual Retreat Homepage

Made for a Reason Retreat Day One – Marriage: Made by God

Day One – Marriage: Made by God

How is God the author of marriage?

In the divine plan, marriage is the exclusive, indissoluble communion of life and love entered by one man and one woman. Between two baptized Christians, this covenant is a sacrament.

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

What makes marriage distinctive compared to other relationships? Why are love and commitment in marriage unique? What does it mean to say that God created marriage in the very same moment that he created the human person?
As a couple, how are we complementary in our needs, desires, and attributes? How does God endow us with different gifts, as man and woman, that contribute to the marriage?
How can we, as a couple, bear witness to the beauty and wisdom of God’s design for marriage?

Virtual Retreat Homepage

Domestic Church Retreat Day Three: The Mystery of Marital Faith and Its Fruit

Also available as a printable PDF.

Day Three: The Mystery of Marital Faith and Its Fruit

In our experience, that fundamental faith of husband and wife – setting off on a journey together – has also come to mean faith in what God is doing to knit our family together. Ours started as a common story: boy meets girl, wedding bells … but, the baby carriage… it took a while. We waited year after year, eventually going through all the invasive and heartbreaking testing that accompanies infertility. Yes, God was with us through it all, and sustained us with extraordinary graces which, in retrospect, were often exquisitely timed. But He does not always spare us from suffering. Instead, we have found that God draws near to share our suffering.

To Think About
Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse

Where has your marriage proven fruitful in ways you least expected?
What are new forms of fruitfulness that God may be calling your marriage to bring forth?
When has God drawn near to share in your suffering as a couple?

Prayer to the Holy Family
Jesus, Mary and Joseph,
in you we contemplate
the splendor of true love;
to you we turn with trust.

Holy Family of Nazareth,
grant that our families too may be places of
communion and prayer,
authentic schools of the Gospel
and small domestic churches.

Holy Family of Nazareth,
may families never again
experience violence, rejection and division;
may all who have been hurt or scandalized
find ready comfort and healing.

Virtual Retreat Homepage

Día 1 – El matrimonio: hecho por Dios

Día 2 – El matrimonio: hecho para el amor

Día 3 – El matrimonio: hechos el uno para el otro

Día 4 – El matrimonio: hecho para toda la vida

Día 5 – El matrimonio: hecho para la libertad

Día 6 – El matrimonio: hecho para el bien común

Día 7 – El matrimonio: hecho para la eternidad

Day One – Marriage: Made by God

Day Two – Marriage: Made for Love

Day Three – Marriage: Made for Each Other

Day Four – Marriage: Made for Life

Day Five – Marriage: Made for Freedom

Day Six – Marriage: Made for the Common Good

Day Seven – Marriage: Made for Eternity

Day One: Ten Years of “I Do”

Day Two: Christ in Our Midst

Day Three: The Mystery of Marital Faith and Its Fruit

Day Four: Parenting Among Friends

Day Five: The Tree that God Grows

Day Six: Love in Truth

Day Seven: Learning at a Later Stage

Day One: Marriage is a School of Life

Day Two: Marriage Lasts for Life

Day Three: Marriage Welcomes Life

Day Four: Marriage is a School of Love

Day Five: Marriage Reflects God’s Love

Day Six: Marriage Lives by God’s Law of Love

Day Seven: Marriage as a Domestic Church

Day One: Ten Years of “I Do”

Day Two: Christ in Our Midst

Day One – Marriage: Made by God

Day Three: The Mystery of Marital Faith and Its Fruit

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