Tag Archives: Sacrament Of Marriage

Order of Celebrating Matrimony Without Mass

“The engaged couple…should be given catechesis not only about the Church’s teaching on Marriage and the family but also about the Sacrament and its rites, prayers, and readings, so that they may be able to celebrate it thoughtfully and fruitfully.” – Order of Celebrating Matrimony, no. 17

There are several reasons why a Catholic wedding would take place without a Mass: when a Catholic marries a baptized non-Catholic Christian (although such couples can request permission from the bishop to hold their wedding within Mass); when a significant number of wedding guests are not Catholic; or when a priest is not available. Either a priest or a deacon can use the Order of Celebrating Matrimony without Mass. Interchurch couples (a Catholic and a baptized Christian) might wish to talk with the priest or deacon about the participation of clergy from the non-Catholic party’s church. If the couple wishes to hold their wedding at the non-Catholic’s church, they need to receive permission from the bishop to do so in order for the marriage to be valid.

Marriage without a Mass is a valid Catholic wedding. It is also still a sacrament because the bride and groom are both baptized. (For the ceremony used when a Catholic marries an unbaptized person, see The Order of Celebrating Matrimony between a Catholic and a Catechumen or a Non-Christian.) The main difference is that there is no Liturgy of the Eucharist. Yet if two Catholics decide to use this form, and the ceremony is presided over by a deacon because a priest is not available for Mass, a Communion service may, under certain circumstances and in accord with the policy of the local diocese, be integrated into it.

The heart of the marriage ritual is found in two key moments: the Consent exchanged by the bride and groom, and the Nuptial Blessing given to the newly married couple. The consent is “the indispensable element that ‘makes the marriage’” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 1626). In this moment, the bride and groom are the ministers of the sacrament to each other; the celebrant receives their consent in the name of the Church (see USCCB, Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan, p. 33). The beautiful Nuptial Blessing includes an invocation of the Holy Spirit, whom the Catechism describes as the “seal” of the new spouses’ covenant and “the ever-available source of their love and the strength to renew their fidelity” (no. 1624).

In addition to the Consent and the Nuptial Blessing, the Order of Celebrating Matrimony contains two other important elements. Before exchanging vows, the bride and groom are asked a series of questions, called the Questions before the Consent, to determine that each approaches marriage freely, intends a lifelong union, and is open to children and to rearing them “according to the law of Christ and his Church.” Then, after the exchange of vows, there is a Blessing and Giving of Rings. The spouses will wear the blessed rings as a sign of their covenant with each other and with God.

The structure of the ceremony for a Catholic wedding without Mass is outlined below, with various options in parentheses. Engaged couples are encouraged to work together with the celebrant (and perhaps the parish staff) to make their choices certain texts of the wedding, such as the Scripture readings, the Prayers of the Faithful, and the musical selections. This will help make the wedding liturgy “a profound personal experience” of “full, active and responsible participation” by the bride and groom (Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia, no. 213; St. John Paul II, Familiaris Consortio, no. 67).

Catholics marrying non-Catholic Christians may want to read the article Ecumenical and Interfaith Marriages for guidance on other aspects of preparation for their marriage.

A general outline for a Catholic wedding without Mass in the Latin Rite follows, based on the new edition of the Order of Celebrating Matrimony (mandatory to use in the United States as of December 30, 2016). Because there are many options to choose from and various circumstances that can affect the planning of a wedding ceremony, it is very important to work with the priest or deacon in arranging the service. Certain details might differ from what is outlined below.

The Introductory Rites

“The marriage liturgy is a unique event, which is both a family and a community celebration. The first signs of Jesus were performed at the wedding feast of Cana. The good wine, resulting from the Lord’s miracle that brought joy to the beginning of a new family, is the new wine of Christ’s covenant with the men and women of every age.” – Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia, no. 216

  1. Welcome of the bride and bridegroom by the minister and procession into the church (the welcome can take place at the door of the church or at the altar, depending on the style of procession chosen)
  2. Greeting of the couple and congregation by the minister
  3. Collect / Opening prayer (six versions to choose from)

The Liturgy of the Word

In the Liturgy of the Word “are expressed the importance of Christian Marriage in the history of salvation and the responsibilities and duties of Marriage to be attended to for the sanctification of the spouses and of their children.” – Order of Celebrating Matrimony, no. 35

Note: There may be two or three readings plus the Responsorial Psalm, and at least one of them must explicitly speak of marriage.

  1. Old Testament Scripture Reading (nine options; if it is the Easter season, a reading from the Book of Revelation should be chosen instead)
  2. Responsorial Psalm (seven options; many composers have set them to music)
  3. New Testament Scripture Reading (fourteen options)
  4. Gospel Acclamation
  5. Gospel (ten options)
  6. Homily based on the Scriptures, Church teaching on marriage, and the individual couple

The Celebration of Matrimony

“It needs to be stressed that these words [of consent] cannot be reduced to the present; they involve a totality that includes the future: ‘until death do us part.’” – Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia, no. 214

“The consent by which the spouses mutually give and receive one another is sealed by God himself.” – Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 1639

  1. Address to the couple by the minister
  2. The Questions before the Consent
  3. The Consent (two versions of the vows to choose from, and the couple can either say the words themselves or respond “I do” to the vows posed as a question by the minister)
  4. The Reception of the Consent by the minister
  5. The Blessing and Giving of Rings (three versions of the prayer to choose from)
  6. Optional: The Blessing and Giving of the Arras, a tradition important in Hispanic and Filipino families
  7. Optional: a hymn or canticle of praise may be sung
  8. The Universal Prayer / Prayers of the Faithful (two examples provided in the liturgical text; couples can also work with the minister to write their own)

If Holy Communion is not to be distributed (which is usually the case), the ceremony continues:

  1. The Lord’s Prayer
  2. Optional: The Blessing and Placing of the Lazo or the Veil, a tradition important in Hispanic and Filipino families
  3. The Nuptial Blessing (three versions to choose from)
  4. Blessing of the newly married couple and the congregation
  5. Dismissal
  6. Recessional (a hymn could be sung, or instrumental music could be played)

But if Holy Communion is to be distributed, the ceremony continues:

  1. Optional: The Blessing and Placing of the Lazo or the Veil, a tradition important in Hispanic and Filipino families
  2. The Nuptial Blessing (three versions to choose from)
  3. The Lord’s Prayer
  4. The Sign of Peace
  5. Distribution of Holy Communion (an appropriate Communion song should be sung)
  6. Solemn or Simple Blessing of the newly married couple and the congregation
  7. Dismissal
  8. Recessional (a hymn could be sung, or instrumental music could be played)AA

Note: after the ceremony, the witnesses (usually the best man and maid of honor) and priest or deacon sign the Marriage record in the vesting room or in the presence of the people, but not on the altar.

The Order of Celebrating Matrimony Within Mass

“The engaged couple…should be given catechesis not only about the Church’s teaching on Marriage and the family but also about the Sacrament and its rites, prayers, and readings, so that they may be able to celebrate it thoughtfully and fruitfully.” – Order of Celebrating Matrimony, no. 17

When two Catholics marry, the Sacrament of Matrimony normally takes place within Mass. This is fitting because of the connections all sacraments have with the Paschal mystery of Christ (Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 1621) and because it is in the Eucharist that Catholic married couples “meet the one who is the source of their marriage” (USCCB, Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan, p. 52). Receiving the Eucharist as their “first meal” together is a beautiful expression of the newlyweds’ reliance on God to sustain and strengthen them throughout their lives.

When the Sacrament of Marriage takes place during Mass, a priest (or a bishop!) is the main celebrant for the ceremony. If other priests or deacons are also able to be present, they may concelebrate or assist as usual at Mass, and could even be invited to preach the homily. In many respects, a wedding Mass is like any other Mass, but with the addition of the ritual for marriage, the heart of which is found in two key moments: the Consent exchanged by the bride and groom, and the Nuptial Blessing that is given to the newly married couple. The consent is “the indispensable element that ‘makes the marriage’” (Catechism, no. 1626). In this moment, the bride and groom are the ministers of the sacrament to each other; the celebrant receives their consent in the name of the Church (see Marriage: Love and Life, p. 33). The beautiful Nuptial Blessing includes an invocation of the Holy Spirit, whom the Catechism describes as the “seal” of the new spouses’ covenant and “the ever-available source of their love and the strength to renew their fidelity” (no. 1624).

In addition to the Consent and the Nuptial Blessing, the Order of Celebrating Matrimony contains two other important elements. Before exchanging vows, the bride and groom are asked a series of questions, called the Questions before the Consent, to determine that each approaches marriage freely, intends a lifelong union, and is open to children and to rearing them “according to the law of Christ and his Church.” Then, after the exchange of vows, there is a Blessing and Giving of Rings. The spouses will wear the blessed rings as a sign of their covenant with each other and with God.

The structure of the ceremony for a Catholic wedding within Mass is outlined below, with various options in parentheses. Engaged couples are encouraged to work together with the celebrant (and perhaps the parish staff) to make their choices for certain texts of the wedding, such as the Scripture readings, the Prayers of the Faithful, and the musical selections. This will help make the wedding liturgy “a profound personal experience” of “full, active and responsible participation” by the bride and groom (Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia, no. 213; St. John Paul II, Familiaris Consortio, no. 67).

A general outline for a Catholic wedding Mass in the Latin Rite follows, based on the new edition of the Order of Celebrating Matrimony (mandatory to use in the United States as of December 30, 2016). Because there are many options to choose from and various circumstances that can affect the planning of a wedding Mass, it is very important to work with the celebrant or his delegate in arranging the ceremony. Certain details might differ from what is outlined below.

The Introductory Rites

“The marriage liturgy is a unique event, which is both a family and a community celebration. The first signs of Jesus were performed at the wedding feast of Cana. The good wine, resulting from the Lord’s miracle that brought joy to the beginning of a new family, is the new wine of Christ’s covenant with the men and women of every age.” – Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia, no. 216

  1. Welcome of the bride and bridegroom by the priest and procession into the church (the welcome can take place at the door of the church or at the altar, depending on the style of procession chosen)
  2. Greeting of the couple and congregation by the priest

Note: The Penitential Act is omitted from a wedding ceremony

  1. Gloria (said or sung, except on certain occasions)
  2. Collect / Opening prayer (six versions to choose from)

The Liturgy of the Word

In the Liturgy of the Word “are expressed the importance of Christian Marriage in the history of salvation and the responsibilities and duties of Marriage to be attended to for the sanctification of the spouses and of their children.” – Order of Celebrating Matrimony, no. 35.

Note: There may be two or three readings plus the Responsorial Psalm, and at least one of them must explicitly speak of marriage.

  1. Old Testament Scripture Reading (nine options; if it is the Easter season, a reading from the Book of Revelation should be chosen instead)
  2. Responsorial Psalm (seven options; many composers have set them to music)
  3. New Testament Scripture Reading (fourteen options)
  4. Gospel Acclamation
  5. Gospel (ten options)
  6. Homily based on the Scriptures, Church teaching on marriage, and the individual couple

The Celebration of Matrimony

“It needs to be stressed that these words [of consent] cannot be reduced to the present; they involve a totality that includes the future: ‘until death do us part.’” – Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia, no. 214

“The consent by which the spouses mutually give and receive one another is sealed by God himself.” – Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 1639

  1. Address to the couple by the priest
  2. The Questions before the Consent
  3. The Consent (two versions of the vows to choose from, and the couple can either say the words themselves or respond “I do” to the vows posed as a question by the priest)
  4. The Reception of the Consent by the priest
  5. The Blessing and Giving of Rings (three versions of the prayer to choose from)
  6. Optional: The Blessing and Giving of the Arras, a tradition important in Hispanic and Filipino families
  7. Optional: a hymn or canticle of praise may be sung
  8. The Universal Prayer / Prayers of the Faithful (two examples provided in the liturgical text; couples can also work with the priest to write their own)
  9. The Creed (said or sung only if Marriage is celebrated on certain days)

The Liturgy of the Eucharist

“The liturgical crowning of the marriage rite is the Eucharist, the sacrifice of that ‘body which has been given up’ and that ‘blood which has been shed,’ which in a certain way finds expression in the consent of the spouses.” – St. John Paul II, Letter to Families, no. 11

“It is…fitting that the spouses should seal their consent to give themselves to each other through the offering of their own lives by uniting it to the offering of Christ for his Church made present in the Eucharistic sacrifice.” – Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 1621

  1. The Preparation of the Gifts (the bride and groom may bring the bread and wine to the altar, or someone else may be invited to do so)
  2. The Eucharistic Prayer
  3. The Lord’s Prayer, stopping just before “Deliver us…”
  4. Optional: The Blessing and Placing of the Lazo or the Veil, a tradition important in Hispanic and Filipino families. This could also be done before the Lord’s Prayer, or even earlier, according to local custom.
  5. The Nuptial Blessing (three versions to choose from)
  6. The Sign of Peace
  7. Holy Communion (an appropriate Communion song should be sung)

The Conclusion of the Celebration

  1. Solemn Blessing of the newly married couple and the congregation
  2. Dismissal
  3. Recessional (a hymn could be sung, or instrumental music could be played)

Note: after Mass, the witnesses (usually the best man and maid of honor) and priest sign the Marriage record in the vesting room or in the presence of the people, but not on the altar.

Marriage As Covenant

When the Catholic Church teaches that marriage is a covenant, it is using an ancient and rich biblical concept to describe how God’s steadfast and exclusive love for his people is a model for the loving union of a married couple.

The Old Testament writers trace the relationship between God and the chosen people of Israel by speaking of the covenant he offers to them through Abraham and Moses. This covenant is an invitation to enter into a relationship in which “I will be your God and you will be my people” (see Exodus 19:5ff).

A covenant is a commitment that God initiates. The Bible tells a story of Israel repeatedly straying from the demands of this covenantal relationship and God always trying to call the people back to their original commitment (see Jeremiah 22:9 and Hosea 2:4). Despite the fact that the people continually break the covenant, God still promises them a new and everlasting covenant (see Jeremiah 31).

These prophecies are fulfilled in Jesus Christ. In his life, death, and resurrection, God manifests in a definitive way his desire to draw us into a loving relationship with him and with one another. St. Paul teaches that marriage is a pre-eminent symbol (or sacrament) of the covenant which Christ has with his people. This is because marriage is a commitment by which spouses pledge to each other all aspects of their lives “until death do us part.”

But also, in daily acts of kindness, service, mutual love, and forgiveness couples are called to imitate, however imperfectly, the unconditional love which Christ offers to us. Seeing marriage as rooted in the broader covenant of love between God and humanity has led Pope John Paul II and others to say that marriage is a sacrament “from the beginning” and not merely after the coming of Christ.

The teaching of the Second Vatican Council (see Constitution on the Church in the Modern World, n. 48ff) placed special emphasis on understanding marriage as a covenant, while not ignoring that every marriage also involves contractual obligations between the spouses. Placing covenant at the heart of marriage shows that the interpersonal relationship of the couple, their unitive love, is what makes all other dimensions of marriage possible and, in some cases, bearable.

Understanding marriage as a covenant that establishes between husband and wife a “partnership of the whole life” in which they “mutually hand over and accept each other” (see Code of Canon Law, c. 1055 and c. 1057) can greatly enrich our appreciation of this special union that is: (a) sacred in the plan of God; (b) permanent, faithful and fruitful; and (c) a living symbol of God’s love for his people.

Marriage As Sacrament

When the Catholic Church teaches that marriage between two baptized persons is a sacrament, it is saying that the couple’s relationship expresses in a unique way the unbreakable bond of love between Christ and his people. Like the other six sacraments of the Church, marriage is a sign or symbol which reveals the Lord Jesus and through which his divine life and love are communicated. All seven sacraments were instituted by Christ and were entrusted to the Church to be celebrated in faith within and for the community of believers. The rituals and prayers by which a sacrament is celebrated serve to express visibly what God is doing invisibly.

In a sacramental marriage, God’s love becomes present to the spouses in their total union and also flows through them to their family and community. By their permanent, faithful and exclusive giving to each other, symbolized in sexual intercourse, the couple reveals something of God’s unconditional love. The sacrament of Christian marriage involves their entire life as they journey together through the ups and downs of marriage and become more able to give to and receive from each other. Their life becomes sacramental to the extent that the couple cooperates with God’s action in their life and sees themselves as living “in Christ” and Christ living and acting in their relationship, attitudes and actions.

Catholic teaching holds that sacraments bring grace to those who receive them with the proper disposition. Grace is a way of describing how God shares the divine life with us and gives us the help we need to live as followers of Christ. In marriage, the grace of this sacrament brings to the spouses the particular help they need to be faithful and to be good parents. It also helps a couple to serve others beyond their immediate family and to show the community that a loving and lasting marriage is both desirable and possible.

Pope Paul VI wrote: “By it [the Sacrament of Matrimony] husband and wife are strengthened and…consecrated for the faithful accomplishment of their proper duties, for the carrying out of their proper vocation even to perfection, and the Christian witness which is proper to them before the whole world” (Humanae Vitae, n. 25).

When Rain Drenches a Marriage

Despite chill and rain plus forecasts of possible snow during this year’s diocesan Wedding Anniversary Celebration, couples streamed into the Cathedral that afternoon. Their bright eyes and spring attire contrasted with the gloomy weather. On that day, honoring their twenty-five and fifty years of matrimony, they looked so radiant one would think their marriages were made in heaven and dwelt there ever after.

More than likely these couples had survived lots of damp, dreary days. All marriages have their stormy seasons and years. The blissful days of early marriage succumb at some point to disillusionment. For some couples, the honeymoon ends quickly, while others do not notice dark clouds for five, ten, or twenty-five years. Life-cycle issues such as the stress of raising children, changes demanded during adolescent years, the need to develop a mature adult relationship when the children leave home, and other factors can dim romance. Besides making spouses miserable, unmanaged disillusionment can swamp a marriage.

Disillusionment proceeds from the perception that one’s spouse is not the dreamboat that first captured the lover’s heart and that this marriage is not the ecstasy anticipated. Sunshine, smiles, and “sweet nothings” are battered by high winds and icy retorts. As disenchantment deepens husband and wife become filled with negative feelings and prone to distorted thinking.

Given the inevitable bad weather in marriage, how can couples survive disillusionment and create a marriage that is still satisfying on their golden anniversary? Although disillusionment is about an illusory dream (of the self, spouse, and marriage), it can also be a divine gift. Consider that God is revealing that what we thought our marriage would be is not expansive enough. Our illusion is a shadow of God’s dream that our marriage be a deep friendship, an intimacy that mirrors the relationship of the Trinity, a passionate and fruitful love. Disillusionment may be God’s cold water thrown on our complacency.

A couple who shares a sense of their marriage’s purpose allows God’s rain to nurture seeds of deeper commitment. Realizing that marriage is more than one-plus-one and that their love and fidelity form a holy sign for their families and larger community offsets discouragement. Focusing on the significance of the marriage for their children’s well-being (backed by social science data) can help a couple endure some difficult years. Talking about the future and sharing a positive vision for their marriage helps strengthen commitment for the long term.

A spouse suffering disillusionment must take personal responsibility. A look in the mirror can be revealing. Am I blaming this unhappy face on my spouse? What needs and wants do I expect my partner to take care of? How does my behavior affect my spouse? Am I trying to build the spouse I imagined instead of accepting the one I married?

Secondly, listen to your spouse without defending or rebutting. Check whether you have heard accurately. Share your own feelings and hopes honestly. Husbands and wives can take positive steps to counteract disillusionment and reinvigorate their marital friendship.

For example:

  • Do something nice for your spouse: say thank you, write a love note, prepare a candlelight dinner for two, offer ordinary tasks as a prayer for the other.
  • When conflict flares, call “time out” and arrange to talk when you will be calmer and free of distractions.
  • Approach problems as a team.
  • Spend some time outdoors together every week and make time for fun.
  • If you are Catholic, avail yourself of the sacraments of Reconciliation and Eucharist.
  • Do something different together: go on a date, share prayer, plan a day trip or vacation, bake bread, take dancing lessons.
  • Go to a communication workshop, marriage enrichment weekend, or couple’s retreat.
  • Make your wedding anniversary special without incurring too much cost.

Recent research shows that more than eighty percent of couples who described themselves as “unhappy” indicated five years later that they were happier, most rating their marriages as either “very happy” or “quite happy” (Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher, The Case for Marriage). Simply enduring the difficult years has merit, yet a couple can better handle disillusionment by actively building commitment and rediscovering what their marriage is meant to be – even on rainy days.

With a Little Help From Our Friends

Wally and I realize that probably the most important learning we’ve had in our marriage of 48 years is that WE are the sacrament…and that a sacrament is a public commitment, to be nurtured by and shared with others.

We recall an incident years ago when we had a huge argument as we were driving to a meeting of our Marriage Encounter circle of friends. One of us (we can no longer remember which one!) yelled at the other, “Why are we going to this meeting when we’re in such bad shape?” The wise reply from the other was “Where else can we go when we’re like this?”

We sensed then – and know now – that we could never last – much less grow and thrive – as a sacrament without inviting others to help us stay married. In the worst of times, that meant agreeing to go to counseling, but it also meant pleading with others to pray for us and to give us faith and hope in our vocation when we could find none.

In these later years of appreciative companionship our primary ministry as a couple is to just “be there” for other couples… most especially those struggling to hold their marriages together through the “for worse” times. We are convinced that no couple can live their vows of lifelong love and fidelity all by themselves – nor should they even try.

Our experience is that the marriage covenant is a sacrament for the wider community – and also a “co-creation” of that community.

The Promise

My son and his wife experienced a real challenge at a time that should have been their greatest joy. My daughter-in-law fell victim to post-partum psychosis after the birth of their first child. Through the year that followed both families supported the young couple as best they could. I came to help take care of the baby for a time.

Her aunt came when I needed to return to work and stayed until my daughter-in-law was able to care for the baby on her own. My husband and I helped them relocate for his job a few months later. We provided a listening ear when our son was bewildered by his wife’s lingering illness.

My daughter-in-law had been reluctant to marry. She had not felt the need to formalize their relationship by going through a ceremony, but my son believed it was important. He didn’t want to just move in with her; he wanted to make a commitment to her publicly in front of God and all their family and friends. During the time of her illness, my daughter-in-law came to realize what a difference that commitment made. She understood that it was the promise that her husband had made to her to stand by her in sickness and in health that kept him by her side in those difficult days. She understood that he wasn’t with her just for the good times or as long as they were having fun. She understood that she could count on his love.

I believe the grace of the sacrament of marriage sustained my son and his wife at that challenging time. Watching them grow in their love for each other makes the love of God more present to me. I rejoiced when they welcomed a second child into their home recently and I look forward to celebrating the baptism of that child in the near future.