Tag Archives: Reproductive Technology

Hope for Married Couples Who Want to Have a Child

Alone in the bathroom, staring blankly at the negative test, you tearfully ask yourself, “Why am I not pregnant yet?” Later, you may find yourself talking to your doctor about a “take-home baby” and come face to face with the costly, invasive and sometimes morally questionable reality of fertility treatments. You wonder, “Is there any hope for me?” As a Catholic gynecologist working with a team of pro-life physicians, I want to tell you, there is hope.

You may have tried to conceive for a year, the minimal duration to be considered infertile. However, you are a person, not a statistic. Your desire to be pregnant is real and is screaming, “Now!” As a physician, I agree. Now is the time to find out why you are not conceiving. You are not alone, and there is help.

More and more couples find themselves childless after “trying” for a period of time. After being married for six years, Jen and Bob were still childless. Sadly, Jen was diagnosed with Chlamydia as a younger woman, and she always thought that it might prevent her from having children. Although she had quit smoking and improved her nutrition to optimize her fertility, she also sought medical help due to worsening pain at the time of her periods. Through laparoscopy, we found mild adhesions from her Chlamydia infection long ago, and many manifestations of endometriosis. The problems corrected, six months later Jen came into our office carrying her positive pregnancy test, with a smile and a tear of joy after many years of trying to conceive.

Diagnosed with irregular cycles since she was a teenager, Hillary knew she had a hormonal imbalance. Starting abruptly after college, Hillary gained weight, became constipated, noticed the drying of her skin and began to feel cold all the time. She and her husband of one year, LeVar, came into the office to talk—not only about their desire to have a child but more importantly about the riddle of her hormonal health. A good health history and physical exam complemented the Natural Family Planning (NFP) charts Hillary had done for the last six months. Blood tests done on particular cycle days and the finding of low temperatures during the first half of her cycle, led to a diagnosis of polycystic ovaries. Hillary also had low thyroid function. Once her thyroid function was regulated and her insulin resistance addressed, Hillary began to have more regular cycles, and she showed signs of increasing fertility. Recognizing her suboptimal ovulation, she was given medications to help her ovulate more efficiently. After several months, Hillary walked into our office with that same smile Jen had shown us. She said she appreciated both the help with conceiving and the attention to her underlying hormonal problems.

But what happens when no underlying problems are found? That is the story of Miriam and Cole. In their early thirties and after being married two years, they came to the office to see why they were not yet pregnant. Both worked in high-stress jobs, and time was at a premium. Though meticulous and thorough, their history and physicals didn’t reveal the “why” behind their infertility. Laboratory tests showed no chronic diseases. Cole was given a collecting kit, enabling us to test a semen sample after marital intercourse and determine that it was normal. Dye studies and ultrasound tests showed that Miriam had a normal womb and Fallopian tubes indicating no physical blockage. Sequential hormonal testing throughout Miriam’s cycle indicated healthy female hormones in the right ratios, peaking and valleying at the correct times. Her laparoscopy showed neither endometriosis nor adhesions. Multiple cycles of attempting to tweak her ovulation with medications did not produce a pregnancy.

Stressed beyond their tolerance and depressed at not yet being parents, Miriam and her husband wanted a second opinion from a local, highly successful clinic specializing in in vitro fertilization (IVF). That procedure involves removing mature eggs from the mother’s ovaries, fertilizing them in a glass dish (in vitro is Latin for “in glass”), and then inserting the resulting embryonic children into the mother’s womb in the hope that one (but not multiple children) will implant and develop normally. As Christian physicians, we had to counsel them: “The central question you and your husband must answer before you go is this: Are the embryos made at the clinic your children or your property? If they are children, which your faith says they are, you ought not to experiment on or freeze them, or miscarry three to get one “take-home baby.”1 We lost contact, but several years later, Miriam and Cole were back in the office with two children, Jason and Jackie. Both were adopted. Smiles and tears were shared along with hugs. Miriam said they never found out why they could not conceive, but it no longer mattered. They were a family, and they had peace: “Adoption grew on Cole and me. It became a real option for us.” At a defining moment, her faith helped her see the humanity of any embryonic children she may help produce and the dangers to which she’d be exposing them through IVF. And she was thankful for the guidance.

Restorative, holistic, integrative, respectful, and effective—these words describe how our faith wants us to approach the misery, agony and challenge of infertility. There are scientifically sound, as well as surgically and medically effective ways to treat the causes of infertility in a thoroughly compassionate manner. There are doctors across the nation who have learned the art and science of looking into the causes of infertility and, as appropriate, addressing a couple’s condition medically, surgically, psychologically, and spiritually.

Many successful options exist for Christians who want a morally sound way to treat infertility, and who need help combating the sadness, frustration, and even anger that can come from the inability to “have a child.” We all need to discern the course God has for us—physicians as well as couples. Sound science based on the dignity of the human person is available to help couples to cooperate with our Heavenly Father and conceive a child. Some may be called to adopt a child whom God has sent via another set of birth parents. Or perhaps some couples have a unique vocation that does not involve raising children. It is our challenge as believers of the living God to know that he loves all of us profoundly and that he knows us better than we know ourselves. When we align our will with his will, and respect his great gift of human life, there is hope for us all!

About the author
John T. Bruchalski, MD, FACOG (Fellow, American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology), a practicing obstetrician- gynecologist, is chairman of Divine Mercy Care and founder of the Tepeyac Family Center in Fairfax, Virginia.

Notes

1 IVF raises many grave moral issues. These are explained in the USCCB statement Life-Giving Love in an Age of Technology (Washington, DC: USCCB, 2009).

Addressing Infertility with Kindness and Compassion

What do infertility specialists tell couples?

Hoping to find out firsthand, I called the number in a newspaper ad and joined an open house at a fertility clinic. I am sure that I was the only Roman Catholic priest there, although street clothes gave no clue to my identity.

My experience that evening could not be the same as the others in the room. They were yearning for a child. They were hoping that the doctors would make it possible. They were deciding whether they should entrust their hopes to this clinic. I was there only to observe.

The clinic staff explained infertility as a medical problem, and the couple as patients with a treatable condition. Testing was part of specialized medical diagnosis; the use of donor eggs, freezing embryos, and in vitro fertilization were therapies to overcome infertility; and having a baby would be a successful treatment of the parents. The presentation was not unlike a sales pitch.

The staff laid out treatment options. These may include corrective surgery and hormone therapy, but also in vitro fertilization, and even donor sperm or eggs. Quality control was highlighted. Doctors, we were told, select only the healthiest embryos for implantation. In the case of donor eggs or sperm, care would be taken to provide for the best “outcome.” Problematic multiple pregnancies could be dealt with, although no one clarified that this generally will involve killing one or more of their children in the womb. Clinical staff admitted that sometimes infertility is hard to treat. Patients are encouraged not to “give up.” Sometimes, they said, the most effective treatment is in vitro fertilization, and as part of that treatment, some embryos can be frozen for later use. Sometimes, they continued, the quality of the egg (ovum) is such that the best treatment is to use donor eggs.

It was striking that these “treatment options” were explained without any acknowledgement that these procedures are contrary to the dignity and exclusivity of marriage, that they most often result in the death of innocent human lives. They were not treatments that assist marital intercourse to be fruitful, but substitutions which violate the dignity of marriage and subject the unborn to mistreatment and death.

These clinics do not and cannot provide spiritual support to couples suffering from infertility, nor appropriate moral guidance about the options under consideration. Pastoral care is indispensable and irreplaceable. Consider the needs. Couples experiencing infertility may find it hard to cope with this challenge to their natural desire to be parents and establish a family. Well-meaning family and friends may add to this burden with questions or expectations. Cultural expectations can be very high.

Some couples experience painful isolation as their peers or other family members are caught up with the responsibility for infants and toddlers. Spouses with a history of contraception or even abortion may feel overwhelmed with regret and even believe mistakenly that God is punishing them. Some may feel similar remorse after having tried in vitro fertilization and other morally illicit treatments. Some may be coping with pregnancy loss or the loss of a child after birth. Some may be losing faith or hope as they face a prolonged challenge of infertility. Some need spiritual and ethical guidance while they continue to hope for a child, others may need help as they carry the cross of incurable infertility. Some need the ministry of Church organizations as they consider adoption or other ways of nurturing and caring for children. The need for compassionate pastoral care and support is great.

Working with infertile couples is a pro-life and pro-marriage ministry. As the Vatican Instruction Donum Vitae explained, marriage promotes respect for the dignity of the child and vice versa: “The fidelity of the spouses in the unity of marriage involves reciprocal respect of their right to become a father and a mother only through each other. The child has the right to be conceived, carried in the womb, brought into the world and brought up within marriage: it is through the secure and recognized relationship to his own parents that the child can discover his own identity and achieve his own proper human development” (DV, part II). The Church supports morally sound treatment to help married couples have children, rejoicing that “many researchers are engaged in the fight against sterility. While fully safeguarding the dignity of human procreation some have achieved results which previously seemed unattainable” (DV, 8).

Simply presenting couples seeking a child with a list of prohibited procedures is far from a holistic and supportive pastoral approach. Pastoral care is more than the moral evaluation of treatment alternatives. At the clinic, infertile couples will hear a scientist or doctor offering them hope for a child, and at church they must receive much more than a priest telling them no. In Dignitas Personae the Church reminds us that “behind every ‘no’ in the difficult task of discerning between good and evil, there shines a great ‘yes’ to the recognition of the dignity and inalienable value of every single and unique human being called into existence” (37). That “yes” must be apparent in our message to infertile couples.

“You send them away with theology, but the clinic sends them home with a baby,” one person told me recently. Aside from the fact that clinics send many couples home without a baby, this protest misses a great deal of the role of the Church. She should stand with the infertile couple in solidarity, and stand up for basic human rights whenever challenged by a culture that seeks to overcome infertility at any cost, viewing children as a product or a right. There are indeed methods for treating the infertile couple with full respect for the dignity of the spouses and for the life to be born. A pastoral approach to the infertile couple supports their faith, their dignity, their marriage, and their vocation. It recognizes the fruitfulness that all marriages are called to share, including marriages without the blessing of children. It offers compassion and clarity. When needed, it offers reconciliation and healing.

My visit to the clinic convinced me more than ever of the need for the Church to respond to the challenges of couples who struggle with infertility. Let us offer the light of the Gospel and the warmth of the heart of the Church to all couples who yearn for a child.

About the author
Rev. J. Daniel Mindling, OFM Cap. is Academic Dean at Mount St. Mary’s Seminary, Emmitsburg, Maryland, and is a consultant to the USCCB Committee on Pro-Life Activities.

Children as Commodities?

“Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. This is your pilot speaking. … I have two pieces of news to report, one good and one bad. The bad news is that we are lost. The good news is that we are making excellent time.” —Author Unknown

In 1971, the renowned physician and medical ethicist, Dr. Leon Kass, used this parable to illustrate the coming wave of assisted reproductive technologies, hailed by science as a final triumph over infertility; scientists were on the verge of creating children outside the womb and inside the laboratory. Dr. Kass feared that we had not given adequate consideration to the question of how this might affect the couples pursuing these methods and the children produced from them. Forty years later, we’re just beginning to understand the consequences of such technologies.

Consider Natalie,* a thirty-year-old woman living in the Washington, D.C. metropolitan area. Throughout her childhood and adolescent years, she suffered from depression and endured severe adjustment difficulties, feeling as if she never truly belonged in her family. When she was seventeen years old, she discovered that she was conceived through a process known as commercial surrogacy. Natalie’s parents had contracted with another woman to become pregnant using her father’s sperm and the woman’s own egg, bear her for nine months in her womb, and then hand her over to them. After questioning why her parents lied to her, Natalie became estranged from them, hurt that money, rather than the expression of marital love, was the context in which she was brought into the world.

Now consider Amy, who was eight years old when her parents told her they would be divorcing. Her father attempted to gain custody of her older sister, but not her. The reason? Amy was conceived via an anonymous sperm donation, and her father was not interested in maintaining a relationship with a child who was not biologically his offspring. Such a scenario highlights the many complexities of donor conception, by which a child is intentionally severed from his or her biological parents with little consideration of the long-term consequences of such a decision.

These true stories represent the sad realities often faced both by those who choose to pursue assisted reproductive technologies and by children conceived through them. Unfortunately, when couples face the heartbreaking challenge of infertility, they may not know where else to turn.

When couples are unable to bear children, very often there is an understandable feeling of great loss. It is essential to note that “the Church has compassion for couples suffering from infertility and wants to be of real help to them. At the same time, some ‘reproductive technologies’ are not morally legitimate ways to solve those problems.”(1) No doubt, those who are tempted to avail themselves of such technologies almost always plan to accept and cherish the child to be conceived in this manner. Nevertheless, the child is brought into existence through a technological process and not through a loving act of marital intercourse. The inevitable result is that the child is initially treated as an object created for the parents’ self-fulfillment instead of welcomed as a gift of God.

Since the advent in 1978 of IVF (in vitro fertilization), by which children are “conceived” by technicians working in labs, the floodgates have been opened to bringing about reproduction through egg and sperm donation and surrogate pregnancies. Yet these technologies are fraught with medical, legal, and moral complications that are often either unknown or too easily dismissed.

What many people don’t realize is that, in addition to the financial burden, assisted reproductive technologies can also present significant health risks. A February 2014 analysis in the British Medical Journal found that women who use IVF are more likely to suffer “gestational diabetes, fetal growth restriction, pre-eclampsia, and premature birth.”(2) Children conceived through IVF are likely to have higher blood pressure, vascular difficulties and other health problems.(3) Moreover, IVF and surrogacy subject women to grueling rounds of hormones, shots, and painful procedures with minimal chances of success. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the overall failure rate of IVF in the United States is nearly seventy percent.(4)

Yet the demand for “designer babies” and the commercialization of childbearing continues to increase. Parents who are spending tens of thousands of dollars to conceive children now have the option of picking the “best” sperm or egg to maximize their investment. However, “children are not parents’ possessions to manufacture, manipulate, or design; rather, they are fellow persons with full human dignity, and parents are called to accept, care for, and raise them to be new members of God’s family and his Kingdom. Children deserve to be ‘begotten, not made.’”(5) In other words, children have the right to be conceived within the context of an act of marital love, not created in a laboratory by scientists.

How then do we best respond to couples struggling with infertility? First, we must acknowledge their pain and accompany them in their suffering. Second, we should offer them opportunities to continue exploring the possibility of parenthood. Many causes of infertility can be addressed through medical assistance that is fully in accord with Catholic teaching. Adoption is also a viable alternative for couples seeking to raise children, as it lovingly serves children who urgently need homes and families to love and care for them. For couples who choose not to pursue these options, their active service in ministries and communities where they are needed should be better welcomed.

As Pope St. John Paul II reminded us, “It must not be forgotten … that, even when procreation is not possible, conjugal life does not for this reason lose its value. Physical sterility in fact can be for spouses the occasion for other important services to the life of the human person.”(6) While infertility may be a profoundly painful process for many, the Church calls the couple to consider that this experience may ultimately lead to new ways of experiencing God’s love and plan for their love to be life-giving in other ways, even if they are unexpected.

The very technologies that some believed would solve the age-old problem of infertility have, in fact, raised more questions than answers—questions about the meaning and purposes of children, and the limits and detriments of technology when it intervenes in the most intimate of human relationships. Children, after all, are meant to serve as an outgrowth of a couple’s love, but instead, reproductive technologies reduce that gift to a product. To ignore the concerns raised by some reproductive technologies and to move forward with them anyway would be to take matters into our own hands and to act against this great design. So instead, “in love, hope, and prayer, … let us be open to God’s gift of life and love in marriage, with profound respect for the dignity of all God’s children.”(7)

*Names have been changed to protect the privacy of those mentioned. To learn more about the Church’s teachings on the morality of reproductive technologies, visit “Life-Giving Love in an Age of Technology” at www.usccb.org/beliefs-and-teachings/what-webelieve/love-and-sexuality/life-giving-love-in-an-age-oftechnology.cfm.

Notes

[1] U.S. Catholic Bishops, Life-Giving Love in an Age of Technology, (USCCB, 2009). http://www.usccb.org/beliefs-and-teachings/what-we-believe/love-and-sexuality/life-giving-love-in-an-age-of-technology.cfm.
[2] Esme I Kamphuis, S Bhattacharya, F van der Veen, professor, B W J Mol, A Templeton, “Are We Overusing IVF?” British Medical Journal (2014). http://www.bmj.com/content/348/bmj.g252.
[3] Ibid.
[4] Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, American Society for Reproductive Medicine, Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology, 2010 Assisted Reproductive Technology Fertility Clinic Success Rates Report (Atlanta: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 2012). http://www.cdc.gov/art/ART2010/PDFs/ART_2010_Clinic_Report-Full.pdf.
[5] U.S. Catholic Bishops, Life-Giving Love in an Age of Technology.
[6] Pope St. John Paul II, On the Role of the Christian Family in the Modern World: Familiaris Consortio (Vatican City: Libreria Editrice Vaticana, 1981), no. 14.
[7] U.S. Catholic Bishops, Life-Giving Love in an Age of Technology.
* Excerpt from Familiaris Consortio (On the Role of the Christian Family in the Modern World). © 1981 Libreria Editrice Vaticana. Used with permission. All rights reserved.

Reprinted from Respect Life Program, Copyright © 2014, United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, Washington, D.C. All rights reserved. Additional resources and ordering information is available at www.usccb.org/respectlife.

The Theology of the Body According to St. John Paul II

When John Paul II was elevated to the papacy, he unveiled a series of reflections on which he had worked for some time. He gave these in the form of weekly general audiences between 1979 and 1984. These talks became known as “The Theology of the Body” and have had a growing impact on Christian thinking about what it means to be embodied as male or female.

Reflecting on the Genesis accounts of creation, Pope John Paul II underscored the way in which the body reflects or expresses the person. The human person discovers his dignity through his body and its capacity to express his ability to think and to choose, unlike the animals, who lack this ability. (See Genesis 2:19-21.)

Yet humanity is radically lacking in its expression in only one sex. The full meaning of the body and hence the human person is revealed only when the man stands over against another unique way of being human–woman. This distinctive way of being a person and a gift for others, male and female, reflects what the late pope called “the nuptial meaning of the body.” Coming together in the profound partnership of marriage, man and woman live for the other in mutual love and deference. This union is expressed concretely in the couple’s bodily gift of themselves to one another in sexual intercourse. Here they speak a profound language of total self-gift and unconditional fidelity.

The late pope understood the impact of sin on the human person. The Fall brings about a series of ruptures within the person, radically diminishing the body’s capacity to express reason and freedom. It introduces alienation and a struggle for control into the relationship of male and female, distorting their relationships in marriage and in human society (cf. Genesis 3:16). And it devastates the human sexual drive, redirecting it from an impulse toward life-giving interpersonal union between covenantal partners to a desire to use and exploit others for personal satisfaction.

Yet with the death and resurrection of Christ, sin does not have the last word on the condition of the body. The grace that flows from the cross and resurrection effects a “redemption of the body,” not just in heaven but here and now. Through the healing effects of Christian prayer and sacramental worship, the body is enabled to express the person and his or her ability to think and freely choose.

The grace of Christ also enables men and women to overcome their mutual conflict and live together in marriage in the exercise of “mutual submission out of reverence for Christ” (cf. Ephesians 5:21; Mulieris Dignitatem, no. 24). This transforming grace enables the body in its maleness and femaleness to be offered as the expression of the “sincere gift of self” in a way reflective of the person’s vocation– as single, married, or a consecrated celibate.

The human person as a unique embodied subject is thus understood through the three panels (or triptych) of the Christian mysteries of creation, sin, and redemption. The result is what John Paul II himself modestly referred to as an “adequate” understanding of the person. This vision enables us to recognize and affirm that the body and the gift of sexuality are good. At the same time it highlights why this gift is falsified by extramarital or contraceptive sex that sever sexual union from its inherent meanings of unconditional fidelity and life-giving fruitfulness.

The mystery of the human person is continually confronted by new issues and challenges. For example, much of the reflection on the body and its relation to the person within Christian tradition has been undertaken by men. During his pontificate John Paul II called for a “new feminism” that would better account for the distinctive insights, experiences, and gifts of women.

In addition, issues of the relationship between the body and the person take on new urgency in light of expanding scientific and medical technology that has raised questions at both the beginning of life (reproductive technologies, the status of cryo-preserved embryos, stem cell research, and attempts to clone human beings) and its end (the personhood of the persistently comatose, the meaning of suffering, and how to define the moment of death). To continue to affirm the fundamental biblical conviction of the goodness of the embodied person created in the image of God while addressing such pressing questions is the task for the further refinement of the “adequate anthropology” of John Paul II’s “Theology of the Body.”

About the author
Professor John S. Grabowski is a member of the Department of Theology at The Catholic University of America.

Infertility

In the book of Genesis, we find God’s first commandment to humankind: “Be fruitful and multiply. . .” (Genesis 1:28) It appears that God infused this commandment to procreate into the fiber of our beings. It seems to be written in our hearts, dreamed of in our minds, ached for in our bodies, and yearned for in our spirits. Thus, when a couple is unable to have children, it causes great pain emotionally, intellectually, physically, and spiritually. The feelings of emptiness and loss are overwhelming. The search for reasons and remedies becomes a relentless passion. Doctors, procedures, the time, the cost, the hope, and the hurt are constant companions on the lonely road walked by couples searching for the destination of parenthood.

Statistics tell us that couples do not walk this road alone. According to the United States Centers for Disease Control (2015), one out of every five couples in America suffers from infertility problems. This means in the United States, 7.3 million women and their partners, of childbearing years, are infertile. Infertility affects the male or female reproductive system with almost equal frequency. Infertility affects people from every racial, ethnic, religious, and socioeconomic level.

Infertility is defined as the inability to conceive within one year of trying, or not being able to carry a child to live birth. Infertility may occur in a couple’s first attempts to bring a child into the world, or as secondary infertility when they have successfully given birth before, but are not able to do so again. Women who are able to get pregnant, but have miscarriages, are also said to be infertile.

Keep in mind that there are as many roads to resolving infertility as there are infertile couples to travel them. The array of options and medical interventions for a couple facing fertility challenges can be confusing and hazardous. Each route brings many ethical, moral, spiritual, emotional, and physical ramifications. It is important to plan carefully to avoid potholes and ensure a safe trip.

Start By Becoming Informed

Learning basic infertility information can put you on the road to further discovery. Contact a Natural Family Planning specialist in your area who can help you identify the optimum time for conception. Familiarize yourself with infertility treatment options. Couples who learn about various diagnostic tests, procedures, and medications are better able to make informed decisions.

Get In Touch With Your Emotions

It is important to realize that infertility is more than just a physical condition. It also involves many emotional issues such as intense feelings of anger, anxiety, frustration, helplessness, loneliness, grief, envy, and even depression. All these emotions can be debilitating if you don’t face them and work to counteract them. You may want to seek support from a professional counselor. Through counseling, you can clarify your priorities, improve your self-concept, and your coping skills.

Stay Connected To Your Spouse

Coping with the uncertainties of infertility, the roller coaster of emotions, the multitude of medical decisions, and moral concerns is challenging even for the strongest marriages. Infertility often causes lifestyle changes, reordering of priorities, financial problems, intimacy issues, physical discomfort, career disruption, problems with relatives, and isolation from friends. Since the stress of infertility can place a strain on your relationship, look for ways to nurture your marriage and make your spouse your top priority.

Maintain Your Social Life

Certain events in everyday life may become difficult. The birth of a friend’s baby or even seeing a pregnant stranger can bring on a flood of painful feelings. Holidays often seem to focus on children, and Mother’s Day or Father’s Day can be difficult. Social functions like baby showers or children’s birthday parties are hard to attend. Many people struggling with infertility problems find it hard to attend religious services, especially ones where there will be baptisms.

Many infertile couples try to navigate the twists and turns on the journey to parenthood without support. Seek out an infertility support group to avoid isolation. Since the number of people with infertility problems is high, you may be amazed at the support that is available.

Prepare a Response To Insensitive Comments

Those who struggle with infertility truly suffer greater physical, emotional, marital, and spiritual pain than most people can imagine. Many parents of adult married children do not realize the pain caused by their questions and prods to conceive grandchildren. Insensitive comments by family, friends, and strangers can inflict deep wounds. Prepare a well-rehearsed response. You could take the direct approach and say, “We want children, but are having trouble. We are seeing a specialist and ask for your prayers. We prefer not to talk about it.”

Make Important Decisions and Create A Plan

Construct an overall plan so you know where you are and where you’re headed. Start with the fact that you want to be parents. Then ask what you are willing to do to make it happen. Make decisions that take into consideration your moral principles, family building objectives, money, age, and need for control. Find a doctor who agrees with your plan and can help. Be assertive in stating what you want and do not want to do. You have the right to make your own decisions about treatment.

Begin by an honest acknowledgment of your feelings and the medical realities. You and your spouse are different people. You will have different styles, feelings, attitudes, and desires. Sharing your perspectives will help you decide which paths to take. Sharing the turmoil of infertility will deepen your commitment to each other, whether you eventually give birth to a child, raise a foster child, adopt a child, or don’t raise a child and spend time serving the broader community.

Answer these questions to help you make your plan:

  • What are you both willing to sacrifice to become parents?
  • Do you know the teaching of your faith tradition on this issue?
  • Do you want to respect the dignity of marriage and human life?
  • How much physical and emotional trauma are you willing to endure?
  • What tests do you want to have?
  • How will you do the tests?
  • What treatments will you explore?
  • How many times will you repeat them?
  • How much money will you spend?
  • What doctor or clinic should you select?
  • Will you put your life on hold as you focus on infertility treatments?
  • When will you decide to quit trying?
  • Is your main goal to be a biological parent or is it to have a child join your family?
  • Are you going to focus on conception exclusively, or will you also pursue family-building through adoption?
  • Would you adopt a baby, an older child or a child with special needs?
  • Are you willing to be a family without children?

Respect For The Sacredness of Life and Marriage

Couples dealing with infertility are often led step by step down a path that may possibly create life. However, many assisted reproduction technologies also cause the destruction of human life. This fact is seldom explained to a couple before the various procedures begin.

Marital stress from the mood swings caused by some fertility drugs can tear apart a marriage that is already stressed from the anxieties of infertility. The tension between spouses and fear of blame, if infertility can be traced clearly to one partner, can be devastating for a couple. Medical practices that undermine the biological, psychological, and moral bonds of marriage, or have the potential to destroy life, need to be avoided.

Use Caution

Couples are sometimes lured to assisted reproduction technology without investigating other options. The experience of infertility has become politicized as scientists, medical professionals, and potential parents confront society’s mores and religious perspectives. The wisdom of past generations is untapped as couples are encouraged to make these major life decisions with little guidance.

Seek Spiritual Comfort and Wisdom

There are many questionable happenings on the road that scientists are paving for those suffering infertility. As reproductive technology blazes trails through uncharted land, we are at a moral crossroads. First, seek God’s intervention before you embark on this challenging path.

Pastoral support and care can offer comfort and helpful perspectives. Discuss options with your pastor, partake in blessing rituals, learn religious teachings, and evaluate your options in light of this information. Seek out faith-based support groups, mentoring, and spiritual direction. The faith community cannot take away your tears but can show you how to make them holy.

Resources:

Elizabeth Ministry International Retreat and Resource Center provides support and assistance in responding to the proliferation of mind-boggling options. (920) 766- 9380, emfounder@elizabethministry.com

Our Fruitful Love is the Catholic Diocese of Arlington’s accompaniment for spouses experiencing infertility or pregnancy or infant loss. The website has digital resources, avenues of support, and reflections from other couples who have struggled with infertility, miscarriage, and stillbirth.

Pope Paul VI Institute for the Study of Human Reproduction provides information on NaProTechnology, a new reproductive science, which does not compromise the sanctity of life or marriage.

Springs in the Desert is a Catholic Community formed through the shared suffering of infertility and loss to accompany those who also carry this cross. We walk together in solidarity and hope, discovering the ways God is transforming our desert path into fruitfulness.

More Resources:

About the author
Jeannie Hannemann, M.A. is the director of Elizabeth Ministry International.