Tag Archives: Prayer and Spirituality

“Love and Life” Retreat Day Three: Marriage is a Communion of Love and Life

For a printable PDF version, click here.

Breaking Open the Theme
In creating man and woman for each other, God made marriage to be love-giving and life-giving. We call these two purposes or “ends” of marriage the unitive and the procreative. They are inseparably connected because of the very nature of conjugal love, by which a spouse desires to give everything to his or her beloved: a total gift of self (see USCCB, Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan, pp. 15-16).

When a man and a woman exchange marital consent, they establish a partnership for the whole of life. They mutually vow an exclusive fidelity that is open to the procreation and nurture of children. “The gift of a new child, entrusted by the Lord to a father and a mother, begins with acceptance, continues with lifelong protection and has as its final goal the joy of eternal life” (Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia, no. 166). In participating in God’s love, husband and wife are empowered to make a total gift of self to each other. This gift of love is always fruitful, even for couples who are not blessed with children. As Pope Francis says beautifully, “Love refuses every impulse to close in on itself; it is open to a fruitfulness that draws it beyond itself” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 80).

Reflection
When they were newlyweds, both were sure that this was the one person who completed their world. They thought they could never love each other more. When they found they could not have biological children, they adopted their little girl and discovered a new dimension to their love. The day they first held her in their arms, they suddenly saw each other in a new light: Mom and Dad. In becoming parents, they began to understand something new about why God had brought them together. Their feelings of great joy were accompanied by feelings of overwhelming responsibility; they knew they would need God’s help.

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

  1. If you are a parent, how has your child (or children) been a blessing to you? How have you changed for the better since becoming a parent?
  2. If you do not have children, how do you expect that having a child would change your marriage?
  3. How can couples continue to strengthen their marriage when they become parents?

Prayer of Married Couples
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Virtual Retreats Homepage

“Love and Life” Retreat Day Two: Marriage is the Unique Union of a Man and a Woman

For a printable PDF version, click here.

Breaking Open the Theme
In the beginning, God created man and woman in his image, “male and female He created them” (Gn 1:27). God planned that man and woman would be made “for each other”: “they are equal as persons…and complementary as masculine and feminine” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 372), “uniquely suited to be partners or helpmates for each other” (USCCB, Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan, p. 10). In a particular way, when a man and woman marry, they beautifully and uniquely complement each other. “The family is entrusted to a man, a woman and their children, so that they may become a communion of persons in the image of the union of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit” (Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia, no. 29).

Although each individual person is irreducibly unique and fundamentally equal in dignity, obvious differences exist between men and women, and these differences are blessed by God. These differences can be seen not only in biological terms, but also in how we think, express ourselves, and even pray. A most obvious difference can be seen in the distinct gifts a man and a woman bring to sexual intercourse. Together, they jointly hold the potential to unite in the most profound way and to bring new life into the world. The “one flesh” union of husband and wife in marriage shows that their differences are a foundation for a beautiful unity.

Reflection
She proudly thinks of herself as a multi-tasker, able to juggle many things at once. Her husband might counter that he likes to concentrate on one thing at a time, focusing his attention on the task at hand. She may need to share her worries; he may be surprised to find that she isn’t expecting him to fix them. He discovers that she needs to talk and relax into feeling romantic; she wishes he figured that out sooner. The beauty of marriage is that spouses have a lifetime to understand and appreciate their differences. Vive la difference!

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

  1. Name one or two ways your spouse approaches problems that differ from the way you like to do things.
  2. As a man or a woman, what unique qualities do you bring to relationships, at work and in your family?
  3. How does being a man (or a woman) impact how you approach your relationship with God?

Prayer of Married Couples
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Virtual Retreats Homepage

“Love and Life” Retreat Day One: Marriage is a Blessing and a Gift

For a printable PDF version, click here.

Breaking Open the Theme
“Among the many blessings that God has showered upon us in Christ is the blessing of marriage, a gift bestowed by the Creator from the creation of the human race” (USCCB, Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan, p. 1). The vocation to marriage is inscribed in the very nature of man and woman (Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 1603). As a natural institution, marriage has certain God-given characteristics. It is the permanent, faithful union of a man and a woman, intended for the good of the spouses and the bearing and raising of children.

Marriage was redeemed by Christ and elevated by Him to become one of the seven sacraments. In this way, Christ made marriage between a baptized man and a baptized woman a sign or visible embodiment of his love for the Church (see Eph 5:21-33). Sacramental marriage does not replace natural marriage but raises it beyond what husband and wife could achieve on their own, allowing them to share in God’s own divine life. As Pope Francis explains, “The sacrament of marriage is not a social convention, an empty ritual or merely the outward sign of commitment. The sacrament is a gift given for the sanctification and salvation of the spouses” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 72).

Reflection
Many neighborhoods are blessed to have a married couple who are the true community makers. This is the couple on whom everyone counts to generate enthusiasm for the block party or to welcome new arrivals. When this special couple also happens to be Christians, their positive influence gives the Church a good name and witnesses to Christ’s love. People seek their opinion on moral questions or ask them to pray for their loved ones. They seem to enjoy working together in the yard and on church projects. Their dinner table always has room for another teenager. In such a couple, people witness the natural and supernatural dimensions of marriage, in the flesh.

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

  1. How has your spouse been a gift to you?
  2. What would you like to do for your spouse that would express your love in a special way?
  3. In what ways can your marriage become a gift to other people, not only to each another?

Prayer of Married Couples
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
so that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Virtual Retreats Homepage

Marriage Retreat 2017: “Amoris Laetitia” And “Marriage: Love And Life In The Divine Plan”

Day One: Marriage is a Blessing and a Gift

Breaking Open the Theme
“Among the many blessings that God has showered upon us in Christ is the blessing of marriage, a gift bestowed by the Creator from the creation of the human race” (USCCB, Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan, p. 1). The vocation to marriage is inscribed in the very nature of man and woman (Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 1603). As a natural institution, marriage has certain God-given characteristics. It is the permanent, faithful union of a man and a woman, intended for the good of the spouses and the bearing and raising of children.

Marriage was redeemed by Christ and elevated by Him to become one of the seven sacraments. In this way, Christ made marriage between a baptized man and a baptized woman a sign or visible embodiment of his love for the Church (see Eph 5:21-33). Sacramental marriage does not replace natural marriage but raises it beyond what husband and wife could achieve on their own, allowing them to share in God’s own divine life. As Pope Francis explains, “The sacrament of marriage is not a social convention, an empty ritual or merely the outward sign of commitment. The sacrament is a gift given for the sanctification and salvation of the spouses” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 72).

Reflection
Many neighborhoods are blessed to have a married couple who are the true community makers. This is the couple on whom everyone counts to generate enthusiasm for the block party or to welcome new arrivals. When this special couple also happens to be Christians, their positive influence gives the Church a good name and witnesses to Christ’s love. People seek their opinion on moral questions or ask them to pray for their loved ones. They seem to enjoy working together in the yard and on church projects. Their dinner table always has room for another teenager. In such a couple, people witness the natural and supernatural dimensions of marriage, in the flesh.

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

  1. How has your spouse been a gift to you?
  2. What would you like to do for your spouse that would express your love in a special way?
  3. In what ways can your marriage become a gift to other people, not only to each another?

Prayer of Married Couples
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
so that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Day Two: Marriage Is the Unique Union of a Man and a Woman

Breaking Open the Theme
In the beginning, God created man and woman in his image, “male and female He created them” (Gn 1:27). God planned that man and woman would be made “for each other”: “they are equal as persons…and complementary as masculine and feminine” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 372), “uniquely suited to be partners or helpmates for each other” (USCCB, Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan, p. 10). In a particular way, when a man and woman marry, they beautifully and uniquely complement each other. “The family is entrusted to a man, a woman and their children, so that they may become a communion of persons in the image of the union of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit” (Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia, no. 29).

Although each individual person is irreducibly unique and fundamentally equal in dignity, obvious differences exist between men and women, and these differences are blessed by God. These differences can be seen not only in biological terms, but also in how we think, express ourselves, and even pray. A most obvious difference can be seen in the distinct gifts a man and a woman bring to sexual intercourse. Together, they jointly hold the potential to unite in the most profound way and to bring new life into the world. The “one flesh” union of husband and wife in marriage shows that their differences are a foundation for a beautiful unity.

Reflection
She proudly thinks of herself as a multi-tasker, able to juggle many things at once. Her husband might counter that he likes to concentrate on one thing at a time, focusing his attention on the task at hand. She may need to share her worries; he may be surprised to find that she isn’t expecting him to fix them. He discovers that she needs to talk and relax into feeling romantic; she wishes he figured that out sooner. The beauty of marriage is that spouses have a lifetime to understand and appreciate their differences. Vive la difference!

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

(1) Name one or two ways your spouse approaches problems that differ from the way you like to do things.

(2) As a man or a woman, what unique qualities do you bring to relationships, at work and in your family?

(3) How does being a man (or a woman) impact how you approach your relationship with God?

Prayer of Married Couples
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
so that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Day Three: Marriage Is a Communion of Love and Life

Breaking Open the Theme
In creating man and woman for each other, God made marriage to be love-giving and life-giving. We call these two purposes or “ends” of marriage the unitive and the procreative. They are inseparably connected because of the very nature of conjugal love, by which a spouse desires to give everything to his or her beloved: a total gift of self (see USCCB, Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan, pp. 15-16).

When a man and a woman exchange marital consent, they establish a partnership for the whole of life. They mutually vow an exclusive fidelity that is open to the procreation and nurture of children. “The gift of a new child, entrusted by the Lord to a father and a mother, begins with acceptance, continues with lifelong protection and has as its final goal the joy of eternal life” (Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia, no. 166). In participating in God’s love, husband and wife are empowered to make a total gift of self to each other. This gift of love is always fruitful, even for couples who are not blessed with children. As Pope Francis says beautifully, “Love refuses every impulse to close in on itself; it is open to a fruitfulness that draws it beyond itself” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 80).

Reflection
When they were newlyweds, both were sure that this was the one person who completed their world. They thought they could never love each other more. When they found they could not have biological children, they adopted their little girl and discovered a new dimension to their love. The day they first held her in their arms, they suddenly saw each other in a new light: Mom and Dad. In becoming parents, they began to understand something new about why God had brought them together. Their feelings of great joy were accompanied by feelings of overwhelming responsibility; they knew they would need God’s help.

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

(1) If you are a parent, how has your child (or children) been a blessing to you? How have you changed for the better since becoming a parent?

(2) If you do not have children, how do you expect that having a child would change your marriage?

(3) How can couples continue to strengthen their marriage when they become parents?

Prayer of Married Couples
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
so that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Day Four: Marriage is a Sacrament of Christ’s Love

Breaking Open the Theme
“[Jesus] heals marriage and restores it to its original purity of permanent self-giving in one flesh” (USCCB, Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan, p. 30). But the Lord does not stop there. Christ generously invites husband and wife to participate in His spousal love for his Church. Christian spouses are drawn into this love by the grace of the Sacrament of Marriage, so that their own love might reflect the loving communion of the Blessed Trinity. In this way, the marriage of two baptized Christians becomes a living and effective sign: a sign which makes present the union of Christ with His Church (see Eph 5:21-33).

Jesus is truly present in His followers and in their marriages. Practically, this means that when life’s difficulties press in on husband and wife, they are not alone. Though they remain fallible and weak human beings, Christian spouses can rely on Jesus to help them to continue in love even when it seems impossible. As Pope Francis says, “God’s indulgent love always accompanies our human journey; through grace, it heals and transforms hardened hearts, leading them back to the beginning through the way of the cross” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 62). The Lord never abandons marriages and families, but gives them the grace to find true healing and happiness.

Reflection
She had felt that the world was crashing around her when she learned of her husband’s affair. Still, she was determined to fight for her marriage, and he wanted desperately to heal what he had damaged. Popular wisdom was not on their side, and people let her know it, too. After tears and late-night talks, some angry exchanges, and lots of counseling and prayer, she and her husband reconciled. She would say it was faith that made the difference, but mostly they don’t explain their decision to others. They just say, “We’re married.” That was 10 years ago, and new friends would never guess what they went through. Most couples will not be so severely tested, but a failure to be forgiving can make even small faults—leaving the cap off the toothpaste, poor hygiene, or weak cooking skills—destructive to a marriage.

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

(1) How has the grace of the Sacrament of Marriage sustained you in difficult times?

(2) What are some of the joyful things about being married? What are some of the challenges? Can something be both joyful and challenging?

Prayer of Married Couples
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
so that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Day Five: Marriage Is the Foundation of the Family and Society

Breaking Open the Theme
The early Church understood the Christian family as an ecclesia domestica, or domestic Church. “The family is called a “domestic church” because it is a small communion of persons that draws its sustenance from the larger communion that is the whole Body of Christ, the Church, and also reflects the life of the Church so as to provide a kind of summary of it” (USCCB, Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan, p. 39). The domestic Church rests on the foundation of a baptized husband and wife. They establish a communion of love into which children are welcomed.

By creating a home where love, care and growth in the faith flourish among family members, married couples reflect the life of the Church in the world. Indeed, as Pope Francis says powerfully, “the Church, in order to fully understand her mystery, looks to the Christian family, which manifests her in a real way” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 67). In the family, parents teach their children how to pray, how to embrace God’s loving commandments, and how to grow in virtue and holiness. The Christian family that celebrates the sacraments, especially the Eucharist, establishes a reciprocal relationship between the family and the entire Body of Christ that is the Church.

Reflection
Whenever he heard an ambulance siren, he offered a prayer for those involved in the accident or medical emergency. When the family pet passed away, she took care to bury it lovingly in the garden. Their Catholic faith was evident in the artwork on the walls and in the simple prayers offered at table and at bedtime. They celebrated the anniversary of their child’s baptism with ice cream sundaes, and always managed to pull together a group of neighbors for Christmas caroling. Their children saw and treasured these rituals of family life.

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

(1) What does your family do that brings you together?

(2) What opportunities for passing on your faith are uniquely present in family life (that don’t usually happen at church)?

(3) In your home, identify some reminders of God’s presence. What can you add to or change about your home to increase your awareness of God in your daily life?

Prayer of Married Couples
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
so that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Day Six: Marriage is a Journey of Human and Spiritual Growth

Breaking Open the Theme
“On their wedding day, the couple says a definitive ‘yes’ to their vocation of marriage. Then the real work of marriage begins” (USCCB, Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan, p. 45). Each stage of marriage has its own joys and sorrows, opportunities and challenges. A couple grows in holiness by journeying with Christ through the mystery of His life and that of His Passion, Death, Resurrection, and Glorious Ascension (the Paschal Mystery).

Pope Francis emphasizes in Amoris Laetitia that married love is “a process of constant growth,” such that “a love that fails to grow is at risk” (no. 134). The Paschal Mystery unfolds again and again throughout marriage and invites spouses to continually grow in love. There are Holy Thursdays, times of loving service when couples put their own needs in second place. There are Good Fridays, times of suffering, tragedies, even death. There are Holy Saturdays, times of waiting and uncertainty when all seems dark and the couple wonders what is to come and even if their marriage will survive. Then there are Easter Sundays, when renewed faith or celebrations such as the marriage of a child or the birth of a grandchild bring new hope. Through all of these moments, a couple can grow in love and holiness.

Reflection
When he returned from his tour in Iraq, the baby was nine months old. He felt like an outsider in his own family. There was no way he could fully explain what his past year had been like, and he had missed so much at home. The baby didn’t know him and certainly didn’t seem to need anyone but Mom. His wife was thrilled that he was home, but she resented that his return had thrown a wrench into her well-established routine. They felt a great distance between them. Memories of the happy days when they were first married helped to give them faith that God meant for them to be together, and they looked with hope to better days ahead. She found support from other military spouses; he found sound advice in his talks with their pastor. Now, their baby is four years old. Their marriage and their family bond are strong. They volunteer as a mentor couple to support other military couples struggling with similar transitions.

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

(1) Think of a time from the past when your marriage went through a transition. Describe life before, during and after the transition. What got you through? How was God present to you?

(2) How has surviving a time of trial, either personally or in your marriage, better equipped you to support others who are suffering or struggling?

Prayer of Married Couples
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
so that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Day Seven: Marriage Is a School of Love and Gratitude

Breaking Open the Theme
As Adam recognized Eve as God’s gift to him, likewise spouses should recognize each other as God’s gift in their lives. Marriage is “a school for nurturing gratitude for the gifts of God and for openness to the gifts of God that are proper to marriage,” such as sexual intimacy and children (USCCB, Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan, p. 50). Through life’s journey, sometime a husband or wife may need to reflect on the gift of the other, especially when misunderstandings or difficulties arise. To remember how this person came to offer love so unexpectedly or how one recognized the other as “made for you” is to be humbled by the divine gift you have received.

In those moments of remembering, thankfulness should fill one’s heart. Spousal gratitude is linked to conjugal charity. It will help husband and wife to persevere in fidelity, kindness, communication, and mutual assistance. “In the joys of their love and family life, he [Jesus] gives them [spouses] here on earth a foretaste of the wedding feast of the Lamb,” (Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia, no. 73).

Reflection
Watching her husband reading to their young children one evening, her heart swelled in gratitude for the tender and loving man that God had made for her. Catching her look of love, he paused and looked deeply into her eyes, returning her smile. He savored the moment of peace and the warmth of his family surrounding him, thinking that he certainly had so much to be grateful for. Later, after the children were tucked in bed, she embraced him and told him how grateful she was to have him. He wondered aloud, “God has given us so much, I’ve been feeling lately like we certainly have a lot to offer another child…”

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

(1) List five ways that you show gratitude toward your spouse. Which two ways does he/she like best? Resolve to do those two more often.

(2) What good thing did your spouse do recently that you could have thanked him or her for, but didn’t? Make a note to remember next time.

Prayer of Married Couples
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
so that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Virtual Retreats Homepage

Try a Five-Point Tune-Up For Your Marriage

At the end of each summer, my husband and I receive a letter that urges us to have our heating system checked before the Fall. It’s usually slipped through the mail slot on an oppressive August day, when more warmth is the last thing I’m thinking about it. But I realize the wisdom of preventive maintenance now, before a breakdown occurs.

Marriages, too, benefit from preventive maintenance. Do you need to discuss a stressful issue before it erupts? Are you looking for an activity or two to rejuvenate your marriage? The end of summer is a good time to plan for marriage maintenance, before the busyness of Fall kicks in. Here’s a five-point list to get started:

  • Talk Turkey. Thanksgiving (and Christmas) turkey, that is. Where will you be spending the holidays? Do you turn into jugglers, trying to balance the expectations of both sets of in-laws? If the two of you agree on a plan now, you’ll be ready to deal with the situation in a way that’s fair to everyone. An added advantage: If you’re flying for the holidays, you’ll be able to shop early for cheaper air fares and the dates you want.
  • Fall for each other—again. Fun fall getaways abound, everything from pumpkin patches and apple-picking to colorful college football games and tailgate parties. Get out your calendars now and pencil in a few dates. Don’t forget that romantic drive to view the fall foliage.
  • Show me the money. The last quarter of the year can bring higher household expenses, including costs associated with the holidays. Can your budget handle it? Be prepared by reviewing your financial status and making any needed adjustments to your spending and saving.
  • Go back to school. Maybe not literally, but Fall is an excellent time to learn a new skill or try a new activity. Check out the offerings from your local public school system or community college. Read the parish bulletin or website to see what’s being planned. Sign up—finally!—to walk for your favorite cause. Learning or doing something new, especially if you do it together, can enrich your marriage. If you decide on different activities, share your experiences with your spouse and bring a new dimension to your marriage.
  • Get fit—spiritually. Summer often means a break from routine. Have you let your spiritual practices slide over the past couple months? Rather than become discouraged, make a September resolution to improve. Schedule time for prayer and spiritual reading, even if it’s only a few minutes. Consider setting aside time to pray with your spouse (see Who Me, Pray?…With Her?). Bring closure to the summer by celebrating the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

Lenten Resolutions for Married Couples, Inspired by Pope Francis

Are you wondering how to grow in holiness this Lent, together with your spouse? Try following some advice from the Pope! In his homilies and addresses, Pope Francis has spoken quite directly about how husband and wife should treat each other, about prayer within the family, and other ways the family lives its identity as a “domestic Church.” So this Lent, why not commit with your spouse to try one of the following Lenten resolutions, based on words from the Holy Father?

1. Be courteous to your spouse. Use polite requests: “May I? Can I?” For example, “Would you like for us to do this?” and “Do you want to go out tonight?”

“To ask permission means to know how to enter with courtesy into the lives of others. …True love does not impose itself harshly and aggressively.” (Address to Engaged Couples, Rome, Feb. 14, 2014.)

2. Say “thank you” to your spouse. “It seems so easy to say these words, but we know that it is not. But it is important! … It is important to keep alive the awareness that the other person is a gift from God – and for the gifts of God we say thank you!” (Address to Engaged Couples, Rome, Feb. 14, 2014)

3. Ask forgiveness from your spouse. Say, “I’m sorry.”

“Let us learn to acknowledge our mistakes and to ask to forgiveness. ‘Forgive me if today I raised my voice’; ‘I’m sorry if I passed without greeting you’; ‘excuse me if I was late’.” (Address to Engaged Couples, Rome, Feb. 14, 2014)

“Never let the sun go down without making peace! Never, never, never!” (Address to Engaged Couples, Rome, Feb. 14, 2014)

“It is important to have the courage to ask forgiveness when we are at fault in the family.” (Address to Participants in the Pilgrimage of Families, Rome, Oct. 26, 2013)

4. Pray together with your spouse and family.

“Praying the Our Father together, around the table, is not something extraordinary: it’s easy. And praying the Rosary together, as a family, is very beautiful and a source of great strength! And also praying for one another! The husband for his wife, the wife for her husband, both together for their children, the children for their grandparents…praying for each other. This is what it means to pray in the family and it is what makes the family strong: prayer.” (Homily for Family Day, Rome, Oct. 27, 2013)

Pray to the Lord to “multiply your love and give it to you fresh and good each day.” Pray together, “Lord, give us this day our daily love.” (Address to Engaged Couples, Rome, Feb. 14, 2014)

5. Visit the elderly, especially your grandparents. “Grandparents are like the wisdom of the family, they are the wisdom of a people. … Listen to your grandparents.” (Address to Participants in the Pilgrimage of Families, Rome, Oct. 26, 2013)

“How important grandparents are for family life, for passing on the human and religious heritage which is so essential for each and every society!” (Angelus at World Youth Day, Rio de Janeiro, July 26, 2013)

6. Share the faith with others. “Christian families are missionary families. …They are missionary also in everyday life, in their doing everyday things, as they bring to everything the salt and the leaven of faith!” (Homily for Family Day, Rome, Oct. 27, 2013)

About the author
Bethany Meola is the former Assistant Director of the USCCB Secretariat of Laity, Marriage, Family Life, and Youth. She hopes to grow in holiness during Lent with her husband, Dan.

Marriage Retreat 2016: “A Retreat With Pope Francis”

Day One: Marriage Is The Icon Of God’s Love

Pope Francis:
“The image of God is the married couple: the man and the woman; not only the man, not only the woman, but both of them together. This is the image of God: love, God’s covenant with us is represented in that covenant between man and woman. And this is very beautiful!” (General Audience, April 2, 2014)

Breaking open the theme:
It is a beautiful truth! A husband and wife image God in their marital union. As the Second Vatican Council taught, married love is “caught up” in the divine love of God, who is a Communion of Persons: Father, Son and Holy Spirit (Gaudium et Spes, no. 48). In the union of husband and wife there is mutual love and reciprocity, which reflects the love of God Himself. In Ephesians, St. Paul teaches that Christian spouses reflect a “great mystery”: the nuptial relationship between Christ and His Church (Eph 5:21-22). In their ordinary lives, husbands and wives can be a visible sign of Christ’s love for His Church by giving themselves in fidelity and service to each other and to those around them. This is a high calling…and a beautiful one!

Reflection:
Think of an example of a good marriage. The husband and wife go out of their way to do nice things for each other. They give of their time and energy without asking for anything in return. They are faithfully committed to their marriage and are ready to make sacrifices for the other. Some could say they are head-over-heels in love with one another, even after many years! Does this describe your marriage? When spouses exhibit marital behavior like this, they help us understand what it means that marriage is an image of God’s love. Husbands and wives are called to display those qualities of love that Christ Himself displayed on the Cross.

Put it into practice:

  1. Pray: Read together 1 Corinthians 13, St. Paul’s hymn of love.
  2. Reflect: Is your love for each other patient, kind, etc. (from the list in 1 Corinthians)? Where can you grow?
  3. Do: Place a picture from your wedding day in a well-trafficked area of your home (if there’s not one already), and put on it or next to it the words, “We are called to be an image of God’s love.” Consider this your daily reminder.

Prayer for Married Couples:
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Day Two: Christian Love Is Concrete

Pope Francis:
“You see that the love John speaks of [1 Jn 4:11-18] is not the love of soap operas! No, it is something else. Christian love has a particular quality: concreteness. Jesus Himself, when He speaks of love, speaks to us about concrete things: feeding the hungry, visiting the sick, and many concrete things. Love is concrete.” (Mass at Casa Santa Marta, January 9, 2014)

Breaking open the theme:
The love between Christian spouses should not rely on romantic feelings alone. As Pope Francis said, Christian love is concrete. It reveals itself in our everyday lives. Words and affectionate language have their place, but actions speak volumes as well. Christian love is marked by selflessness. It seeks to give rather than receive. Spouses are called to love in this way: to give to their spouse in the practical happenings of everyday life.

Reflection:
As time passed and they grew out of their “newlywed phase,” Jimmy and Sandra found that the affectionate language they had once used was fading. Instead of being sad about leaving an intensely romantic period in their marriage, the bride and groom developed new ways of showing their love for one another. A heartfelt “Good Morning, I Love You!” conversation turned into doing both the cooking and cleaning when one of them had a long day at work. And yet, as more of their romantic notions transformed into practical self-gifts and mutual service, the couple found that they fell even more deeply in love.

Put it into practice:

  1. Pray: Read Matthew 25:31-46 together with your spouse.
  2. Reflect: Think about the concrete acts of the love in this passage: feeding the hungry, visiting the sick, etc. Which is hardest for you, and why?
  3. Do: Is there a chore your beloved dislikes? Do it for them…with a smile.

Prayer for Married Couples:
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Day Three: The Family Is The Domestic Church

Pope Francis:
“Families are the domestic Church, where Jesus grows; he grows in the love of spouses, he grows in the lives of children.” (National Convocation of the “Renewal of the Spirit,” June 4, 2014)

Breaking open the theme:
The family can be seen as a domestic Church in two main ways, as explained in the bishops’ pastoral letter Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan (pp. 38ff). First, the family is a community that is nourished by the Church, especially through the Sacraments. Second, the family is a reflection of the life of the Church. It is called to be a place of faith, hope and love, just like the larger Church. The love of Christ abides and “grows” in the family, as Pope Francis said. In the domestic Church, spouses and children learn how to share Christ’s love. The Catechism of the Catholic Church says, “Here [in the home] one learns endurance and the joy of work, fraternal love, generous — even repeated — forgiveness, and above all divine worship in prayer and the offering of one’s life” (no. 1657).

Reflection:
When Dave and Katie were dating and engaged, they often went to Mass together or prayed a rosary together. As they started their journey as a married couple, they quickly realized how essential these times of prayer were. They noticed that when they slacked in their faith life together, their marital happiness decreased too. But when they relied on the Sacraments and participated in the life of the Church, they found it easier to mirror that life of love in their own relationship. As Dave and Katie’s first child Maria grew, she began to imitate the loving and prayerful acts that her parents demonstrated, and the family grew together as a domestic Church.

Put it into practice:

  1. Pray: Read Philippians 4:6-7 together with your spouse.
  2. Reflect: How do you incorporate prayer in your marriage? In the lives of your children?
  3. Do: If you don’t have prayer as part of your nighttime routine, add it tonight. Consider the Ignatian “examen” in honor of Pope Francis’s Jesuit vocation.

Prayer for Married Couples:
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Day Four: Christ Gives Couples The Confidence To Say “Yes” Forever

Pope Francis:
“We must not allow ourselves to be conquered by a ‘throwaway culture’. This fear of ‘forever’ is cured by entrusting oneself day by day to the Lord Jesus in a life that becomes a daily spiritual path of mutual growth, step by step.” (Valentine’s Day Address to Engaged Couples, February 14, 2014)

Breaking open the theme:
Many in our culture today think that it is not possible to love another person for the entirety of one’s life. Some protest that love “dies out” and say you can move on and find another person. Pope Francis, however, says that the fear of lifelong commitment is resolved by relying on Christ. In the Our Father, we say, “Give us this day our daily bread”; for Christian couples, we must also ask, “Give us this day our daily love.” If a Christian couple entrusts their love to Christ, He will sustain and multiply it. “He has an infinite reserve!” the Pope said.

Reflection:
Juan and Louisa had been married for about fifteen years when Louisa decided that she just didn’t feel that “spark of love” any longer. She convinced herself that their marriage was doomed and it was about time to call it quits. As she came home from work that day and went to approach her husband about her decision, she found him praying by their bedside. He prayed, “Lord, I feel as if my wife doesn’t love me anymore. I just don’t know where to go from here… Please take control of our marriage and help us to love each other as we once did.” Immediately, her heart was moved as she realized that a “spark” would not save their marriage, but Christ could.

Put it into practice:

  1. Pray: Pray a rosary together – or just a decade – and focus on how Mary relied not on her own strength but on God’s.
  2. Reflect: How can you rely on Christ in your love for your spouse?
  3. Do: Write your spouse a note about how your feelings for him or her have deepened over time.

Prayer for Married Couples:
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Day Five: Three Pillars Of The Spousal Relationship

Pope Francis:
“Faithfulness, perseverance, and fruitfulness are the three pillars of Christ’s love for His bride, the Church – three characteristics that are also at the heart of Christian marriage.” (Mass in Casa Santa Marta with Fifteen Married Couples, June 11, 2014)

Breaking open the theme:
When constructing a building, a blueprint is essential. When getting married, a bride and groom find the “blueprint” for their marriage in Jesus Christ. Looking at Jesus, husbands and wives see the “pillars” of their marital home, as Pope Francis so aptly described. Christ’s love is faithful: he will never leave or forsake his beloved, the Church. Christ’s love perseveres: he told his disciples, “I am with you always, until the end of the age” (Mt 28:20). Christ’s love is fruitful: “Whoever remains in me…will bear much fruit” (Jn 15:5). Fidelity, perseverance, and fruitfulness are the “pillars” that hold up the marital home, making it a place of peace and joy for all its members.

Reflection:
Runners know all about perseverance. There’s a moment in every run – maybe the 10 mile mark, maybe the 1-lap mark – when the body protests, “No more!” and every pace is painful. But if you fight through the discomfort, on the other side is a second wind. Marriage, too, has moments where one more minute feels impossible. Veteran married couples advise to take a deep breath, say a prayer, seek help, but by all means, keep going! The best is yet to come.

Put it into Practice:

  1. Pray: Read Psalm 136 together with your spouse; “God’s love endures forever” (NAB).
  2. Reflect: Think back on a time when the going got tough. How did you get through it? Maybe you’re in a tough time now; don’t be afraid to ask for help.
  3. Do: Reach out to another married couple you know and invite them to a night of prayer and fellowship.

Prayer for Married Couples:
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Day Six: The Family As The Birthplace Of Communication And Love

Pope Francis:
“In the family, we learn to embrace and support one another, to discern the meaning of facial expressions and moments of silence, to laugh and cry together… This greatly helps us to understand the meaning of communication as recognizing and creating closeness.” (World Communications Day 2015, January 23, 2015)

Breaking open the theme:
Communication skills are commonly taught in marriage preparation classes, and for good reason. Communication happens every day in a couple’s relationship. Good communication solidifies a relationship while bad communication leads to squabbles and misunderstandings. Pope Francis encourages married couples to see communication as a way of building communion: “creating closeness.” When done respectfully and with love, simple requests, or planning the day’s activities, can foster a sense of unity. Learning to listen well shows respect to the other person. Families have a unique role in modeling how patient, loving communication is possible.

Reflection:
John and Doreen knew something needed to be changed in the way they spoke to each other. After 22 years of marriage, subtle (or not-so-subtle) tones of disrespect and sarcasm had crept into their words. Both of them often felt hurt and misunderstood. But they wanted to improve their communication, and little by little learned to speak gently and respectfully to each other. It took practice, but they began to see how asking politely for the salt and listening attentively to the other person’s story created a renewed sense of unity and closeness.

Put it into Practice:

  1. Pray: Prayer is a kind of communication, with God! Try praying out loud with your family, sharing with your loving Father the ups and downs of your day.
  2. Reflect: What are your “triggers” for bad communication? For example, do you tend to communicate poorly when you are rushing out the door, or when you’re tired? Talk about how you can better deal with those situations.
  3. Do: Spend a half hour in heartfelt communication with your spouse: make eye contact, have no distractions, and be attentive. Take turns, and notice how pleasant it is to be heard.

Prayer for Married Couples:
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Day Seven: Take Forward The Meaning Of Family

Pope Francis:
“Do not hide your faith, do not hide Jesus, but carry him into the world and offer the witness of your family life!” (Meeting with Families in the Philippines, January 16, 2015)

Breaking open the theme:
Did you know that families are called to be missionaries? For some families, that may mean moving around the world to share the Gospel with people who don’t know Jesus. But for most families, being missionaries means living the Gospel in the midst of your daily family life: carrying Jesus “into the world,” as Pope Francis says. Offering “the witness of your family life” in the carpool, at work, at soccer practice, in the grocery store. Families are challenged not to be closed in on their own needs and concerns, but to be open to others. A particular witness is being welcoming to people without families or with difficult family situations, for example widows, children of divorce, and single people. “Do not hide Jesus!” Pope Francis exhorts.

Reflection:
At first, Patty and Mike were intimidated by the idea of serving others. Service and evangelization weren’t part of their childhood experiences, and they felt overwhelmed by the demands of their jobs and home life. But they were inspired by the example of another couple at their parish who found simple ways to reach out: calling an elderly widow to check in, making a meal for an ill parishioner, and so on. Patty and Mike started to brainstorm how their family could serve others. They started by inviting college students over for dinner, and even that little act of hospitality made their whole family feel more alive.

Put it into Practice:

  1. Pray: Together, ask God to show you how your family can reach out to others right now, in whatever circumstances you are currently in.
  2. Reflect: Talk about families you know who exemplify being missionaries to those around them. Do they give you any ideas?
  3. Do: As a family, choose one way to serve others in the coming months. Keep it simple, and try to involve everyone.

Prayer for Married Couples:
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

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A Marriage Bonded by Love and Faith

Barnes PhotoHe is laid back, she is outgoing. He likes to relax at home, she likes to go out and have fun. He’s pretty quiet, she’s a conversationalist. He has two left feet, she can cut a rug. He is short, she is tall. You would think with all of these differences, they would make quite an odd couple. But they have one thing in common that makes them a match made in heaven. That commonality is an abiding love of God. How do we know? Well, this couple is us.

When we met in April 2005, we had no idea how our lives were about to change. We fell in love quickly and decided to get engaged. Then in July, Marc’s father passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. And in August, the tragedy of Hurricane Katrina struck. While we were trying to get to know each other, we were also dealing with some very difficult pressures. We managed by reading the Bible together…every day. We asked God for guidance because we did not know what path we were being led to take. One thing became clear to both of us. God put us together and we just had to figure out the rest.

Our faith is the glue that keeps everything together. We never make a big decision without praying about it and when there are challenges, we deal with them straight on. But it hasn’t always been easy. There have been times when things could have gone the other way, both before we were married and after. When those times came, we discussed the issues, we looked for Bible verses that addressed what we were going through and we prayed. We were always able to figure it out. Now that we know each other well, those more difficult times don’t happen as often, but when they do, we turn to God.

We are very different people with different interests and sometimes even different expectations. We deal with those differences by communicating them. Marc is usually the one who forces the conversations. Kiki always (although sometimes reluctantly) opens up. We don’t yell. We just discuss. And we are honest about what we are feeling. We respect our differences. Sometimes we playfully tease each other about them. We never discuss a winner or loser in a disagreement and when it’s over, it’s over. We find the compromise and move forward.

We consider each other God’s gift to us. If you are considering marriage, consider if you are willing to compromise for your future spouse. Sometimes that means conceding. Are you willing to do that? Be completely honest, even when it’s hard. Is your fiancé/e God’s gift to you? And when you are married and difficulties occur, first turn to God. Then put in the hard work of communication, counseling and compromise. This, along with the strength of your faith and your love for each other will get you through. We are a living testament.

About the authors
Marc is the Vice President for Institutional Advancement at Dillard University. He enjoys running and weight lifting during his spare time. Kiki Baker Barnes, Ph. D. is the Athletic Director at Dillard University. In her leisure, she enjoys learning how to play the electric bass guitar. Marc and Kiki Barnes have a daughter and son. They will celebrate their 10th wedding anniversary in November 2015.

Five Suggestions for Holy Week

Palm Sunday marks the beginning of the most solemn week of the Church’s liturgical year. During Holy Week, the Church celebrates the mysteries of salvation accomplished by Christ in the last days of his earthly life, beginning with the triumphal entry into Jerusalem.

For nearly 40 days the Christian faithful have practiced the disciplines of Lent: prayer, fasting and good works. Now the Church invites us to an even deeper spirit of prayer as we follow Christ on his journey to the cross.

Here are five suggestions for couples to use this week as an opportunity to grow in holiness as individuals and as a couple.

1. What do you do with the palm branches you bring home from Palm Sunday Mass? Consider a simple ceremony to place them in your home. See below for a suggested ritual.

2. During the week pray the Seven Penitential Psalms together. These are especially appropriate during Lent. Prayerfully reciting these psalms helps us to recognize our sinfulness, express our sorrow and ask for God’s forgiveness.

3. Celebrate the Sacrament of Penance if you haven’t already done so during Lent. Many parishes have extra hours and/or communal penance services during Holy Week.

4. Attend a service together on Holy Thursday and/or Good Friday. On Thursday, the Church recalls the Last Supper and Jesus’ gift of His Body and Blood. On Friday, parishes hold services to celebrate the Passion of the Lord; many have Stations of the Cross as well.

5. On Holy Saturday, pray for those who will be received into the Catholic Church during the Easter Vigil. Pray, too, for a deepening of your own faith and the grace to endure the suffering and celebrate the joys of married life.

A SUGGESTED RITUAL FOR PLACING PALM BRANCHES IN THE HOME

After dinner or at another time on Palm Sunday, the household gathers where the palms have been placed, perhaps near a crucifix or the family Bible.

All make the sign of the cross. The leader begins:

Hosanna in the highest!

Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.

R/. Hosanna in the highest!

The leader may use these or similar words to introduce the prayer:

We have come to the last days of Lent. Today we heard the reading of the Passion. That story will remain with us as we leave Lent behind on Holy Thursday and enter into the Three Days when we celebrate the mystery of Christ’s passing through suffering and death to life at God’s right hand.

Listen to the words of the second Letter of St. Paul to the Corinthians: 4:10-11:

[We are] always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our body. For we who live are constantly being given up to death for the sake of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may be manifested in our mortal flesh.

Reader: The Word of the Lord.

R/. Thanks be to God.

After a time of silence, members of the household join in prayers of intercession. The intercessions are followed by the Lord’s Prayer. The leader continues:

Let us pray.

Blessed are you, God of Israel, so rich in love and mercy.
Let these branches ever remind us of Christ’s triumph.
May we who bear them rejoice in his Cross
and sing your praise forever and ever.

R/. Amen.

The leader concludes:

Let us bless the Lord.

All respond, making the sign of the cross:

Thanks be to God.

“Marriage And Mercy” Retreat Day Four: Mercy And Tenderness

Quote for reflection:
“Merciful love also means the cordial tenderness and sensitivity so eloquently spoken of in the parable of the prodigal son, and also in the parables of the lost sheep and the lost coin. Consequently, merciful love is supremely indispensable between those who are closest to one another: between husbands and wives, between parents and children, between friends.” – St. John Paul II, Dives in Misericordia, no. 14

Breaking open the theme:
St. John Paul II, in his encyclical “Rich in Mercy,” gives some helpful descriptors of mercy: tenderness and sensitivity. Consider the Scripture story he references, the return of the prodigal son. In this story – beloved also by Pope Francis – the father is a model of tenderness. He yearns for his son’s return and he runs to meet him, embracing him in a joyful, tender hug. He doesn’t first tell him what he did wrong; first he assures him of his love. It can be hard to be merciful when someone close to you has let you down. But an attitude of tenderness can help see the whole person and not just his or her failings, and goes a long way in mending relationships.

Real-life example:
Ronald set high standards for himself and his family: his wife of eighteen years, Jackie, and their four children. When one of them made a mistake or did something wrong, his manner was stern and he made very clear his disappointment. His well-intentioned goal was to help his family grow in virtue. But one evening after chastising his daughter for a poor grade, she shouted at him, “You are always so harsh!” Stung, Ronald spoke with his wife and to his surprise, she agreed that he could lighten up a bit. “Maybe be a little more kind,” she said, “more tender. We’re all trying our best, after all.” While it felt uncomfortable at first, Ronald started to make a conscious effort to be gentler with his wife and children, and was pleased to see their relationships deepen in ways they hadn’t before.

Put it into practice:

  1. Pray: Read the Scripture story of the prodigal son (Lk 15: 11-32) together.
  2. Reflect: How can you be tenderer toward your spouse and children?
  3. Do: The next time your spouse or child does something to disappoint you, try to temper your disapproval with an affirmation of their goodness and your love for them.

Prayer for married couples:
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

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