Tag Archives: Living the Domestic Church

Spirituality and Faith

Many people think of spirituality as something connected to organized religion. Certainly that is one path to spirituality. Some people also consider being spiritual as the opposite of being physical. If it has to do with the body it doesn’t have to do with spirituality. Actually, spirituality touches the lives of those who go to religious services and those who don’t. It touches our physical selves as well as our souls, or unseen selves.

One newly-married wife said that she had been raised in a very religious family, but when she met her fiancé she stopped practicing her faith. He did not have a strong religious background and had no desire for a faith community, though he believed in God. Over the last year, however, she began to feel a need to attend church again. She discovered that when she goes to church she feels more peaceful. He discovered that they get along better. Even though he still does not go to church, he supports her desire to go. They both realize it will be a challenge when they have children, although he has no objection to raising them in her religious tradition.

Couples like this one do not share the way they express their spirituality, but they respect each other for the way they live out their spiritual lives. This is key. Couples who do share the same faith expression experience many benefits. Worshiping together helps them to feel closer. In difficult times their shared reliance on religious beliefs can bring comfort.

Spirituality influences how we view the world and relationships. After 9/11, the United States saw a kind of spiritual awakening. Attendance at religious services increased and people talked about the meaning of life and the spirit of sacrifice. Married couples talked more openly about their love for each another and not taking the other for granted.

For most people, the desire for a spiritual dimension in their life is strong and finding a way to express it is a quest. We live out, as best we can, what we believe is a good life in conformity with our values. This sometimes puts us at odds with our culture. “Love does no evil to the neighbor;” says St. Paul in his letter to the Romans, “therefore, love is the fulfillment of the law.” Our efforts to live a good life, to live with love as our north star, will be the hallmark of our spiritual selves.

For Further Reading:

A Marriage Blessing

This blessing is an adaptation of a beannacht, an ancient Hebrew form of blessing used to communicate the power of the Divine within families and later within believing communities. This beannacht is dedicated to married couples.

PROMISE
by Mary Jo Pedersen

On the day when your promise of commitment weighs heavily on your shoulders and you stoop beneath its burden, may the promise dance within you to strengthen you.

And when your embraces lose their warmth and become like rituals of duty, and the ghost of romance disappears behind a long day’s toil, may the promise wrap around you and hold you close and surround you with love from its Source.

When the bitter winds of change transform your early loveliness into roughened hands and smile lines, may there come across your faces an easy knowing, a comfortable peace, a deep rooted-ness that connects you to the eternal promise of Love Beyond All Imagining.

May the new life of creation be yours. May the comfort of the sunshine be yours. May the soft earth nourish you and make you strong for one another and for your children and restore your resolve for promising.

And so may a soaking rain work these words of promise and peace into you, protecting you from harm and harboring you in the presence of one another for eternity.

How Much Does Faith Matter?

The Situation

Mary’s faith has always been very important to her. Her husband, Ted, was raised Christian but now considers himself an agnostic. He’s not anti-God; he just doesn’t know that God has anything to do with his life here on earth.

This didn’t bother Mary when they first got married since she knew Ted to be a good and moral man who did not interfere with her practice of her Catholic faith. Mary and Ted, however, now have a child who is preparing for first Eucharist and asking why Dad doesn’t join them at Mass. Mary also finds herself a little resentful that she and their son go to church every Sunday while Ted sleeps in or plays golf.

Ted has also been dealing with stress at work lately and seems depressed at home. Mary thinks that it would help Ted cope if he had God in his life. She’d feel they had a much more cohesive family if they could share faith and go to church together. What should Mary do?

  • Mary could talk to Ted about how important faith is to her and ask Ted to join her in faith for the sake of their marriage.
  • Mary could leave pamphlets around the house or ask Ted to join her for faith-sharing or enrichment talks sponsored by the parish or diocese.
  • Mary could ask Ted to go to RCIA to learn more about her faith and perhaps decide to embrace it for himself.
  • Mary should accept the fact that faith and God are not important to Ted and not try to change him.
  • All Mary can do is pray.

A Response

It certainly is painful when something important, indeed something core to one’s being like faith, is not shared by your spouse. It is difficult enough when a spouse belongs to a different faith tradition but even more so when Ted not only rejects organized religion, but also does not seem to value a spiritual life.

While no one can or should force another to believe in God or practice a religion, that doesn’t mean that God might not work through the believing spouse’s example of a faith-filled life. Assuming that Mary has already asked Ted to join her for worship and he has declined, another step might be to attend something together that is less directly religious but focused on parenting or marriage enrichment. Often parishes or dioceses sponsor such programs that are value based.

Also, Mary could look around for an inspiring speaker who talks on faith issues and ask Ted to accompany her–not for conversion but for support. Another route would be to find short, inspirational articles that address common human concerns such as depression, living a more fulfilling life, or communication in marriage. She could start with an article on this ForYourMarriage website or other resources such as CareNotes (www.onecaringplace.com). Although Ted probably would not yet be receptive to having a chat with a priest, perhaps there is a respected friend who could talk about why he or she is a person of faith. If Ted can find encouraging insights through spiritual talks or reading it might stir him to take another look at organized religion.

So Mary can do a number of things to introduce Ted to a healthy, meaningful spiritual life, but the most important question is, “Is Ted a good man? Does he live by values consistent with the gospels even if he does not claim Jesus Christ or any particular religion?” If indeed he has a strong moral compass but is not ready to join Mary in religious practices, leave the rest up to God. Who knows path God will use to draw him close. Of course, Mary should continue to pray that she might be a worthy instrument of God’s grace in their life together.

About the author
Susan Vogt is an author and speaker on marriage, parenting, and spirituality. Her website is SusanVogt.net.

Read more Marriage Rx prescriptions.

Every Marriage is a Mixed Religion Marriage

Pam is an active Catholic attending Mass every Sunday, while Joe comes from a “Christmas, Easter, and funerals” family. They are both Catholics, but theirs is also a mixed religion marriage. Although they were both baptized in the same faith tradition, they are coming to realize that the similarity of their religious practice ends there.

“Mixed religion” usually refers to a marriage in which the couple is of two different faith traditions, but actually each person approaches God in a personal as well as an “institutional” way. While some people have no religious tradition, they may be curious about religion and open to learning more. Some, often with reason, are hostile to organized religion themselves, or may be mystified that church means so much to their spouse. Still, the religion and conscience of each partner is to be treated with respect.

Successful couples, whether same or interfaith, have found common spiritual values – common ground – to celebrate and pass on to their children. Each partner should try to be a better member of his or her own religion in the process of building spirituality as a couple. The way a person, and a couple, decides to grow closer to God – to be holy – will vary from family to family. However, with humility, we can find common ground. Investigate your own, or your spouse’s, faith tradition and learn about one custom or prayer practice that is new to you.

Try praying with your spouse in his or her tradition. Invite your spouse to pray with you. Build bridges of understanding. Learn about a religion that you know little about now. Ask a neighbor or friend whose religion is different to tell some stories of their own religious upbringing.

About the author
Lauri Przybysz is the Coordinator of Marriage and Family Enrichment for the Archdiocese of Baltimore

Recognizing the Invisible in Our Midst

We are involved with a group of people who pray for others. It’s called a prayer line, and as is most convenient these days, we get e-mails every time someone presents a new petition to the prayer line. We have prayed for sick people, those facing divorce, those whose relatives are being sentenced to prison, world leaders, and almost any other concern you can think of. We don’t just ask for things though. Sometimes we’re asked to give thanks for a tragedy averted, and sometimes to praise God for the glorious world he has given us.

We’re relatively new at this; we just started this summer. We didn’t even know it existed before we had something we were worried about and a friend said that she’d bring it to the prayer line. We don’t know who we’re praying for, (none of the requests have names attached) and we only know a few other people who are also receiving these messages, but it ties us in to all people who are praying somehow, and also to all people in need of prayer. It has built in us a great sense of community.

Our spiritual life has many facets and some may not regard the same things spiritual that we do. For instance, we consider that we are acting spiritually when we drive a child to practice, get stopped by a train, pick up ingredients for dinner, clean old newspapers out of the porch, and gently (or not so gently) remind each other of the obligations he or she has to the family before the end of the day. God is everywhere, and to us that has always meant that we will encounter God by doing all the jobs in our lives. The more we can do them with patience and good humor the more likely we are to encounter God there, we think.

Some couples say that they strongly believe that God intended them to be together; even that God had a hand in their coming together. For our marriage, it seems that God is like the air that surrounds us. God sustains us even though much of the day we take that presence for granted.

When we are working hard and under physical stress, we are more conscious of the need for air. In the same way when life bats us around we’re more aware of the need for God. Then in happier times when we are feeling great we often take in a big breath just to expand our lungs and get that feeling of an abundance of life. Also when we’re celebrating the good moments we take a moment to rejoice in God’s closeness to us.

Adapted from FOUNDATIONS Newsletter