Tag Archives: Living the Domestic Church

How To Go To Confession

During the season of Lent, many Catholics will want to seek out the Sacrament of Reconciliation, or confession. In my experience as a confessor, I often encounter people who aren’t comfortable, or who don’t quite remember how Reconciliation works. So here are Fr. Larry’s tips for a good confession.

1. Know what it is you want to confess. Spend some time reflecting on your life, and examine your conscience so you know why you need God’s forgiveness.

2. Find a confessor you’re comfortable with. If you want more anonymity that you think you’ll get with a priest at your own parish, go to a neighboring parish. Lots of people do.

3. If you have lots to say, or if you will want more than a five minute conversation, don’t just get in line on a Saturday afternoon. Call a priest and make an appointment. It’s better if you don’t feel rushed.

4. Relax. If it’s been a while, or if you’re nervous, or you don’t remember how to proceed, just tell the priest. He’ll reassure you, and walk you through the process.

5. “I don’t remember the Act of Contrition.” Not to worry. After you receive your penance, and before the prayer of absolution, you need to pray an Act of Contrition. If you don’t have one memorized, you can say a prayer in your own words telling God you’re sorry for your sins, and that with his help you’ll try to do better.

6. Go regularly. Many people find it helpful to see the same confessor every few weeks. With regular confessions, particularly face-to-face, your confessor can help you look at the patterns of your life, not just individual sins.

Lent is a season of repentance for the whole Church. With a little preparation and clear communication, the Sacrament of Reconciliation can make that repentance a real force for healing in your life.

To learn more about the Sacrament of Penance, please visit this USCCB page. For individual resources (video, how-to guide, and more) please visit this USCCB page.

How to Pray With Your Spouse: Four Simple Steps

Ever wonder how to pray more intimately with your husband? Wish you were spiritually closer to your wife? Couples can learn a great deal from the Mass about how to pray together as husband and wife and how to deepen their intimacy at the same time. This is because the Mass is the perfect prayer between Christ and His Bride, the Church. Spouses who want to learn how to pray together can begin by following the same basic structure of the Mass. So let’s first look at how the People of God—the Church—pray during Mass and then we will explore four simple steps for praying with your spouse.

Structure of the Mass

The Mass consists of four parts, which include the Introductory Rite, the Liturgy of the Word, the Liturgy of the Eucharist, and the Concluding Rite. In the Introductory Rite, the Church comes together, makes the Sign of the Cross, and asks God for forgiveness, which prepares our hearts for deeper union with God. Next is the Liturgy of the Word, which is when we actively listen to the readings from scripture. This time can be likened to a conversation between Christ and the Church. Christ speaks to us in the readings, and we sing psalms to God from our hearts. Then, in the Liturgy of the Eucharist, Christ and the Church exchange their love with each other. Through the changing of bread and wine into the Body and Blood of Christ, Jesus is made substantially present to us. He then gives Himself to us in the Eucharist. At the same time, we receive Him and give ourselves back to Him, deepening an intimate union. Finally, the Concluding Rite reminds us to go in peace, glorifying the Lord with our lives.

Four simple steps

Praying with one’s spouse by following the structure of the Mass can be simple and enriching. Here is a four-step process.

Step One: Reconcile and Rejoice

First, set time aside weekly for just the two of you. Come together in a comfortable place or hold hands on a walk. Make the Sign of the Cross and take a moment to focus on being present to each other and to God, as is done at the start of the Mass. As you begin, take time to reconcile. Talk about how you might have hurt each other during the week. Then apologize and offer forgiveness. This will allow you to approach God with open hearts and to be united as you pray. Once you have reconciled, rejoice by offering a short prayer of thanksgiving to God.

Step Two: Discover God Together

Step Two is modeled on the Liturgy of the Word. After reconciling and rejoicing, spend time discovering God together. There are a number of ways to do this. For example, you could read the Bible and talk about the passage. If you don’t know where to begin in the Bible then a good option is to read the Gospel passage that will be proclaimed at the next Sunday Mass. You can find Sunday readings at the USCCB’s Daily Readings.

An additional option is to read the Psalms, which have been called the “book of prayer.” The Psalms express sorrow and joy, fear and hope, longing for God, and praise. By scanning the titles of each Psalm you and your spouse will easily find one that you can relate to. Pray it slowly aloud and then discuss how it stirs your emotions or what it leads you to think about.

Another way to approach God together can simply involve talking about what is on your hearts and minds. What are you thankful for this week? What challenges are creeping up in your life? What do you need from each other and from God? Answer these questions honestly and then offer prayers of petition to God. Remember to give thanks as you see God faithfully answering your prayers.

Step Three: Share Your Love

Step Three relates to the Liturgy of the Eucharist. After discovering God together, you can deepen your prayer and intimacy by sharing your love with each other. Sharing your love in the context of prayer may include a kiss, resting in each other’s arms, caring for an ill spouse, giving words of affirmation, or any other meaningful way you communicate your love. Again, have a thankful heart as your intimacy is deepened in the presence of God.

Step Four: Serve Each Other

As your time together draws to a close, remember to go in peace and to serve the Lord in each other. Prayer and intimacy never end! Let your service and intimacy live on throughout every day, as you go about cooking, cleaning, listening, working, and so on. The fruit that will come from your prayer routine will bless your marriage, deepen your love for God and each other, and allow you to reflect the love relationship between Christ and his beloved spouse, the Church.

About the Author
Dr. Chris Stravitsch is the Founder of Rejoice Counseling Apostolate and Cofounder of the St. John Paul II Foundation. He earned a Doctor of Ministry from The Catholic University of America, where he focused his research on the spiritual formation of couples and families.

What is a Patron Saint?

Anyone who grew up watching television star Danny Thomas in the 1950s and 1960s is familiar with St. Jude, the patron saint of hopeless causes and desperate situations. Anyone who has happened by Fifth Avenue in New York City on a March 17th has discovered, if they didn’t already know, that the patron saint of Ireland is St. Patrick.

St. Jude and St. Patrick are just two of hundreds of patron saints who serve as special protectors or advocates for churches; individuals; for countries, cities, and towns; for occupational groups; and for persons with special needs.

Most churches are named after saints, a tradition that arose when Christians began to build churches over the tombs of martyrs. For example, St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome rests on the site where St. Peter, the Apostle and first Pope, is thought to have been buried.

Countries have patron saints: the United States venerates the Immaculate Conception of Mary; Scotland, St. Andrew the Apostle. Some cities are even named after patron saints; for example, San Francisco was named after Saint Francis of Assisi in 1776, when the Spanish established a mission on the site.

When a child is baptized, he or she takes the name of a canonized saint, although children can also be named after some specific words with Christian associations. For example, the names Charity and Prudence, two Christian virtues, were at one time quite popular names. When a child is confirmed, the name of a canonized saint is chosen as the confirmation name.

One accusation leveled at Catholics is that they worship saints, a practice that should be reserved for God alone. This is a misunderstanding of Catholic teaching, which is that saints are venerated, but only God is adored. Is that a distinction without a difference? Not really.

Perhaps the distinction can best be explained by the reasons for which patron saints are chosen. One reason is that patron saints are chosen for their special ability not to act in the place of God, but rather to intercede with God on behalf of the petitioner. A heart patient, for example, might pray directly to God for relief from her condition. But she might also pray to St. John of God, the patron saint for people with heart conditions, to intercede with God on her behalf.

That this form of prayer is effective can be seen in the miraculous healings of individuals who have petitioned a particular saint to intercede for them. In fact, one cannot be canonized a saint without two miracles (direct interventions of God that cannot be explained by natural science) attributed to their intercession.

A second reason patron saints are chosen is not to worship them, but simply to honor them for the lives they led. In fact, it’s both a form of honor and a form of aspiration. Saints are canonized in recognition of their virtuous lives; specifically, making of their lives examples of the theological virtues of faith, hope, and charity, and the cardinal virtues of prudence, justice, temperance, and fortitude. By choosing special saints for baptismal names or professional patrons, we not only honor the lives they led but also use their good example to aspire to the kinds of lives we know we should lead ourselves.

Many patron saints gained their designation centuries ago; some are more recent. As occupations change, so does the need for new patron saints. Some may be chosen years from now among the ranks of those living today. Business executives have as yet no patron saint. Do you know someone in business whose life of heroic virtue would qualify them for such an honor? Now there’s an opening with a great future!

For reflection

Choose a patron saint (or saints) for your marriage with your spouse. Learn more about them, read their writings, and ask for their intercession when times are difficult.

Not sure where to start? Check out our list of married saints (below) or look up saints by patronage or date.

Sts. Louis & Zelie Martin
Bl. Ceferino Gimenez Malla
St. Elizabeth of Hungary
Bl. Frederic Ozanam
St. Jane France de Chantal
Bl. Franz Jagerstatter
St. Thomas More
St. Rita of Cascia
St. Gianna Molla
Bl. Peter To Rot
Bl. Giuseppe Tovini
St. Elizabeth Ann Seton

Finding Meaning in Suffering

“Offer it up!” If you’re a Catholic, you probably first heard it from the lips of your mother. If you’re not, you may have heard a Catholic friend say it. It can sound like hard, uncaring advice. Yet, taken in the right way, it is anything but. What does it really mean to “offer it up?”

The “it” in the saying refers to suffering. No one goes through life without suffering. It can be physical or emotional, temporary or lasting. And it can be intense, maybe the most intense experience we will have in life.

If we can’t escape suffering, how can we deal with it? Some people live by what’s been called the Pleasure Principle: “Seek pleasure; avoid pain.” That’s led some people to illegal drugs and alcohol as a way of alleviating their suffering. But as any drug addict or alcoholic can tell you, addiction just makes things worse.

A few people try to avoid suffering through suicide or euthanasia. But the mere fact that some are willing to take such a drastic step to avoid suffering raises the question: Is suffering such a great evil that it even outweighs life itself?

That may have led one Catholic writer to put it this way: “If suffering has no meaning, then life has no meaning.” Or to put it another way, since we are bound to endure suffering during our lives, we might as well find meaning in it.

So if someone suggests that you “offer it up,” they are saying more than just “Live with it” or “Get over it.” They are giving you one of the keys that open up the door to the meaning of life.

In today’s world, people often seek meaning in achievement alone: Write a prize-winning book; score a big political victory; manage a multibillion dollar company. People who achieve these great goals are people we look up to.

Yet as Christians, we are offered another role model. Saint Francis de Sales put it simply: “Live Christ.” Read the life of Christ as written in the Gospels, and what you will find is an emphasis on suffering, the sufferings of the people around him and his own suffering as well.

Human suffering was at the heart of his actions: healing the sick, consoling the afflicted, feeding the hungry, freeing people from deafness, blindness, leprosy, and many other evils that afflicted people.

Suffering was not only at the heart of Christ’s actions, but at the heart of his teaching, as Pope John Paul II has pointed out. The eight beatitudes, a guide to the Christian life, were addressed to people tried by various sufferings, namely the “poor in spirit,” the “afflicted,” the “persecuted,” among others.

And at the end of Christ’s life came his own suffering on the Cross. Most of us would flee from such suffering, but he didn’t try to avoid it. Even though he had done nothing to deserve it, he willingly offered himself up as a sacrifice for the sins of the world.

If we “live Christ,” we offer our own sufferings up, not only as a reparation for the evil things we have done in life, but also for the evil committed by those around us and by people we have never met. We share in the sufferings of Christ to help redeem a sinful world.

By doing so, we find meaning in our sufferings. In finding meaning, we can cast aside the feeling that we are being victimized; we can overcome the subconscious need to complain about our sufferings in the hope that we can transfer some of the pain to others around us; we can shift our intense focus from what ails us to what ails others. And we can also find an answer to the question: “Why me?”

Suffering is a part of life. By “offering it up,” we can find joy. Or as St. Paul said in referring to the Lord: “I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake.” Yes, “offer it up” seems like hard advice, but we have it on faith that it is a key to happiness here and in the hereafter.

Lenten Practices

During Lent, the Church encourages Catholics to observe, at a minimum, two forms of sacrifice.

Fasting was formerly observed on all days during Lent (Sundays excluded), but is now confined to Ash Wednesday and Good Friday. Fasting is obligatory for all who have completed their 18th year and have not yet reached their 60th year. It is defined as one meal a day and two smaller meals which would not exceed the main meal in quantity. Foregoing any food between meals is also part of the fast.

Abstinence requires Catholics fourteen and older to abstain from eating meat on Ash Wednesday and on all Fridays during Lent. Meat includes both mammals and fowl, such as chicken.

Fasting and abstinence are two obligations that we accept during Lent. But there are two other opportunities to deepen our spiritual lives, as well. One is prayer: personal prayer, prayer in community, and the reading of Scripture and other spiritual materials. For example, many Catholics try to attend Mass more frequently, perhaps even daily, during Lent. Other traditional Lenten devotions include attending Stations of the Cross and saying the rosary.

The second opportunity to deepen our spiritual lives is almsgiving. Caring for the poor, the hungry, and the stranger are obligations that are mentioned over and over again in both the Old and New Testaments. In Matthew’s Gospel, Jesus tells of selecting those worthy to join Him in eternal life in these words: “Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me” (Mt 25:40).

Many of the things we do in Lent can be done during the rest of the year, but are things we never seem to get around to. Like spring cleaning, Lent gives us a special occasion to renew our efforts in the weeks leading up to Easter, an opportunity to do many of the things we know we should be doing to pursue the lives we’d like to lead.

To learn more about Lenten practices visit the USCCB website.

Lent: Spring Cleaning for the Soul

On the first day of Lent, Ash Wednesday, hundreds of millions of Catholics and other Christians receive ashes on their foreheads in churches all over the world.

Why ashes? Since Old Testament times, ashes have been used as a symbol of mortality. When ashes are placed on our foreheads we hear the words: “Remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return.” It’s a reminder that the world that often seems so important to us at this moment is passing and we need to give more thought to what lies at the end: eternal life.

Ashes are also a sign of our need to do penance, a heartfelt acknowledgment we are sinners. To many in the modern world, the very concept of sin seems old-fashioned. Yet sin is part of our human nature.

If you intentionally hurt a good friend, whether you are religious or not, something deep inside of you tells you that you need to say you’re sorry. What’s more, whether you say it out loud to your friend, or just think it to yourself, you’ll resolve not to hurt her again. But chances are good that someday you will. And that is quite similar to the all-too-human cycle of sin and sorrow and conversion and sinning again.

As the Church points out, we are all sinners and we all need repentance. Lent gives us a chance during a special time of the year to do just that.

The word “Lent” comes from an old English word for springtime. Think of it as a form of spring cleaning for the soul. In the early years of the Church it was confined to a few days before Easter. But by the fourth century it was extended to forty days before Easter, a period associated with the forty days and nights that Jesus spent in the desert just after his baptism.

“Forty days before Easter” may be somewhat misleading. The Church doesn’t count Sundays among the forty days, so the period of Lent, lasting from Ash Wednesday through Holy Saturday, actually covers 46 days.

Whether 40 days or 46 days, in the great scope of things Lent is a momentary pause to rethink the fundamental purpose of our lives. But it can also be the occasion of a momentous conversion, a first step on the path of becoming the persons we were always meant to be.

Next: Lenten practices

Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places?

Valentine’s Day may be over, but it’s still the Month of Love. Are you looking for some inspiration? Try turning to the Bible and check out these top ten love stories that have withstood the test of time.

Tobiah and Sarah: A classic story of love at first sight, this couple overcame personal tragedy to establish a long-lasting relationship founded on prayer. (Tobit 7-8)

The Woman of Worth and Her (Unnamed) Husband: A lovely poem praising a woman who can do it all! She and her husband have a wonderful partnership, using their gifts to the benefit of their family and community. (Proverbs 31:10-31)

Hosea and Gomer: Though their marriage was fraught with infidelity and difficulties, their love story speaks to the healing power of forgiveness and its necessity in any loving relationship. (Hosea 1-3)

Abraham and Sarah: No one can say that Abraham and Sarah had it easy. They faced a long move away from family, jealousy, and the challenge of infertility, yet their love was the foundation of a new people, living in covenant with the one true God. (Genesis 12-23)

Moses and Zipporah: While in exile from Egypt, Moses married Zipporah, the daughter of the Midianite priest, Jethro. Though Moses was criticized for taking a foreign wife, Zipporah showed great respect for her husband’s faith and his mission. (Exodus 2, 4 and 18, and Numbers 12)

Zechariah and Elizabeth: These parents of John the Baptist provide a model of lifelong fidelity and righteousness, living their marital love in the heart of their close-knit faith community. (Luke 1-2)

Jacob and Rachel: Tricked into marrying her older sister, Jacob worked for Rachel’s father an additional seven years to earn her hand in marriage. Jacob and Rachel remind us that true love always requires effort and sacrifice. (Genesis 29-30)

The Bride and Groom in the Song of Songs: This young couple reminds us that passion is not a modern invention! After all, who could resist hearing their beloved say “you ravished my heart with a single glance from your eyes”? Their effusive love for each other speaks to the beauty of loving desire at the heart of a marriage. (Song of Songs 1-8)

Joseph and Mary: Though this marriage definitely faced difficulties, even before it started, their faith in each other and, even more, in God, allowed them to face each hardship and create a loving family to nurture God’s own Son. (Matthew 1-2, Luke 1-2)

God and His people: At its heart, the entire Bible is the story of the love God has for the people he created in his own image and likeness. From the Old Testament images of Israel as the Bride of the Lord to the New Testament images of the Church as the Bride of Christ, God’s love remains constant and unfailing. Though we often reject his love, God never withdraws, never walks away, even sending his only-begotten Son to offer the gift of salvation and everlasting life! And that gift is still offered to us today!

Take some time to think about the love story YOU could be writing today as you live these examples in your own married life.

About the author 
Mary Elizabeth Sperry is the Associate Director for Permissions and NAB Utilization for the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops and the Confraternity of Christian Doctrine.

Marital Spirituality

“Spirituality” is a way to live out one’s religious beliefs. A spirituality of marriage, therefore, is a way to help husbands and wives live out the vocation of marriage in light of faith. Catholic marriage has a distinctive spirituality that is sacramental, communitarian, and missionary.

Marriage is sacramental because it is a sign of Christ’s unbreakable love for his people. It is communitarian because it creates and deepens a permanent partnership of life and love. It is missionary because in Catholic marriage couples are called to share with others the good news of their relationship in Christ. A spirituality of marriage helps couples shape their attitude toward life, and provides a framework for living one’s marriage in the light of faith.

In the Catholic tradition, a “sacrament” is a concrete expression of Christ in the world. The Eucharist, for example, is a sacrament. Within the Eucharistic liturgy, through the words and actions of the priest, the physical signs of bread and wine become Christ really present. Likewise, the Church believes that marriage is a sacrament. In marriage, the couple’s life, love, and witness can make Christ visible to others. All sacramentally married couples are invited to reveal Christ’s loving presence and generous action in the world.

Just as God is a Trinity of persons–a community–marriage also is communitarian. Gaudium et Spes, a document of the Second Vatican Council, states that couples form a permanent, life-giving community. We’ve already described this relationship as sacramental, a sign of Christ’s love in the world. Sacramental couples live as communities that reveal God’s blessings, reach out to heal the brokenness of the family and the world, and share their gifts with those around them.

Couples live as communities when they experience the blessings that come from making a total commitment to another person. Making permanent commitments is becoming rare; sacramental couples demonstrate that it is possible. Another blessing of marriage is children. A couple’s willingness to be open to the gift of children, and to demonstrate the generosity and sacrifice necessary to raise them according to Gospel values is a real blessing.

Couples also live as communities when they recognize and heal the brokenness in their individual lives and in their life together. Brokenness is a part of everyone’s life; a spouse is in a unique position to heal the pain that inevitably arises in relationship. Couples create sacramental communities when they build a life of sharing – with each other, with their families, with local communities, with the church. As couples grow in their love for each other, their communities of life and love enrich the larger communities in their lives.

Finally, sacramental marriages are missionary. Part of the joy of a faith-filled marriage is showing others what it means to be in a loving, Christ-centered relationship, and making known to others the gift of faithful married life and love. Couples have the potential to show others what it means to embody the life of the Holy Spirit within them. Married couples, while never perfect, are missionary through the witness of their lives and love in the midst of the world. They are characterized by openness to the life of the Spirit within them, by loving service to their neighbors, and by sharing their talents and blessings with and for the local and global communities. As missionaries, married couples can witness Gospel values in their daily lives.

A spirituality of marriage shows how couples reveal Christ, build community, and reach out to others in love. It is a powerful way to describe how Catholic couples live out their vocation of married life.

About the author
Joann Heaney-Hunter, Ph.D. is an associate professor of Theology at St. John’s University (NY).

Meaning and Purpose

Marriage is the intimate union and equal partnership of a man and a woman. It comes to us from the hand of God, who created male and female in his image, so that they might become one body and might be fertile and multiply (See Genesis chapters 1 and 2). Though man and woman are equal as God’s children, they are created with important differences that allow them to give themselves and to receive the other as a gift.

Marriage is both a natural institution and a sacred union because it is rooted in the divine plan of creation. In addition, the Catholic Church teaches that the valid marriage between two baptized Christians is also a sacrament – a saving reality and a symbol of Christ’s love for his church (See Ephesians 5:25-33). In every marriage the spouses make a contract with each other. In a sacramental marriage the couple also enters into a covenant in which their love is sealed and strengthened by God’s love.

The free consent of the spouses makes a marriage. From this consent and from the sexual consummation of marriage a special bond arises between husband and wife. This bond is lifelong and exclusive. The marriage bond has been established by God and so it cannot be dissolved.

In the Latin Rite of the Catholic Church, the priest or deacon, the two official witnesses, and the congregation all witness the exchange of consent by the couple who themselves are considered to be the ministers of the sacrament. In the Eastern Churches the sacrament is conferred by the priest’s blessing after receiving the couple’s consent.

Permanency, exclusivity, and faithfulness are essential to marriage because they foster and protect the two equal purposes of marriage. These two purposes are growth in mutual love between the spouses (unitive) and the generation and education of children (procreative).

The mutual love of a married couple should always be open to new life. This openness is expressed powerfully in the sexual union of husband and wife. The power to create a child with God is at the heart of what spouses share with each other in sexual intercourse. Mutual love includes the mutual gift of fertility. Couples who are not able to conceive or who are beyond their child-bearing years can still express openness to life. They can share their generative love with grandchildren, other children and families, and the wider community.

As a result of their baptism, all Christians are called to a life of holiness. This divine calling, or vocation, can be lived in marriage, or in the single life, or in the priesthood or consecrated (religious) life. No one vocation is superior to or inferior to another. Each one involves a specific kind of commitment that flows from one’s gifts and is further strengthened by God’s grace. All vocations make a unique contribution to the life and mission of the Church.

The family arises from marriage. Parents, children, and family members form what is called a domestic church or church of the home. This is the primary unit of the Church – the place where the Church lives in the daily love, care, hospitality, sacrifice, forgiveness, prayer and faith of ordinary families.

For further reading