Tag Archives: Living the Domestic Church

Five Suggestions for Holy Week

Palm Sunday marks the beginning of the most solemn week of the Church’s liturgical year. During Holy Week, the Church celebrates the mysteries of salvation accomplished by Christ in the last days of his earthly life, beginning with the triumphal entry into Jerusalem.

For nearly 40 days the Christian faithful have practiced the disciplines of Lent: prayer, fasting and good works. Now the Church invites us to an even deeper spirit of prayer as we follow Christ on his journey to the cross.

Here are five suggestions for couples to use this week as an opportunity to grow in holiness as individuals and as a couple.

1. What do you do with the palm branches you bring home from Palm Sunday Mass? Consider a simple ceremony to place them in your home. See below for a suggested ritual.

2. During the week pray the Seven Penitential Psalms together. These are especially appropriate during Lent. Prayerfully reciting these psalms helps us to recognize our sinfulness, express our sorrow and ask for God’s forgiveness.

3. Celebrate the Sacrament of Penance if you haven’t already done so during Lent. Many parishes have extra hours and/or communal penance services during Holy Week.

4. Attend a service together on Holy Thursday and/or Good Friday. On Thursday, the Church recalls the Last Supper and Jesus’ gift of His Body and Blood. On Friday, parishes hold services to celebrate the Passion of the Lord; many have Stations of the Cross as well.

5. On Holy Saturday, pray for those who will be received into the Catholic Church during the Easter Vigil. Pray, too, for a deepening of your own faith and the grace to endure the suffering and celebrate the joys of married life.

A SUGGESTED RITUAL FOR PLACING PALM BRANCHES IN THE HOME

After dinner or at another time on Palm Sunday, the household gathers where the palms have been placed, perhaps near a crucifix or the family Bible.

All make the sign of the cross. The leader begins:

Hosanna in the highest!

Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.

R/. Hosanna in the highest!

The leader may use these or similar words to introduce the prayer:

We have come to the last days of Lent. Today we heard the reading of the Passion. That story will remain with us as we leave Lent behind on Holy Thursday and enter into the Three Days when we celebrate the mystery of Christ’s passing through suffering and death to life at God’s right hand.

Listen to the words of the second Letter of St. Paul to the Corinthians: 4:10-11:

[We are] always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our body. For we who live are constantly being given up to death for the sake of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may be manifested in our mortal flesh.

Reader: The Word of the Lord.

R/. Thanks be to God.

After a time of silence, members of the household join in prayers of intercession. The intercessions are followed by the Lord’s Prayer. The leader continues:

Let us pray.

Blessed are you, God of Israel, so rich in love and mercy.
Let these branches ever remind us of Christ’s triumph.
May we who bear them rejoice in his Cross
and sing your praise forever and ever.

R/. Amen.

The leader concludes:

Let us bless the Lord.

All respond, making the sign of the cross:

Thanks be to God.

Who Me, Pray?…With Her?

Down to earth questions and answers about praying as a couple:

Q. Why bother?

A. As you probably know, 46-48% of marriages end in divorce.

But did you also know that:

For couples who worship together each Sunday only about 20% divorce.
For couples who also regularly pray together at home marital stability is even greater.

Praying together can be divorce insurance, but it sounds kind of awkward. Sure it’s fine for priests and nuns or really holy people, but what about normal married couples?

Q. But we go to church on Sunday and say grace before meals. Isn’t that enough?

A. That’s great! Of course these prayer times are important and valuable, but they are different from couple prayer. There is a certain intimacy and vulnerability that comes from opening your heart to God in the presence of your spouse.

Q. OK, we might give it a try, but where do we start?

A. There is no wrong way to pray and the desire to try is prayer in itself. First, some preliminary decisions:

Decide a time. Presumably both of you are very busy. Isn’t everyone these days? So finding an agreeable, semi-reliable time is essential. After experimenting with several times of day my husband and I agreed on first thing in the morning (about 15 minutes before the first child is expected to awake). Since Jim is a morning person and I’m not, his job is to wake me and say it’s time.
Decide a place. Anywhere will do, but it’s nice to have a bible or whatever reading you plan to use handy. If clutter is endemic to your home at least find a place where you can cover it or turn your back on it. Personally, I like to have a window that I can look out of and see the sky. If it’s dark, lighting a candle can be inspiring.
Decide how often. Ideally, daily is the way to go since there is a rhythm and regularity to it. In our own marriage, however, we have made peace with a less than ideal but workable goal. We commit to weekdays since that’s more predictable than the weekends. We figure Mass takes care of Sunday. We also make exceptions for illness, being out of town, pregnancy (when almost any time felt nauseous), or unexpected interruptions like crying babies. It’s not perfect, but we feel we’re doing OK if we meet our bottom line of doing it more often than not. God wants our attention not our guilt.

Q. So what do we do once we’re sitting together?

A. There are many ways to pray depending on your style and preferences.

Here are a few:

___Memorized prayers
___Reflection on today or tomorrow
___Reading scripture
___Guided meditation (from a book)
___Writing in a journal
___Reading an inspirational book
___Rosary or devotions
___Meditation on a spiritual theme
___Liturgy of the Hours
___Your own creation

Rank the above styles from 1 to 10 and find the ways that appeal to both of you.

Q. Hey, we’re not theologians. What do we do with the information above?

A. Keep it simple. After trying to be creative and experimenting with a variety of styles my husband and I found that for regular couple prayer to work for us it had to be very simple. Eventually we settled on the following format:

One Model – 5 Easy Steps

One spouse finds the scripture reading of the day
One opens the prayer with a phrase like “Lord, we come before you at the start of our day.”
Read the scripture out loud.
Sit in silence for awhile. (We may think about the scripture, the upcoming day and how we will live it out, or perhaps put some thoughts in a journal). Inevitably for me, some time is spent daydreaming. I’m not proud of this, but I would do you no favor to suggest that you fail when not fully concentrating. Sometimes I just offer up the distraction and figure I’m honoring God by the effort I made just to show up.
At the appointed ending time, each spouse makes a petition flowing from the silent prayer.

Q. Can you simplify “simple”?

A. How about after the alarm goes off (before you get out of bed) hold hands and offer a prayer for a good day, help with a particular problem, or thanksgiving. Likewise, at night, after turning off the light, hold hands and offer a prayer of thanks for anything that day.

Q. What if my spouse just isn’t into couple prayer? (S)he is a good person and we pray individually but we just aren’t going to be able to do it together.

A. Don’t beat yourself up over this. Sure couple prayer is good and can bring you closer together, but God’s love is bigger than any prayer form. Pray for each other in your own way.

Q. How do we find the Scripture of the day or other books of the Bible?

A. To find the daily readings, go to www.usccb.org/bible/readings

About the author
Susan Vogt is an author and speaker on marriage, parenting, and spirituality. Her website is SusanVogt.net.

Love Is Our Mission: The Family Fully Alive

Earlier this week, I had the pleasure of making public Pope Francis’ theme for next year’s World Meeting of Families in Philadelphia: Love is our mission: the family fully alive. The theme was inspired by the words of the early Church Father, St. Irenaeus, who said that “the glory of God is man fully alive.” In like manner, the glory of men and women is their capacity to love as God loves. And rarely can that love be lived out more intimately and fruitfully than in the family.

As we begin the “heavy lifting” to prepare for the World Meeting of Families and a possible papal visit, it’s a good moment to pause and reflect.

Every moment of every day, a mother and father are teaching and guiding each other and their children, while witnessing about their love to the world beyond their home. The structure of marriage — if lived faithfully — naturally points a man and woman outward toward the world, as well as inward toward one another and their children. As Augustine once said: “To be faithful in little things is a big thing.”

Simply by living their vocation, a husband and wife become the most important living cell of society. Marriage is the foundation and guarantee of the family. And the family is the foundation and guarantee of society.

It’s within the intimate community of the family that a son knows he is loved and has value. In observing her parents, a daughter first learns basic values like loyalty, honesty and selfless concern for others, which build up the character of the wider society. Truth is always most persuasive, not when we read about it in a book or hear about it in a classroom, but when we see it incarnated in the actions of our parents.

Marriage and family safeguard our most basic sense of community, because within the family, the child grows up in a web of tightly connected rights and responsibilities to other people. It also protects our individual identity, because it surrounds the child with a mantle of privacy and personal devotion. Most of the laws concerning marriage in our culture were originally developed precisely to protect family members from the selfishness and lack of love so common in wider society.

The family is the human person’s single most important sanctuary from mistaken models of love, misguided notions of sexual relationships and destructive ideas about self‑fulfillment. All these painful things, unchecked, can be a centrifugal force pulling families apart.

Love is a counter-force. Love is the glue both for family and society. This is why love is the fundamental mission of the family. It’s why the family must be a sanctuary of love. We most easily understand love when we, ourselves, are the fruit of our parents’ tenderness. We most easily believe in fidelity when we see it modeled by our father and mother.

Love lived generously is the unanswerable argument for God — and also for the dignity of the human heart. And marriage is transformed and fulfilled when spouses cooperate with God in the creation of new life. A husband and wife are completed by sharing in God’s procreative gift of life to their children, who are new and unique images of God.

In my years as a priest and bishop, I’ve seen again and again that the human heart is made for truth. People are hungry for the truth; and they’ll choose it, if it’s presented clearly and with conviction. Therein lies the need for every Christian marriage to be engaged in preaching by example. A husband and wife who model a love for Jesus Christ within their family — who pray and worship together with their children and read the Scriptures — become a beacon for other couples. They also more easily acquire an outward-looking zeal for consciously spreading the Gospel to others, teaching the faith and doing good apostolic works.

Our God is the God of life, abundance, deliverance and joy. And we’re his missionaries by nature and by mandate. In a developed world increasingly indifferent or hostile to God, no Catholic family can afford to be lukewarm about the Church. No culture is so traditionally “Christian” that it’s heard enough about Jesus Christ, or safe from the unbelief and disregard for human dignity which mark our age.

Catholic families have a key role in God’s healing of a broken world. So let’s pray for each other — beginning right now — that the World Meeting of Families 2015 will become for each of us and all of Philadelphia a new Pentecost; a new birth of the Church in each of our hearts … for our own salvation, the salvation of our families and the redemption of the world.

Source: Originally posted in Archbishop Chaput’s column on CatholicPhilly.com on May 15th, 2014.

Learning Love: The Theology of the Body and the Family (Part 2)

Learning Love: Theology of the Body and the Family (Part 1)

Saint John Paul II’s catechesis on the human person and love, commonly known as the Theology of the Body, has developed an ever-growing following and continues to captivate the attention of young and old, religious and lay, married and single persons throughout the world. There are many different ways to learn about this teaching: through programs, courses, personal study, and group reflection. However, there is one place that serves as an excellent classroom for the Theology of the Body: the family.

The family is the domestic Church. The Catechism of the Catholic Church states, “The home is the first school of the Christian life where all learn love, repeated forgiveness, and prayerful worship” (no. 1666). It is in the context of our families that we first learn love. One way in which families can accomplish this formation in love is to take steps to live out the Theology of the Body in the home.

This might seem like a daunting task, but teaching your family about the Theology of the Body does not necessarily mean sitting them down and explaining the eschaton (the “end times”) or talking about sex, although that is part of it. Teaching your family the Theology of the Body is no more or less than teaching them that they are loved and called to love.

As a fundamental anthropology of the human person, John Paul II’s Theology of the Body is not meant only for those who are married but for all members of the human race, no matter their age, relationship status or vocation. Theologically, there are many complex aspects of this teaching, but we do not all have to be theologians or scholars to understand the core principles or to live them out in our homes and our lives. Here are a few examples of how the Theology of the Body can be lived out in the home.

The Goodness and Beauty of the Body

“God created man in his image; in the image of God he created him.” (Gen 1:27)

Recognizing the goodness and beauty of the body is the first step to living out the Theology of the Body. In the first part of his catechesis on the Theology of the Body, St. John Paul II reflects on the creation accounts found in Genesis, and he reflects on the fact that man was created by God in His image and likeness and was deemed “good” by God (Gen 1:31). As a creation of God, the body is good and should be cared for and respected by ourselves and others.

The Incarnation further dignifies the human body since through His Incarnation, Christ entered the world with a body that is like our own bodies. As the Second Vatican Council said in a section often quoted by John Paul II, “Only in the mystery of the incarnate Word does the mystery of man take on light.…Christ, the final Adam…fully reveals man to man himself and makes his supreme calling clear” (Gaudium et Spes, no. 22).

Affirming the body’s beauty and dignity does not necessarily mean telling someone that they look “beautiful” in terms of worldly standards, but rather assuring them that they are beautiful as a unique creation of God. As family members’ bodies change over time, it is especially important to emphasize the goodness of the body and the ways in which it reflects Christ in a very real way. This teaches them that as their bodies – and the bodies of others – change for better or for worse, they are not losing any of their worth.

Affirming the goodness of the body also means proclaiming the goodness of your own body. It is often easier to see the goodness and beauty of others, but when it comes time to recognize it in ourselves, suddenly we are left with nothing good to say. As a good and beautiful creation of God, each one of us is called to accept our bodies, as a man or as a woman, and to care for them.

The Language of the Body

“The body is…the means of the expression of man as an integral whole, of the person, which reveals itself through ‘the language of the body.’” (TOB 123:2)

Very often, we are unconscious of the messages that we are sending with our bodies, yet they are powerful tools of communication. As St. John Paul II said, “Through sexual union the body speaks a ‘language’…this language must be spoken in truth” (TOB 106.3). But this language is not solely spoken through the sexual union. Our bodies can communicate how we feel about ourselves, those we are with, the situation we are in, our mood and countless other messages.

We must become conscious of this language and use it in a way that communicates the love of God and recognizes the beauty and dignity of each human person. Try to recognize the messages that your family members are sending to you through their body language, and the messages that you are sending to them. Having a discussion about this can bring your family to an awareness of the language of the body.

Simple things such as looking up from your phone during a conversation, making eye contact, and dressing both modestly and appropriately for the occasion, all communicate that you recognize the dignity of the person(s) before you and recognize that they too are made in the image and likeness of God and are worthy of love and service.

Emily Stimpson’s book These Beautiful Bones: An Everyday Theology of the Body beautifully elaborates on how manners, dress codes, and body language can be simple ways of living out the Theology of the Body in our everyday lives.

Next: Part Two.

The Beatitudes, Marriage, and Family

The Beatitudes, found in Matthew 5, are at the heart of Christ’s teachings. Like the rest of the Gospel, these words are meant to be lived out in our daily lives – including in our marriages and families. Pope Francis has preached a number of times on the significance of the Beatitudes in the Christian life, calling them a “program for holiness.” This series, originally published on the USCCB website Marriage: Unique for a Reason, explores the way that the Beatitudes can be lived in relationships between spouses and family members.

This series, originally published on Marriage: Unique for a Reason, is a guest contribution by a Dominican student brother who partially fulfilled his pastoral ministry assignment by serving as an intern in the USCCB’s Secretariat for Laity, Marriage, Family Life, and Youth.

Seven Day Virtual Marriage Retreats

Looking for a way to enrich your marriage? Take one of our seven day virtual retreats! Each day for seven days, set aside some time for prayer. Read about the theme for the day, reflect on a real-life marriage scenario, and think about ways to strengthen your own marriage. End each mini-retreat by praying a prayer for married couples. If possible, do the retreat together with your spouse!

Marriage Retreat 2020: “Stories from the Domestic Church”

This retreat will help you ponder how each marriage, each family is the domestic church. Full of inspirational stories of overcoming adversity and finding grace in everyday moments, this retreat is perfect for anyone who wants to pray and reflect on finding God in family life. For a complete version of this retreat, click here. For a PDF version, click here.

Day One: Ten Years of “I Do”
Day Two: Christ in Our Midst
Day Three: The Mystery of Marital Faith and Its Fruit
Day Four: Parenting with Friends
Day Five: The Tree that God Grows
Day Six: Love in Truth
Day Seven: Learning at a Later Stage

In Español: Historias de la iglesia doméstica

Marriage Retreat 2019: “Marriage: Made for a Reason”

This retreat will help you further reflect on what makes marriage unique as established by God, between a man and woman, as the basis for family and society. For a complete version of this retreat, click here. For a PDF version, click here.

Day One: Marriage: Made by God
Day Two: Marriage: Made for Love
Day Three: Marriage: Made for Each Other
Day Four: Marriage: Made for Life
Day Five: Marriage: Made for Freedom
Day Six: Marriage: Made for the Common Good
Day Seven: Marriage: Made for Eternity

In Español: El Matrimonio: Hecho por una Razón

Marriage Retreat 2018: “Marriage: School of Life and Love”

These reflections are drawn from a few magisterial documents: Mulieris Dignitatem, an apostolic letter on the dignity and vocation of women by Pope John Paul II (1988), Humanae Vitae, an encyclical by Pope Paul VI on the regulation of birth (1968), and Amoris Laetitia, the post-synodal apostolic exhortation by Pope Francis, as well as from the Catechism of the Catholic Church, and Sacred Scripture. For a complete version of this retreat, click here. For a PDF version, click here.

Day One: Marriage is a School of Life
Day Two: Marriage Lasts for Life
Day Three: Marriage Welcomes Life
Day Four: Marriage is a School of Love
Day Five: Marriage Reflects God’s Love
Day Six: Marriage Lives by God’s Law of Love
Day Seven: Marriage as a Domestic Church

Marriage Retreat 2017: “Amoris Laetitia” and “Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan”

This retreat is based on Pope Francis’s apostolic exhortation Amoris Laetitia (2016) and the USCCB pastoral letter Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan (2009). For a complete printable version of this retreat click here. For a PDF version, click here.

Day One: Marriage is a Blessing and a Gift
Day Two: Marriage is the Unique Union of a Man and a Woman
Day Three: Marriage is a Communion of Love and Life
Day Four: Marriage is a Sacrament of Christ’s Love
Day Five: Marriage is the Foundation of the Family and Society
Day Six: Marriage is a Journey of Human and Spiritual Growth
Day Seven: Marriage is a School of Love and Gratitude

Marriage Retreat 2016: “A Retreat with Pope Francis”

This retreat is based on advice from Pope Francis to married couples and families, given at his general weekly audiences. For a complete printable version of this retreat, click here.

Day One: Marriage is the Icon of God’s Love
Day Two: Christian Love is Concrete
Day Three: The Family is the Domestic Church
Day Four: Christ Gives Couples the Confidence to Say “Yes” Forever
Day Five: Three Pillars of the Spousal Relationship
Day Six: The Family as the Birthplace of Communicate and Love
Day Seven: Take Forward the Meaning of the Family

Marriage Retreat 2015: “Marriage and Mercy”

This retreat is an extended reflection on the theme of mercy. It was created during the Jubilee of Mercy in 2015. For a complete printable version of this retreat click here.

Day One: With Mercy, God Goes First
Day Two: Mercy and the Sacraments
Day Three: Mercy is Slow to Anger and Quick to Forgive
Day Four: Mercy and Tenderness
Day Five: Mercy and Patience
Day Six: Jesus Shows Us the Face of Mercy
Day Seven: Forgiveness in the Family

The Seedbed of My Vocation: One Sister’s Story

The formation of every human person begins in a family, whatever its condition may be–healthy, religious, irreligious, broken, or divorced. Held in the tender loving care of our God, the family prepares, according to its state and condition, every child to know, love, and serve God. Every family provides children with the place for natural maturation – physically, psychologically, spiritually – to receive and respond to a call from God to a vocation to the priesthood or consecrated life.

Allow me to share with you ways that my family became the “seedbed” for my vocation as a religious sister:

Marital love becomes familial and filial love. The love my father and mother had for each other, and for God, told me volumes about God’s love. It is faith in God that brought my parents through marital difficulties, deaths in the family, and other trials and joys of life. Through prayer, their relationship with God nourished qualities of healthy, holy relationships: courage in speaking the truth in love, patience in weaknesses, forgiveness after hurtful words, and pardon sought. Our familial relationship with God was nourished (communally and individually) through the sacraments. The family is where I learned the love of God “made flesh” in our family, and this love nourished my own love for God and the love I have for the sisters in my religious community. In fact, as a religious sister, my love for God is expressed as being like that of spousal love, eventually sealed in my consecration to Him as a religious sister and profession of the vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience.

Family Prayer. Hindsight is 20/20! Although I did not always understand the importance of prayer in our family, I sensed it. Kneeling after supper around the dinner table to pray the Rosary during Lent, going to the Stations of the Cross and the Sacrament of Penance, and Sunday Mass – despite my young “groans” at the discipline to do so – opened my heart to my own personal relationship with the Lord. As a young adult in college, I realized the importance of prayer and began to take responsibility for my own relationship with God through prayer.

A Sacred Meal. Eating our meals together as a family taught me the importance of being together, sharing the day’s blessings and challenges. I remember the struggle we shared when the telephone began ringing more frequently during supper. It interrupted our conversation and often seemed necessary to answer. We realized that many phone calls were not necessary to answer immediately. Valuing our time together, we decided to turn off the ringer during supper. I grew in respect for my parents’ wisdom and their vigilance over our family time together. Today, my religious community’s highest value is the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, and we, too, must be vigilant in protecting it from interruption. The Mass is the “source and summit” of our life together and in service to others.

Respect for elders. Every Sunday after Mass, our family would visit my widowed paternal grandmother. Visiting her taught me the value of respect for authority, and this became the ground out of which I learned love for the Superiors of our religious community. I understood more readily from this example of benevolence towards the sick and dying the representation of God’s love that authority ideally holds. Knowing the responsibility they bear, I was more quick to pray for them. When persons in authority have no regard, respect, or love for God, their authority becomes exercising power for the sake of controlling others to achieve their own ends. True authority is service for others.

Love of neighbor. The compassion that our family showed to the poor, sick, and suffering in our community taught me how to love my neighbor with generosity and tenderness. Children seem to have an innate ability to give and help those in need. When nurtured, this desire becomes a fruitful form of self-gift to God. The joy of helping those in need is recalled at moments when the self-gift requires a deeper sacrifice. This is critical to understand and develop to maturity for any vocation. In fact, even after we have responded to a particular vocation of marriage, priesthood, or consecrated life, maturation in self-donation to God, and others for the sake of the Kingdom, continues! Daily, in my work and prayer, God gives me opportunities to deepen my love for Him and for my neighbor.

These are just a few simple ways I recognize how my parents and family contributed to my religious vocation, and I could not be more grateful for their patience and love. May the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, guide all families and parents to respond to God’s will with generous and willing hearts for love of Him!

USCCB resources

Resources to encourage vocations in the family and parish
Videos for parents whose children are discerning a religious vocation
Compilation of diocesan resources for parents and families

This Is My Body

Did you know that marriage is the one sacrament that priests do not administer?

When I married Stacey 15 years ago, the priest led the ceremony and gave us cues as to what to say, but his role, in essence, was to witness—more properly, “to receive”—our vows to love each other till death. He stood as witness with the whole community of faith to hear us say those words to each other, and in the name of the Church he received and blessed what we had done.

This means that the true ministers of the sacrament of marriage are the spouses. I minister the sacrament of marriage to Stacey, and she ministers it to me. Not only did we minister the sacrament of marriage to one another on our wedding day, but we also ministered the sacrament of marriage to one another on the day after the wedding. And the day after that.

In fact, every action and behavior of our married life together is an expression of the sacrament of marriage. When I fill a hot-water bottle to heat the bed for Stacey on a cold night, I am ministering the sacrament of marriage to her. In another 40 years of married life, God-willing, when Stacey parses the week’s medications into daily segments for me, she will be ministering the sacrament of marriage to me.

When we are talking to couples preparing for marriage, this sounds like a beautiful vision and ideal. And it does transform the way we see the life we share together. On the inside, however—in the day-to-day, boots-on-the-ground reality of family life—love takes shape in messy, demanding, frustrating ways. It often feels like death by 1,000 cuts, and that is because love is sacrifice—it means giving yourself away for the good of another.

Sometimes I envy the martyrs who could give their lives to love in one final decision. Marriage presents me with 349 decisions to sacrifice myself every single day. It makes me wonder why anyone would choose this life. It seems like a small miracle that people go on marrying and raising children at all.

Certainly our culture does not value self-denial. Our economy is built upon consumption, and advertising and media barrage us with the idea that autonomy and status are paths to happiness. Love in marriage and family life is an emptying and a binding, and it stands in stark contrast to what we see on TV.

For someone looking for freedom, emptying and binding sounds like the last thing they could want. Yet, paradoxically, generations of faithful people have given themselves away in marriage and family life and found exactly that—freedom.

Freedom is a slippery word, especially in America. True freedom is the freedom to grow in goodness, to become the people we were created to be. And because we are created in the image of God, who is love, we are most truly ourselves, happy, and free when we love.

That is to say, we experience true freedom when we discover that we are becoming holy because we are offering love to our spouses and children. Our culture twists that notion to try to fool us into thinking that freedom is about the open road with a new Chevy Silverado, but that is just silly.

The good news is that we participate in the mystery of God when we love, and this brings us new life. Marriage and family life is a way for us to give our lives over to love 349 ways every day, and it gives us glimpses of heaven every single day, too. To see our children love one another, for example, is just a miracle. There is no way that on my own I can account for the magnitude of that kind of goodness.

Now I’m not saying that every moment in our household is accompanied by a chorus of alleluias. The bulk of our experience is filled with the mundane: getting kids to school, working, making dinner, doing dishes, cleaning the house, shopping for groceries, and so on. But I don’t know of any life that isn’t full of the mundane.

God wants to be discovered within our human experience, not in some abstract ideal. Stacey and I have certainly discovered the truth that marriage is a school for love—that we are working out our salvation with one another, helping each other get to heaven.

This is the kernel of truth behind what we discerned when we decided to get married—we knew that we were at our best together. I knew that a life with Stacey would make me a better person than I could become on my own. A decade and a half later, I’m utterly convinced of this fact—Stacey calls me to growth and encourages me to continue striving for perfection. I’ll never reach that perfection in this world, but sharing a life with her gives me a concrete way to pursue holiness.

As humans, we are tied to sense and corporeality—if we can’t see, smell, taste, touch, or hear something, it is difficult for us to grasp it. Marriage and family life allow us to experience love with our senses. Yesterday, for example, love smelled like toothpaste, steaming vegetables, strawberry-scented shampoo, and popcorn.

Though sex is a part of the physicality of love in marriage, it is a very small part. Mostly, we communicate and care for each other’s bodies—we wash children’s bodies, we feed each other’s bodies with shared meals, we transport bodies to and from school and work and activities, we nurse sick bodies back to health and help tired bodies rest. It was the same with Jesus—he made his body an instrument of love. He still does.

In fact, the Eucharist is the best way for us as spouses and parents to connect our 349 acts of love each day with the one act of love that God has given the world in his Son. We can say with the priest, who repeats these words from Jesus himself: “This is my body, given up for you.”

Married Saint: Bl. Ceferino Gimenez Malla

Born: August 26, 1861
Died: August 9, 1936 (aged 74)
Feast Day: May 4
Patronage: Romani and Sinti peoples

Born in Spain to a Catholic Romani (Gypsy) family, Ceferino Gimenez Malla (also known as “El Pele,” “the Strong One” or “the Brave One”) lived much of his early life as a nomad. As such, little is know about his upbringing.

At 18 he married Teresa Castro (also a Romani) in a traditional Roma ceremony. Their union was later validated by the Catholic Church in 1912. They were married for forty years until her death in 1922. Though they had no children themselves, Ceferino and Teresa adopted her orphaned niece Pepita in 1912.

Ceferino and Teresa eventually settled in Barbastro where he worked as a horse trader. Known for his honesty and industriousness, he became a successful businessman and helped make peace among the Kalòs (Spanish nomads) and resolve their disputes with others. His natural goodness and virtue led him deeper into his relationship with Christ.

Although illiterate, Ceferino became a catechist, teaching the children about Christ through storytelling and exhorting them to pray daily. He became a daily communicant and was known for his special affection for the rosary. He became a member of the Franciscan Third Order, the Saint Vincent de Paul Society, and participated in night adoration.

In 1936, during the Spanish Civil War, Ceferino was arrested for defending a Catholic priest who had been arrested. Imprisoned at a local monastery and advised to give up his rosary in order to save his life, Ceferino fervently continued his prayers. On the day of his execution, As the firing squad prepared to kill him, Ceferino held his rosary and cried out, “Long live Christ the King!” He was executed for his faith along with other priests, brothers, and lay persons and buried in a mass grave.

Ceferino Gimenez Malla was beatified on May 4, 1997. In his homily for the beatification Mass, Pope St. John Paul II said

Ceferino Giménez Malla, known as “El Pelé” died for the faith in which he had lived. His life shows how Christ is present in the various peoples and races, and that all are called to holiness which is attained by keeping his commandments and remaining in his love (cf. Jn 15:11). El Pelé was generous and welcoming to the poor, despite his own poverty; honest in his activities, faithful to his people and his Gypsy race, endowed with an extraordinary natural intelligence and the gift of counsel. He was above all a man of deep religious beliefs.

Blessed Ceferino Gimenez Malla, pray for us.

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