Tag Archives: Leisure

“Just” Friends

They go out to a movie. She likes this one better than the one they saw two weeks ago. He doesn’t say much about it.

They are husband and wife, young enough in their relationship to find occasional surprises in the likes and dislikes of each other, and not realizing it will always be this way. They are good friends, coaxing each other to openness. What do you really think about that movie? Come on…I really want to know.

Thinkers and singers have explored friendship and love for thousands of years. There is the pursuit and the passion, and oh, yes, the steadfast promise.

“I want a woman, I want a lover, I want a friend,” sang Jackie Wilson in a 1959 rhythm and blues classic, naming in simple terms the multiple relationships of husband and wife.

It is reality: male and female we are created, and we seek out each other, to be lovers and friends, to reveal and to be revealed.

“What can be more delightful than to have some one to whom you can say everything with the same absolute confidence as to yourself?” Cicero wrote. “Is not prosperity robbed of half its value if you have no one to share your joy? On the other hand, misfortunes would be hard to bear if there were not some one to feel them even more acutely than yourself.”

They sit across from each other at the table, and learn of the day’s events, his and hers. Some days are uncertain, some days are a song. I may lose my job. I wish we could afford something better. If I get a promotion, are you willing to move? The baby kicked today!

Spouses and friends, they sort through such matters, open to each other and assured that come what may, their sorrows and uncertainties will be shared and supported, their joy will be doubled.

Children may come to take their total attention, or nearly so. But if friendship is to endure, couples will nurture this central relationship of their marriage and family. Through school and sports and growing up, married friends share their love with their children, not reducing their own, but expanding it. And among the greatest gifts the children receive is the experience of their parents’ love and friendship.

They talk in bed. She is worried about the bills. He says God will provide.

Fear and faith are revealed. The bills are real and so is the faith.

Faith and truth will overcome the fears of friends who have come to rely on each other – the strength of one to shore up the weakness of the other. Their strength is in the Lord, and in their own unity.

There are some things they don’t have to talk about. He leaves the table saw and other tools in the middle of the garage long after the project is finished. She forgets to give him a telephone message. Neither complains.

Friends know each other’s quirks. Perfection was never part of the promise they made each other, or possible.

Married friends need time together. It takes time to get to know each other’s failings and flaws, and it takes time to get over them.

She tells him he ought to take better care of his health. They both know her concern is genuine.

Married friends hold each other accountable, willing to speak the truth to each other, always forgiving but not excusing.

Do you see yourself in any of these vignettes? If you do, congratulations. If you don’t there are some steps to take to strengthen your friendship in marriage.

Author John M. Gottman says that happily married couples actually like each other, and they express their fondness and admiration for each other.

Remember when I locked my keys in the car and you rescued me? I am really happy you wanted to get involved in that project. I was touched when you were sensitive, or careful, tender, playful, lusty, understanding.

Happily married couples concentrate on the positive qualities of each other.

When we are apart, I often think fondly of my partner. I am really proud of my partner. My partner finds me sexy and attractive. When I come into a room, my partner is glad to see me.

Couples spend time together. “Spending time with your partner tells him or her in no uncertain terms, ‘You matter to me,’” writes Michele Weiner-Davis. “Time together gives people opportunities to collect new memories, do activities they enjoy, to laugh at each other’s jokes, to renew their love.”

She advises couples to plan and schedule time together, to make dates (and leave the kids at home), to not waste time figuring out whose fault it is you haven’t been spending time together, and that you don’t need a trip to a tropical island when you can walk around the block together.

They take a walk in the evening. At their age, time together no longer feels like a luxury; it has come to be the necessity they always knew it was. They talk about her day, his day, the kids and their careers, the appointment with a doctor and what it might mean, tomorrow’s hopes, the week’s demands. And for long stretches, they don’t need to talk at all.

Couple Cycles 3,360 Miles for Lasting Marriages

Time surely does fly by when you are very happily married. In the early days of our marriage my husband, Ric, and I imagined a life of friendship and love together, promising that we would never mention or even think of d______ (what so many people do to end their marriages). The word would not even exist in our vocabulary. And we have had so many wonderful years together. We wish all people were better prepared for marriage and chose more carefully the wife or husband they commit to “till death do us part” so every marriage would last and be the “happily ever after” it is meant to be.

We have been cyclists for all of our married life and we thought how fun it would be to ride our bikes across the United States, a dream that we had almost forgotten amongst the days and years of work and family life. With both kids grown and off on their own, we decided this was the way we would celebrate our 25^th Wedding Anniversary – on a tandem ride across the United States. But we didn’t want this ride to be just about us. We wanted to somehow help others in their own marriages. So from Oceanside, California to Yorktown, Virginia we searched for couples who had helpful advice on what makes for a happy, lasting marriage.

Starting off at the Pacific Ocean

Our journey began on June 27, 2015 with a great send-off. About twenty friends and relatives joined us for breakfast in Oceanside including Karen, one of the friends that had introduced us to each other in college. From there we rode for 40 days, taking one day off per week to rest. Every day we would find someone to interview asking them, “What advice would you give to people who are preparing to get married or who are newly married?” We would then post the advice with a description of our ride for the day and some photos on our Facebook page “Lasting Marriage Bike Tour.” On the page we also put some book recommendations, posted articles on marriage, listed marriage resources and 25 love songs that speak about true love.

Beautiful scenery in Colorado

Traveling through Monument Valley in Arizona

Experience is a great teacher if you take the time to reflect upon it, so we interviewed people who had been married for a long time. The advice we received from these friendly people, most of whom were complete strangers to us, is valuable advice that would help anyone trying to build a successful marriage. Quite a few of our followers commented how much they appreciated the advice; some couples saying that they read our posts every night before they went to bed. We pray that it will help many others.

Some Advice from People Across the U.S.

Have God in your life and go to church together
Never stop listening and never stop talking
Be your spouse’s best friend
Don’t be selfish
Learn to compromise, to give and take
Persevere, always remember why you got married
Tell your spouse how much you love them

We made it to the east coast on August 12^th, 2015. Overall, we traveled through nine states and rode 3,360 miles. We met so many good people and saw many beautiful sights. What a great adventure and a great way to spend time together celebrating our anniversary!

Ric and Anne’s celebratory dinner in Yorktown, VA

Why Dating Is Important For Marriage

Date nights improve marriages, according to common sense and a comprehensive, quantitative study conducted by the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia. The study showed improvements for married couples who go on frequent dates across categories such as happiness, commitment, communication, parenthood stability, and community integration. The evidence also showed that married couples who devote time together at least once a week not only have lower divorce rates, but also increase the perceived quality of their marriage. That is enough evidence to start dating your spouse more!

In an article about the study, W. Bradford Wilcox and Jeffrey Dew highlight five reasons why date nights have strong correlations to healthy marriages: date nights provide opportunities for communication, novelty, eros, strengthening commitment, and de-stressing.

Communication: The importance of good communication is obvious. We have all experienced the consequences of poor communication with our spouse. Often times, it leads to unnecessary arguments or awkward tension. Poor communication will almost always lead to mismanaged expectations, which in turn lead to disappointment. These negative feelings will slowly pull you apart. Dating throughout marriage will combat these kinds of miscues.

Novelty: Date nights help create new experiences in relationships that have fallen into the mundane ruts that we naturally gravitate to as creatures of habit. If you find yourself stuck in the same routine every day, a date night can be something you will look forward to all week. If you plan a creative date, you will also create fun memories together that you can cherish later on. Either way, date nights will make your future, and your past, better.

Eros: The “spark” and novelty of date nights contribute to the eros – romantic love – aspect of relationships and can make you feel like you’ve just started dating each other all over again. Who doesn’t want to feel those butterflies you felt when you first started dating? Planning consistent dates with your husband or wife will help you fall in love with each other all over again week after week.

Commitment: By opening up to each other on dates, spouses build strong bonds that solidify their commitment to each other. This is important for the inevitable hard times that hit us all. When either of you are at your low point, will you have each other to pull you back up? How strong is your emotional bond with each other? If it needs some improvement, then odds are you aren’t dating each other enough.

De-stressing: Lastly, who doesn’t need stress relief every once in a while? Date nights are fun! Your spouse isn’t just there for you for the tough times, but for enjoyable times too. Relax together. Enjoy each other. Make memories together during well thought-out date nights. You will never regret the time you put in planning a creative date instead of watching the next episode of a show you watch too much.

Sadly, the business of life often gets in the way of planning intentional dates with your spouse. Date night ends up being dinner and a movie every time. These dates aren’t bad, but they can become stale if they are the only form of date night you have together. The repetitive structure does not always foster opportunities to open up to one another during the date.

My wife Michelle and I created Date to Door as a way to help strengthen marriages by planning creative dates and sending spouses all of the ingredients they need for the date in one box. For example, one month’s box included a red candle, empty pill bottles, canvases, paint, brushes, blank coupons, and eight tube socks. Date instructions were sent to tie all of those things together for a creative date night.

Our goal is to help marriages stay strong and grow together.

If you’d like to read more about the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, you can check it out here. If you’d like more information on Date to Door, you can check us out here.

About the author

Gerald Zingraf met his wife Michelle at Virginia Tech within a Christian organization called Cru. They got married a couple of years after college and moved to the Washington, D.C. metro area to start their new lives together. The couple enjoys traveling to strange places, trying new foods, and escaping to the great outdoors. They’re always looking forward to their next big date!

Date to Door was created to make relationships and marriages better. The dates are created specifically to engage you with your spouse while creating memories that you could enjoy looking back on.

What’s Your Idea of Fun?

If there is a rock wall to climb nearby, Bob will be there. Any snow-covered slope is a potential cross country ski run. Bike rides and a gym workout are his way to have fun. Christine, on the other hand, loves to use her free time to snuggle up with a good book or lie on the couch watching a movie. The word sweat is not in her vocabulary.

When they were dating Christine went along willingly with Bob on his adventures. The novelty of swimming by moonlight and sleeping in tents drew her to his sense of adventure and love of the outdoors. Bob enjoyed quiet nights of watching movies with Christine as a perfect way to have quality time with her.

Then they were married. Within the first year her schooling and part-time work and his demanding job made free time for recreation increasingly difficult. On weekends, she would curl up with a book and he would go to the gym.

By the second year of marriage, they were spending much of their leisure time apart. Bob was riding with a bicycling club and was on a regular basketball team. Christine joined a book club at their church and went to chick flicks with girlfriends. They had begun to lead separate recreational lives and had very little time to spend alone together having fun. Fun had moved out of the house and into separate little cubicles occupied with same sex friends.

One night during a heated disagreement, Christine angrily accused Bob of “not being very much fun anymore.” He made a counter-accusation saying all she wanted to do was “sit around” and he didn’t think that was much fun at all.

How to Deal With Different Interests

It is not unusual for couples to have differing interests and tastes in recreation – or in any other area of life for that matter. It’s true that opposites attract and what might have seemed exciting about a partner’s habits during courtship often feels frustrating after marriage. Having different interests has the advantage of putting variety in a relationship and keeping things from getting stale.

Like every couple who has promised to love and honor one another, Christine and Bob have the opportunity to bring their differences to the table and to create a common life together combining strengths and interests to form an “us.” Such a partnership is a great enterprise, but not an easy one. A strong marriage requires both spouses to develop new ways of doing things while maintaining their own unique individuality. Couples can begin by doing what every successful partnership has done.

1. Build on strengths

Bob and Christine can begin by affirming each other. That means a word of encouragement or congratulations when a game is won or a book completed. It means asking about the movie’s theme or the game’s strategy allowing the other to share his or her excitement and interest. It’s easy to resent the play time of our partner when we are not involved, but resentment will only poison the partnership and distance the spouses from each other. Resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.

2. Name the problem

Effective partnerships face problems head on. Couples need to recognize and name the tension that is brewing. Issues that silently cause couples to drift apart lead to alienation and divorce. It’s an elephant in the room. Naming it gives Christine and Bob the power to change the situation. Discussing how to solve the problem begins with each partner showing a desire to share fun activities and to make compromises. It’s most effective to name the problem without accusations and to honestly talking about feelings and hopes for the future. If each spouse knows that the other is willing to sacrifice for the common good, it’s easier to find a workable compromise.

3. Plan for solutions

Like any strong partnership, a couple’s relationship has to have a plan for change. Bob and Christine need to make a plan to find new ways of deepening their friendship by having fun together. Compromise and negotiation are the rules for planning. Perhaps that means going to a hockey game one weekend and a movie the next. Or, when finances are limited, options might include playing cards or electronic games at home together or with another couple. Both spouses will have to give up some individual time in order to have joint recreational time.

4. Evaluate and start again

Partnership solutions are often found by trial and error. If one thing doesn’t work, smart partners try another. Because marriage is a covenant, there is no walking away from problems. Sources of help include advice from other couples, a book by marriage experts, or a marriage counseling.

Relaxation and play time strengthen friendship and contribute to marital bonding. In the vocation of Christian marriage husband, wife, and God are meant to share a holy unity – a “partnership of love and life.” That partnership includes the couple and God who is present within the challenges and joys of everyday life. In addressing their differences, Bob and Christine are bound to practice forgiveness, self-sacrifice, humility, and willingness to compromise for love. Doing that will make them better partners for each other and with God.

About the author
Mary Jo Pedersen is a teacher and trainer in the areas of marriage and family ministry and author of several books including For Better, For Worse, For God: Exploring The Holy Mystery Of Marriage, Loyola Press, 2008.

Play: A Virtue to Take Seriously

Our mouths were filled with laughter; our tongues sang for joy. Then it was said among the nations, “The LORD has done great things for them.” (Psalm 126:2)

“We realize that we enjoy working together so much that it feels like play. We’ve taken to calling it Plurk.” (Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt)

There is the story about the man who goes to see his doctor for an exam. After getting a thorough checkup, the doctor calls the man’s wife into his office without the husband and says that her husband is a very ill. He has a life-threatening condition and things do not look very good.

However, if she is willing to be at the husband’s beck and call 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and is willing to cater to his every want and desire, making him special breakfasts in the morning, giving him wonderful meals in the evening, sending him off to work with wonderfully prepared lunches, making love to him whenever he’s desirous of her, and generally doing everything to make him completely happy, for the next several months, there is an excellent likelihood her husband will pull through it and be okay.

As they are driving home the husband turns to his wife and asks, “So what did the doctor tell you?”

To which his wife replies, “He told me you’re going to die.”

Humor serves a couple by providing the space to lighten up the relationship so that neither takes what the other said or did, or the current situation, so personally. The man in the story seemingly needs compassion and sympathy, but what his wife gives instead helps her manage her own anxiety, thus allowing for an important challenge to her husband. Her playfulness makes it possible for him to take charge of his own life – both metaphorically and literally.

Love and good will are essential components of marriage, yet even with love we still become anxious. An anxious response can get confused as a loving and caring one. When we’re anxious we often end up doing what is good for us since it relieves our anxiety, but it’s not necessarily good for the one we supposedly took the action for.

Lighten up

Rather than work on the relationship, each spouse can focus on their own issues in order to become a mature, capable and responsible adult, and do so out of a sense of joy and delight. Work implies a seriousness, which is problematic and points to a lack of self-differentiation. When overly serious we operate from a highly anxious state that cuts us off from our higher levels of functioning – our capacity to reason and problem-solve. Seriousness keeps us operating out a reflex mode. We react rather than respond. There is a Mary Engelbreit poster that says: “Life is mysterious, don’t take it so serious.” Humor helps move us outside a seemingly hopeless situation and to see with new eyes.

Learn to go in the other direction

Akin to humor is the paradoxical intervention when we go along with, or exaggerate, the situation. “It’s the worst thing that could have happened. I think I’ll stay in bed!” Or, “My car broke down; life is terrible.” We sometimes play a game of “Pet Peeves.” Each person must state a complaint and exaggerate it while everyone else exhorts, “That’s terrible!” or “I hate when that happens!” One can’t help have a hilarious time.

George complained that his wife, Sue, makes annoying facial grimaces whenever she thinks he’s worried, causing George to be angry. I suggest he learn to misread her and imagine her facial expression as her “sexy” look. I say this not because it’s right or wrong, but because it frees him to see her less intensely and provide a new way to respond. I chide that he may not know what “that face of hers” really means. Such playfulness slows us down and lowers our reactivity.

Make play central to the relationship

Couples can cultivate play, as well as joy and delight. Playfulness gives the space needed for intimacy as surely as repeating someone’s question gives time for an answer.

When couples first date they tell how they love having fun and even being silly. They do interesting things; they play. Once they start to court each other and move toward marriage they’ll say, “Now we’re in a serious relationship.” Somehow we link commitment to seriousness. The antidote to too much seriousness is play.

Children know how to play and sometimes have such a good time that other kids begin to watch and even take part in their play. Play is attractive and magnetic. We knew something then that is still extremely useful today. Individuals who know how to play make great partners. Playful couples are magical to observe. They have a twinkle in their eyes, a lightness without being flippant. Each partner is loose while remaining solid and grounded. They are grace in action. In short, they remind us that play is a virtue we need to take seriously.

Ten Tips for Keeping Your Catholic Wedding Focused on Faith

A bride and groom getting married in the Catholic Church know that their wedding is about more than the perfect dress or expertly staged pictures: for baptized Christians, marriage is a sacrament, and for all couples getting married Catholic, the wedding is a profound expression of God’s love and a witness to the couple’s faith. Here are some ways to help keep your wedding focused on what truly matters.

1. Keep it simple.

In “The Joy of Love” (Amoris Laetitia [AL]), Pope Francis notes that sometimes all the practical considerations about the wedding—the things that wedding magazines focus on, like color schemes, makeup design, or clothing— “tend to drain not only the budget but energy and joy as well” (no. 212). Pope Francis does not want you to be “exhausted and harried” on your wedding day instead of “focused and ready for the great step that [you] are about to take” (AL, no. 212).

2. Can’t afford a fancy wedding? Get married anyway.

Sometimes people are so concerned with the fact that they can’t afford a grand celebration that they decide not to marry. The Holy Father says to these couples: “Have the courage to be different. Don’t let yourselves get swallowed up by a society of consumption and empty appearances… You are capable of opting for a more modest and simple celebration in which love takes precedence over everything else” (AL, no. 212). If cost is a true obstacle, ask your parish priest for help. There may be people in your parish who can pitch in to make things more affordable, or perhaps another couple getting married around the same time with whom you could share the expense of decorations.

3. Choose your readings and prayers carefully and pay attention to the liturgy.

There’s a reason that the engaged couple chooses the readings and a number of the prayers in the Order of Celebrating Matrimony: the love that God has given you to share is the reason that you and your loved ones are together for this celebration. “In their preparation for marriage, the couple should be encouraged to make the liturgical celebration a profound personal experience and to appreciate the meaning of each of its signs” (AL, no. 213). Don’t rush through your choices, and discuss with each other what each reading means to you.

4. Choose lectors well, and give them some practice.

Generally an engaged couple can choose people to read the first reading, responsorial Psalm, and second reading, and to offer the Prayers of the Faithful. Because these moments of hearing Scripture and praying together are an important part of a faith-filled Catholic wedding, choose lectors who have read in church before, or who are comfortable speaking in public. Give them a copy of the reading and/or prayers well in advance and ask them to attend the wedding rehearsal so they can practice in the church. Make sure they understand the solemnity of the occasion.

5. Let the music at your wedding lift hearts to God.

Music during a Catholic wedding can add beauty and dignity to the ceremony, and also plays an important liturgical role. Parishes may have policies about what music can be used, so check with your pastor. The parish organist or music minister can help you choose songs and possibly provide musical talent, or connect you with a cantor and/or musicians. There are many beautiful songs that reflect God’s love, both instrumental classical pieces and songs that can be sung together by the entire congregation. Secular or pop music is best saved for the reception.

6. Show care to the needy.

Part of your vocation of marriage is helping those around you, including the poor. There are creative ways to do this on your very first day as husband and wife. You could include an intention in the Prayers of the Faithful for those who are struggling or in need. You could also omit wedding favors in order to give a donation to a local charity (you could announce this at your reception with a nice table display). Some couples invite their guests to bring a donation to a food bank, and set up a basket at the reception to collect them. The jewelry you buy and the gifts you register for can express care for the poor as well, as is explained here.

7. Remember what it is you are doing.

During the wedding, when there are quiet moments, take a deep breath and recollect that you are in God’s presence. When it is time for the exchange of consent, remember that this is the moment – the heart of the wedding. Pope Francis says, “In the case of two baptized persons, the commitment expressed by the words of consent and the bodily union that consummates the marriage can only be seen as signs of the covenantal love and union between the incarnate Son of God and his Church” (AL, no. 213). After you have exchanged your consent, you are married, and are a sign of God’s love for everyone else in the church!

8. Be attentive to all the signs at the wedding.

The wedding ceremony is full of signs and symbols: the processional, readings, rings, and so forth – all of these speak of the beauty of marriage and its permanence. The most eloquent symbol, in fact, is your union in love. Pope Francis says, “In the baptized, words and signs become an eloquent language of faith” (AL, no. 213). The liturgy that celebrates the marriage of two Christians speaks of a God of love who draws human beings into this love in a profound way. Try to listen and to see with the eyes of faith.

9. Pray, pray, and pray some more.

Now is the perfect time to start praying daily with your future spouse; wedding-planning stress gives ample opportunity to share your concerns with the Lord! A great way to incorporate prayer into wedding planning is by reading through the Scripture readings and prayer options for your wedding ceremony slowly, letting the words sink into your hearts. Another great idea is to host a Eucharistic Holy Hour the evening before your wedding for your bridal party and family; one newlywed couple explains how that worked for them. And remember to say a quick prayer – together or separately – on your wedding morning!

10. Above all, remember…the wedding is only the beginning!

Pope Francis encourages everyone in the Church to help couples live out married life. “They [young people] need to be encouraged to see the sacrament not as a single moment that then becomes a part of the past and its memories, but rather as a reality that permanently influences the whole of married life” (AL, no. 215). The Sunday after the wedding (and every Sunday!), be sure to come back to church and meet your community again, this time as husband and wife. And remember that the vows you say at your wedding day are all in the future tense (“I will”); they “involve a totality that includes the future: ‘until death do us part’” (AL, no. 214).

Recreation

The Situation

A Response

Build on strengths

Name the problem

Plan for solutions

Evaluate and start again

About the author
Mary Jo Pedersen is a teacher and trainer in the areas of marriage and family ministry and author of several books including For Better, For Worse, For God: Exploring The Holy Mystery Of Marriage, Loyola Press, 2008.

View more Marriage Rx prescriptions here.

For Further Reading:

Spicing Up Married Life: Satisfying Couple’s Hunger for True Love by Father Leo Patalinghug

Date Ideas for Married Couples

Although having a weekly date may seem like a no-brainer, many couples’ good intentions quickly get put off to some future time, when life is not so busy or there’s more money. Pretty soon the kids are grown and couples find they’ve grown apart. Make a commitment to a weekly date. It doesn’t have to always be on the same night, but it’s helpful to pencil in one night each week on your calendars; you can always change the night if a conflict comes up.

Below are some ideas that go beyond the usual dinner and a movie. Many involve little or no cost. Not all dates have to involve going out, but if you have young children, getting a break from the kids is a stress release in itself. Getting a babysitter, however, can be a burden. Alternate who gets the sitter and develop a pool of sitters.

Absolutely free

If you’re the responsible, conscientious type, do something together that’s whacky but legal. If you’re already the risk-taking type, do something responsible, for example, pick up litter around a park or volunteer at a soup kitchen together.
Try star gazing in your own back yard or out in the country. Just bring a blanket and gaze upwards together. If you’re the scientific type, you might get a star map and try to identify constellations.
Go to a public place (a train station, airport lobby, downtown gathering place) and people watch. Make up stories about the people who pass you, as if you’re writing a novel. If you see someone who looks sad or distressed say a prayer or lend a hand.
Each spouse privately creates a funny costume from what you have around the house. (No need to buy anything, just use pots, paraphernalia, jewelry, and even root through your spouse’s clothes to put items together in weird or scary ways.) Then come together and reveal.
Rake leaves together. Make a big pile and jump in them. Let go of any inhibitions about being neat and tidy. Don’t have any fallen leaves? Find someone who does and volunteer to rake theirs.
Find an empty, open church. Sit, kneel, explore, pray. Let peace and reverence seep into your being. Quietly pray for each other. If you like, discuss your deepest spiritual beliefs afterwards.
Waiter’s Night. Pick a night to “wait” on your spouse. You get the drinks, the snacks, his/her slippers, favorite game, etc. You can even dramatize your role as servant. Just make sure that you alternate the favor sometime soon.
Traditionally, parents fill their children’s shoes with treats on St. Nick’s eve. Try walking in your spouse’s shoes for an evening – perhaps more of a challenge for the husband. Try to understand life from your spouse’s perspective. Even if you don’t exchange shoes, at least change roles for the evening.
Commit to a “tech free” night. Turn off your cell phones, computer, the TV, and the lights. Use your imagination to see what’s left to do without electricity.

Cheap Dates

Go to an amusement park or arcade. It doesn’t have to be one of those fancy, expensive parks. Go without the kids and BE kids again. Do those silly arcade games like skee ball or whack-a-mole. Impress your spouse with your strength or cunning…or laugh at your ineptitude.
Play a game from your childhood – croquet, badminton, hide and seek, miniature golf. Reminisce and be playful together.
Pretend-You’re-a-Tourist date. Look around your city and do the things a tourist might do – go to an overlook, a quaint neighborhood, the botanical gardens, a museum, whatever is special about your hometown. Gawk if you like, after all you’re a tourist. (Inspired by Co-op America).
Build something together – ice cream sundaes, a pizza with your favorite toppings, a tower of blocks. Perhaps you will find a chuckle over the odd or weird combinations that reflect your different approaches to food, building, and life.
Plan a “Favorites Night” around your favorite food, clothes, games, sports, etc. Each spouse could choose a favorite activity which you then combine into one evening, or the wife could propose her favorite activities for one date and the husband plans the next date with his favorites.
Ride a city bus for the whole route. Reflect on the sights you see and the lives of the people who are your fellow passengers. Debrief your insights afterwards.
Wait for snow and give yourself permission to make snow angels or make a snowman. Don’t live in a snowy climate? Go roller blading or revisit your childhood by visiting a roller skating rink.
Visit a pet store together. This is usually good for stirring up warm fuzzy feelings. Restrain yourself from buying, however, unless you’re really ready for a new family member. Talk about any pets you had as a child.
Ever gone midnight bowling? It’s more than just bowling. Some places have special music, lighting, and gimmicks. Even without these, it can be a ball of fun if you don’t take it too seriously.
Look through old photo albums and tell each other stories of your childhood and families. If you feel really energetic, make it a time to put all those loose photos in albums or on a disc. It’s a big job but your children will appreciate it one day.
During Lent, go to a fish fry. The fish is not the point. Seeing a community work together to feed the multitudes is a miracle in itself. Are you a member of a faith community? You don’t have to like fish to check it out.
Hang out at a bookstore. Browse through your favorite sections. Many bookstores have cozy reading spots or a café connected with them. Assume an erudite persona for an evening.
Do something to nurture your spiritual life. Go to a church service, spend an hour in silence, pray the Way of the Cross in a church or walk in a poor neighborhood to seek Christ’s presence there.
Visit your local zoo. Spring is often an especially engaging time since your likely to see some endearing zoo babies and glorious flowers.
Try a theme date like one around “quarters.” Think of all the things you can do that use quarters like play a juke box, wash the car, take your picture together at a photo booth, play video games at an arcade. (Inspired by Co-op America)
Thrift Store Date. Pick a spending limit (like $5 each) and see what crazy gift(s) you can put together for your sweetheart. Try creating a crazy or luxurious outfit for each other and wear it home. It may be the only time you wear it (other than Halloween) before you donate it back to the store. (Inspired by Co-op America)
Volunteer somewhere together – a nursing home, a soup kitchen, clean up litter from a park or along your street. Pray a simple litany of thanks together, i.e. For our family, we thank you Lord. For a safe home, we thank you Lord. For our health, we thank you Lord…

Outdoorsy dates

Water and moonlight can be romantic. Is there a lake, a river, a fountain near your home? Take a walk along a body of water at night. Pause and gaze at the light shimmering on the water. Dream and imagine together.
Do something silly that reminds you of your childhood. Climb a tree together, catch lightning bugs, or feed some ducks.
Try an old fashioned picnic in a secluded spot. Lay out a table cloth, some snacks or a meal. Some wine might be a nice touch. Perhaps read some romantic poetry to each other. It need not be original, just something you took the effort to find.
Take an early morning or evening bike ride together. Explore your neighborhood or the countryside. Stop at a quaint café for breakfast or get an ice cream cone or other treat along the way. In fact stop whenever you feel the urge. It’s not a race, just a time to discover together.
If tent camping is a new experience for you, try it, you might like it. Borrow a tent, sleeping bags, and some advice from a veteran camper and spend a night in the woods – or at least a backyard. Snuggle, tell ghost stories, and roast marshmallows.
During the Fall, find a corn maze and wander through it. Night time is the most fun. Getting lost is part of the adventure. Ponder how your experience may mimic times in your life together when you felt lost, found each other, or found your way through a difficulty together. No corn mazes in your area? Search out a labyrinth. Many retreat centers have them.

At home dates

Curl up for an evening of reading. Find a book you both enjoy and take turns reading to each other, or each of you can read your own book in each other’s company. For fun you might want to randomly read a sentence from each of your respective books and see what bizarre combinations this makes.
The Bible may not seem like a date book but try sharing your favorite passage with each other. Don’t have a favorite passage? Explore the Song of Songs together. Share what you find physically attractive about your spouse.
During the dark of winter, make some light together. Build a fire in the fireplace. Don’t have a fireplace? Light a whole bunch of candles in a grouping. Lay out a blanket and have an indoor picnic – or at least some popcorn.
Rent a classic romantic move like Casablanca, Sense and Sensibility, The Princess Bride, etc.