Tag Archives: Interfaith Marriage

Church Teachings

Is it true that an annulment does not affect the legitimacy of a married couple’s children? Or that Natural Family Planning can be an effective method for regulating the number and spacing of children? (The answer to both questions is “YES.”)

“Perhaps you know the ‘bottom line’ but don’t understand why the Church teaches as it does?”

Many couples wonder what, exactly, the Catholic Church teaches about important moral issues, like:

These articles offer helpful FAQs about the Church’s teaching. If you’d like to learn more about any of these teachings, or other parts of the Catholic faith, here are definitive sources for information about Catholic teaching:

Catholic Marriage FAQs

Why does the church teach that marriage is a sacrament?

The sacraments make Christ present in our midst. Like the other sacraments, marriage is not just for the good of individuals, or the couple, but for the community as a whole. The Catholic Church teaches that marriage between two baptized persons is a sacrament. The Old Testament prophets saw the marriage of a man and woman as a symbol of the covenant relationship between God and his people. The permanent and exclusive union between husband and wife mirrors the mutual commitment between God and his people. The Letter to the Ephesians says that this union is a symbol of the relationship between Christ and the Church.

Do Catholics ever validly enter into non-sacramental marriages?

Yes. Marriages between Catholics and non-Christians, while they may still be valid in the eyes of the Church, are non-sacramental. With permission, a priest or deacon may witness such marriages.

What is the difference between a valid and an invalid Catholic marriage?

Just as individual states have certain requirements for civil marriage (e.g., a marriage license, blood tests), the Catholic Church also has requirements before Catholics can be considered validly married in the eyes of the Church. A valid Catholic marriage results from four elements: (1) the spouses are free to marry; (2) they freely exchange their consent; (3) in consenting to marry, they have the intention to marry for life, to be faithful to one another and be open to children; and (4) their consent is given in the presence of two witnesses and before a properly authorized Church minister. Exceptions to the last requirement must be approved by church authority.

If a Catholic wants to marry a non-Catholic, how can they assure that the marriage is recognized by the Church?

In addition to meeting the criteria for a valid Catholic marriage (see question #3), the Catholic must seek permission from the local bishop to marry a non-Catholic. If the person is a non-Catholic Christian, this permission is called a “permission to enter into a mixed marriage.” If the person is a non-Christian, the permission is called a “dispensation from disparity of cult.” Those helping to prepare the couple for marriage can assist with the permission process.

Why does a Catholic wedding have to take place in a church?

For Catholics, marriage is not just a social or family event, but a church event. For this reason, the Church prefers that marriages between Catholics, or between Catholics and other Christians, be celebrated in the parish church of one of the spouses. Only the local bishop can permit a marriage to be celebrated in another suitable place.

If a Catholic wishes to marry in a place outside the Catholic church, how can he or she be sure that the marriage is recognized by the Catholic Church as valid?

The local bishop can permit a wedding in another church, or in another suitable place, for a sufficient reason. For example, a Catholic seeks to marry a Baptist whose father is the pastor of the local Baptist church. The father wants to officiate at the wedding. In these circumstances, the bishop could permit the couple to marry in the Baptist church. The permission in these instances is called a “dispensation from canonical form.”

If two Catholics or a Catholic and non-Catholic are married invalidly in the eyes of the church, what should they do about it?

They should approach their pastor to try to resolve the situation.

When a Catholic marries a non-Catholic, must the non-Catholic promise to raise the children in the Catholic faith?

The non-Catholic spouse does not have to promise to have the children raised Catholic. The Catholic spouse must promise to do all that he or she can to have the children baptized and raised in the Catholic faith.

Is it required that a wedding celebration have expensive flowers, clothes and other accompaniments?

The Rite of Marriage makes no reference to any of these cultural elements. The focus of the couple should be on the celebration of the sacrament. Pastors repeatedly point out that a couple do not have to postpone the celebration of the Sacrament of Marriage because they cannot afford such things. See Budgeting for Your Wedding.

How much does it cost to get married in the Catholic Church?

Dioceses often regulate the stipend, or offering to the church, that is customary on the occasion of a wedding. Depending on different areas, this might also include the fee for the organist and vocalist. In a situation of true financial difficulty, couples can come to an agreement with their pastors so that true financial hardship will never prevent a Catholic marriage from taking place. For more information, see How Much Does it Cost to Marry in the Catholic Church?

What is a Nuptial Mass and when can a couple have one?

A Nuptial Mass is a Mass which includes the celebration of the sacrament of marriage. It has special readings and prayers suitable to the Sacrament of Marriage. The Sacrament of Marriage between two baptized Catholics should normally be celebrated within Mass.

If the situation warrants it and the local bishop gives permission, a Nuptial Mass may be celebrated for a marriage between a Catholic and a baptized person who is not a Catholic, except that Communion is not given to the non-Catholic since the general law of the church does not allow it. In such instances, it is better to use the appropriate ritual for marriage outside Mass. This is always the case in a marriage between a baptized Catholic and a non-baptized person.

Are weddings permitted on Sundays or during Lent?

Church law allows weddings to be held during most days of the year, except the Triduum. However, many parishes do not schedule weddings on Sundays because of the conflict with regularly scheduled Masses and other parish activities. In addition, some dioceses and parishes do not allow weddings during Lent, a season of penance.

What should a couple do when they decide that they want to marry in the Catholic Church?

They should contact their parish as soon as possible and make an appointment to talk with the priest, deacon or staff person who is responsible for preparing couples for marriage. This person will explain the process of marriage preparation and the various programs that are offered.

Why does the church require engaged couples to participate in a marriage preparation program?

Marriage preparation offers couples the opportunity to develop a better understanding of Christian marriage; to evaluate and deepen their readiness to live married life; and to gain insights into themselves as individuals and as a couple. It is especially effective in helping couples to deal with the challenges of the early years of marriage.

What kinds of marriage preparation programs does the church offer?

Depending on the diocese and the parish, several may be available. Programs include a weekend program with other couples, such as Catholic Engaged Encounter, a series of sessions in large or small groups or meetings with an experienced married couple. Some programs may be offered in Spanish and other languages. Specific programs address particular circumstances, such as remarriage, children brought into the marriage and marriage to a non-Catholic. As part of their preparation, many couples complete a premarital inventory, such as FOCCUS, to identify issues for further discussion.

What key issues are covered in marriage preparation?

Marriage preparation programs help couples to understand the Christian and the human aspects of marriage. Typical topics include: the meaning of marriage as a sacrament; faith, prayer and the church; roles in marriage; communication and conflict resolution; children, parenthood and Natural Family Planning; finances; and family of origin.

Is there a cost for marriage preparation programs?

Most programs charge a modest fee to cover the cost of materials. Programs that require an overnight stay will include an additional cost for rooms and meals. Assistance is frequently available for couples who would otherwise be unable to participate.

Does the church offer any programs to help couples to improve their marriage?

Yes. Peer ministry for married couples is widespread. Many couples meet in parish-based small groups; ministries such as Teams of Our Lady, Couples for Christ, and Christian Family Movement also use the small group approach. The Marriage Enrichment Weekend Program is offered in several states. Some parishes sponsor a retreat day or evening of reflection for married couples. Others offer a mentoring system that matches older couples with younger ones. Throughout the country, many couples participate in Marriage Encounter, which offers a weekend experience and ongoing community support.

What can a couple do if their marriage is in trouble?

Parish priests, deacons and other pastoral ministers are available to talk to couples and to refer them to counselors and programs that can assist them. Retrouvaille (Ree-tru-VEYE) is an effective program that helps to heal and renew marriages in serious trouble. The Third Option is another program that is available in some parts of the country.

What is an annulment?

An annulment is a declaration by a tribunal (Catholic church court) that a marriage thought to be valid according to Church law actually fell short of at least one of the essential elements required for a binding union (see question #3). Unlike civil divorce, an annulment does not erase something that was already there, but rather it is a declaration that a valid marriage was never actually brought about on the wedding day. A declaration of nullity does not deny that a relationship ever existed between the couple, or that the spouses truly loved one another.

How can a couple married 20 years get an annulment?

The annulment process examines the events leading up to, and at the time of, the wedding ceremony, in an effort to determine whether what was required for a valid marriage was ever brought about. While a marriage of 20 years provides evidence that a couple had some capacity for a life-long commitment, the duration of their relationship in itself does not prove or negate the existence of the marriage bond.

If a marriage is annulled are the children from it considered illegitimate?

No. A declaration of nullity has no effect on the legitimacy of children, since the child’s mother and father were presumed to be married at the time that the child was born.

Are annulments expensive?

Fees associated with the annulment process vary within the U.S. Most tribunals charge between $200 and $1,000 for a standard nullity case. Fees are typically payable over time, and may be reduced or even eliminated in cases of financial difficulty. Other expenses may be incurred when consultation with medical, psychological, or other experts is needed.

How long does it take to get an annulment?

It usually takes 12 to 18 months to complete the entire process.

Saying I Do: What Happens at a Catholic Wedding

This video resource, produced by the USCCB Secretariat of Laity, Marriage, Family Life and Youth, walks you through the Rite of Marriage, whether you’re marrying another Catholic, a baptized person who is not Catholic, or someone who is not baptized. It also answers several FAQs about Catholic weddings. Ideal for engaged couples, their families and anyone who is involved in Catholic marriage preparation.

Ecumenical and Interfaith Marriages

Until recent decades, the idea of a Catholic marrying outside the faith was practically unheard of, if not taboo. Such weddings took place in private ceremonies in the parish rectory, not in a church sanctuary in front of hundreds of friends and family.

These days, many people marry across religious lines. The rate of ecumenical marriages (a Catholic marrying a baptized non-Catholic) and interfaith marriages (a Catholic marrying a non-baptized non-Christian) varies by region. In areas of the U.S. with proportionately fewer Catholics, as many as 40% of married Catholics may be in ecumenical or interfaith marriages.

Because of the challenges that arise when a Catholic marries someone of a different religion, the church doesn’t encourage the practice, but it does try to support ecumenical and interfaith couples and help them prepare to meet those challenges with a spirit of holiness. Theologian Robert Hater, author of the 2006 book, “When a Catholic Marries a Non-Catholic,” writes: “To regard mixed religion marriages negatively does them a disservice. They are holy covenants and must be treated as such.”

A marriage can be regarded at two levels – whether it is valid in the eyes of the Church and whether it is a sacrament. Both depend in part on whether the non-Catholic spouse is a baptized Christian or a non-baptized person, such as a Jew, Muslim or atheist.

If the non-Catholic is a baptized Christian (not necessarily Catholic), the marriage is valid as long as the Catholic party obtains official permission from the diocese to enter into the marriage and follows all the stipulations for a Catholic wedding.

A marriage between a Catholic and another Christian is also considered a sacrament. In fact, the church regards all marriages between baptized Christians as sacramental, as long as there are no impediments.

“Their marriage is rooted in the Christian faith through their baptism,” Hater explains.

In cases where a Catholic is marrying someone who is not a baptized Christian – known as a marriage with disparity of cult – “the church exercises more caution,” Hater says. A “dispensation from disparity of cult,” which is a more rigorous form of permission given by the local bishop, is required for the marriage to be valid.

The union between a Catholic and a non-baptized spouse is not considered sacramental. However, Hater adds, “Though they do not participate in the grace of the sacrament of marriage, both partners benefit from God’s love and help [grace] through their good lives and beliefs.”

Marriage Preparation

Good-quality marriage preparation is essential in helping couples work through the questions and challenges that will arise after they tie the knot.

Questions that the engaged couple should consider include in what faith community (or communities) the couple will be involved, how the couple will handle extended family who may have questions or concerns about one spouse’s faith tradition, and how the couple will foster a spirit of unity despite their religious differences

Of all the challenges an ecumenical or interfaith couple will face, the most pressing one likely will be the question of how they raise their children.

“The church makes clear … that their marriages will be more challenging from the perspective of faith,” Hater writes. “… Special challenges exist as well when it comes to raising children in the Catholic faith.”

Because of these challenges, the church requires the Catholic party to be faithful to his or her faith and to “make a sincere promise to do all in his or her power” to have their children baptized and raised in the Catholic faith. This provision of the 1983 Code of Canon Law is a change from the 1917 version, which required an absolute promise to have the children raised Catholic.

Likewise, the non-Catholic spouse is no longer required to promise to take an active role in raising the children in the Catholic faith, but instead “to be informed at an appropriate time of these promises which the Catholic party has to make, so that it is clear that the other party is truly aware of the promise and obligation of the Catholic party,” the code states. (See the 1983 [current] Code of Canon Law, canons 1124-1129 on “Mixed Marriages” for the full text.)

But suppose the non-Catholic party insists that the children will not be raised Catholic? The diocese can still grant permission for the marriage, as long as the Catholic party promises to do all he or she can to fulfill that promise, Hater writes. The marriage may be legal, he notes, but is it a wise choice? Those are questions that may also need to be explored in marriage preparation.

If children are raised in another faith, he notes, “the Catholic parent must show children [a] good example, affirm the core beliefs of both parents’ religious traditions, make them aware of Catholic beliefs and practices and support the children in the faith they practice.”

The Wedding Ceremony

Because Catholics regard marriage as a sacred event, the church prefers that ecumenical interfaith couples marry in a Catholic church, preferably the Catholic party’s parish church. If they wish to marry elsewhere, they must get permission from the local bishop. He can permit them to marry in the non-Catholic spouse’s place of worship or another suitable place with a minister, rabbi, or civil magistrate – if they have a good reason, according to the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops. This permission is called a “dispensation from canonical form.” Without it, a wedding not held in a Catholic church is not considered valid.

It’s popular, and acceptable, for an ecumenical or interfaith couple to invite the non-Catholic spouse’s minister to be present at the wedding. But it’s important to note that, according to canon law, only the priest may officiate at a Catholic wedding. A minister may offer a few words, but he or she may not officiate or preside at a joint ceremony.

It is generally recommended that ecumenical or interfaith weddings not include Communion. Therefore, most ecumenical or interfaith weddings take place outside of Mass: there is a different service for a Catholic marrying a baptized Christian and a Catholic marrying a non-baptized person or catechumen (person preparing for baptism).

“The reception of Communion is a sign of unity with the ecclesial community,” he explains. “On a wedding day, the fact that one-half of the congregation does not belong to the Catholic community [and, hence, does not receive Communion] cannot be a sign of welcome or unity on a couple’s wedding day.” It might be “likened to inviting guests to a celebration and not allowing them to eat,” he adds.

If an ecumenical couple wants to celebrate their wedding within Mass, they must get permission from the bishop, Hater says.

Catholic-Jewish Weddings

Jews and Christians share a view of marriage as a holy union and symbol of God’s bond with his people.

Stricter branches of Judaism, such as Orthodox and Conservative, forbid or strongly discourage Jews from marrying non-Jews and prohibit their rabbis from participating in interreligious marriage ceremonies.

“Conservative Judaism sees only the marriage of two Jews as … a sacred event,” reported the USCCB’s Committee for Ecumenical and Interreligious Affairs, which discussed Catholic-Jewish marriages at a conference in November 2004. The Reform branch of Judaism strongly discourages interfaith marriages, but there is no legal prohibition against it as there is in the stricter branches.

Often, a Catholic-Jewish wedding is held at a neutral site – with permission from the bishop – so that neither family will feel uncomfortable. In such cases, a rabbi is likely to officiate. The couple needs to have a dispensation from the canonical form for such a wedding to be valid in the Catholic Church.

“Your pastor could be involved in the wedding by giving a blessing, but in Catholic-Jewish weddings, usually the rabbi will officiate,” writes Father Daniel Jordan, judicial vicar for the Tribunal of the Diocese of Burlington, Vt.

As for the children of a Catholic-Jewish marriage, religious leaders agree that it is “vastly preferable for the offspring of mixed marriages to be raised exclusively in one tradition or the other, while maintaining an attitude of respect for the religious traditions of the ‘other’ side of the family,” the conference report said.

Traditionally, Jews consider any child of a Jewish woman to be Jewish. The question of what faith in which to raise children must be an ongoing topic of dialogue between the couple and during marriage preparation. “Attempting to raise a child simultaneously as both Jewish and Catholic … can only lead to violation of the integrity of both religious traditions,” the report said.

Catholic-Muslim Marriages

Marriages between Catholics and Muslims present their own particular challenges.

Islamic men may marry outside of their faith only if their spouse is Christian or Jewish. In fact, the prophet Muhammed had a Christian wife and a Jewish wife. A non-Muslim wife is not required to adopt any Muslim laws, and her husband cannot keep her from attending church or synagogue. However, Islamic women are forbidden from marrying non-Muslim men unless the spouse agrees to convert to Islam.

For Catholics and Muslims, one of the most difficult aspects of marriage is the religion of the children. Both faiths insist that the children of such marriages to be part of their own religious faith.

Such issues will continue to be challenges for Catholics marrying outside the faith in this increasingly diverse world, Hater writes. But with positive approaches to preparation and ministry and a spirit of welcome to both parties, many ecumenical and interfaith marriages can be intimate, holy reflections of God’s love.

“Regarding mixed marriages with hope does not minimize the challenges that they present,” he says, “but recognizes the blessings that they can afford to spouses, children and the faith community.”

RESOURCES:

For Further Reading:

Divorce

How does the Church view divorce?
The Church believes that God, the author of marriage, established it as a permanent union. When two people marry, they form an unbreakable bond. Jesus himself taught that marriage is permanent (Matthew 19:3-6), and St. Paul reinforced this teaching (see 1 Cor 7:10-11 and Eph 5:31-32). The Church does not recognize a civil divorce because the State cannot dissolve what is indissoluble. See Catechism of the Catholic Church, #2382-2386.

Are divorced people excommunicated from the Catholic Church?
No. Divorced people are full members of the Church and are encouraged to participate in its activities.

May a divorced Catholic receive Holy Communion?
Yes. Divorced Catholics in good standing with the Church, who have not remarried or who have remarried following an annulment, may receive the sacraments. Catholics who have civilly divorced are encouraged to speak with their parish priest or a spiritual director about their particular situation regarding reception of Holy Communion. Please see the Catechism of the Catholic Church, nos. 2382-2386, for more information.

What support does the Church offer to divorced persons?
The Church understands the pain of those caught in this situation. When divorce is the only possible recourse, the Church offers her support to those involved and encourages them to remain close to the Lord through frequent reception of the Sacraments, especially the Holy Eucharist. (United States Catholic Catechism for Adults, p. 287). Many dioceses offer programs and support groups for divorced and separated persons. Catholic Divorce Ministry, The Beginning Experience, and Journey of Hope are helpful resources.

I am a divorced Catholic who would like to remarry in the Catholic Church. What do I need to do?
Unless your former spouse has died, you will need to obtain an annulment.

I am divorced. I am not a Catholic but I plan to marry a Catholic. We have been told that I need to obtain an annulment before we can marry in the Catholic Church. I do not understand this since I was not married in the Catholic Church.
The Catholic Church respects all marriages and presumes that they are valid. Thus, for example, it considers the marriages of two Protestant, Jewish, or even nonbelieving persons to be binding. Any question of dissolution must come before a Church court (tribunal). This teaching may be difficult to understand, especially if you come from a faith tradition that accepts divorce and remarriage. Some couples in a situation similar to yours have found it helpful to talk with a priest or deacon. To go through the annulment process can be a sign of great love for your intended spouse.

Related resources:

Divorce and Beyond, a book offering a ten-session program to guide people through the grieving process of a divorce. Appropriate for individuals or for divorce support groups, helps start the healing process through study, reflection, and discussion. Also available in Spanish.

Surviving Divorce – Hope and Healing for the Catholic Family, a 12 DVD series with guide either for personal use or as a parish program. Includes Catholic authors Rose Sweet, Dr. Ray Guarendi, Christopher West, and Fr. Mitch Pacwa. Available through Ascension Press.

For Further Reading:

Order of Celebrating Matrimony

The Catholic Church provides three different forms of celebrating the Rite of Marriage. When two Catholics are marrying, the celebration will normally take place within a Mass. The second form, which does not include a Mass, is used when a Catholic marries another baptized Christian. A third form, also outside Mass, is usually celebrated when a Catholic marries someone who is not baptized. The second and third forms are structured around the celebration of the Liturgy of the Word.

The couple chooses one of these options based on their particular circumstances in conversation with the priest or deacon who will witness the exchange of consent, often called the vows. When a deacon leads the liturgy, which is increasingly common, the wedding is celebrated outside of Mass even when two Catholics marry.

This video explains more about the Rite of Marriage and what to expect at a Catholic wedding.

Spirituality and Faith

Many people think of spirituality as something connected to organized religion. Certainly that is one path to spirituality. Some people also consider being spiritual as the opposite of being physical. If it has to do with the body it doesn’t have to do with spirituality. Actually, spirituality touches the lives of those who go to religious services and those who don’t. It touches our physical selves as well as our souls, or unseen selves.

One newly-married wife said that she had been raised in a very religious family, but when she met her fiancé she stopped practicing her faith. He did not have a strong religious background and had no desire for a faith community, though he believed in God. Over the last year, however, she began to feel a need to attend church again. She discovered that when she goes to church she feels more peaceful. He discovered that they get along better. Even though he still does not go to church, he supports her desire to go. They both realize it will be a challenge when they have children, although he has no objection to raising them in her religious tradition.

Couples like this one do not share the way they express their spirituality, but they respect each other for the way they live out their spiritual lives. This is key. Couples who do share the same faith expression experience many benefits. Worshiping together helps them to feel closer. In difficult times their shared reliance on religious beliefs can bring comfort.

Spirituality influences how we view the world and relationships. After 9/11, the United States saw a kind of spiritual awakening. Attendance at religious services increased and people talked about the meaning of life and the spirit of sacrifice. Married couples talked more openly about their love for each another and not taking the other for granted.

For most people, the desire for a spiritual dimension in their life is strong and finding a way to express it is a quest. We live out, as best we can, what we believe is a good life in conformity with our values. This sometimes puts us at odds with our culture. “Love does no evil to the neighbor;” says St. Paul in his letter to the Romans, “therefore, love is the fulfillment of the law.” Our efforts to live a good life, to live with love as our north star, will be the hallmark of our spiritual selves.

For Further Reading:

Faith and Spirituality

When couples are on the verge of a major life transition such as marriage, they begin to think about life, love, values…and the future. To a great extent this is what spirituality is about – our human search for happiness and the meaning of life. Is life just about the here and now? Do morals make any difference? Is death really the end? Is there a reason to live beyond my own comfort? Is that all there is?

Perhaps you’re putting off some of these heavy questions for a rainy day when your job is more settled, or wedding pressures subside… or you reach retirement. Whether you address them or not, however, the big life issues will not disappear. They may go underground until a crisis appears – an accident, a child with a serious illness, or a looming divorce. All of a sudden, you start wondering what is the rock on which you ground your life? That’s the way some people discover their spiritual sides, but you don’t have to wait for a crisis. It’s so much easier to let faith keep your relationship strong, rather than rescue you in an emergency.

What difference does faith make to a marriage? This time before marriage is an opportunity to take stock of your basic beliefs. Share them with your beloved and chart how you will live out your beliefs and values together.

Does this mean you have to share the same faith? That’s nice, but it’s more important to talk about what God means to you, what spiritual practices you find meaningful, and how you can support each other once you are married. If only one spouse believes that faith is important, how does he or she stay motivated to attend services if the other is sleeping or recreating? It’s not impossible, but it’s more supportive to go to services together.

Pew Research from 2015 found that 39% of Americans have a spouse who is of a different faith. Research conducted by the Center for Marriage and Family at Creighton University (1999) showed a higher incidence of divorce among interchurch couples (20.3%) than among same-church couples (14.1%). (Interchurch couples are Christians of different denominations, e.g., a Baptist and a Catholic or a Methodist and a Presbyterian). Religion can bring spouses together or push them apart. Couples may be of different religions, but that in itself does not predict marital instability. What’s important is whether couples engage in joint religious activities. For example, do they pray together or read the Bible together?

Although research finds that greater religious practice is related to lower rates of divorce there is not necessarily a causal relationship. It may be that people who are more actively religious are more likely to oppose divorce, or maybe they work harder at their marital relationship.

Let’s say you are both religious, but from different religions. Perhaps you share spirituality but not a church home. Certainly some spouses, strongly committed to their faith, will continue to worship regularly and be active church members, but it’s harder to go alone, split financial support, and devote time to two separate congregations.

The solutions to these dilemmas are as unique as the couples who marry. Here are some steps that any couple can take, regardless of faith affiliation.

Talk with each other about important stuff.

Start with the basics:

  • Who is God for you?
  • What code of ethics guides your life?
  • Do you value weekly worship?
  • What kind of prayer is comfortable and satisfying to you?
  • How important is it that your spouse shares your religious beliefs?
  • Are you lukewarm in your religious commitment and likely to fade away if you have to do it alone?

If you’ve never practiced a religion, consider giving it a try.

Although becoming more spiritual is a value for anyone, styles of worship vary as much as the unique people who are seeking the meaning of life. Try out more than one place of worship. If the first one doesn’t fit you, try again. It’s worth the effort.

Visit each other’s church/synagogue/mosque.

If each of you belongs to a different faith tradition, learn more about the beliefs of that religion. You’re not trying to convert the other but to understand what shapes your partner’s values.

If you are getting married in a religious ceremony, use this opportunity.

If you are getting married in a religious setting it means that faith is important to at least one of you. Use this opportunity to discuss questions of faith with your spiritual leader. These are the kind of conversations that you may have intended to explore some day, but you’ve put it off. Now your life is about to change. Use your contact with the priest, minister, rabbi, or imam to go deeper.

Become a grown-up person of faith.

Often people are raised in a religious home. They attend religious education classes, and maybe even Catholic or other religious schools for 8, 12, or 16 years. But their faith formation got stuck in childhood. If you have grown distant from the faith of your childhood, check it out again on an adult level. If you were a lawyer or doctor you wouldn’t think of practicing your profession based on high school information. Update your knowledge of your faith. You don’t have to have a degree in theology but you should not rely on childhood explanations in an adult world.

Make your home a place of unity.

Even if the two of you come from different faith traditions and are committed to continuing them, make your home a place where you merge prayer, rituals, and religious traditions. Since prayer at home is less formal, you can develop creative, inclusive times of prayer and faith devotions together. Experiment with the rituals of each other’s faith and blend them to fit your family. The point is not whose church you go to, but rather that you bring it all home.

Don’t wait until you have a child.

It’s tempting to put off decisions about how you will share your faith (or ignore it) until you have your first child. Don’t! A child is too important to become a battleground. If faith is important to you, discuss how each of you wants to share your faith with any children you may have before you are married. If you are Catholic, this question will be part of your marriage preparation. Discussing how you will raise your children can clarify how committed each of you is to your faith and beliefs.

The Order of Celebrating Matrimony Between a Catholic and a Catechumen or a Non-Christian

“In their preparation for marriage, the couple should be encouraged to make the liturgical celebration a profound personal experience and to appreciate the meaning of each of its signs.”
– Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia, no. 213

When a Catholic marries an unbaptized person or a person preparing for baptism (a catechumen), the following form of the wedding ceremony is used. While the marriage will not be a sacrament (since that requires both bride and groom to be baptized), it will be a valid Catholic marriage as long as the couple has received permission from the local bishop. The celebration can take place in a church or in another suitable place; this is something the couple should discuss with the Catholic’s parish priest.

The Order for Celebrating Matrimony between a Catholic and a Catechumen or a Non-Christian takes place outside Mass. The ceremony offers a wide range of options so that the couple, with the assistance of the priest or deacon, can tailor it to their circumstances. For example, the Liturgy of the Word can take place in the usual manner with readings like those for a wedding Mass, but the couple could also choose to reduce the Liturgy of the Word to a single Scripture reading. What may never be omitted or changed, however, is the consent exchanged between the bride and groom. This is the “indispensable element that ‘makes the marriage’” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 1626).

The structure of the ceremony for a wedding between a Catholic and a catechumen or non-Christian is outlined below, with various options in parentheses. Engaged couples are encouraged to work together with the celebrant (and perhaps the parish staff) to make their choices for certain texts of the wedding, such as the Scripture readings, the Prayers of the Faithful, and the musical selections. This will help make the wedding liturgy “a profound personal experience” of “full, active and responsible participation” by the bride and groom (Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia, no. 213; St. John Paul II, Familiaris Consortio, no. 67).

Engaged couples in interfaith relationships (a Catholic and an unbaptized non-Catholic) may be interested in reading this article: Ecumenical and Interfaith Marriages.

A general outline for a Latin Rite Catholic wedding between a Catholic and a catechumen or non-Christian follows, based on the new edition of the Order of Celebrating Matrimony (mandatory to use in the United States as of December 30, 2016). Because there are many options to choose from and various circumstances that can affect the planning of a wedding ceremony, it is very important to work with the priest or deacon in arranging the service. Certain details might differ from what is outlined below.

The Rite of Reception

“The marriage liturgy is a unique event, which is both a family and a community celebration. The first signs of Jesus were performed at the wedding feast of Cana. The good wine, resulting from the Lord’s miracle that brought joy to the beginning of a new family, is the new wine of Christ’s covenant with the men and women of every age.” – Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia, no. 216

Note: The Rite of Reception may be omitted entirely.

  1. Welcome of the bride and bridegroom by the celebrant and procession into the place of the wedding
  2. Greeting of the couple and congregation, and introduction of the Liturgy of the Word

The Liturgy of the Word

“The couple can also meditate on the biblical readings…and the other signs that are part of the rite.” – Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia, no. 216

  1. There may be one or two readings; at least one reading must make explicit reference to marriage (various options here: Old Testament, New Testament, Gospel)
  2. Homily based on the Scriptures, Church teaching on marriage, and the individual couple

The Celebration of Matrimony

“It needs to be stressed that these words [of consent] cannot be reduced to the present; they involve a totality that includes the future: ‘until death do us part.’” – Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia, no. 214

“The consent by which the spouses mutually give and receive one another is sealed by God himself.” – Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 1639

  1. Address to the couple by the priest or deacon
  2. The Questions before the Consent
  3. The Consent(two versions of the vows to choose from, and the couple can either say the words themselves or respond “I do” to the vows posed as a question by the priest or deacon)
  4. The Reception of the Consent by the priest or deacon
  5. The Blessing and Giving of Rings (three versions to choose from; may be omitted if circumstances suggest)
  6. Optional: The Blessing and Giving of the Arras, a tradition important in Hispanic and Filipino families
  7. Optional: a hymn or canticle of praise may be sung
  8. The Universal Prayer / Prayers of the Faithful (two examples provided in the liturgical text; couples can also work with the celebrant to write their own)
  9. The Lord’s Prayer
  10. Optional: The Blessing and Placing of the Lazo or the Veil, a tradition important in Hispanic and Filipino families
  11. The Nuptial Blessing (may be replaced with another shorter prayer if circumstances suggest)
  12. Final Blessing

Note: after the ceremony, the witnesses (usually the best man and maid of honor) and priest or deacon sign the Marriage record in the vesting room or in the presence of the people, but not on the altar.