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Pornography’s Effects On Marriage And Hope For Married Couples

This article is part of the USCCB “Clean Heart” series and is a companion resource to the USCCB formal statement Create in Me a Clean Heart: A Pastoral Response to Pornography; a printed pamphlet version of this article and others may be purchased at the USCCB online store.

Sam’s Perspective—One Week Before Marriage

One week before our wedding, I walked into a convenience store telling myself it was the last time I would ever use porn. I had been using porn since junior high, but thought I wouldn’t “need” it after getting married. After all, my bride Beth was gorgeous, smart, athletic, cared about her faith, and was my best friend.

Sadly, the first several years of our marriage were filled with heartache, loneliness, and broken trust due to my use of pornography. We reached out for help to multiple counselors and priests, but there were not many people who knew how to help us in the early 2000s. By God’s grace we found one of the best counseling centers in the United States for people struggling with pornography use. We received several years of marriage counseling, attended many support groups, and rebuilt trust and intimacy in our marriage. For the first time in my life, I found hope, healing, and sobriety, and our marriage began to heal.

I am now a marriage counselor who specializes in treating pornography addiction. I have met with many good Catholics, both individuals and couples, who are breaking free from porn. In this article, Beth and I will share practical ideas and resources that have helped us and other couples heal from porn use and have thriving marriages.

Many Good People Struggle

One of the biggest lies that Satan has led many Catholic couples to believe is that they are alone in their struggles with pornography. People may be surprised to learn that many good Catholics and Christians are struggling with this issue. A Barna Survey on US porn use indicated that 37 percent of Christian men and 7 percent of Christian women used porn several times a week or more, and 64 percent of Christian men and 15 percent of Christian women used porn once a month or more.1 Indeed, as a couple, we have met many good men, women, teachers, clergy, youth ministers, and others who have struggled with pornography.

Brain Science of Pornography

It is important for people to understand that porn impairs the brain, whether it is used sporadically or multiple times per week. As the bishops state in Create in Me a Clean Heart, “Viewing pornography, usually combined with masturbation, directly affects the brain’s reward pathways and has been noted to have a similar effect on the brain as cocaine does on a person with a drug addiction or as alcohol on a person with an alcohol addiction” (p. 15). Pornography is never harmless.

Porn Decreases Sexual Satisfaction and Increases Infidelity

A common myth about pornography is that it enhances marital intimacy. This is not true. Instead, research indicates that exposure to pornography decreases sexual satisfaction in relationships for both men and women.2 Numerous physicians have reported that pornography increases rates of erectile dysfunction, even for young men in their 20s and 30s.3 Research indicates that married men who use pornography are more likely to have affairs, are less attracted to their wives, and are less interested in sexual intimacy with their wives.4 Research also indicates that women who use pornography are more negative about their bodies and have less sex in their marriage.5

Using or creating pornography within marriage is always wrong and can never be justified. —Create in Me a Clean Heart, p. 17

In his counseling ministry, Sam has worked with couples who watched pornography together at one point in their marriage, but after a while the wives felt used and exploited. Finding out about the pornography industry’s strong connection to human trafficking and violence against women6 was an important turning point for these couples in their healing journey because it showed them the far-reaching impact of pornography.

Pornography’s Other Impacts on Marriage

Pornography can impact marriages with financial effects, broken trust, and risks of separation and divorce. We have met multiple couples who dealt with job loss due to a spouse using porn at work. Sadly, we have met many couples who did not protect their children from pornography, sometimes because of struggles or deception in their marriage about pornography. Pornography breaks trust and increases the risk of separation and divorce. During a national conference of divorce attorneys, just over half of the lawyers indicated that Internet pornography had played a significant role in divorces they had handled during the last year.7

Spousal Support and Betrayal

Being married to someone who struggles with pornography takes a toll spiritually, emotionally, physically, and psychologically. It is important for spouses to know that they are not the reason their husband or wife seeks out porn, contrary to what they may be told; it is impossible for spouses to compete with fantasy. Spouses can suffer from symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder when they discover their spouse’s pornography addiction and can feel a tremendous sense of betrayal.8 In cases of pornography addiction, when one spouse’s behavior seriously disrupts the family’s life, the other spouse is often the one who primarily takes care of the children, the finances, and the upkeep of the home, and maintains the perception that things are okay with family and friends.

Hope for Married Couples

But there is hope! While breaking free from pornography can be difficult and takes time, it is possible. The Lord wants to heal marriages that have been harmed by one spouse’s or both spouses’ pornography use.

Developing Boundaries

Setting clear boundaries can help people avoid pornography use. Several common boundaries include avoiding unmonitored Internet devices, image searches, lingerie ads, smartphones in the bathroom, magazine racks, going to hotel rooms alone, going to bed after your spouse, and lying or withholding information from your spouse. Many couples have found it helpful to use accountability and filtering software on smart phones, tablets, computers, etc. Filtering software blocks the majority of Internet pornography, and accountability software can send weekly email reports of Internet activity to trusted people.

Building Accountability

Speaking of accountability, it is one of the most important factors for people to make significant progress in freedom from pornography. For men, being accountable with other trusted men is often doing them a favor, since most Catholic men need encouragement and teamwork to avoid pornography. Women, too, benefit from accountability groups of women who are striving towards purity. It can take significant courage at first to be accountable with other people, but this is one of the most effective ways to break free from pornography.

To spouses: The Church accompanies you with love and tenderness as you confront this sin and its effects on your marriage and family life. —Create in Me a Clean Heart, p. 22

Healthy Intimacy

Wives may not even realize that during the most intimate time with their husband, he may be dealing with thoughts and fantasies about porn. One of our counselors recommended that we should keep a small light or candles on in the room and make eye contact while making love. Our counselor also encouraged us to affirm and talk to each other while making love. These recommendations helped us to connect and bond deeply. We have also developed more emotional and spiritual intimacy in our marriage through regularly affirming each other, listening to each other, praying together, and emotionally connecting with each other.

Positive Catholic Resources About Sex and Marriage

Several years after beginning our journey toward healing our marriage, we found another great help: St. John Paul II’s teaching on the theology of the body (TOB), which presents in a compelling way God’s plan for sex and marriage. Instead of a negative list of rules, we learned from TOB resources that sex in marriage is meant to be sacred, holy, and even a renewal of our wedding vows!

It’s hard to describe how life-changing these positive concepts from TOB were for us and how much more joy and closeness they brought to our marriage. The concept that sex is meant to be a renewal of our wedding vows has helped us view sexual intimacy as something beautiful and sacred in our marriage. We started saying a short prayer before making love, thanking God for our marriage, and asking for His help to love and respect each other. TOB resources helped Sam understand that the opposite of love is using another person, which has helped him become more selfless and respectful in our relationship.

Praying Together

We have found it very helpful to say a short prayer together each day asking God to bless our marriage and family. We recently started saying a decade of the Rosary with our children at bedtime along with prayer intentions. We each try to read through the daily Mass readings along with other spiritual reading each day. We have also benefited from frequent confession, going to Mass as a family, Eucharistic adoration, listening to Catholic radio and Christian music, having spiritual directors, and being connected with Catholic men’s and women’s groups.

Honesty and Trust

In Sam’s work as a counselor with married couples, he has heard from many wives that their husband’s lies and deception about pornography use are just as painful, if not more painful, than the pornography use itself. These are delicate issues, but openness and honesty between spouses is important for true healing, especially if there has been an addiction to pornography. It can be very helpful for couples to receive support from counselors and priests to develop honesty and trust in their marriages.

Couples Counseling and Support

Married couples who are healing from pornography often need marriage counseling to rebuild trust and communication in their marriages. In addition, marriage enrichment programs or weekends for spouses who are struggling in their marriages can be a great help for spouses to learn to trust each other again and grow in authentic love.9

Freedom from Pornography Addiction

There are multiple online tests for pornography addiction including the Sexual Addiction Screening Test (SAST) and the Internet Sex Screening Test (ISST).10 Three important strategies to break free from pornography addiction include attending twelve-step groups, seeking professional counseling, and receiving marriage counseling. People who achieve long-term sobriety from porn addiction often attend weekly twelve-step meetings, call their sponsor and other group members daily, and diligently work through twelve-step recovery resources. Professional counseling is very important to address the underlying wounds of pornography and to heal marriages.

Spousal Support

For spouses who are healing from the effects of their husband’s or wife’s pornography addiction, professional counseling and spousal support groups are incredibly helpful. Having a safe and understanding counselor to talk with can give clarity and support during challenging times. Spousal support groups are not a place to complain about one’s marriage but a safe place to learn how to get through difficult times with grace, strength, and healthy decision-making.

Conclusion

We hope that these resources will give encouragement and hope to other couples like us who have experienced the damaging effects of pornography. Many good Catholic couples are struggling with porn, and we pray that they will reach out for help, and some day share their stories of hope and healing! We hope that these concepts and resources will help couples not just survive in their marriage but experience more joy, lasting happiness, and real intimacy. For more resources, and to read the full text of Create in Me a Clean Heart, please visit www.usccb.org/cleanheart.

In Christ our hope,
Sam & Beth Meier

About the authors
Sam Meier, MA, LPC, works for the My House Initiative in the Archdiocese of Kansas City in KS. Beth Meier, MA, teaches 7th and 8th grade religion.

Notes

[1] Provenmen.org Pornography Addiction Survey (2014) conducted by the Barna Group. Survey results are located at www.provenmen.org/2014pornsurvey/pornography-use-and-addiction.

[2] Mary Eberstadt and Mary Anne Layden, The Social Costs of Pornography: A Statement of Findings and Recommendations (Witherspoon Institute: 2010), 38; and Ana J. Bridges, “Pornography’s Effects on Interpersonal Relationships,” in The Social Costs of Pornography: A Collection of Papers, ed. James R. Stoner, Jr. and Donna M. Hughes (Witherspoon Institute: 2010), 89-110.

[3] There are multiple secular articles about “Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunction” and “Porn-Induced ED” on PsychologyToday.com. See also Gary Wilson, Your Brain on Porn: Internet Pornography and the Emerging Science of Addiction (UK: Commonwealth, 2014), 27-36; and Belinda Luscombe, “Porn and the Threat to Virility,” TIME Magazine (April 11, 2016).

[4] Eberstadt and Layden, The Social Costs of Pornography; and Paul J. Wright et. al., “More than a dalliance? Pornography consumption and extramarital sex attitudes among married U.S. adults,” Psychology of Popular Media Culture 3.2 (2014): 97-109.

[5] J. Albright, “Sex in America online: An exploration of sex, marital status, and sexual identity in Internet sex seeking and its impacts,” Journal of Sex Research 45 (2008): 175-186.

[6] See Noel J. Bouché, “Exploited: Sex Trafficking, Porn Culture, and the Call to a Lifestyle of Justice” (pureHOPE: 2009); Ana J. Bridges, et. al., “Aggression and sexual behavior in best-selling pornography videos: A content analysis update,” Violence Against Women 16 (October 2010): 1065-1085; and the research compiled by the National Center on Sexual Exploitation, www.EndSexualExploitation.org.

[7] Jonathan Dedmon, “Is the Internet bad for your marriage? Online affairs, pornographic sites playing greater role in divorces,” Press Release (2003) re: report from American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers; and Pamela Paul, “The Porn Factor,” TIME Magazine (January 19, 2004).

[8] Debra Laaser, Shattered Vows: Hope and Healing for Women Who Have Been Sexually Betrayed (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2008); and Peter J. Kleponis, Integrity Restored: Helping Catholic Families Win the Battle Against Pornography (Steubenville, Ohio: Emmaus Road Publishing, 2014), 102-110.

[9] See the For Your Marriage website for a list of marriage enrichment and support programs: https://www.foryourmarriage.org/marriage-resources/marriage-help-and-support/encouragement/ and https://www.foryourmarriage.org/marriage-resources/marriage-help-and-support/support/.

[10] The SAST (Sexual Addiction Screening Test) is available at http://www.recoveryzone.com/tests/sex-addiction/SAST/index.php; the ISST (Internet Sex Screening Test) is available at http://peterkleponis.com/SelfTestForInternetPornographyAddiction.

About this article
Pornography’s Effects on Marriage and Hope for Married Couples was developed as a resource and approved by Bishop Richard J. Malone, Chairman of the Committee on Laity, Marriage, Family Life and Youth of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB). It was authorized for publication by the undersigned.

Msgr. J. Brian Bransfield
General Secretary, USCCB

Copyright © 2016, United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, Washington, DC. All rights reserved.

For the full USCCB statement on pornography, Create in Me a Clean Heart, and additional resources, visit www.usccb.org/cleanheart.

Infant and Pregnancy Loss

The Church calls children “the supreme gift of marriage” (Gaudium et spes, n. 50). Losing a baby, whether through miscarriage or as an infant, is one of the deepest forms of grief and pain that a couple may endure.

Unfortunately, many couples often suffer without any support, as in the case when a couple loses a child before sharing that they were pregnant with others, or insufficient support because family and friends are unsure of what to say or do because of the difficulty and often suddenness of losing one so young.

If you or a loved one has suffered the loss of a child during pregnancy or infancy, know that help and resources are available.

For Your Marriage Resources

Catholic Ministries Supporting Grieving Parents and Families

  • Behold Your Child Developed by the Archdiocese of Dubuque to help provide hope and healing for parents and families who have experienced a life-limiting prenatal diagnosis, miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death
  • Catholic Miscarriage Support Practical and spiritual support for Catholics who have lost a child to miscarriage
  • Elizabeth Ministry International Offers hope, help, and healing on issues related to relationships, sexuality, and childbearing
  • Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents Offers spiritual support to parents who have lost a child at any age, by any cause, no matter how long ago
  • Heaven’s Gain Ministries For the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs of families experiencing pregnancy loss: before, during, and after the delivery of their precious baby
  • Morning Light Ministry Guides bereaved parents from the darkness of grief toward His Morning Light
  • Red Bird Ministries Guides individuals and couples through the complexity and trauma that happens with the loss of a child from pregnancy through adulthood

Help for Men and Women Struggling with Pornography Use

Pornography has become increasingly more available and accepted in today’s society. Both men and women of all ages have become entangled in the lies and pain of pornography use and even addiction, which has devastating effects on the user and his or her spouse and family.

It is important that those who are using pornography and those that are affected by a spouse’s receive the support and healing that they need. Below is a select list of resources for those who are struggling with pornography, as well as for their spouses and family members.

For more information about pornography from For Your Marriage, including statistics on pornography use, please visit our Overcoming Obstacles: Pornography articles.

Disclaimer: Please note that the content on this page is provided solely for your information and should not be interpreted as an official endorsement of the organizations, programs, and websites listed. To the best of our knowledge, the information listed here did not conflict with Catholic teaching and was accurate at the time of posting.

Table of Contents

Prayer Resources

Prayer plays a crucial role in the process of breaking free from pornography use.

Here is a link to a Novena for Purity from Covenant Eyes and the Angelic Warfare Confraternity.

Some patron saints of those struggling with purity, whether occasionally or habitually, are: St. Agnes, St. Maria Goretti, St. Augustine of Hippo, St. Gemma Galgani, St. Thomas Aquinas, St. Margaret of Cortona, St. Thérèse of Lisieux, St. Joseph, and the Blessed Virgin Mary.

Help for Men and Women

Catholic support groups and recovery programs

The Angelic Warfare Confraternity
A supernatural fellowship of men and women dedicated to pursuing chastity under the patronage of St. Thomas Aquinas and the Blessed Virgin Mary. The Confraternity is an official apostolate of the Dominican Order.

Breaking Free Blog (for men)
Men helping men to break free and stay free from pornography. Run by the Family Life Center International.

Exodus 90 (for men)
A ninety-day challenge of prayer, asceticism, and fraternity that is designed to help men attain freedom from sexual sin or other struggles. The program was developed at a seminary and today is transforming the lives of thousands of Catholic men across the country. In Exodus 90, men form small teams to go through the challenge together and support one another as they strive to grow in virtue.

Freedom Coaching
A one-on-one mentoring program designed to break the attraction to pornified images. Going beyond mere coping mechanisms, Freedom Coaching is designed to help clients, through a transformation of their desires, to seek and find what is true, good, and beautiful, something that pornified images can never provide.

Imago Dei Counseling
Offers individual and couples counseling/coaching in Colorado Springs as well as telephonically for those dealing with pornography and its effects; also available for adolescents, with the coordination of their parents. The program also provides Catholic Men’s Teleconference, a confidential telephonic men’s program for support in working steps towards healing and recovery from sexual addictions, and Intimacy Restored Intensives, a three-day workshop (Intensive Outpatient Treatment – IOT) in Colorado Springs for couples to begin the process of healing from issues related to pornography or sexual behavior.

Integrity Restored
Founded by Dr. Peter Kleponis, author of the book Integrity Restored: Helping Catholic Families Win the Battle Against Pornography, Integrity Restored is an organization dedicated to helping Catholics fight pornography at all levels. Dr. Kleponis and his Integrity Restored Team – Matt Fradd, Fr. Sean Kilcawley, and Ryan Foley – provide valuable resources and advice on how to protect individuals, couples, and families from the dangers of pornography. Resources are also available for clergy. In addition, information is provided on the Integrity Starts Here Recovery Program, the first comprehensive recovery program for Catholics struggling with pornography addiction and their loved ones.

The King’s Men (for men)
Men’s group focused on building up men as leaders, protectors, and providers. The King’s Men has a special focus on helping men find freedom from pornography addiction with the help of fraternal accountability. Also facilitates wilderness retreats, healing retreats, and parish-based weekly groups in some areas.

My House Initiative
A program of the Archdiocese of Kansas City in Kansas, My House offers resources for protecting children and families from pornography. A short video with Matthew Kelly and Archbishop Joseph Naumann is available in English and Spanish for protecting families from pornography. Confession cards, church posters, flyers, and prayer cards are also available in both English and Spanish. The videos and resources are available for other dioceses to adapt. The My House Initiative also provides help for individuals and couples who are struggling with pornography including four professional counselors, five weekly recovery groups, and assistance for spouses of pornography users.

Overcome Porn Addiction
Video-based online course for men seeking to overcome pornography addiction. Includes a “Steps to Victory” checklist and a 17-week “Path to Victory Bootcamp” with week-by-week instructions and specific actions to take

Reclaim Sexual Health
Science-based, Catholic resources for those impacted by pornography, masturbation, or other unhealthy sexual behaviors. Offers an anonymous online recovery program for pornography users and spouses of pornography users. Also has information for parents about protecting their children from pornography.

Reconnected
Reconnected is a program to help people who feel betrayed because of their spouse’s porn usage to identify that they are not the cause of this behavior and to assist them to reconnect (reconcile) with their partners. This 15-week course is an online group therapy program, designed and facilitated by Dr. Mark Kolodziej from CatholicCounselors.com,  a couples counselor who brings our Catholic faith into the healing process.

Restored Vows
Join Brandon and Tonia on a candid journey, where they reveal their darkest moments and share what they did to find healing and hope in a seemingly hopeless situation. In this free, 14-day video series, Brandon and Tonia share their story and show how recovery and restoration is possible. Learn practical steps that promote honesty, understanding, and trust. Restored Vows gives the tools needed to start improving marriages that have suffered from pornography use.

Road to Purity
Road to Purity’s mission is to reveal to society the physical and spiritual devastation of pornography and sexual addiction while leading men and women to the truth of authentic love and sexual purity. Our vision is to eliminate the desolation resulting from sexual sin and to reveal that there is another way. Road to Purity offers the guidance, tools, and community to achieve lasting purity.

Other Christian support groups and recovery programs

Be Broken Ministries
Be Broken Ministries exists to help men break free from sexually addictive behaviors in order to experience the fullness of life as God created it. They offer workshops, e-courses, in-person and long-distance coaching, and resources for both men and their wives.

Beggar’s Daughter (for women)
Jessica Harris is a former porn addict whose blog covers topics such as pornography, lust, and addiction – all from a woman’s perspective. She is now a speaker and author of a devotional, Love Done Right, a collection of devotionals specifically written for Christian women struggling with lust.

Bethesda Workshops
The mission of Bethesda Workshops is to encourage sexual wholeness by ministering to men and women damaged by sexual sin and addiction, and those hurt by a spouse’s sexual addiction. They offer intensive healing workshops in Nashville, TN for both men and women.

Bravehearts
A mentoring program to help men break free from sexual addiction and pornography use. Founded by Michael Leahy, who has a powerful conversion story from a life damaged by pornography addiction.

Heart to Heart Counseling Center
Provides professional counseling to those struggling with sexual addiction and their spouses. Located in Colorado Springs but also presents 3-5 day intensive workshops around the country.

Lifestar Therapy
Offers an intensive 6-day outpatient program (IOP) in a safe, nonjudgmental environment where those struggling with pornography and sexual addiction can find help in treating their addiction. With a strong faith base, Lifestar Therapy integrates developing healthy lifestyle changes and a strong connection with God to help people struggling with addiction and their loved ones heal. For more information, call 888-980-1600 or email info@lifestariop.com.

New Life Partners (for women)
An online resource and support group for women whose lives have been impacted by husbands or loved ones caught in the web of pornography and/or sexual addiction.

Proven Men Ministries
Proven Men is a sexual integrity ministry that partners with churches, offering discipleship resources, in order to see individuals and families equipped and restored.

Pure Life Ministries
Pure Life Ministries offers a number of resources and courses for men, women, wives, and pastoral leaders, including a residential treatment program in rural Kentucky, phone counseling, and a home study program for spouses of pornography users and teens.

XXXChurch
Support for men and women dealing with pornography addiction, as well as for parents and those who are involved in the pornography industry. X3Pure provides 30-day online workshops for men, women, couples, and parents. X3Groups offers small online support groups led by a trained team member.

Other support groups and recovery programs

Fortify
A mobile-based recovery program from Fight the New Drug. Youth-oriented and free to anyone under the age of 21. Also includes video education on pornography.

Sexaholics Anonymous
A recovery program and fellowship of men and women who support each other in staying sexually sober. SA is based on the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous and uses a Twelve Step Program. It is not affiliated with any religion or organization.

S-Anon International Family Groups
A program of recovery for those who have been affected by someone else’s sexual behavior. S-Anon is based on the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous and uses a Twelve Step Program. It is not affiliated with any religion or organization. Also provides special programs for teenagers: S-Ateen.

Help for Parents

Covenant Eyes: Unfiltered
A Parent Workshop Kit “for an Ongoing Conversation about Internet Pornography” produced by filtering and accountability site Covenant Eyes. Available online for free: “Protecting Your Family Online: A parent’s how-to guide.”

Enough is Enough
Educational site for parents about how to effectively protect children from online pornography, sexual predators, cyberbullies, and other online dangers.

Good Pictures, Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today’s Young Kids by Kristen A. Jenson and Gail Poyner
A read-aloud story that helps parents teach their children what pornography is, why it’s dangerous, and how to avoid it. It also teaches basic concepts about pornography and brain science, in a way that children can understand. A book for children ages 3-6 is also available, Good Pictures, Bad Pictures Jr: A Simple Plan to Protect Young Minds.

Integrity Restored
Founded by Dr. Peter Kleponis, author of the book The Pornography Epidemic: A Catholic Approach, Integrity Restored has a section dedicated to helping parents protect their children from pornography and help them navigate a culture imbued with pornography.

Pure Hope
Provides Christian solutions in a sexualized culture. Equips individuals, parents, families, and churches to pursue sexual purity and oppose sexual exploitation. Key areas of focus include parenting, justice (combatting sex trafficking), and recovery for men and women addicted to pornography. Free downloadable resources include “Parenting in a Sexualized Culture” and “Recovery in a Sexualized Culture.”

Protect Young Eyes
Protect Young Eyes is a constantly updated, free website for parents who want to better understand apps, social media platforms, parental controls on popular devices, and how to create an internet-safer home for their kids. Subscribe to their parent technology newsletter by texting the word “protect” (no quotes) to 66866.

Protect Young Minds
Led by Kristen A. Jenson, author of the best-selling children’s book Good Pictures Bad Pictures, Protect Young Minds™ (PYM) seeks to help parents “porn-proof” their kids before they come across highly addictive and easily accessible internet pornography. Additionally, PYM offers guidance for families whose children have already been hurt by pornography and hopes to serve as a “force multiplier” by empowering proactive people who want to educate their local communities

Help for Priests

You Are Loved
As a result of the epidemic of pornography, priests have asked Catholic Answers to produce material specifically to address the subject. Catholic Answers published a resource titled You Are Loved, which offers inspiration and hope for the countless individuals struggling to break free of pornography. Perfect for confessional use, pastoral or counseling support on this particular topic.

Internet Filtering Tools

Covenant Eyes
Offers both internet accountability and filtering systems. Internet accountability helps to reduce temptation and start conversations about online activity. The filter systems will prevent users from accessing certain content and websites. Both of these systems are designed for parents, children, and adults. Available on various devices.

X3Watch
X3Watch, an initiative of XXXChurch, is an accountability and filtering program that allows you to monitor your Internet use, block URLs, filter content, and share your progress with people you trust. Available on various devices.

Advocacy and Education Resources

Religious Alliance Against Pornography
Comprised of diverse religious groups, RAAP is united by its mission to educate people of faith about the harmful and addictive nature of pornography and its corrosive effect on public health, support efforts that help those harmed by the pornography industry, and promote high moral standards in society.

Catholic Answers
Videos of chastity speaker Matt Fradd talking about pornography addiction, recovery, and more.

The Chastity Project
A ministry run by chastity speakers Jason and Crystalina Evert, the Chastity Project features videos on the effects of pornography and recovery from addiction, as well as other chastity-related topics.

Fight the New Drug
A grassroots, youth-oriented, non-religious, non-legislative, non-profit organization dedicated to raising awareness on the harmful effects of pornography. They also have a recovery program called “Fortify” (see above).

National Center on Sexual Exploitation
Formerly Morality in Media, this is the leading national organization opposing pornography and indecency through public education. Numerous informative articles about the pornography industry, sex trafficking, and research on pornography’s harmful effects.

The Social Costs of Pornography
In 2010, the Witherspoon Institute published a book of essays about pornography by leading experts in psychology, sociology, law, and more. The companion website of the same name features videos by the authors and others on various topics related to pornography and the pornography industry.

Whispered in the Dark
 This one-day conference aims to bring concerned adults, parents, teachers, single/dating folks, priests, lay people, and anyone who wants to be more educated on this epidemic up to date with the best tools and resources to help face, battle, and overcome pornography.

DVDs and Online Streaming

Conquer Series: A Battle Plan for Purity
A five-episode DVD series with a leader’s guide, hosted by Dr. Ted Roberts, founder of Pure Desire Ministries. The series provides scientific information about the effects of pornography and lays out a spiritual strategy for defeating pornography use and addiction. Good for use in small groups or support groups.

The Heart of the Matter: Finding Light in the Darkness of Pornography Addiction
A documentary featuring interviews with men and women about how pornography affected their lives and how they found freedom from it. Available in its entirety on YouTube. DVD special features include a guide for parents, help for wives, and a guide for recovery. 75 minutes, with English, Spanish, Portuguese, and Romanian subtitles.

Books and Other Print Resources

Bought With a Price: Every Man’s Duty to Protect Himself and His Family from a Pornographic Culture by Bishop Paul S. Loverde (Diocese of Arlington, 2014).
An updated version of Bishop Loverde’s 2006 pastoral letter on the same topic. The small booklet includes a study guide and a suggested rule of life for those wishing to be free from pornography. See also Bishop Loverde’s article in First Things about the letter’s release: “Let the Battle for Purity Begin” (March 19, 2014).

Delivered: True Stories of Men and Women Who Turned from Porn to Purity edited by Matt Fradd, foreword by Jason Evert (San Diego: Catholic Answers Press, 2013).
A compilation of real-life, first-person narratives about the corrosive effects of pornography on both men and women, as well as the possibility of gaining deliverance from pornography use and addiction.

Integrity Restored: Helping Catholic Families Win the Battle Against Pornography by Peter C. Kleponis, Ph.D. (Steubenville, OH: Emmaus Road Publishing, 2014).
Written by a clinical therapist and the founder of Integrity Restored (see above), this book provides an overview of the effects of pornography on men, women, children, and society, as well as practical advice for breaking free of pornography.

Overcoming Pornography Addiction: A Spiritual Solution by J. Brian Bransfield (New York: Paulist Press, 2013).
A short book by a well-known author and speaker on St. John Paul II’s teachings on the theology of the body. The struggle of pornography is examined through an extended reflection on Chapter 4 of the Gospel of John, Jesus’ encounter with the Samaritan woman at the well. Read a review of the book on the For Your Marriage website.

Restored: True Stories of Love and Trust After Porn edited by Matt and Cameron Fradd
In Restored you’ll read ten honest, hard-hitting accounts of real women and couples whose lives were shattered by porn’s destructive effects. But because God’s grace is stronger, they were able to find healing and hope, trust renewed, and intimacy Restored. Read a review of the book on the For Your Marriage website. 

Restoring the Years: A Healing Workbook for Women Dealing with Their Husband’s Pornography/Sexual Addiction by Gwyneth Pierce
This interactive book provides women with encouragement and advice about coping with a husband’s addiction to pornography, grounded in Christian teaching and up-to-date psychological science. There is space for journaling and reflecting on relevant Scripture passages.

Restoring the Years: Winning the Battle over Sexual Addiction and Pornography by Gwyneth Pierce.
Restoring the Years provides the earnest reader wisdom and insights drawn from men and women who have fought the fight before you and won! Their stories are backed up with scriptural support, scientific data, and input from noted researchers. You don’t have to let the darkness overtake you. You, too, can overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of your testimony. Let today be a new chapter of hope, freedom, and victory.

The Social Costs of Pornography: A Collection of Papers edited by James R. Stoner, Jr. and Donna M. Hughes (Princeton: Witherspoon Institute, 2010).
A compilation of essays on the harms of pornography, moral arguments against it, and issues related to law and policy. The appendix lists the main research findings. A companion website provides more information, as well as links to purchase the book, a summary version of the book, and a DVD with presentations by the authors.

Transformed by Beauty, Co-Authored by Amanda Zurface, JCL, and The Catholic Gentleman’s Sam Guzman.
Transformed by Beauty is a free e-book offered by Covenant Eyes Inc., the pioneer of Internet Accountability software. Beauty can change your life. That’s a bold statement, but one that has been proven true by countless people. In this e-book, you’ll meet a priest, a musician, a ballerina, and a bodybuilder who all have one thing in common: They found freedom, healing, and peace because they encountered the beauty of a transcendent God. In this free download, you’ll learn: How beauty can help you heal from the wounds of pornography; How to have a redeemed vision and a sacramental approach to sexuality; and How we are called to be craftsmen in making beautiful things.

Wired for Intimacy: How pornography hijacks the male brain by William M. Struthers (Downers Grove, IL: IVP Books, 2009).
Written by an associate professor of psychology, this book explains in plain language the science behind the effects of pornography on the brain, particularly the male brain, and how and why addiction happens. Includes a reflection on healthy masculinity in the Christian understanding of the human person.

You Are Loved
A short booklet that offers inspiration and hope for the countless individuals struggling to break free of pornography. Published by Catholic Answers.

Support for Troubled Marriages

Every marriage hits its rough spots. Pope Francis noted in his apostolic exhortation Amoris Laetitia that “the life of every family is marked by all kinds of crises.” He goes on to say, “Couples should be helped to realize that surmounting a crisis need not weaken their relationship…Each crisis becomes an apprenticeship in growing closer together or learning a little more about what it means to be married. There is no need for couples to resign themselves to an inevitable downward spiral or a tolerable mediocrity” (no. 232).

If you are struggling in your marriage, take heart! The Church cares about you and wants you and your spouse to find healing and a renewed sense of love. Below are organizations dedicated to helping couples and families in crisis. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help; your marriage matters and the Church is here for you.

Also, see our Marriage Rx and Overcoming Obstacles section for advice on specific challenges.

If you or a loved one is struggling with pornography use or addiction, please see our page focused on help for men and women struggling with pornography.

The Alexander House: Marriage Disciples
This couple-to-couple program has helped thousands of couples rediscover the joy and happiness in their marriage by walking with them and sharing practical ways to live out God’s plan for their marriage.
Greg Alexander
210-858-6195
greg@thealexanderhouse.org

BAN – Beyond Affairs Network
An International Support Group with local chapters for people recovering from the devastating experience of a spouse’s affair.
Anne and Brian Bercht
360-306-3367
info@beyondaffairs.com

COMPASSION WORKSHOPS: Anger & Violence Regulation
Educational programs for individuals and families that deal with the detection, treatment, and prevention of abuse (home study/self-training kit available).
Steven Stosny, PhD
301-921-2010
stosny@compassionpower.com

Courage Apostolate
A Catholic ministry dedicated to helping men and women who experience same-sex attraction reach the freedom of interior chastity through the loving support of others and the graces of the sacraments. Support is offered to both single and married persons, in line with Catholic teaching. Visit the Courage website to learn more and to find a local chapter: https://couragerc.org/

Divorce Busting Programs
Trained coaches support couples who want to save their marriage.
Michele Weiner-Davis
800-664-2435 or 815-337-8000
virginia@divorcebusting.com

The Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents
The death of a child is the most traumatic and devastating experience any parent can face. At a minimum, parents feel totally alone because their spouse is usually at a very different place in their grief journey. Spouses often cannot understand or accept coping mechanisms used by each other, and they may blame each other, secretly or openly, for the death. However, many grieving parents have found that the rich teachings of the Catholic Church that life has changed for those who have died, not ended, does bring peace, comfort, and hope. The Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents is a Catholic ministry dedicated to serving the spiritual needs of parents whose children of any age have died by any cause—no matter how long ago. It offers One-Hour, One-Day, and Weekend Spiritual Retreats for grieving parents given by grieving parents and spiritual leaders. See www.emfgp.org for more information.

Hope Springs Florida
A nonprofit organization that helps families with a child with special needs re-energize and restore healthy relationships. HSF offers more than a vacation respite home for those with autism; it offers hope to working-class families in a seaside environment by handling all the details necessary for a relaxing vacation. This includes airport and ground transportation, dietary and sensory need accommodation, and preferred access to recreational activities near historic Saint Augustine, FL. HSF is founded on the principle of hope, as expressed by Pope Francis: “When there is no human hope, there is that hope that carries us forward, humble, simple—but it gives a joy, at times a great joy, at times only of peace, but the security that hope does not disappoint: hope doesn’t disappoint.”

For more information, contact Joe Rodgers at 614-886-5510 or rodgers_2244@hotmail.com.

National Registry of Marriage Friendly Therapists
This group lists therapists with many years of training and experience in marriage and couples therapy who are dedicated to helping marriages succeed if at all possible.

Pastoral Tele-Counseling Services
The Pastoral Solutions Institute provides over 8000 hours/year of ongoing, Catholic-integrated counseling services via the telephone to couples, families, and individuals. Combining insights from our Catholic faith with empirically validated psychological techniques, our counselors help clients find practical and grace-filled solutions to difficult marriage, family, and personal problems. Our counselors are all licensed at the highest level, have additional training in pastoral theology, and are faithful to the Magisterium.
740-266-6461

Person & Identity
Assists the Catholic Church in promoting the Catholic vision of the human person and responding to the challenges of Gender ideology. Gender ideology has permeated the culture with stunning speed, influencing medicine, business, media, entertainment, government, and education. Because it is sowing confusion and undermining the Church’s mission of evangelization, the rise of gender ideology has created an urgent need for clarity, education, and compassionate guidance for Catholic families and young people. Their website includes resources for parents, schools, and parishes.

Retrouvaille
A weekend experience combined with a series of 6-12 post-weekend sessions over three months. The main emphasis of the program is on communication in marriage between husband and wife. There are neither group dynamics nor group discussions on the weekend.
800-470-2230

The Third Option
An ongoing group program for marriages. It combines 14 unique skill-building workshops, sharing by mentor couples who have overcome marital problems, and a support group component. Because it uses a “self-change” model, one spouse may come alone.
Andrea Buckley
855-624-9476
andrea@thethirdoption.com

Disclaimer: Please note that the content on this page is provided solely for your information and should not be interpreted as an official endorsement of the organizations, programs, and websites listed. To the best of our knowledge, the information listed here did not conflict with Catholic teaching and was accurate at the time of posting.