Tag Archives: Family Traditions

New Year’s Resolutions for Couples

What can you do for your marriage in the new year? Try making a New Year’s resolution to improve your relationship. Here are some ideas to get started:

  • “Adopt” a patron saint for the coming year to intercede for you and your family. Throughout the year, read a biography about him or her, attend Mass together on the saint’s feast day, and find litanies, novenas, and other prayers to pray together.
  • Make a “spiritual New Year’s resolution” together. Choose one thing to stick to through this year as a family: monthly Confession, praying the Liturgy of the Hours, First Friday Adoration, etc. For some suggestions on praying as a family, check out this article.
  • Take turns selecting a favorite Scripture passage to pray about each week. Share your reflections with each other.
  • If you don’t already eat dinner together as a family, try to commit to one night (or more) each week to eat together.
  • Draw up your household budget together. Discuss spending priorities, including charitable donations.
  • Set up a prayer intention board in a common space in your home. Pray together each night for one another’s intentions.
  • Start saving up for a vacation later in the year, or even a “staycation”. Start planning now to take time off of work to devote to your spouse and kids. It needn’t be extravagant to foster quality time and relaxation.
  • Is there anything that is causing strain in your marriage? Lack of communication, long job hours, technology dependence, unforgiven hurts? Take time in the new year to make concrete steps toward reconciliation and growth.
  • Resolve to do a weekly act of love or service for your spouse – a hidden sacrifice, a little surprise, an unprompted chore, or an errand.
  • Schedule several “Date Nights” for each month of the year.
  • Resolve to read at least one book on how to strengthen your relationship. Unsure where to start? Browse through the archived book reviews.
  • While it’s important to strengthen the marriage relationship, marriage is also a sacrament of service. It’s true that marriage benefits the couple, but it’s also good for their family, community, and the Church. Resolve to do at least one service activity this year, as a family or a couple. Perhaps it’s bringing canned goods to the local food pantry on a regular basis or helping out with a parish fundraising project.

How To Make Christmas About Christmas

I wish I could say these were my ideas but I can’t. Although I don’t remember where I read them, I vividly recall how one brief article transformed the Christmas season in our home.

About 23 years ago, our oldest was six and we were expecting our fourth son. The holidays were approaching and I was thinking back to the previous four Christmases when Santa and Jesus got just about “equal billing” in our home. As young parents, we were establishing family traditions and Christmas definitely needed improvement.

Previously, as soon as Thanksgiving was over, I’d decorate our home and start drumming up excitement about the upcoming arrival of Santa. When the Christmas catalogs arrived with oodles of toys, I’d share them with the boys. It would keep them entertained for hours!

I wanted this year to be different and to bring the celebration of Jesus’s birth and the joy of giving to the forefront of our Christmas season. So, I did what I always do when I need help. I prayed and read.

That’s when I found the article. It was a gift with perfect timing and it said this: “As soon as the Christmas catalogs are delivered to your house put them away so they are not accessible to the kids. (Goodbye free babysitter!) Don’t focus on Santa and the fact that he is going to bring presents. Santa will be relentlessly drilled into your kids. They’ll see and hear about him everywhere. Consider it all good and part of the season. Don’t criticize it. Just don’t feed it.”

That was it! I realized the kids were taking my lead and I was determined to change course. One day a few weeks before Christmas, I told the boys to write Santa their letter. They wrote it, mailed it and that was it. (In the past, we actually sent Santa revised editions!)

When the subject of Santa came up, we talked about him, but without me fueling the “Santa Fervor” the boys did not focus on what they were going to “get” for Christmas.

The article suggested we play Christmas music in our home and go caroling with the neighborhood kids. We did and our neighbors loved it. It suggested we invite our pastor over for dinner. We did and the kids wound up playing charades with him.

The most unique advice was to emphasize Joseph’s devotion to Mary and Jesus. This was especially lovely as it was likely we were raising four future husbands and fathers.

The article said to encourage generosity by giving the kids a dollar to place into the Salvation Army kettle. And when you bake, have the kids run a plate over to a neighbor. It said to help the kids identify and bring in a gift for a person, other than a teacher, who worked at their school.

The last recommendation was to “adopt a family” at school or church and go shopping with the kids as they picked out specific gifts. (This idea continued all through high school. I loved watching our teenagers meticulously pick out gifts for people they would never meet.)

We tried every idea and the effect was immediate and quietly humbling. I’ve blundered through many areas of parenting while raising our four sons but since reading that article 23 years ago, Christmas has mostly been about Christmas.

Celebrating Advent as a Family

The Catechism of the Catholic Church says: “Prayer is the life of the new heart. It ought to animate us at every moment…But we cannot pray ‘at all times’ if we do not pray at specific times, consciously willing it” (CCC 2697). We come before the Lord with a desire for “a new heart” when we find time for prayer throughout our day. The Church invites us to pray in many different ways. We can recite the Rosary, pray the liturgy of the hours, learn about the lives of the saints, celebrate the liturgical year through feast days, lift up our hearts in song or silence, and above all participate in the celebration of the Holy Eucharist. If we take time to pray at “specific times,” our home will be filled with prayer at “all times.”

The season of Advent (from the Latin word “adventus,” meaning “coming”) is the time of preparation for the birth of Christ. It is a time of longing and waiting for his coming. It should be a time filled with joy when we ponder the gift of God’s love, open our hearts to receive, and open our hands to give. Advent begins the liturgical year. It begins on the Sunday closest to the last day in November.

Advent traditions are numerous. We do not always know their exact origin, but they have lived in the faithful’s hearts. If traditions are lived and understood, they can bring families closer to Christ and transform the hearts of those who participate in them. How can we introduce some Advent traditions into our families this Advent season?

Advent Wreath – The wreath is circular and made of evergreens symbolizing the eternity of God. Seeds and fruit we may place on the wreath represent life and resurrection. There are four candles on the wreath, each representing one week of Advent. The three purple candles stand for prayer and penance. The rose candle is lit on the third Sunday (the “Gaudete Sunday”) and it symbolizes joy – “gaudium” in Latin – as we draw closer to the birth of Christ. The light that the wreath brings represents Christ Himself – our Light. Take a family walk on the first Sunday of Advent and collect everything you will need for the Advent wreath. Make it together as a family and talk with your children about the rich symbolism. Have the wreath blessed by a priest, or read a family blessing of the wreath at home. Place it in a visible spot where your family gathers often. Light it during your evening prayer or at mealtimes.

Nativity Scene – Saint Francis of Assisi began the custom of the nativity scenes when he celebrated Christmas with his brothers at Greccio in 1223 with a Bethlehem scene that included live animals. This tradition quickly spread and people began to construct their own nativity scenes in their homes. Children take great joy in helping to set up a nativity scene. The crèche may be made from various materials. Simplicity and beauty go often hand in hand. You may set up your entire scene at the beginning of Advent, leaving the crib empty for the Christ Child to arrive on Christmas Eve. Or you may set up the scene slowly, day by day. We like to hide one figure (an animal, or a branch…) each day of Advent, have our children search for it, and then place it around the manger. Joseph and Mary arrive in Bethlehem last. On Christmas Eve, the youngest child finds a small golden package under the Christmas tree with the figure of Baby Jesus. We place it together in our crèche. Mary and Joseph can also ‘travel’ to Bethlehem, as they move slowly across your room every day until they reach the cave.

Advent Carols – The tradition of caroling is owed to Saint Francis as well. Children especially enjoy the beauty and joy expressed in Christmas Carols. However, Christmas carols should be sung at Christmas. During Advent, we are still waiting. Our music should express this waiting and longing for the Messiah. There are many beautiful Advent Hymns. Learn one new hymn every week of Advent with your family. Your waiting will be rewarded with a profound joy at Christmas time. [Editor’s note: Advent hymns can be found in your parish hymnal. For an online list of popular and lesser-known Advent hymns, see The Cyber Hymnal.]

Jesse Tree – Jesse Tree is an old tradition depicting the relationship of Jesus with Jesse and other biblical figures who were the ancestors of Jesus. Jesse was the father of King David. He is often looked upon as the first person in the genealogy of Jesus. For your own Jesse Tree, a branch can be placed into a pot or a large vase at the beginning of Advent, and every day a new ornament can be hung onto it.

healy-jesse-tree-2These ornaments represent the individual figures from the two Testaments. They can be made out of paper, felt, clay, wood, or other materials. As the children place the ornaments onto the branch, the father of the family can read an appropriate Scripture passage that talks about the given ancestor of Jesus. There are many passages that can be chosen and many symbols that can represent various figures. Each family can create its own list of figures and their symbols. [Editor’s note: this webpage shows one example of Jesse tree ornaments.]

 

The Crib for the Christ Child – A small wooden crib can be displayed somewhere in your home. This empty crib can be filled with a new piece of straw every day for acts of kindness and small sacrifices. Encourage your children to notice the goodness in others, instead of focusing on their own deeds and accomplishments. By the end of Advent, the crib should be filled with straw. On Christmas Eve, children can place a small figure of Baby Jesus in his soft bed of hay.

Advent Angels – At the beginning of Advent, each family member can blindly pick the name of another member of the family and become his or her Advent angel. Prayers, sacrifices, and acts of kindness can be offered and exercised daily. During the Christmas season, small homemade gifts can be exchanged between the ‘angels’. This prolongs the joy of Christmas, encourages creativity, and teaches children (and adults) to discover unique talents they can share with others.

Preparing our homes – Our homes should reflect our readiness for Christ’s birth. Clean your home together, simplify, and share. Children can help to prepare a box for the poor and the lonely. You can donate extra clothing and household items, bake cookies together and share them or save them for the joyous time of Christmas. Begin working on Christmas cards and gifts early in Advent so that you can ‘rest your heart’ during the final days of Advent.

Preparing our hearts – Just as we prepare our homes, we should prepare our hearts. This is the time for a frequent sacrament of reconciliation, for longer family prayer, and for lots of Advent reading together. This is the time when the family can draw closer to the mystery of Christ’s Incarnation.

healy-st-luciaCelebrating the saints’ feast days – There are many beautiful feast days during Advent to celebrate. I will mention just a few. You can honor Saint Nicholas (December 6) by learning about his life. Prepare a play about him, or learn a hymn in his honor. Recalling the legend of the three daughters, place your shoes by the fireplace on the eve of the feast and wait for the saint’s ‘visit’. (In many European countries, Saint Nicholas visits families in person. He joins them for family prayers, blesses the children, and leaves oranges, nuts, and golden coins for each one of them. Children write letters to the Christ Child and deliver them through Saint Nicholas. These letters are filled with the children’s thanks for the past year and their hopes for the year to come). You can make candles on the feast of Saint Ambrose (December 7), the patron saint of candle makers. While remembering our Mother Mary, you can also prepare a small gift for an expectant mother you know on the feast of the Immaculate Conception (December 8).

Decorate your house with lights on the Feast of Saint Lucy (December 13), whose name means ‘light’. According to an old Swedish custom, dress your oldest daughter in white and let her wake up the family with a candle-lit breakfast. Remember our Lady of Guadalupe with a Mexican meal, roses, or poinsettias. Craft with your children, sing, celebrate, eat your meals together, find time… Prepare your homes and hearts for Christ!

An old German Advent Carol sings about the Christ Child carried under Mary’s heart as she wanders through the wood where nothing grew for seven years. As she walks through the forest, roses begin to bloom everywhere. May we carry Christ with Mary this Advent season. And may the roses bloom!

About the author
Maruška Healy, originally from the Czech Republic, is a graduate of the International Theological Institute in Gaming, Austria. She and her husband currently reside in Maryland where they homeschool their children.

Try a Five-Point Tune-Up For Your Marriage

At the end of each summer, my husband and I receive a letter that urges us to have our heating system checked before the Fall. It’s usually slipped through the mail slot on an oppressive August day, when more warmth is the last thing I’m thinking about it. But I realize the wisdom of preventive maintenance now, before a breakdown occurs.

Marriages, too, benefit from preventive maintenance. Do you need to discuss a stressful issue before it erupts? Are you looking for an activity or two to rejuvenate your marriage? The end of summer is a good time to plan for marriage maintenance, before the busyness of Fall kicks in. Here’s a five-point list to get started:

  • Talk Turkey. Thanksgiving (and Christmas) turkey, that is. Where will you be spending the holidays? Do you turn into jugglers, trying to balance the expectations of both sets of in-laws? If the two of you agree on a plan now, you’ll be ready to deal with the situation in a way that’s fair to everyone. An added advantage: If you’re flying for the holidays, you’ll be able to shop early for cheaper air fares and the dates you want.
  • Fall for each other—again. Fun fall getaways abound, everything from pumpkin patches and apple-picking to colorful college football games and tailgate parties. Get out your calendars now and pencil in a few dates. Don’t forget that romantic drive to view the fall foliage.
  • Show me the money. The last quarter of the year can bring higher household expenses, including costs associated with the holidays. Can your budget handle it? Be prepared by reviewing your financial status and making any needed adjustments to your spending and saving.
  • Go back to school. Maybe not literally, but Fall is an excellent time to learn a new skill or try a new activity. Check out the offerings from your local public school system or community college. Read the parish bulletin or website to see what’s being planned. Sign up—finally!—to walk for your favorite cause. Learning or doing something new, especially if you do it together, can enrich your marriage. If you decide on different activities, share your experiences with your spouse and bring a new dimension to your marriage.
  • Get fit—spiritually. Summer often means a break from routine. Have you let your spiritual practices slide over the past couple months? Rather than become discouraged, make a September resolution to improve. Schedule time for prayer and spiritual reading, even if it’s only a few minutes. Consider setting aside time to pray with your spouse (see Who Me, Pray?…With Her?). Bring closure to the summer by celebrating the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

Tinsel or Garland?

Tinsel or garland? Real or fake?

In our first year of marriage, that was our first major argument as a couple. We were looking forward to our first Christmas together, and each of us had our family traditions in mind when we imagined what that might look like. Paul had grown up with tinsel-covered artificial trees, put up over Thanksgiving weekend. Sarah’s family had real trees, wrapped in garland that they bought only a few days before Christmas.

So when the holiday season arrived in our house for the first time, we had to figure out what we would do. After some heated discussions and some false accusations (such as: “You don’t care about my family, do you?”), we finally came to a decision: garland on a fake tree, put up the first or second week of December.

Some might call this a merger, but in reality, it was something better. Merging traditions would mean we had a hodgepodge of this and that from each of our family rituals. And while we did some of that initially, it never truly satisfied.

What we discovered that first Christmas is that we needed to create our own traditions, some borrowed from our respective families, but most of it from ourselves.

Creating new traditions, unique to us as a couple, has been one of the most enjoyable aspects of each passing holiday season (and yes, we mean “holiday” because it encompasses new traditions at Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s).

In the past few years, we have created all kinds of new traditions at Christmas. On Christmas Eve, we often get a hotel room in downtown Chicago or one of the other suburbs (because hotels are really affordable on that particular day of the year), have a nice dinner, and head out to a Midnight Mass near the hotel. Another tradition we have is pulling out and watching our favorite Christmas movies by the fireplace, or finding a movie theatre that’s showing a classic like “White Christmas” or “It’s a Wonderful Life.” These and other moments are unique to the two of us, unlike anything Sarah’s or Paul’s families did when we were growing up.

The oddest thing that has come with creating our new traditions is the disorienting feeling we have had if and when we head “home” at Christmas. One year, we went to Philadelphia to visit Sarah’s family, and while it was wonderful to reconnect with everyone, it didn’t feel like “home” anymore. Instead, that warm, special feeling came when our plane touched down at O’Hare Airport. We had come “home” to the place where our new traditions were forged and nurtured.

It might be bittersweet to leave our old traditions, but it is even more exciting to create new ones (like garland on a fake tree) that are unique, special, and fitting just for us.

Questions for Discussion:

  • What will you do as a couple this holiday season that will focus on religious side of your partnership?
  • Why are traditions an important part of our lives?
  • What family traditions have you appreciated most?
  • Which traditions are you not willing to let go?
  • How can these be incorporated into your spouse’s desires?

About the authors
Sarah and Paul Jarzembowski were married at Holy Name Cathedral in Chicago in 2002. Sarah, who was born and raised in the Archdiocese of Philadelphia, currently works as the national partner program coordinator for Charis Ministries, a Jesuit outreach and retreat ministry for young adults in their 20s and 30s. Paul, who originally hails from the Diocese of Gary in Indiana, serves on staff at the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops as an assistant director for the Secretariat of Laity, Marriage, Family Life and Youth. They currently live in the Maryland suburbs of Washington, D.C.

This article was originally published on the website of the Family Ministries Office of the Archdiocese of Chicago: www.familyministries.org. Reposted with permission.

Five Suggestions for Holy Week

Palm Sunday marks the beginning of the most solemn week of the Church’s liturgical year. During Holy Week, the Church celebrates the mysteries of salvation accomplished by Christ in the last days of his earthly life, beginning with the triumphal entry into Jerusalem.

For nearly 40 days the Christian faithful have practiced the disciplines of Lent: prayer, fasting and good works. Now the Church invites us to an even deeper spirit of prayer as we follow Christ on his journey to the cross.

Here are five suggestions for couples to use this week as an opportunity to grow in holiness as individuals and as a couple.

1. What do you do with the palm branches you bring home from Palm Sunday Mass? Consider a simple ceremony to place them in your home. See below for a suggested ritual.

2. During the week pray the Seven Penitential Psalms together. These are especially appropriate during Lent. Prayerfully reciting these psalms helps us to recognize our sinfulness, express our sorrow and ask for God’s forgiveness.

3. Celebrate the Sacrament of Penance if you haven’t already done so during Lent. Many parishes have extra hours and/or communal penance services during Holy Week.

4. Attend a service together on Holy Thursday and/or Good Friday. On Thursday, the Church recalls the Last Supper and Jesus’ gift of His Body and Blood. On Friday, parishes hold services to celebrate the Passion of the Lord; many have Stations of the Cross as well.

5. On Holy Saturday, pray for those who will be received into the Catholic Church during the Easter Vigil. Pray, too, for a deepening of your own faith and the grace to endure the suffering and celebrate the joys of married life.

A SUGGESTED RITUAL FOR PLACING PALM BRANCHES IN THE HOME

After dinner or at another time on Palm Sunday, the household gathers where the palms have been placed, perhaps near a crucifix or the family Bible.

All make the sign of the cross. The leader begins:

Hosanna in the highest!

Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.

R/. Hosanna in the highest!

The leader may use these or similar words to introduce the prayer:

We have come to the last days of Lent. Today we heard the reading of the Passion. That story will remain with us as we leave Lent behind on Holy Thursday and enter into the Three Days when we celebrate the mystery of Christ’s passing through suffering and death to life at God’s right hand.

Listen to the words of the second Letter of St. Paul to the Corinthians: 4:10-11:

[We are] always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our body. For we who live are constantly being given up to death for the sake of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may be manifested in our mortal flesh.

Reader: The Word of the Lord.

R/. Thanks be to God.

After a time of silence, members of the household join in prayers of intercession. The intercessions are followed by the Lord’s Prayer. The leader continues:

Let us pray.

Blessed are you, God of Israel, so rich in love and mercy.
Let these branches ever remind us of Christ’s triumph.
May we who bear them rejoice in his Cross
and sing your praise forever and ever.

R/. Amen.

The leader concludes:

Let us bless the Lord.

All respond, making the sign of the cross:

Thanks be to God.

What Holiday Stress Means for Couples

With the arrival of Christmastime, great expectations reawaken in homes everywhere; gradually, an atmosphere of anticipation takes over.

Parents lay plans to make the season a uniquely happy one for their children – a tall order! Grandparents start longing to spend time with their family’s newest generation during the holidays, even if that will be accomplished only via Skype. And the doors of many households are opened as wide as possible to welcome friends and neighbors, a sign that this time of year is different.

Oh, and one other thing: Wives and husbands hope Christmastime will be special for them too, as a couple. But will it be?

Often enough, overloaded as it is with everyone else’s high expectations and the competing demands of family, friends and workplace associates, Christmastime is stressful for couples. Some wives and husbands feel that at best, they can muddle along until January.

Causes of Stress
But sometimes – many times — patience with each other runs thin for a wife and husband during the holidays. For a variety of reasons, stress gains the upper hand between them.

  • One spouse may be convinced that Christmas is unaffordable. He or she feels stressed out by the cost of Christmas gifts and entertainment.
  • Another spouse may experience the stress of workplace demands that do not always subside to make room for a family’s overcrowded schedule of holiday festivities at school and church, with family and friends, or for shopping.
  • Some couples are stressed out by the mere logistics of Christmas and the challenge of finding ways to celebrate with two sets of grandparents and two extended families.
  • Couples who make faith a priority cringe when the season’s real purpose gets left in the shadows, eclipsed by so much else that is happening.
  • There are, in addition, certain realities of life that do not manage to make themselves scarce just because Christmastime is here. Children get sick and require care; an overdue notice of an unpaid bill can still arrive in the mail; the furnace can stop working; the weather can get real bad.

Stress grows for couples when they feel pushed and pulled in two or three seemingly impossible directions at once. Stress grows as spouses become more and more fatigued from trying to meet others’ needs and expectations, and from the usually unfounded fear of somehow letting their family down at Christmas.

It is an unfortunate reality of life that the stress they feel often turns a wife and husband away from each other. At a time when they need each other, they may instead criticize each other, which experts agree will be unhelpful.

When you are under stress, “it can sometimes be tempting to take out your frustration verbally on those who are closest to you,” said ACCORD, the Irish Catholic bishops’ marriage care service. In a December 2009 message, ACCORD cautioned spouses that this could mean their frustration gets taken out on “the very person who can be [their] greatest ally and source of support.”

A similar point is made by the 2010 edition of “Fighting for Your Marriage,” the widely read and consulted book by Howard Markman, Scott Stanley, and Susan Blumberg. They note that when stress prevails, there is a tendency for spouses to “become more negative with each other.” These authors say to couples:

“When stressed-out, most people give others less benefit of the doubt and are quicker to react to frustrations with their partners. … Just when you need to be more supportive of each other, stress can lead you to turn against each other.”

How to Handle Stress
Advice for couples about dealing with stress was offered by John Gottman in his famed book “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.” Gottman is a U.S. researcher who has greatly influenced the direction of contemporary marriage studies.

Gottman advised spouses not to offer advice too quickly when one of them is suffering from stress. “The cardinal rule when helping your partner de-stress is that understanding must precede advice. You have to let your partner know that you fully understand and empathize with the dilemma before you suggest a solution,” he said.

And Gottman proposed that when one spouse feels stressed out, the other should take that spouse’s side. “This means being supportive, even if you think his or her perspective is unreasonable,” Gottman wrote. He added that expressions of affection also are needed during these times.

The way I see it, couples under stress are at risk of meeting everyone’s needs but their own at Christmastime. I am sure some couples only hope that after the holidays, they will find a bit more time for each other.

It is no secret that many stressed-out couples worry about Christmas. They feel overwhelmed and inadequate in the face of the season’s great expectations, wondering how its promise of happiness will play out in their home.

My wife and I are the parents of three and the grandparents of seven. I mention that only by way of saying that I know what holiday stress is all about. At the last moment, it is so easy to conclude that if only one or two more things were purchased or planned, Christmas would be a more perfect time for all.

At our house, we’ve stumbled along toward Christmas over and over again, wondering if we actually would survive until the big day or if anything about it would be memorable.

Christmas can be a happy time, for sure. But a perfect Christmas, I’ve concluded, is elusive – and probably impossible. And I think it has helped to learn that.

I can attest, though, that the memories of Christmases past are marvelous, which, I suppose, is why we’ll stumble along toward the great day again next year.

Grandparents: Keepers of the Family’s Stories

All families have a unique history comprised of milestone events and peopled by a diverse cast of characters. This history of a family is passed on in the telling of its stories. The richest families are those in which the stories have been remembered, treasured, and incorporated into the spirit of the family.

Grandparents, more than anyone else, are the keepers of the family stories. They are a living bridge between the past and the future of a family. Their intimate connection with the two generations that preceded them and the two that follow gives them a remarkable knowledge and view of the landscape of five generations.

When grandchildren hear the family’s stories they learn who they are and from where they came. Research has shown that children who know something of their roots and the history of their family have stronger self-esteem. Through the family stories, children are given a sense of belonging and they develop a family pride. Stories about the family ancestors tend to build confidence in children and empower them.

Along with self-confidence and family pride, the family stories teach the faith, ethics and values of a family. Our faith stories help us to see how God has worked in the family story and brought us to where we are today. They link us to the good and saintly people who have been part of the family chain, and these people provide models for newer generations. Children need heroes with whom to identify and they are greatly enriched if they can find people in their own families to inspire and give them direction.

Children love long-ago and far-away stories. To them 50 years is long ago and another town, state, or part of the country can be far away. They are captivated by the adventure and excitement of times past and are fans of books like Little House on the Prairie, Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn. Yet, if they could peer into their own family history, they might find stories that would equal any of those they read about. Unfortunately, most of those long-ago and far-away tales have disappeared from family memory.

Few families have held on to more than a couple generations of the family stories. Unless someone in the family tells the stories, they are lost, and when the family stories are lost a piece of the family’s soul and identity is lost. Maintaining and passing on the family stories is a precious gift that grandparents can give to their grandchildren.

Here are some ways that grandparents can share family stories with their grandchildren:

  • Compose and frame a collage of the previous generations of your family.
  • Compile an electonic photo album of past generations for your grandchildren.
  • Write a history of your family.
  • Buy a grandparent book and record your story for your family.
  • Frame your ancestoral pictures and create a gallery wall in your home.
  • Tell stories of what life was like when you were a child. Tell your grandchildren about your parents and grandparents.
  • Create a family cookbook with favorite family recipes and the stories that go with them.
  • Take your grandchildren to visit the ancestoral home and church of your family.
  • Create a family time-line of births, deaths, significant events. Have your grandchildren add their births and discuss how they are part of the larger on-going family.
  • Create a family tree. Include as many generations as you can.
  • Recover the stories – talk to other family members: cousins, aunts, uncles, parents to try to learn more of the family stories.
  • Join an on-line genealogy service such as Ancestory.com to explore more about your family.
  • Tell your grandchild the story of their parent’s childhood.

For Further Reading

  • A Grandparent’s Gift of Memories: A Pilgrimage with the Saints by Nancy Grove. This is a simple yet beautiful journal that interweaves stories of the saints with space for grandparents to share their own wisdom and life experiences with generations to come. Each section of the book starts off with a brief biography about a saint and a short passage from Scripture. The following pages contain questions and room for grandparents to reminisce and write their responses.

This article is based on a chapter from the Aitchisons’ small-group discussion-program, “The Grand Adventure – A New Call to Grandparenting.” More information about this 6-session program, published electronically by the Christian Family Movement, is available on the CFM website.

About the authors
Deacon Gary and Kay Aitchison live in Ames, Iowa and have 14 grandchildren.Over the years, they have shared with many parents and grandparents through their involvement in the Christian Family Movement.