Tag Archives: Family Life & Parenting

“Courageous” Movie Offers Powerful Message About Fatherhood

Are you looking for a new movie with a compelling message and action-packed police drama? Then check out “Courageous,” which opens around the country on September 30.

Sherwood Pictures produced the film, following up on the success of an earlier release, “Fireproof.” Unique among production companies, Sherwood Pictures is a ministry of Sherwood Baptist Church in Albany, Georgia. The actors are volunteers, drawn mostly from the church’s ministry. Most of them, especially the leads, turn in professional performances worthy of a mainstream production.

“Courageous” tells the story of four law enforcement officers who bravely face the worst the streets have to offer. At home, however, they’re falling short as dads. One nags his son and brushes off his daughter; another is divorced and hardly sees his child; a third fathered a daughter when he was young and then walked away. It takes a personal tragedy, and more, to help these men recognize and accept their responsibilities as Christian fathers.

Although set in an evangelical Christian context, the film’s message about the importance of fatherhood will resonate with people of all faiths. The filmmakers are encouraging individuals, small groups, and faith communities to use the movie as a springboard to discussion and practical application of its message.

More information and resources are available on the Courageous website.

What is a Patron Saint?

Anyone who grew up watching television star Danny Thomas in the 1950s and 1960s is familiar with St. Jude, the patron saint of hopeless causes and desperate situations. Anyone who has happened by Fifth Avenue in New York City on a March 17th has discovered, if they didn’t already know, that the patron saint of Ireland is St. Patrick.

St. Jude and St. Patrick are just two of hundreds of patron saints who serve as special protectors or advocates for churches; individuals; for countries, cities, and towns; for occupational groups; and for persons with special needs.

Most churches are named after saints, a tradition that arose when Christians began to build churches over the tombs of martyrs. For example, St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome rests on the site where St. Peter, the Apostle and first Pope, is thought to have been buried.

Countries have patron saints: the United States venerates the Immaculate Conception of Mary; Scotland, St. Andrew the Apostle. Some cities are even named after patron saints; for example, San Francisco was named after Saint Francis of Assisi in 1776, when the Spanish established a mission on the site.

When a child is baptized, he or she takes the name of a canonized saint, although children can also be named after some specific words with Christian associations. For example, the names Charity and Prudence, two Christian virtues, were at one time quite popular names. When a child is confirmed, the name of a canonized saint is chosen as the confirmation name.

One accusation leveled at Catholics is that they worship saints, a practice that should be reserved for God alone. This is a misunderstanding of Catholic teaching, which is that saints are venerated, but only God is adored. Is that a distinction without a difference? Not really.

Perhaps the distinction can best be explained by the reasons for which patron saints are chosen. One reason is that patron saints are chosen for their special ability not to act in the place of God, but rather to intercede with God on behalf of the petitioner. A heart patient, for example, might pray directly to God for relief from her condition. But she might also pray to St. John of God, the patron saint for people with heart conditions, to intercede with God on her behalf.

That this form of prayer is effective can be seen in the miraculous healings of individuals who have petitioned a particular saint to intercede for them. In fact, one cannot be canonized a saint without two miracles (direct interventions of God that cannot be explained by natural science) attributed to their intercession.

A second reason patron saints are chosen is not to worship them, but simply to honor them for the lives they led. In fact, it’s both a form of honor and a form of aspiration. Saints are canonized in recognition of their virtuous lives; specifically, making of their lives examples of the theological virtues of faith, hope, and charity, and the cardinal virtues of prudence, justice, temperance, and fortitude. By choosing special saints for baptismal names or professional patrons, we not only honor the lives they led but also use their good example to aspire to the kinds of lives we know we should lead ourselves.

Many patron saints gained their designation centuries ago; some are more recent. As occupations change, so does the need for new patron saints. Some may be chosen years from now among the ranks of those living today. Business executives have as yet no patron saint. Do you know someone in business whose life of heroic virtue would qualify them for such an honor? Now there’s an opening with a great future!

For reflection

Choose a patron saint (or saints) for your marriage with your spouse. Learn more about them, read their writings, and ask for their intercession when times are difficult.

Not sure where to start? Check out our list of married saints (below) or look up saints by patronage or date.

Sts. Louis & Zelie Martin
Bl. Ceferino Gimenez Malla
St. Elizabeth of Hungary
Bl. Frederic Ozanam
St. Jane France de Chantal
Bl. Franz Jagerstatter
St. Thomas More
St. Rita of Cascia
St. Gianna Molla
Bl. Peter To Rot
Bl. Giuseppe Tovini
St. Elizabeth Ann Seton

Finding Meaning in Suffering

“Offer it up!” If you’re a Catholic, you probably first heard it from the lips of your mother. If you’re not, you may have heard a Catholic friend say it. It can sound like hard, uncaring advice. Yet, taken in the right way, it is anything but. What does it really mean to “offer it up?”

The “it” in the saying refers to suffering. No one goes through life without suffering. It can be physical or emotional, temporary or lasting. And it can be intense, maybe the most intense experience we will have in life.

If we can’t escape suffering, how can we deal with it? Some people live by what’s been called the Pleasure Principle: “Seek pleasure; avoid pain.” That’s led some people to illegal drugs and alcohol as a way of alleviating their suffering. But as any drug addict or alcoholic can tell you, addiction just makes things worse.

A few people try to avoid suffering through suicide or euthanasia. But the mere fact that some are willing to take such a drastic step to avoid suffering raises the question: Is suffering such a great evil that it even outweighs life itself?

That may have led one Catholic writer to put it this way: “If suffering has no meaning, then life has no meaning.” Or to put it another way, since we are bound to endure suffering during our lives, we might as well find meaning in it.

So if someone suggests that you “offer it up,” they are saying more than just “Live with it” or “Get over it.” They are giving you one of the keys that open up the door to the meaning of life.

In today’s world, people often seek meaning in achievement alone: Write a prize-winning book; score a big political victory; manage a multibillion dollar company. People who achieve these great goals are people we look up to.

Yet as Christians, we are offered another role model. Saint Francis de Sales put it simply: “Live Christ.” Read the life of Christ as written in the Gospels, and what you will find is an emphasis on suffering, the sufferings of the people around him and his own suffering as well.

Human suffering was at the heart of his actions: healing the sick, consoling the afflicted, feeding the hungry, freeing people from deafness, blindness, leprosy, and many other evils that afflicted people.

Suffering was not only at the heart of Christ’s actions, but at the heart of his teaching, as Pope John Paul II has pointed out. The eight beatitudes, a guide to the Christian life, were addressed to people tried by various sufferings, namely the “poor in spirit,” the “afflicted,” the “persecuted,” among others.

And at the end of Christ’s life came his own suffering on the Cross. Most of us would flee from such suffering, but he didn’t try to avoid it. Even though he had done nothing to deserve it, he willingly offered himself up as a sacrifice for the sins of the world.

If we “live Christ,” we offer our own sufferings up, not only as a reparation for the evil things we have done in life, but also for the evil committed by those around us and by people we have never met. We share in the sufferings of Christ to help redeem a sinful world.

By doing so, we find meaning in our sufferings. In finding meaning, we can cast aside the feeling that we are being victimized; we can overcome the subconscious need to complain about our sufferings in the hope that we can transfer some of the pain to others around us; we can shift our intense focus from what ails us to what ails others. And we can also find an answer to the question: “Why me?”

Suffering is a part of life. By “offering it up,” we can find joy. Or as St. Paul said in referring to the Lord: “I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake.” Yes, “offer it up” seems like hard advice, but we have it on faith that it is a key to happiness here and in the hereafter.

Parenting: What Airlines Can Teach Us

I have been blessed with being a part-time stay-at-home dad since 1999 and a licensed therapist since 1996. I thank God for the gift of being a dad. Parenting is the most exhausting and exhilarating thing I have ever done. I have never been so caffeine-dependent in my life, but I am convinced that God is OK with that.

I do find that parenting for me and my wife is much easier when I follow the profound lesson of airlines. (I am not talking about the way they price their tickets or overbook most flights.) Let me explain.

Before every flight, the airline attendant comes into the cabin and tells the passengers something like this: “If cabin air pressure changes, masks will deploy from the ceiling. Grab the mask and make sure there are no twists in the tubing. Gently place the mask over your face. Oxygen will begin to flow immediately into the mask. Place the mask on yourself first and then help those around you who are unable to assist themselves. Have a nice flight and enjoy the pretzels.”

Here is the key: “Place the mask on yourself first and then help those who are unable to help themselves.” What are the reasons they teach this?

Airlines know that if adults are able to receive the oxygen they need first, then there is a chance that others can be saved. For example, we have a seven-year-old son who has Down’s syndrome. If in the middle of a flight, a mask with a rubber band comes down from the ceiling he is going to have a great time with this new toy from the sky! He will be flinging it all over the cabin, playing with the rubber band part especially. His oxygen supply will become critically low.

That is the reason airlines tell us to put our masks on first. If I live there is a chance I can help others. If I don’t get the oxygen I need, then I will pass out, guaranteeing that those who can’t help themselves will also pass out. If parents could learn from this model I am convinced that our families would be helped tremendously. Here is how it would look:

Parents would not feel guilty when they devote positive time away from their children: time to pray, time to exercise, time with life-giving friends. Of course, this can’t happen all the time, but we as parents have to make sure some of our basic needs are being met. These met needs provide much-needed air in the midst of a near-suffocating amount of parental tasks.

When we meet our basic needs then we are better able to meet the demands of our children. How do we do this?

It depends. If you are married, talk with your spouse and plan ahead for times when you can pray, go for walks, talk with uplifting friends, visit with a spiritual director, or simply take a nap. If possible, plan a retreat every year. I try to go on two or three retreats a year, and so does my wife. I miss my family, but I come back refreshed and full of new oxygen to share.

Also, plan on syncing your calendars at least twice a month. During this time talk to each other about how your needs are being met. If you need more time away for life-giving activities plan them ASAP. Spirit-led time away will always help our families.

If you are a single parent perhaps start a babysitting group so one person can babysit once or twice a week, giving the other parents some free time. Or, talk to your church and see if there are some trusted Confirmation students who are good babysitters and need service hours. Time alone as a single parent is critical.

When I have shared this wisdom with hurting families and the parents start to create positive times to meet their needs, amazing things start to happen. Parents become more patient with their children. As they become gentler with themselves, they become gentler with their children. They begin to breathe the breath of new life.

May God bless you as you meet your needs so that the Holy Spirit will equip you to meet your children’s needs.

About the author
Jim Otremba, M.Div, M.S., LICSW, is a nationally-known workshop presenter on parenting and other topics

This article is adapted from the author’s parenting workbook: The Daily Dozen of Christian Parenting. To order the workbook or to arrange for a workshop in your parish call the Center for Family Counseling at (320) 253-3540 or visit www.healinginchrist.com

Lenten Practices

During Lent, the Church encourages Catholics to observe, at a minimum, two forms of sacrifice.

Fasting was formerly observed on all days during Lent (Sundays excluded), but is now confined to Ash Wednesday and Good Friday. Fasting is obligatory for all who have completed their 18th year and have not yet reached their 60th year. It is defined as one meal a day and two smaller meals which would not exceed the main meal in quantity. Foregoing any food between meals is also part of the fast.

Abstinence requires Catholics fourteen and older to abstain from eating meat on Ash Wednesday and on all Fridays during Lent. Meat includes both mammals and fowl, such as chicken.

Fasting and abstinence are two obligations that we accept during Lent. But there are two other opportunities to deepen our spiritual lives, as well. One is prayer: personal prayer, prayer in community, and the reading of Scripture and other spiritual materials. For example, many Catholics try to attend Mass more frequently, perhaps even daily, during Lent. Other traditional Lenten devotions include attending Stations of the Cross and saying the rosary.

The second opportunity to deepen our spiritual lives is almsgiving. Caring for the poor, the hungry, and the stranger are obligations that are mentioned over and over again in both the Old and New Testaments. In Matthew’s Gospel, Jesus tells of selecting those worthy to join Him in eternal life in these words: “Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me” (Mt 25:40).

Many of the things we do in Lent can be done during the rest of the year, but are things we never seem to get around to. Like spring cleaning, Lent gives us a special occasion to renew our efforts in the weeks leading up to Easter, an opportunity to do many of the things we know we should be doing to pursue the lives we’d like to lead.

To learn more about Lenten practices visit the USCCB website.

Lent: Spring Cleaning for the Soul

On the first day of Lent, Ash Wednesday, hundreds of millions of Catholics and other Christians receive ashes on their foreheads in churches all over the world.

Why ashes? Since Old Testament times, ashes have been used as a symbol of mortality. When ashes are placed on our foreheads we hear the words: “Remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return.” It’s a reminder that the world that often seems so important to us at this moment is passing and we need to give more thought to what lies at the end: eternal life.

Ashes are also a sign of our need to do penance, a heartfelt acknowledgment we are sinners. To many in the modern world, the very concept of sin seems old-fashioned. Yet sin is part of our human nature.

If you intentionally hurt a good friend, whether you are religious or not, something deep inside of you tells you that you need to say you’re sorry. What’s more, whether you say it out loud to your friend, or just think it to yourself, you’ll resolve not to hurt her again. But chances are good that someday you will. And that is quite similar to the all-too-human cycle of sin and sorrow and conversion and sinning again.

As the Church points out, we are all sinners and we all need repentance. Lent gives us a chance during a special time of the year to do just that.

The word “Lent” comes from an old English word for springtime. Think of it as a form of spring cleaning for the soul. In the early years of the Church it was confined to a few days before Easter. But by the fourth century it was extended to forty days before Easter, a period associated with the forty days and nights that Jesus spent in the desert just after his baptism.

“Forty days before Easter” may be somewhat misleading. The Church doesn’t count Sundays among the forty days, so the period of Lent, lasting from Ash Wednesday through Holy Saturday, actually covers 46 days.

Whether 40 days or 46 days, in the great scope of things Lent is a momentary pause to rethink the fundamental purpose of our lives. But it can also be the occasion of a momentous conversion, a first step on the path of becoming the persons we were always meant to be.

Next: Lenten practices

Help for Empty Nesters

While some couples look at the “empty nest” as a second honeymoon, it will end and couples will face the challenges of reinventing their marriage for the second half. For many, this can be a hard time on their marriage. Why?

First, most couples at this point are exhausted and their marriage may be on the back burner. You may be emotionally drained and feel disconnected from your spouse. Second, all those things you’ve been postponing are just waiting for you, thus the tendency is to “get busy” and avoid facing the challenges of this new stage of marriage.

We decided to research this stage of marriage, put together our own national survey, and began what has become a 20-year journey to help us and other empty nest couples reinvent their marriages.

Empty Nest First Aid Tips

• Slow down and get some rest! Take a nap. Go to bed at 8 p.m. Sleep around the clock. You’ll never be able to refocus on your marriage until your life comes back into focus.

• Celebrate! You made it through the active parenting years. Although it is not at all uncommon to become aware of some sense of loss and regret at this time of life, you can counter any of those sentiments by promoting a strong sense of celebration for where you have come and of excitement about your future. Go out to dinner. Have some fun. Have a great date.

• Acknowledge that this is a time of transition. Say to each other, “Things are changing right now and that’s okay.” Change can bring out insecurities that are festering below the surface. Just acknowledging that things are changing can help with the transition. Transitional times can be stressful but they also give you the opportunity to redefine your relationship and to find new fulfillment, intimacy and closeness.

• Resist making immediate decisions about your future until you have some perspective. Realize that things are changing and that you can change with them – but you need to take it slowly. Unfortunately, some spouses who are disappointed with their marriage bolt right out of the relationship as soon as the last kid leaves home. This is a time when the divorce rate soars. Give yourself time to get to know each other again and to revitalize your relationship. Don’t accept new responsibilities for at least three months.

• Plan an empty nest getaway. Go off together. Talk about what is great about your relationship and the areas that needed work. Make a commitment to work on the weak areas and reinvent your marriage.

Empty Nest Challenges

Once you’ve made it through the initial transition into the empty nest, you need to surmount the long term challenges of the second half of your marriage. In our Second Half of Marriage program we look at eight challenges of the empty nest years including the following:

• Let go of the past and forgive one another. Let go of past marital disappointments, missed expectations, and unrealized dreams. You need to forgive each other and choose to make the best of the rest. You may even want to make a list of things you will never do or will never do again. But then make a list of things you want to do in the future.

• Create a partner-focused marriage. In the past you may have focused on your kids and your job. Now is your opportunity to focus on your marriage. You can build a closer more personal relationship in the second half of life. In the first half of marriage we tend to live our lives in response to circumstances such as parenting and career demands. In the second half of marriage you aren’t as controlled by your circumstances and have the freedom to reinvest in your relationship.

• A gender role shift often takes place at this time of life. Men become more nurturing. Women, who generally have been more responsible for the kids, now become more expansive and may choose to go back to school, get a real estate license, or start a new career. It can seem like you are moving in opposite directions, but on a continuum you are actually moving closer to the center. Realizing this can help you capitalize on it and refocus on each other.

• Energize your love life. Many people assume that as people grow older they lose interest in sex. Research shows otherwise. Our surveys suggest that sexual satisfaction increases rather than decreases with the number of years married. Your love life in the empty nest can be better than in the parenting years. Look for ways to romance your mate. Think of your love life as a stroll, not a sprint. Enjoy the slower pace. If medical issues arise, be willing to talk to your doctor. Often help is available.

• Adjust to changing roles with adult children and aging parents. Just as you need to release your children, you need to reconnect with them on an adult level. At the same time your parents are aging and perhaps beginning to experience health problems. Whatever your situation, the relationship with your adults kids and parents affects your marriage. The key is to keep your marriage relationship the anchor relationship. You can handle stress much better when you know one other person understands how you feel. You can’t go back and change your family history, but you can change the future. You can forge better relationships with those loved ones on both sides of the generational seesaw.

• Connect with other empty nest couples and encourage them in their marriages. Consider starting your own empty nest group or becoming mentors for a younger couple. Volunteer to start a marriage program in your parish or community. For a wealth of great programs see www.smartmarriages.com.

The empty nest years of your marriage can be a time of incredible fulfillment, no matter what challenges you previously faced. You can reinvent your relationship, renew your friendship, and create a vision for the rest of your marriage.

This article is adapted by the authors from their books “The Second Half of Marriage” and “10 Great Dates for Empty Nesters.” It originally appeared in Family Perspectives Journal (Summer 2010), a publication of the National Association of Catholic Family Life Ministers. Used with permission.

Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places?

Valentine’s Day may be over, but it’s still the Month of Love. Are you looking for some inspiration? Try turning to the Bible and check out these top ten love stories that have withstood the test of time.

Tobiah and Sarah: A classic story of love at first sight, this couple overcame personal tragedy to establish a long-lasting relationship founded on prayer. (Tobit 7-8)

The Woman of Worth and Her (Unnamed) Husband: A lovely poem praising a woman who can do it all! She and her husband have a wonderful partnership, using their gifts to the benefit of their family and community. (Proverbs 31:10-31)

Hosea and Gomer: Though their marriage was fraught with infidelity and difficulties, their love story speaks to the healing power of forgiveness and its necessity in any loving relationship. (Hosea 1-3)

Abraham and Sarah: No one can say that Abraham and Sarah had it easy. They faced a long move away from family, jealousy, and the challenge of infertility, yet their love was the foundation of a new people, living in covenant with the one true God. (Genesis 12-23)

Moses and Zipporah: While in exile from Egypt, Moses married Zipporah, the daughter of the Midianite priest, Jethro. Though Moses was criticized for taking a foreign wife, Zipporah showed great respect for her husband’s faith and his mission. (Exodus 2, 4 and 18, and Numbers 12)

Zechariah and Elizabeth: These parents of John the Baptist provide a model of lifelong fidelity and righteousness, living their marital love in the heart of their close-knit faith community. (Luke 1-2)

Jacob and Rachel: Tricked into marrying her older sister, Jacob worked for Rachel’s father an additional seven years to earn her hand in marriage. Jacob and Rachel remind us that true love always requires effort and sacrifice. (Genesis 29-30)

The Bride and Groom in the Song of Songs: This young couple reminds us that passion is not a modern invention! After all, who could resist hearing their beloved say “you ravished my heart with a single glance from your eyes”? Their effusive love for each other speaks to the beauty of loving desire at the heart of a marriage. (Song of Songs 1-8)

Joseph and Mary: Though this marriage definitely faced difficulties, even before it started, their faith in each other and, even more, in God, allowed them to face each hardship and create a loving family to nurture God’s own Son. (Matthew 1-2, Luke 1-2)

God and His people: At its heart, the entire Bible is the story of the love God has for the people he created in his own image and likeness. From the Old Testament images of Israel as the Bride of the Lord to the New Testament images of the Church as the Bride of Christ, God’s love remains constant and unfailing. Though we often reject his love, God never withdraws, never walks away, even sending his only-begotten Son to offer the gift of salvation and everlasting life! And that gift is still offered to us today!

Take some time to think about the love story YOU could be writing today as you live these examples in your own married life.

About the author 
Mary Elizabeth Sperry is the Associate Director for Permissions and NAB Utilization for the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops and the Confraternity of Christian Doctrine.

Do Children Really Make a Marriage Less Happy?

In Church teaching, children are called the “Crown” of marriage, but those same documents also call children the “Cross” of marriage. Experienced parents can testify that children brought happiness and satisfaction to their lives, but they know it is not easy to raise a family. Research confirms that marital happiness suffers when children arrive. Think about those early years, and you would know what they theologians and scientists are talking about.

New studies indicate that the “happiness gap” is relatively small. Bryan Caplan, professor of economics at George Mason University, believes that the pros outweigh the cons. He cites the National Opinion Research Center’s General Social Survey, which says that, while every additional child makes parents just 1.3 percentage points less likely to be “very happy,” the estimated happiness boost of marriage is about 18 percentage points.

“A closer look at the General Social Survey also reveals that child No. 1 does almost all the damage. Otherwise identical people with one child instead of none are 5.6 percentage points less likely to be very happy. Beyond that, additional children are almost a happiness free lunch. Each child after the first reduces your probability of being very happy by a mere 0.6 percentage points,” Caplain says. He cites decades’ worth of twin and adoption research to point out that children are shaped by more factors than how attentive their parents are.

Since he is an economist, Caplan expresses himself in how much capital parents expend in childrearing: “If you think that your kids’ future rests in your hands, you’ll probably make many painful ‘investments’ –and feel guilty that you didn’t do more. Once you realize that your kids’ future largely rests in their own hands, you can give yourself a guilt-free break.” Caplain will publish a book in 2011, Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids.

In the parenting years, spouses will find that patience and time together are rare commodities. Although the additional demands of parenting can draw a couple closer together in their joint project, this seldom happens automatically. In their book Marrying Well, Catholic marriage experts James and Evelyn Whitehead suggest ways to moderate the strain of parenting: “We can talk things out more often, we can reexamine the way we use our time and money and energy, we can try to be clearer about our real priorities as a family, we can change some of the patterns that do not work very well.”

Parenting is hard work, but spouses are not destined to decline into unsatisfying relationships when children are in the picture. They can choose how they will respond to the challenge. In the process, each person can gain maturity and each can grow in appreciation of the other’s developing abilities. As James and Evelyn Whitehead, say “Being parents together can call out in each of us qualities of generosity and inventiveness that make us even more loveable to one another. I learn there is a playfulness in you that I have not seen so well before; you come to cherish the breadth of my care. Our commitment to each other is strengthened as our lives are woven together in patterns of concern and joy and responsibility for our children.”

Take heart! In time, your “crown” will rest easier on your brow. It helps to recognize that parenting years are one season in the life of a marriage. Children eventually grow up and leave home. Studies also show that the “empty nest” is associated with significant improvement in marital happiness for all parents. God is merciful!

Reprinted with permission. ACT Newsletter, Christian Family Movement-USA, 2010.

Meaning and Purpose

Marriage is the intimate union and equal partnership of a man and a woman. It comes to us from the hand of God, who created male and female in his image, so that they might become one body and might be fertile and multiply (See Genesis chapters 1 and 2). Though man and woman are equal as God’s children, they are created with important differences that allow them to give themselves and to receive the other as a gift.

Marriage is both a natural institution and a sacred union because it is rooted in the divine plan of creation. In addition, the Catholic Church teaches that the valid marriage between two baptized Christians is also a sacrament – a saving reality and a symbol of Christ’s love for his church (See Ephesians 5:25-33). In every marriage the spouses make a contract with each other. In a sacramental marriage the couple also enters into a covenant in which their love is sealed and strengthened by God’s love.

The free consent of the spouses makes a marriage. From this consent and from the sexual consummation of marriage a special bond arises between husband and wife. This bond is lifelong and exclusive. The marriage bond has been established by God and so it cannot be dissolved.

In the Latin Rite of the Catholic Church, the priest or deacon, the two official witnesses, and the congregation all witness the exchange of consent by the couple who themselves are considered to be the ministers of the sacrament. In the Eastern Churches the sacrament is conferred by the priest’s blessing after receiving the couple’s consent.

Permanency, exclusivity, and faithfulness are essential to marriage because they foster and protect the two equal purposes of marriage. These two purposes are growth in mutual love between the spouses (unitive) and the generation and education of children (procreative).

The mutual love of a married couple should always be open to new life. This openness is expressed powerfully in the sexual union of husband and wife. The power to create a child with God is at the heart of what spouses share with each other in sexual intercourse. Mutual love includes the mutual gift of fertility. Couples who are not able to conceive or who are beyond their child-bearing years can still express openness to life. They can share their generative love with grandchildren, other children and families, and the wider community.

As a result of their baptism, all Christians are called to a life of holiness. This divine calling, or vocation, can be lived in marriage, or in the single life, or in the priesthood or consecrated (religious) life. No one vocation is superior to or inferior to another. Each one involves a specific kind of commitment that flows from one’s gifts and is further strengthened by God’s grace. All vocations make a unique contribution to the life and mission of the Church.

The family arises from marriage. Parents, children, and family members form what is called a domestic church or church of the home. This is the primary unit of the Church – the place where the Church lives in the daily love, care, hospitality, sacrifice, forgiveness, prayer and faith of ordinary families.

For further reading