Tag Archives: Family Life & Parenting

Our Children are not Just the Future of the Church

The church was holding Mass in the community center, which meant there was only a crucifix and a tabernacle behind the altar. There was no religious art, and while the space was reverent, it was aesthetically sparse, which seemed to make it even harder to focus as my children wiggled in their seats. As we knelt for the consecration, I tried to close my eyes and block out the distractions. As he sometimes does, my husband, Joseph, whispered to our older son to encourage him to pay attention to the prayer. Ronan listened but continued to wiggle and ask questions and generally behave like most five-year-olds in church. At one point he asked, as he usually does, “How much longer?” When Mass ended, we trudged in the heat to our car, strapped our kids into their seats, and headed home, relieved to have survived another weekly Mass with small children.

“Oh, by the way,” Joseph said. “During consecration, Ronan said he saw angels.”

I looked over my shoulder at Ronan and he smiled. When I asked where he saw them he said, “All around. When the priest held up the bread and when he held up the cup.”

“What were they doing?” I asked.

“They were singing.”

“What were they singing?”

“‘Glory to God in the Highest.’”

“Wow,” I said. “That’s pretty special.”

Since that Mass, Ronan has claimed he sees angels during consecration every Sunday. He says it looks like faint white lines in the shapes of angels and that they are always singing very softly.

We’ve tried not to put too much pressure on him to describe it, as he’s a very imaginative child and we know small children will often say the things they think you want to hear. We’ve only told him it’s a wonderful gift to be able to see angels, and we’ve talked about the significance of them appearing as the priest raises the host and the chalice.

But I keep returning to the thought that God’s ways are both strange and wonderful. So often, Ronan whines that he doesn’t want to go to church. He fights us when we tell him he needs to stand or kneel or pay attention during Mass. At prayer time, he rushes through the Hail Mary so quickly the words run together. In other words, he’s a normal five-year-old. While he is loving and kind and full of deep questions, there is nothing about my son that would make me believe he is deeply holy already, a tiny St. Padre Pio. And yet, while I strained to keep my wandering mind focused on the most pivotal moment of Mass, my son saw angels and it was barely even a surprise for him.

As Catholics, I think we often believe that holiness must follow a specific script. We believe it looks like perfect stillness and constant reverence; it’s never complaining and total surrender. But I think God is challenging me to see it as something much more complex—every person, at every stage, might be called to holiness in a different way. My son, too young to understand most things about the faith, full of his little selfish and childish wants, unable to sit still, is holy. He is holy by his baptism, holy by the grace of God, by His unfathomable generosity to let him glimpse beyond the veil.

I know that at every Mass, there really are angels praising the glory of God. Though we cannot see them, we are gifted every opportunity for holiness in the Mass, in the Word and Bread of God. Furthermore, as a parent, I’m gifted the opportunity to find holiness even in the wiggles and tantrums of my children. So often, at Mass, I blame myself for my distractions, for my lack of feeling as I receive the Body of our Lord. But Ronan’s claim of seeing angels has been like a wakeup call, reminding me that my holiness is not based on how well I pray or even how well my children behave. Rather, holiness is a gift from God, granted by His love and His sacrifice.

We are told that children are the future of the Church, a wonderful reminder to parents of small children that, despite the struggles, it is worth it to bring our kids to Mass. But I believe we can take it one step further. Children, as baptized members of the Body of Christ, are the Church already. What if we began to see the sound of a baby’s cry, the strained whispers begging our toddler to sit down, the goldfish crumbs in the pews, the little limbs sprawled across a kneeler, the sibling squabbles over who gets to put the envelope in the offertory basket—all of it not as distractions but rather intrinsic parts of the Mass, like sacramentals aiding in our path to holiness. All of it bound up and made holy in the Sacrifice of the Mass.

Even if I’m dragging my three-year-old to the bathroom or telling my five-year-old to stop chewing on his shirt sleeve, there are still angels singing around us. Every one of us—no matter how young, how old, how distracted, how hungry, sleepy, bored, whiny, or struggling—is called to holiness and meant to be at the Table.

Celebrating Advent as a Family

The Catechism of the Catholic Church says: “Prayer is the life of the new heart. It ought to animate us at every moment…But we cannot pray ‘at all times’ if we do not pray at specific times, consciously willing it” (CCC 2697). We come before the Lord with a desire for “a new heart” when we find time for prayer throughout our day. The Church invites us to pray in many different ways. We can recite the Rosary, pray the liturgy of the hours, learn about the lives of the saints, celebrate the liturgical year through feast days, lift up our hearts in song or silence, and above all participate in the celebration of the Holy Eucharist. If we take time to pray at “specific times,” our home will be filled with prayer at “all times.”

The season of Advent (from the Latin word “adventus,” meaning “coming”) is the time of preparation for the birth of Christ. It is a time of longing and waiting for his coming. It should be a time filled with joy when we ponder the gift of God’s love, open our hearts to receive, and open our hands to give. Advent begins the liturgical year. It begins on the Sunday closest to the last day in November.

Advent traditions are numerous. We do not always know their exact origin, but they have lived in the faithful’s hearts. If traditions are lived and understood, they can bring families closer to Christ and transform the hearts of those who participate in them. How can we introduce some Advent traditions into our families this Advent season?

Advent Wreath – The wreath is circular and made of evergreens symbolizing the eternity of God. Seeds and fruit we may place on the wreath represent life and resurrection. There are four candles on the wreath, each representing one week of Advent. The three purple candles stand for prayer and penance. The rose candle is lit on the third Sunday (the “Gaudete Sunday”) and it symbolizes joy – “gaudium” in Latin – as we draw closer to the birth of Christ. The light that the wreath brings represents Christ Himself – our Light. Take a family walk on the first Sunday of Advent and collect everything you will need for the Advent wreath. Make it together as a family and talk with your children about the rich symbolism. Have the wreath blessed by a priest, or read a family blessing of the wreath at home. Place it in a visible spot where your family gathers often. Light it during your evening prayer or at mealtimes.

Nativity Scene – Saint Francis of Assisi began the custom of the nativity scenes when he celebrated Christmas with his brothers at Greccio in 1223 with a Bethlehem scene that included live animals. This tradition quickly spread and people began to construct their own nativity scenes in their homes. Children take great joy in helping to set up a nativity scene. The crèche may be made from various materials. Simplicity and beauty go often hand in hand. You may set up your entire scene at the beginning of Advent, leaving the crib empty for the Christ Child to arrive on Christmas Eve. Or you may set up the scene slowly, day by day. We like to hide one figure (an animal, or a branch…) each day of Advent, have our children search for it, and then place it around the manger. Joseph and Mary arrive in Bethlehem last. On Christmas Eve, the youngest child finds a small golden package under the Christmas tree with the figure of Baby Jesus. We place it together in our crèche. Mary and Joseph can also ‘travel’ to Bethlehem, as they move slowly across your room every day until they reach the cave.

Advent Carols – The tradition of caroling is owed to Saint Francis as well. Children especially enjoy the beauty and joy expressed in Christmas Carols. However, Christmas carols should be sung at Christmas. During Advent, we are still waiting. Our music should express this waiting and longing for the Messiah. There are many beautiful Advent Hymns. Learn one new hymn every week of Advent with your family. Your waiting will be rewarded with a profound joy at Christmas time. [Editor’s note: Advent hymns can be found in your parish hymnal. For an online list of popular and lesser-known Advent hymns, see The Cyber Hymnal.]

Jesse Tree – Jesse Tree is an old tradition depicting the relationship of Jesus with Jesse and other biblical figures who were the ancestors of Jesus. Jesse was the father of King David. He is often looked upon as the first person in the genealogy of Jesus. For your own Jesse Tree, a branch can be placed into a pot or a large vase at the beginning of Advent, and every day a new ornament can be hung onto it.

healy-jesse-tree-2These ornaments represent the individual figures from the two Testaments. They can be made out of paper, felt, clay, wood, or other materials. As the children place the ornaments onto the branch, the father of the family can read an appropriate Scripture passage that talks about the given ancestor of Jesus. There are many passages that can be chosen and many symbols that can represent various figures. Each family can create its own list of figures and their symbols. [Editor’s note: this webpage shows one example of Jesse tree ornaments.]

 

The Crib for the Christ Child – A small wooden crib can be displayed somewhere in your home. This empty crib can be filled with a new piece of straw every day for acts of kindness and small sacrifices. Encourage your children to notice the goodness in others, instead of focusing on their own deeds and accomplishments. By the end of Advent, the crib should be filled with straw. On Christmas Eve, children can place a small figure of Baby Jesus in his soft bed of hay.

Advent Angels – At the beginning of Advent, each family member can blindly pick the name of another member of the family and become his or her Advent angel. Prayers, sacrifices, and acts of kindness can be offered and exercised daily. During the Christmas season, small homemade gifts can be exchanged between the ‘angels’. This prolongs the joy of Christmas, encourages creativity, and teaches children (and adults) to discover unique talents they can share with others.

Preparing our homes – Our homes should reflect our readiness for Christ’s birth. Clean your home together, simplify, and share. Children can help to prepare a box for the poor and the lonely. You can donate extra clothing and household items, bake cookies together and share them or save them for the joyous time of Christmas. Begin working on Christmas cards and gifts early in Advent so that you can ‘rest your heart’ during the final days of Advent.

Preparing our hearts – Just as we prepare our homes, we should prepare our hearts. This is the time for a frequent sacrament of reconciliation, for longer family prayer, and for lots of Advent reading together. This is the time when the family can draw closer to the mystery of Christ’s Incarnation.

healy-st-luciaCelebrating the saints’ feast days – There are many beautiful feast days during Advent to celebrate. I will mention just a few. You can honor Saint Nicholas (December 6) by learning about his life. Prepare a play about him, or learn a hymn in his honor. Recalling the legend of the three daughters, place your shoes by the fireplace on the eve of the feast and wait for the saint’s ‘visit’. (In many European countries, Saint Nicholas visits families in person. He joins them for family prayers, blesses the children, and leaves oranges, nuts, and golden coins for each one of them. Children write letters to the Christ Child and deliver them through Saint Nicholas. These letters are filled with the children’s thanks for the past year and their hopes for the year to come). You can make candles on the feast of Saint Ambrose (December 7), the patron saint of candle makers. While remembering our Mother Mary, you can also prepare a small gift for an expectant mother you know on the feast of the Immaculate Conception (December 8).

Decorate your house with lights on the Feast of Saint Lucy (December 13), whose name means ‘light’. According to an old Swedish custom, dress your oldest daughter in white and let her wake up the family with a candle-lit breakfast. Remember our Lady of Guadalupe with a Mexican meal, roses, or poinsettias. Craft with your children, sing, celebrate, eat your meals together, find time… Prepare your homes and hearts for Christ!

An old German Advent Carol sings about the Christ Child carried under Mary’s heart as she wanders through the wood where nothing grew for seven years. As she walks through the forest, roses begin to bloom everywhere. May we carry Christ with Mary this Advent season. And may the roses bloom!

About the author
Maruška Healy, originally from the Czech Republic, is a graduate of the International Theological Institute in Gaming, Austria. She and her husband currently reside in Maryland where they homeschool their children.

The Blessing of “Unanswered Prayers”: An Adoption Story

I am still in awe of how abundantly my husband Tom and I have been blessed. Like country music star Garth Brooks states so well in one of his songs, “I thank God for unanswered prayers”. For years we prayed so hard to conceive a child. We could not even begin to have known how much more joy God’s plan for us would bring.

Early years of marriage: waiting for a child

Tom and I met during our freshmen year of college so we knew each other fairly well when we married a year after college. At the time of our marriage, we were aware that my medical history of severe endometriosis might make conception difficult. (Endometriosis is a common health problem in women in which the tissue that lines the uterus grows outside of the uterus and on other organs of the body.) We were lucky in that we had the opportunity to discuss this before marriage as well as the fact that adoption was an option that we were both comfortable exploring. But it didn’t make pregnancy announcements from friends and family any less difficult as we clung to the hope of conception for five years.

One of the most challenging part of those years of trying to conceive was attempting to navigate the world of fertility treatments and their moral implications. At that time we had only a vague sense that most fertility treatments were in opposition to the Church’s moral teachings. (We have only in recent years come to understand the richness and beauty of the Church’s wisdom on this. [1]) Nonetheless, we stayed true to Church teaching and began exploring adoption.

Beginning the adoption process

For at least a year, we attended multiple information sessions of state run adoption programs, private agency programs, and even met with an adoption consultant. Because we desired a newborn baby, we ruled out international programs and chose to pursue private domestic (within the US) adoption. Most children adopted from overseas are older than infancy.

I was in graduate school in Boston at the time and had a faculty member who had just adopted a baby. I set up a meeting with the same private agency that she used and we quickly compiled the vast ream of paperwork that the agency required. (By the end of this process, I think that the agency knew more about us than our own parents did!)

Our application was submitted in January 2000. We then began a series of home study meetings with the agency. Contrary to popular media’s portrayal of these meetings as involving a stern looking woman entering your home for a white-glove inspection, nothing could be further from the truth. The social workers that we met with were partially there to assess our motives and suitability to become adoptive parents. At the same time, their goal was also to try to help prepare us for the process, experiences, and possibly even challenges that adoption could bring to our lives.

Receiving the call

Although the matching process can vary by agency, these days, many private agencies give the birthparents the opportunity to select their baby’s adoptive parents. So we prepared a photo album that gave a sense of who we were and we wrote a letter to the birthparents to be included in the album. The agency then forwarded albums to the birthparents so they could choose an adoptive family for their child. I can only speculate, but I think that getting the call from an agency saying you’ve been selected by birthparents and the match has been made is somewhat synonymous to getting the much coveted call from the doctor’s office saying that your blood test was indeed positive for a pregnancy. From this point, the little girl whose birthmother had chosen us to adopt her child was, in our minds and hearts, fully our child. There is a saying that a biological child grows in the mother’s tummy but an adopted child grows in the parents’ hearts. Nothing could be more true.

In August 2000, our first child, Katie was born. Unlike many couples who are blessed with a more direct path to parenthood, we took nothing for granted with our blessing. We “fought” for our turn to change her diaper (weird, huh?), feed her, and hold her.

Adopting again

In May 2002, Tom had a new job and we were preparing to move to another part of the state. Katie and I were having breakfast with a friend who asked if we were planning to adopt again. It seemed like a crazy time to proceed since we were trying to sell one house and were in the middle of building a new one. Her questions seemed to light a fire in me though, and I became a woman on a mission. The details fell easily into place (despite the fact that we had to change adoption agencies) and by June 2002, we had submitted our second adoption application. Even though we had so much on our plates with a toddler, a move, and an impending adoption, I felt a profound peace from that day in May straight through to the day in January, 2003 when we were blessed with the birth of our second daughter, Meaghan. (I was even fortunate enough to be at the birth!) Meaghan was born in Georgia, which required a two week stay as we waited for the legalities of the adoption process to be finalized. Gratefully, we were blessed with mild Georgia weather while our home state was buried in snow and a record-breaking cold spell.

A boy and a girl!

In December 2004, we submitted our third application for adoption. The process was uneventful and much easier by the third time. Katie was four years old at this point and whenever we asked her if she thought this third child would be a boy or girl, she confidently replied “Both!” We would soon discover that she must have had a direct line to God. Our son, Andrew, was born in Ohio in September 2005. Once again, we remained in Ohio for a couple of weeks as we awaited the legal process.

The day after we returned home, I was sorting through a box of baby clothes (and putting away the pinks and purples), when I was moved with a profound longing for another little girl. Now, mind you, I was thrilled to have Andrew in our life. He was a sweet and easy little baby. So, I was befuddled why my heart felt this so keenly. One week later, I had my answer.

When Andrew was only three weeks old, the adoption agency that we worked with to adopt Katie called to inform us that Katie’s birthmother was pregnant again and wanted to know if we would be interested in adopting this child who was due in four months. I suddenly understood my strangely timed interior longing for another girl and chuckled as I reflected on Katie’s childlike prophesy of “a boy and a girl.” I knew, without a moment’s hesitation, scared as I was by the situation, that this was God’s plan for our family. Molly was born in January 2006, and once again I was blessed to be present at the birth.

Life as an adoptive family

Almost eight years after the birth of my fourth child, I rarely think about the fact that these are adopted children. I just know that they are “our children”. They know that they are adopted and it comes up periodically in conversations. They just started at a new school and were commenting on how people often don’t believe them when they say that they were adopted. Minimally, we reflect on it at that point each year around their birthdays when we send letters and photos to their birthparents (via the agency). Otherwise, at this point we have no direct contact with the birthparents. I have no doubt that at some point, some or maybe even all of our children will seek out a meeting with their birthparents. When that time comes, and they are of the appropriate age and maturity to do so, Tom and I will stand by them and support them in this process of self-understanding.

There are times when something like completing parental health history on their medical forms call to mind that they are adopted. There are also the occasional school projects about the students’ ethnicity that creep up. Otherwise, we chuckle on the many occasions when Tom or I have been told how much our children look just like us!

I would be misleading you if I told you that it was all easy. The adoption application process, at times, felt profoundly invasive. But if you talk with many new mothers, I think they might describe the birthing process as rather invasive. There are some challenges that are unique to adoptive mothers and fathers. It is difficult to explain to adopted children that just because they were “given up” for adoption, it does not mean that they were not “wanted”. (The term used more widely now is “placed for adoption,” which helps highlight the selfless generosity of birthparents in choosing an adoptive family for their child.) When we reflect on our children’s future weddings, we understand that there is a remote possibility that we might have to share the “parent pew” with their biological parents. Then we remember that these four little blessings were only given to us to “borrow” for a short period of time, but they don’t belong to us, or to their biological parents. They belong to God.

About the author
MaryPat and her husband Tom, shown above with their children, have been happily married for 20 years, regardless of the fact that they have very few common interests – except for God and family – proving that opposites really do attract! MaryPat worked in college admissions and as a high school guidance counselor until she became the full-time mother of four adopted and much beloved children. With all four children now enrolled in school, MaryPat has begun working with families as an Independent Educational Consultant through her new business, Compass College Advisors. Tom is employed in the banking industry and spends his time sharing his deep love of the Catholic faith with anyone willing to listen. They reside in the Archdiocese of Boston.

Notes
[1] See USCCB document about infertility and ethical reproductive treatments: “Life-Giving Love in an Age of Technology” (2009).

Hope for Families with a Child with Autism: Advice for Parents

A recent study identified 1 in 68 children (1 in 42 boys and 1 in 189 girls) as having autism spectrum disorder. (1) In the United States, most individuals are familiar with the disorder because of the high likelihood that they know someone with autism. The stress of any special needs diagnosis is difficult for a family, and those with autism have unique struggles. In order to identify resources available within our Catholic Church when faced with a diagnosis of autism, we can look to the words of our Holy Father Pope Francis:

When there is no human hope, there is that hope that carries us forward, humble, simple—but it gives a joy, at times a great joy, at times only of peace, but the security that hope does not disappoint: hope doesn’t disappoint (Morning Meditation, 3.17.16, emphasis added).

When I was told that my son was diagnosed with autism, I was the only adult in the room besides the doctor; my son and his two older sisters, ages 5 and 7, were there too. Our son was age three at the time, and his father was traveling out of town on business. I will never forget the whirlwind of thoughts, feelings, and sense of fear that day as I stood in the doctor’s office.

Now, twelve years later, I can look back at those days with the benefit of hindsight and more importantly, grace. Despite the many challenges, and at times heartbreaking pain, I cannot imagine life without my Joey. That fear has been replaced by hope.

I have learned several lessons since that day, and each day brings a new lesson in how to help him grow. Each day also brings new insight for me as a parent, including where I need my own personal and spiritual growth.

The wisdom in our communion of saints is a resource that every Catholic can rely on when working with a child who has special needs. Three themes from our Holy Father’s ministry, which he emphasizes in homilies and in his writing, suggest a three-pronged approach for families with a child on the autism spectrum. Let’s look at each one:

Progress Forward

Many times with a child with autism, it can seem like one step forward, two steps back. The challenge is to have a long-term perspective, recognizing that the small steps you are taking now to provide early intervention will have a future payoff. Because autism often accompanies co-morbidities like anxiety, it can be difficult to manage your own natural worry as a parent, as well as that of your child. Make sure that every so often you take time to review the progress your child has made, and to express your appreciation for all of his or her hard work. It is also important to pat yourself on the back from time to time, because being a parent of a child with autism can be difficult and lonely. It can help to find local support groups in your area so you can share resources and support.

Humility

Frequently, mothers think that they are the only one who can meet their child’s needs. While it is important to recognize the mother’s role, both father and mother have to acknowledge that they cannot meet their child’s needs alone. Humility shows us that we have to rely on others, whether that be hiring in-home therapists, seeking private grant funding or finding other ways to get the support that you need as a family to successfully support your child with his or her diagnosis.

Simplicity

Pope Francis is noted for his simplicity as well as his humility. Sometimes, when a child with autism has an IEP (Individualized Education Program), a treatment plan with multiple medications, therapies both inside and outside the home, as well as the need for structural home modifications, the needs are so great that it can be hard for families to prioritize what is most important. Simplicity means focusing on the most important needs of the child right now, in this moment, and enjoying the many wonderful moments of joy that the child brings. I have chronicled the many funny things that my son has said to me over the years, which have not only made me laugh out loud in the moment but are something I treasure years later as I re-read them.

For families who have a child on the autism spectrum, don’t give up! There is hope, and lessons learned over time and from others can make the journey easier.

(1) https://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/prevalence

About the author
Ann O’Keeffe Rodgers is a wife, mother and advocate for those with autism. She lives in Jacksonville, Florida, and is CEO of Hope Springs Florida, a vacation respite home designed for working-class families with a child with autism. Ann can be reached at rodgers_2244@hotmail.com.

When Can We Use NFP?

What the Church teaches on the moral spacing and limiting of births by spouses
Catholic spouses who strive to live Church teaching on responsible parenthood are sometimes confused by what the Church means by “serious” or “grave” reasons for the use of Natural Family Planning (NFP). This article will address that issue.

NFP enables spouses to space births according to the naturally-occurring phases of fertility and infertility in the menstrual cycle. The Church has accepted this innovation of the 20th century as a morally acceptable means of spacing and limiting births in married life. The contemporary Church document, Humanae vitae, which articulated the reasons why NFP is acceptable, uses the words “serious” and “grave” to indicate the distinctions which spouses need to consider as they seek to plan their families according to God’s will. Catholic couples need to understand the meaning behind these words.

Historical Overview
The Church has always recognized the legitimacy of abstaining from sexual intercourse when both spouses consent for a limited time and for religious reasons (cf. 1 Cor. 7:5). When Pius XI condemned contraception in his encyclical on marriage, Casti connubii (Dec 31, 1930), he did not address the licitness of the Rhythm method which had only recently been discovered but did allow married couples the use of their conjugal rights “in the proper manner” when new life could not be brought forth either because of timing or defects of nature (no. 59). It was not until Pius XII that explicit pronouncements were made. By that time the Basal Body Temperature method (BBT) was becoming increasingly known and used among Catholics.

Pius XII, in an address to Italian midwives in October 1951, declared licit the use of the sterile period for serious reasons, but if the couple was confining intercourse to those days exclusively, their conduct needed to be examined. In that case, it was not enough to be ready to accept a pregnancy if one should occur. For the practice to be moral there must be serious reasons independent of the couple’s goodwill. Otherwise to do so “would be a sin against the very meaning of conjugal life.” At the same time, Pius XII advised midwives to obtain a thorough knowledge of the biological and technical aspects of the theory.

Among the serious reasons for use even for an indefinite period, Pius XII cited “medical, eugenic, economic and social implication.” [1] Only one month later in another address, the pope affirmed “the legitimacy and, at the same time, the limits–in truth very wide–of a regulation of offspring, which, unlike so-called ‘birth control,’ is compatible with the law of God,” and he hoped that science would provide a more secure basis for the method. [2]

The advent of the anovulant pill in the 1960s and pressure from within the Church itself to change its teaching on contraception in the name of enhancing the unitive dimension of marriage led to lively debates in Vatican Council II. While Pope Paul VI reserved the question of whether the anovulant pill was a contraceptive until after the Council, the pastoral constitution on the Church in the modern world, Gaudium et Spes, reaffirmed that “marriage and conjugal love are by their nature ordered to the procreation and education of children” (no. 48), and that the aim and meaning of conjugal life is to cooperate with the Creator in enlarging God’s family. As cooperators with the Creator, they are “interpreters of his love” (no. 50).

Spouses will thoughtfully take into account both their own welfare and that of their children, those already born and those which may be foreseen. For this accounting, they will reckon with both the material and spiritual conditions of the times as well as of their state of life. Finally, they will consult the interests of the family group, of temporal society, and of the Church herself (See GS, no.50).

Grave and Serious
Paul VI in his encyclical Humanae vitae (1968), while condemning the use of all contraceptive methods for even grave (gravia) reasons, declared licit the recourse to the infertile periods if the spouses have good (just and seria) reasons to postpone even indefinitely another pregnancy (HV, no.16 &10; the language here is similar to Gaudium et Spes, no.10). But first, those spouses are commended who, with prudent deliberation and generosity, choose to accept a large family. The spouses are to consider their responsibilities towards God, themselves, the family, and human society. Each of these factors may be taken into account in the right order in determining “serious and just reasons.”

In other words, the spouses are to discern together first, what is God’s plan for their family here and now, then their own physical and emotional resources for accepting another child, the needs of other family members, and lastly the good of the human society in which they live. The pope gives special encouragement to scientists to perfect the natural methods (HV, no.24), declaring that the discipline of chastity exercised in periodic continence enhances married life provided the spouses value the true blessings of the family (HV, no.21).

John Paul II
John Paul II is faithful to the guidelines of Humanae vitae. In the Apostolic Exhortation, Familiaris consortio, he calls the fundamental task of the family “to serve life, to actualize in history the original blessing of the Creator–of transmitting by procreation the divine image from person to person” (FC, no.28). The Holy Father praises large families [3]; however, he also states,

. . . the fruitfulness of conjugal love is not restricted solely to the procreation of children…it is enlarged and enriched by all those fruits of moral, spiritual and supernatural life which the father and mother are called to hand on to their children, and through the children to the Church and to the world. (FC, no.28)

John Paul II takes every opportunity to encourage the development of NFP as a way of spacing births. [4] “When,” he says “by means of recourse to the periods of infertility, the couple respects the inseparable connection between the unitive and procreative meanings of human sexuality, they are acting as ‘ministers’ of God’s plan” (FC, no.32). John Paul II is at pains to counter those who would interpret too narrowly the Church’s teaching on the licitness of natural methods, adopting a form of providentialism, citing both Gaudium et spes no. 50 and Humanae vitae no.10: God the Creator invites the spouses not to be passive operators, but rather ‘cooperators or almost interpreters’ of His plan. [5]

The spouses are to exercise the virtue of prudence in a considered assessment of the well-being of the whole family. Reason and will are not to be abandoned in favor of passive submission to physiological processes. Husband and wife are called to stewardship of all their gifts, especially fertility, which concerns the birth of a new human person made in the image of God and destined to union with Him for all eternity.

NFP proponent Rev. Anthony Zimmerman likens the spouses’ co-creation to God’s creation of the world in Genesis (1:1 to 2:3). After each new creation, God “saw that it was good” and paused before a new act of creation. After making man and woman on the sixth day, he declared everything “very good” and rested from further creation. In the same way, NFP parents pause between each birth and when their family is complete according to God’s plan for them (which is likely to vary with each family), rest from any further work of co-creation. [6]

More than his predecessors, John Paul II saw the benefits of natural methods to the couple and family. He appreciates the way they offer spouses the possibility not only to space children but also to identify the most opportune time to conceive a child. In addition, they call for dialogue and mutual sensitivity to one another. “Thus,” he says, “periodic continence…requires a profound understanding of the person and love.”

The way of living which follows from the exercise of periodic continence leads the couple to deepen their knowledge of each other and achieve a harmony of body, mind, and spirit which strengthens and encourages them on their journey together through life. It is marked by constant dialogue and enriched by the tenderness of affection which constitutes the heart of human sexuality. [7]

A Final Word
In summary, all the papal documents addressing the issue of marriage and procreation in the 20th century affirm that marriage and conjugal love are ordered to the procreation and education of children. While contraception cannot be used even in grave circumstances, natural methods of fertility regulation are licit when the couple has serious reasons. Children are a gift to be joyfully received as the crowning glory of family life (GS, no. 48). All modern popes have endorsed the development and use of natural methods of family planning as an aid to living responsible parenthood. John Paul II especially sees them as enabling the spouses to become a total gift to one another.

Notes
[1] Pius XII, Moral Questions Affecting Married Life: Addresses given October 29, 1951, to the Italian Catholic Union of midwives and November 26, 1951, to the National Congress of the Family Front and the Association of Large Families, National Catholic Welfare Conference, Washington, DC.

[2] Ibid

[3] John Paul II, “Homily at Capitol Mall, Oct 7, 1979,” in Pilgrim of Peace: Homilies and Addresses of his Holiness, Pope John Paul II on the Occasion of his Visit to the United States, USCC, 1979: 175-179.

[4] See, for example, “Pope to Two International Groups of Researchers,” L’Osservatore Romano (Weekly Edition) Dec. 3, 1979, and “To Study Group on Natural Regulation of Fertility: The Church is grateful for the help you offer married couples,” L’Osservatore Romano, July 12, 1982.

[5] “Papal audience to participants of NFP course in Rome, December 14, 1990,” L’Osservatore Romano (weekly edition) Dec. 17, 1990.

[6] Rev. Anthony Zimmerman, “Newlyweds and NFP,” Homiletic and Pastoral Review, October 1986, 21-31.

[7] Address to “The Natural Regulation of Fertility: The Authentic Alternative,” conference, Rome, Dec. 9-11, 1992.

Copyright © 1999, Diocesan Development Program for Natural Family Planning, National Conference of Catholic Bishops (United States Conference of Catholic Bishops). Used with permission on www.foryourmarriage.org.

10 Pointers for Prayer

The baby’s crying, the dog is whining, and you need to leave for work in five minutes. Finding time for prayer can seem impossible. Amid the busyness of family life, how can one respond to God’s ongoing invitation to speak with and listen to Him? Here are ten pointers to help you do just that.

1. Pray as you can, not as you can’t. God calls most Christians to an active life in the world, with family, work and community responsibilities. Such a call, while holy, does not usually allow for long periods of prayer and reflection. Lay people can become discouraged when they try to pray like a cloistered contemplative. Be realistic about what’s possible.

2. Take ten — or twenty. If a half hour for prayer isn’t possible, how about ten minutes, or twenty? Choose a good time of day and stick with it. Designate a special site for prayer so that spot become holy. Spouses can help by minding children during respective quiet times.

3. Pray as a family. Build upon rituals such as grace before meals. In addition to the usual “Bless us, O Lord…,” encourage family members to offer thanks for the blessings of the day, as well as prayers for those in need. Couples can deepen their spiritual relationship by taking a few minutes, perhaps before bedtime, to commend to God the joys and sorrows of the day.

4. Decorate your domestic church. When we enter our parish church, the statues and pictures focus our minds on Jesus, Mary and the saints. We can create an atmosphere for prayer in our home- the domestic church- by displaying a crucifix, icons, the Bible and other holy objects. Take the children to a religious goods store and let them choose a picture or statue for their rooms.

5. Short prayers count, too. When you’re stopped at a long light or put on hold, consider it as God’s invitation to turn your heart and mind to him, if only for a few seconds.

6. Find God at work. Connecting with God in the workplace takes effort. Try to cultivate a few simple habits. For example, offer the day to God as you turn on your computer, or pray for the person you’re about to call or wait upon.

7. Jump start your prayer life. Sooner or later almost everyone experiences dryness in prayer. God seems far away and prayer becomes a burden. Praying with Scripture, perhaps the daily Mass readings, can help us focus. So, too, can an inspirational book, especially one of the spiritual classics. A good choice is St. Francis de Sales’ Introduction to the Devout Life, written specifically for lay people who are striving for holiness.

8. Ask your Mother for help. The Blessed Virgin Mary, our spiritual mother, understands our needs and offers profound comfort. One family, gathered around the bedside of their dying husband and father, found peace and healing through the recitation of the rosary. The rosary is ideal for the family since children can be taught the simple prayers at an early age. Check out instructions on how to pray the rosary.

9. Read a good story. Children and adults alike enjoy an inspiring story, and few stories are more compelling than those of the saints. Whether it’s the little way of Therese of Lisieux or the heroism of Maximilian Kolbe, their stories offer something for everyone. Consider the particular virtue that a saint demonstrates and pray for help to emulate it. Perhaps it’s the humility of St. Francis of Assisi, the patience of St. Monica, or the courageous witness of St. Thomas More.

10. Walk with a spiritual friend. Prayer can lead to new thoughts and questions. Who better to share them with than a spiritual friend? A friend can help us to work through the concerns that inevitably arise in prayer. Good friends will hold each other accountable for their prayer life, making sure that prayer has not been neglected in the busyness of life. For married couples a spouse is often this spiritual friend, but God will also put wise and holy people in our path when we need them. They can be the answer to prayer.

Stations of the Cross for Marriages and Families

Introduction

The particular needs of marriages and families prompted and largely influenced this reflection on the Stations of the Cross. Its purpose is to encourage all to reflect on Jesus’ passion in the context of family life, whether those families are immediate or extended, near or far, known or unknown. As St. John Paul II told us, the family is the building block of society, and so in this meditation, we pray for all families in light of the Way of the Cross.

Let us pray: Lord, you raised up the family to new dignity through the bond of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. We pray now for all families, especially those who might be experiencing difficulties of any kind, that the grace brought about by your suffering might give them consolation and new life. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

The First Station: Jesus is Condemned to Death

We adore you, O Christ, and we praise you.

(Genuflect) Because by your holy cross you have redeemed the world.

John 19:10-16

So Pilate said to him, “Do you not speak to me? Do you not know that I have power to release you and I have power to crucify you?” Jesus answered [him], “You would have no power over me if it had not been given to you from above. For this reason the one who handed me over to you has the greater sin.”Consequently, Pilate tried to release him; but the Jews cried out, “If you release him, you are not a Friend of Caesar. Everyone who makes himself a king opposes Caesar.”

When Pilate heard these words he brought Jesus out and seated him on the judge’s bench in the place called Stone Pavement, in Hebrew, Gabbatha. It was preparation day for Passover, and it was about noon. And he said to the Jews, “Behold, your king!” They cried out, “Take him away, take him away! Crucify him!” Pilate said to them, “Shall I crucify your king?”The chief priests answered, “We have no king but Caesar.”Then he handed him over to them to be crucified.

Reflection: Doing the right thing is not always easy or clear. There are outside pressures and clamoring voices seeking our approval. It is often easier to go with what our culture says—buy a fancier house, car, or big screen TV. Spread gossip, tell those white lies, and hurl insults, big and small, at family, friends, and strangers. It seems a lot harder to make prayer a daily habit, practice tithing, come to worship God every week and on special holy days, remain open to children, practice charity in our families and relationships, and to keep God as our top priority.

Pilate also found it hard to go against the crowd, against the voices of the chief priests, and he ultimately succumbed to their wishes. We strive to do otherwise, and the promise of our faith gives us the courage to be countercultural in our daily decisions. We do so because we trust that living as God asks us, instead of as the world tells us, will bring us greater peace and joy in our relationships, marriages, and families than we could ever find otherwise.

Let us pray: Almighty God, help us to trust in your divine plan for us and to accept what you will in our lives. Instead of heeding our culture and world, we wish to turn to you in a spirit of prayerful listening. You live and reign forever and ever. Amen.

The Second Station: Jesus Takes Up His Cross

We adore you, O Christ, and we praise you.

(Genuflect) Because by your holy cross you have redeemed the world.

Mark 8:34-36

He summoned the crowd with his disciples and said to them, “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and that of the gospel will save it. What profit is there for one to gain the whole world and forfeit his life?”

Reflection: It really comes down to a question of goals. What are our goals for our families and lives? Do we want to become famous, be admired and revered, wield great power and influence, accumulate untold wealth? What about helping each other grow in holiness? Challenging each other to more loving relationships? Bearing wrongs patiently and modeling forgiveness? What about helping each other get to heaven? How different would our lives be if these were our goals? As we follow Jesus, taking up our cross as he accepts his, we know that this is not the end; rather, this is the way that leads to eternal life.

Let us pray: Jesus, we want to follow you with all our hearts, but we are sometimes afraid of what our crosses will be. Instill in us a stout heart, that we would willingly accept a sharing in your mission. We give our lives to you in humble service, knowing that you will lead us to eternal life. We pray this in your name. Amen.

The Third Station: Jesus Falls the First Time

We adore you, O Christ, and we praise you.

(Genuflect) Because by your holy cross you have redeemed the world.

Isaiah 53: 2b-5

He had no majestic bearing to catch our eye,
no beauty to draw us to him.
He was spurned and avoided by men,
a man of suffering, knowing pain,
Like one from whom you turn your face,
spurned, and we held him in no esteem.
Yet it was our pain that he bore,
our sufferings he endured.
We thought of him as stricken,
struck down by God and afflicted,
But he was pierced for our sins,
crushed for our iniquity.
He bore the punishment that makes us whole,
by his wounds we were healed.

Reflection: Inherently, living as families means that there will be conflict. We are a group of imperfect, sinful people with various personalities who live together and try to make it work. There is, at the same time, inherent nobility in this effort because it speaks of our love and commitment to one another. How do we press on after knocking each other down or stumbling ourselves? This is the grace of Christ’s sacrifice—he has taken all our sins upon his shoulders. In his humanity, he even buckled under the weight of our sins. We can take solace, then, that Jesus knew our weakness, experienced its consequences, and still provided us a model of perseverance and a way to true freedom. Drawing our strength from God’s grace, we stand up together and continue along the way.

Let us pray: Lord, when we fall and fail, help us not to become too discouraged but instead to trust in your forgiveness and recommit ourselves to living well. Make us cognizant of the ways in which we cause others to stumble so that we would root out the source of such behavior in our lives. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

The Fourth Station: Jesus Meets His Mother

We adore you, O Christ, and we praise you.

(Genuflect) Because by your holy cross you have redeemed the world.

Luke 2:34-35

The child’s father and mother were amazed at what was said about him; and Simeon blessed them and said to Mary his mother, “Behold, this child is destined for the fall and rise of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be contradicted (and you yourself a sword will pierce) so that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.”

Reflection: Motherhood is one of life’s most sacred callings. A mother carries a growing child for many months and nurtures the baby from her own body during and often after the pregnancy. A mother truly shares in the activity of the divine, creating and sustaining human life. Yet today, motherhood is often not a title of honor or distinction, instead dismissed as something secondary or burdensome. Could we all do something more to honor all the mothers in our lives?
After all, Mary was Jesus’ mother, and she infuses the title with nobility and purpose. She bore the weight of her son inside her womb and experienced the even heavier weight of seeing her child suffer at the hands of others. Instead of shying away from this suffering, she walked with Jesus every step of the way. Her obedience to God’s call to motherhood was not without pain and hardship, yet it provides a witness for all mothers of every age. She shows us that a mother’s love and steadfastness is a source of strength for a child, notably for one experiencing a time of trial.

Let us pray: Mother Mary, we ask your intercession on behalf of all mothers. Help them to know of your witness, concern, and love for them and the daily labors in which they partake. May you be a beacon of hope and light to all mothers who must endure the suffering of their children. We pray, Hail Mary… Amen.

The Fifth Station: Simon of Cyrene Helps Jesus Carry the Cross

We adore you, O Christ, and we praise you.

(Genuflect) Because by your holy cross you have redeemed the world.

Mark 15:20-22

And when they had mocked him, they stripped him of the purple cloak, dressed him in his own clothes, and led him out to crucify him.

They pressed into service a passer-by, Simon, a Cyrenian, who was coming in from the country, the father of Alexander and Rufus, to carry his cross.

They brought him to the place of Golgotha (which is translated Place of the Skull).

Reflection: It is fitting for us that Simon was a father. He likely aspired to be a good one, providing moral instruction to his children, passing on the deposit of faith, and acting as a pillar of strength and protection. Perhaps Alexander and Rufus were with him that day and saw their father pressed into service to help Jesus carry the cross. Would they not have been scared as they saw their father led away and given the burden of a condemned man?
Fathers have such an important role in the lives of their families and children. Too often, we have witnessed or even experienced the consequences of a father who has failed or abandoned his family. Our hope is that fathers would recommit themselves to their promises and responsibilities, helping shoulder the burdens of family living. We also trust that, no matter what the conduct of our earthly fathers, we have a Father in heaven who will never abandon us, turn away from us, or leave us to carry our crosses alone.

Let us pray: Heavenly Father, we thank you for the gift of all our fathers. Though they are not perfect, they do reflect, to various degrees, the love that you as our Father in heaven have for us. Embolden all the fathers in the world and remind them of their sacred mission towards their children. May they become more like you with each passing day. We pray, Our Father… Amen.

The Sixth Station: Veronica Wipes the Face of Jesus

We adore you, O Christ, and we praise you.

(Genuflect) Because by your holy cross you have redeemed the world.

Matthew 25:37-40

“Then the righteous will answer him and say, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? When did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? When did we see you ill or in prison, and visit you?’ And the king will say to them in reply, ‘Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me.’”

Reflection: Veronica’s courageous action enlivens us to be people and families of compassion. When a child or parent is sick, the whole family suffers and sacrifices until the person is well. So, too, in our human family—when another is suffering, we are called to suffer with and sacrifice for the other until all are well. Reaching beyond our own families is difficult, but we must accept our place and role within the Body of Christ and the entire human family and extend our hands and hearts to those in need. As we perform these spiritual and corporal works of mercy, as we truly wipe the face of the stranger among us, we realize that we gaze upon the true image of Jesus.

Let us pray: Jesus, Veronica’s hands were hands of compassion to you in your time of great need. She took such a risk in coming to your aid, but she shows us how fruitful such an action can be. Help our families and each of us to recognize others in need and to reach out to them. May Veronica’s love live on in our actions each day. You live and reign forever and ever. Amen.

The Seventh Station: Jesus Falls the Second Time

We adore you, O Christ, and we praise you.

(Genuflect) Because by your holy cross you have redeemed the world.

Psalm 22:15-18a

Like water my life drains away;
all my bones grow soft.
My heart has become like wax,
it melts away within me.
As dry as a potsherd is my throat;
my tongue cleaves to my palate;
you lay me in the dust of death.
Dogs surround me;
a pack of evildoers closes in on me.
They have pierced my hands and my feet
I can count all my bones.

Reflection: Selfishness is the enemy of lasting relationships. It lays traps for others, takes advantage of the weakest among us, and drains the life from others and, ironically, from ourselves. To be selfish, to look out primarily for number one, seems like the easier option and the way to ensuring our happiness, but we know otherwise. Nevertheless, we sometimes give into our selfish tendencies, and then we fall.
Jesus is again our model and our hope. He picks himself up after stumbling and continues his journey. His sacrifice is the ultimate example of selflessness as he truly and freely lays down his life for us. That kind of selflessness transforms the world, and it is what we strive for in our families, marriages, and relationships.

Let us pray: O Spirit of God, no doubt you accompanied Jesus along his walk to Golgotha, providing him strength has he fell repeatedly. Come to us, Holy Spirit, as we continue to stumble and fall in our selfish ways. Give us the ability to eschew our self-centeredness and instead to help others when they are falling. We ask this through Christ, our Lord. Amen.

The Eighth Station: Jesus Meets the Women of Jerusalem

We adore you, O Christ, and we praise you.

(Genuflect) Because by your holy cross you have redeemed the world.

Luke 23:27-31

A large crowd of people followed Jesus, including many women who mourned and lamented him. Jesus turned to them and said, “Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for me; weep instead for yourselves and for your children, for indeed, the days are coming when people will say, ‘Blessed are the barren, the wombs that never bore and the breasts that never nursed.’ At that time people will say to the mountains, ‘Fall upon us!’ and to the hills, ‘Cover us!’ For if these things are done when the wood is green what will happen when it is dry?”

Reflection: Jesus heard the cry from the women of Jerusalem, and not only did he know their pain then, he knew of the pain that women would suffer in the millennia to come. We see all too often how society still disrespects women through various forms of abuse and objectification. Jesus knew as well the atrocities that the children of our world would have to face. As enlightened as we sometimes consider ourselves, how often do we still reject our most vulnerable: the unborn, poor, orphaned, or unwanted children of our world? How dry the wood has become in our time.
As people of faith and of conscience, we join Jesus in combating such things in our society. Even in his own moment of profound suffering, Jesus reaches out to the women and children of his day. We likewise continue to affirm the inherent dignity and beauty of women and their children, especially those who are in harm’s way.

Let us pray: Loving God, bless all vulnerable women and children in our world today. Help them to know of their dignity and worth, even when at times people tell them otherwise. Make us, in instances and situations where we operate from positions of influence, firm in our resolve to defend the most at-risk in our society. We recognize this as our duty and your will. We pray in Jesus’ name. Amen.

The Ninth Station: Jesus Falls the Third Time

We adore you, O Christ, and we praise you.

(Genuflect) Because by your holy cross you have redeemed the world.

Isaiah 50:6-7

I gave my back to those who beat me,
my cheeks to those who tore out my beard;
My face I did not hide
from insults and spitting.
The Lord GOD is my help,
therefore I am not disgraced;
Therefore I have set my face like flint,
knowing that I shall not be put to shame.

Reflection: Our human weakness is a reality we are constantly fighting. We try to stay up later at night or do more at work. We do everything we can to stay young and reduce signs of aging. Our weakness, and our eventual bodily death, is a source of great concern for most of us. However, the grace of God gives us hope. Though we are finite in many ways, God is infinite and an inexhaustible source of love and strength. Our lives of faith help us to accept that grace from God, to transcend our human weakness and strive for lasting things. We live in hope that after the final time we fall, the moment of death, God will raise us up to new and eternal life. Surely, this hope kept Jesus going towards Calvary after he fell again, and it sustains our efforts as well.

Let us pray: Jesus, you knew and felt the limitations of being human—the tiredness, the sickness, and even the sting of death. Yet, you rose above such limitations and provided a model for us by which to live, that of a person accepting his or her limitations while utilizing the grace of God to move beyond them. We have faith that you will indeed raise the righteous on the last day, helping us once and for all to leave behind our human weakness and the consequences of our sin. In your name, we pray. Amen.

The Tenth Station: Jesus is Stripped of His Garments

We adore you, O Christ, and we praise you.

(Genuflect) Because by your holy cross you have redeemed the world.

John 19:23-24

When the soldiers had crucified Jesus, they took his clothes and divided them into four shares, a share for each soldier. They also took his tunic, but the tunic was seamless, woven in one piece from the top down. So they said to one another, “Let’s not tear it, but cast lots for it to see whose it will be,” in order that the passage of scripture might be fulfilled that says:

“They divided my garments among them, and for my vesture they cast lots.”

This is what the soldiers did.

Reflection: Crucifixion was not just about pain and torture—it was also about humiliation. We hear of Jesus being stripped of his garments, garments that perhaps his mother had made and that were one of his only remaining possessions in the world. He was standing without any clothes for the entire crowd to see. The soldiers tried to take his dignity, take away everything that he could give to anyone else. But Jesus still had love to give, still had forgiveness to offer, still had his willingness to sacrifice himself, and so he did just that. He accepted the humiliation of nakedness willingly and then proceeded to lay down his life for us all.

This all begs the question for us—if we were stripped of everything…our titles, money, possessions, accomplishments, even the very clothes off our back, would we still be able to give without counting the cost, to love one another unconditionally? The task seems impossible, but there is a certain freedom in being able to say, “Take what you will, but you cannot take away my love. That is mine to give, and I give it freely.”

Let us pray: O God, it is startling, even scary, to think of ourselves without anything but ourselves, without material goods or worldly accolades. We wonder if we could still love if we lost all of this. Most of us will never be called to such radical witness, but we see from what Christ has shown us that our ability to love, forgive, and transform hearts is in none of these temporary things. Remind us again that our true power comes from the divine life that lives in each of us as your created sons and daughters. In Jesus’ name, we pray. Amen.

The Eleventh Station: Jesus is Nailed to the Cross

We adore you, O Christ, and we praise you.

(Genuflect) Because by your holy cross you have redeemed the world.

Isaiah 53:11-12

Because of his anguish he shall see the light;
because of his knowledge he shall be content;
My servant, the just one, shall justify the many,
their iniquity he shall bear.
Therefore I will give him his portion among the many,
and he shall divide the spoils with the mighty,
Because he surrendered himself to death,
was counted among the transgressors,
Bore the sins of many,
and interceded for the transgressors.

Reflection: Finally, the reality of our sins takes tangible form. The little hurts, the lies, the cheating, the laying blame, the insults, and the insecurities—all are there in those nails. They bring pain and suffering as we nail Jesus to the cross. Yet, if he cries out, he cries out not in protest but in willing acceptance. His sacrifice is a profound one, as he freely gives of his life and receives the nails we intend for each other or even ourselves. May this image of our sin spur us to conversion, and may we always be filled with gratitude when we consider Jesus’ gift.

Let us pray: Lord Jesus, it is difficult to imagine the pain that accompanies being nailed to a cross. Ponder it too long and we shudder. You also trembled at such realities as you prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane, but we see you now bravely and lovingly facing your self-willed destiny. May we repent of the nails we intend through our sinfulness and sit in humble gratitude of your sacrifice. You live and reign forever and ever. Amen.

The Twelfth Station: Jesus Dies on the Cross

We adore you, O Christ, and we praise you.

(Genuflect) Because by your holy cross you have redeemed the world.

Matthew 27:39-50

Those passing by reviled him, shaking their heads and saying, “You who would destroy the temple and rebuild it in three days, save yourself, if you are the Son of God, and come down from the cross!” Likewise the chief priests with the scribes and elders mocked him and said, “He saved others; he cannot save himself. So he is the king of Israel! Let him come down from the cross now, and we will believe in him. He trusted in God; let him deliver him now if he wants him. For he said, ‘I am the Son of God.’” The revolutionaries who were crucified with him also kept abusing him in the same way.

From noon onward, darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon.And about three o’clock Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” which means, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Some of the bystanders who heard it said, “This one is calling for Elijah.” Immediately one of them ran to get a sponge; he soaked it in wine, and putting it on a reed, gave it to him to drink. But the rest said, “Wait, let us see if Elijah comes to save him.” But Jesus cried out again in a loud voice, and gave up his spirit.

Reflection: (If possible, kneel for a moment of silence.) Look at the cross as it holds the bruised and bleeding body of our Lord and Savior. How is it that this instrument of torture and shame could bring about our salvation, our lasting hope? It is because of the power of God’s transformative grace. It transforms our lives of sin into lives of holiness, our feuding families into models of sacred family life, our selfish tendencies into acts of selflessness, and our confused sadness into everlasting joy. We cling to Jesus’ death on the cross, this ultimate example of unconditional love, as our refuge in a world full of broken relationships, broken homes, and broken-down people. Christ’s sacrifice is so powerful that it overcomes all of these and ushers in opportunities for peace, for reconciliation, for lasting joy. Truly, by his holy cross, Jesus has redeemed the world.

Let us pray: Father, we gaze upon the body of your Son, and we slowly begin to realize the enormity of your love for us, that you would send him for this purpose of saving us from our sins. We marvel as well at his willing acceptance. We hope that this realization and knowledge never leaves us and that we would apply it to how we live and love in our families, marriages, and relationships. May we remember that unconditional love is the only thing that has ever changed and will continue to change the world for the good. We pray this through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you, in unity with the Holy Spirit, one God forever and ever. Amen.

The Thirteenth Station: Jesus is Taken Down from the Cross

We adore you, O Christ, and we praise you.

(Genuflect) Because by your holy cross you have redeemed the world.

Mark 15:43-45

Joseph of Arimathea, a distinguished member of the council, who was himself awaiting the kingdom of God, came and courageously went to Pilate and asked for the body of Jesus. Pilate was amazed that he was already dead. He summoned the centurion and asked him if Jesus had already died. And when he learned of it from the centurion, he gave the body to Joseph.

Reflection: Joseph of Arimathea meets Pontius Pilate. Courage meets cowardice. Joseph understands the responsibility and potential cost of discipleship, including going to bury the body of the Lord. Pilate allows it, probably happy to be rid of the problem of Jesus of Nazareth.

What are the costs of discipleship for us today? They are likely much less than what disciples in the early Church faced, and yet, would we be willing to die for our faith? What about being mocked, ridiculed, and scorned? Are these too much to ask, or are our faith and our salvation the most valuable gifts we have? Our families are to be witnesses as well, models of discipleship and of God’s love existing in the world. Our goal is to be evermore like Joseph of Arimathea, people who are disciples despite the risks, disciples because we know of the rewards promised to and won for us.

Let us pray: Spirit of God, you infuse us with your gift of courage. Reawaken this and your other gifts in us that we might live more fully the call to discipleship. Be as tongues of fire to lead us on our way. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

The Fourteenth Station: Jesus is Laid in the Tomb

We adore you, O Christ, and we praise you.

(Genuflect) Because by your holy cross you have redeemed the world.

Luke 23:53-56

After [Joseph] had taken the body down, he wrapped it in a linen cloth and laid him in a rock-hewn tomb in which no one had yet been buried. It was the day of preparation, and the sabbath was about to begin. The women who had come from Galilee with him followed behind, and when they had seen the tomb and the way in which his body was laid in it, they returned and prepared spices and perfumed oils.

Reflection: Regardless of our age, state, or position, death comes into our lives, often abruptly and as an unwelcome visitor. All of our families experience death, sometimes in a grandparent who has lived to a ripe, old age but sometimes in a child who never had a chance at living a full life. No matter when it comes, death is never easy. It is precisely at these times that relationships and families have the potential to be such a blessing. Our bonds with those who remain bring us a measure of consolation. Finally, as we know for Jesus and for ourselves, death is not the final answer. We are a people of hope, hope in the resurrection and eternal life. As we live our lives and deal with the reality of death, may we keep Christ’s life, death, and resurrection firmly in mind as the source of our salvation.

Let us pray: Jesus, how saddened your friends and family must have felt as they laid your body in the tomb, unsure if you would fulfill your prophecy of rising on the third day. Deaths amongst our families and friends are also moments of sadness and doubt for us. During those moments, remind us that you have overcome death and lead our loved ones and us to new life. You live and reign forever and ever. Amen.

Veneration of the Cross

If possible, venerate the cross with a kiss, genuflection, or other appropriate gesture, observing a time of silence or musical meditation.

Let us pray: Lord Jesus, we have walked with you this Way of the Cross and, in a special way, kept our families, marriages, and relationships in mind. We know that you call us individually and collectively to greater union with you in our way of life. Bless us with the grace to follow you on this pathway of our salvation. We pray all these things in your most holy name. Amen.

+ May the Lord bless us, protect us from all evil, and bring us to everlasting life. Amen.

About the Author
A recipient of both a Bachelor of Arts and a Master of Divinity degree from the University of Notre Dame, Daniel previously served as the Director of Religious Education at Saint Pius X Catholic Church in Granger, Indiana. His writing interests largely center on Catholic spirituality and theology, particularly family life and the Christian answer to the question of human suffering. Originally from Hays, Kansas, he and his wife Stephanie currently reside with their children in South Bend, Indiana. For more of his writings, visit faithfamilyfatherhood.blogspot.com.

This text is used with permission from the author and may not be reproduced in any form without permission in writing from the author. Electronic and paperback versions are available for sale at this link.

Scripture texts in this work are taken from the New American Bible, revised edition © 2010, 1991, 1986, 1970 Confraternity of Christian Doctrine, Washington, D.C. and are used by permission of the copyright owner. All Rights Reserved. No part of the New American Bible may be reproduced in any form without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Observing Lent? Try a Team Approach

The forty days of Lent can seem like a long time, especially if one is giving up a favorite food or video game. It’s helpful to have a friend to keep us going. He or she can encourage us, challenge us, and pick us up if we falter. And if that friend happens to be our spouse, so much the better!

This year, consider approaching Lent as a team. That doesn’t mean you have to give up—or do—the same things as your spouse, although that’s a possibility. It does mean sharing your Lenten resolution(s) and asking for each other’s prayers and active support. People often find that they’re much more likely to keep their resolutions when they hold themselves accountable to another person. Knowing that someone walks with us, even if it’s not exactly the same path, can be a great comfort and motivator.

If you’re thinking about Lenten resolutions, consider the traditional practices of prayer, fasting, and almsgiving (works of charity). Here are some ideas to get started.

Prayer is the foundation of the Christian life. Lent is an excellent time to evaluate our prayer life and, if necessary, make improvements. Have I been faithful to prayer each day? Have I used Scripture, spiritual books, and other resources to deepen my prayer? Do I try to listen as well as speak? A few suggestions:

  • Set aside a time for prayer each day and invite your spouse to do the same. It can be the same time or different times depending on your schedules. If you’re parents, take turns looking after the kids so that each of you can have quiet time.
  • Watch a video reflection on the day’s Scripture readings. Exchange an insight or two with your spouse.
  • If you’d like to try to pray together but need help to get started read How to Pray with Your Spouse: Four Simple Steps and Who Me, Pray?…With Her? Also, check out Ten Pointers for Prayer.
  • Participate in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Most parishes have added times for confession during Lent.
  • Dip into a spiritual classic, for example, Introduction to the Devout Life by St. Francis de Sales, or the autobiographies of St. Therese of Lisieux and St. Teresa of Avila.

Fasting can take various forms. Giving up a favorite food or drink is a tangible reminder of our commitment to draw closer to Christ. Or we can fast from a non-productive behavior or attitude. Some ideas:

  • Participate in your parish’s weekly soup supper, or serve a simple supper in your home once or twice each week.
  • Give up a video game, TV program or social networking site. Use the time to do some spiritual reading, visit an elderly relative, or help your children learn a new skill.
  • “Fast” from negative comments, put-downs, and sarcastic remarks to and about your spouse. Apologize if you slip up.

Many parishes offer extra opportunities for works of charity and service during Lent. Consider making a commitment that will last beyond the Lenten season. Here are some suggestions:

  • Take out your household budget and review your charitable contributions. Do you need to increase them or change the allocations to the various charitable organizations?
  • Do you volunteer in your parish or community? If so, discuss how you can support each other. If you’re not already a volunteer, prayerfully discern whether you are called to some kind of service.
  • Simplify your life. Clean out a drawer, closet, or another storage area each day during Lent and give unneeded but usable clothes and household items to charitable organizations.

Additional resources:

Saint Joseph: My New Patron Saint

Advent is often spoken as a time of preparation. This means not just preparation for parties, celebrations and family gatherings, but preparing for the Incarnation, the birth of the Christ child, Jesus. His birth ushered in a new era of salvation and solidified our redemption. Sacred Scripture mentions many characters as the scene is set for the birth of Christ: Mary, Herod the Great, and the three Kings, to name a few. Often overlooked is Joseph of Nazareth. Saint Joseph plays an integral role in this story, and sometimes it goes unnoticed or under-appreciated.

As I prepared to get married, my mother gave me an image of Saint Joseph and she reminded me that he would be my new patron saint. So, I took some time and began praying about Saint Joseph and his relationship to Mary and Jesus, and I began to look at Saint Joseph in a new light. Even more so, when my wife and I found out that we were expecting our first child, I felt a close bond to this saint. As I grew closer to Joseph through prayer, a few of his qualities stood out to me, qualities that are useful in our own lives no matter what our situation is.

Saint Joseph teaches us three key things: Silence, Action, and Calmness.

First, silence: Look around us today. Where do we find silence? Our lives are consumed by the clutter and the noise of the day. Stepping outside, we can get lost in the shuffle of city life, but it does not stop there. Distractions can be found in our headphones or smartphones, on our televisions or computers. Our world today is vastly different than it was for those who came before us. In the Gospels Joseph doesn’t say, well, anything. He is silent. And that silence is a wonderful gift, because it gives him the ability to listen. I don’t just mean simply hearing, I mean understanding God’s call and responding to it. Saint John Paul II, reflecting on Joseph, said, “He is great in faith, not because he speaks his own words, but above all because he listened to the words of the Living God.”

Do we make time for silence in our lives? Do we make an effort to listen, I mean really listen to God’s voice or the voices of those around us – our family and friends? When we do take this opportunity, we may be amazed at what God is challenging us to do and calling us to in our lives. A priest friend of mine, a former vocation director for our diocese, said, “Young people today have a problem discerning their vocation – whatever it maybe – because they do not allow themselves to be in silence, to listen to what God is calling them to do.” Sadly, he is quite correct.

Listening certainly isn’t an easy task. Then again, most things that are worth doing aren’t easily accomplished. This Advent, can we try and make more time for God through silence, and in that silence, listen to what he is calling us to do?

Second, action: Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI penned one of my favorite quotes: “The world promises you comfort, but you were not made for comfort, you were made for greatness.” This rings as true today as it did 2,000 years ago. St. Joseph was not a man who sat idly by when God’s call came. He was a man of action, whether it meant marrying Mary in spite of what society might have said about their seemingly unorthodox marriage, taking his pregnant wife to the town of David late in her pregnancy for a census, or fleeing with his wife and newborn son to Egypt. He could have turned away from this situation all together (as was his initial plan – to quietly divorce Mary after finding out about her pregnancy), but he didn’t; when God challenged him, Joseph stepped up to the plate. He did the will of God. When we are faced with an obstacle, do we shy away? Beat around the bush? Or do we take it head on, and as a result grow as individuals or as a married couple?

We too are made to be men and women of action, to act on behalf of the Lord, and to use our God-given gifts and talents to glorify the Lord. What are some of your gifts and talents? How can you use them to better our Church?

Third, calmness: Read the Christmas story in the Scriptures. It does not say Joseph lost control or freaked out. It talks about a willing servant, a servant for God the Father, Mary Our Blessed Mother and Jesus, the Christ child. Sometime we forget that Joseph and Mary were real people and we take their saintly nature for granted. Think back to the stories we know of Joseph. I do not know about you, but I cannot imagine calmly bringing my wife, nine months pregnant, by donkey, to a strange town, and then have her give birth in a manger. I likely would have been less than charitable to those innkeepers who said they had “no room” and probably would have been thinking about my own pride, not wanting to stay in a stable. Scripture tell us that Joseph did all of this and without a peep. Likewise, as he heard in a dream that his son’s life was in danger, he quietly shuffled his new family off to Egypt, a strange land, with a different language and culture, and again, without a sound. He just calmly did God’s will. How would we have acted in these circumstances?

This calm and collected servant was influential not only to the Holy Family, but also speaks to us today. How are we serving people in our Church community? Are we avoiding the “inconvenient” reality that God has given us the opportunity to be servant to others? Remember, even Jesus wasn’t above serving others (John 13:5-10).

I am sure Joseph as a young boy dreamed of being successful, getting married, being a father. I do not think the life he dreamed of was the one he received. I am sure that he had what some would perceive as “missed opportunities” in life. There was so much he had to give up, and he did it freely and joyfully. He put aside his wants to allow the great Glory of God to take place. Joseph is a reminder that even the small things we do, things that may seem insignificant to many, or are even unnoticed by everyone but God, can work for the salvation of the world through Jesus Christ. Joseph did small things that influenced the person of Jesus, and we in turn must take these lessons and teach them to others.

Saint Joseph was a man for others, something as a husband and a soon-to-be father I aspire to. Despite the little said about St. Joseph in the Gospels, we can find immense richness in his witness to the faith. Why is this? Because Joseph realized that he was not the one who was important; others were. He is a man for others. He loved Mary and Jesus above himself and his actions reflect that love. Joseph is a model for all Christians, choosing to walk in the Way of the Cross. He emptied himself of himself, in order to be filled with the love of the Father.

Joseph invites us to turn the ordinary into extraordinary. He is proof that God looks for everyday people to do his work. We need to follow his example humbly, courageously, and faithfully to fulfill our call as Christians.

Consider these lessons we learn from Saint Joseph as we enter into this Advent season. Let us not use this time idly, just waiting for celebrations, but let us prayerfully come to the Lord as Joseph and Mary did. Let us pray to Saint Joseph that he will inspire us to grow into the kind of follower of the Lord that he was.

About the author
Paul Morisi is the Coordinator for Adolescent and Young Adult Faith Formation for the Diocese of Brooklyn. He and his wife Alison are expecting their first child in May 2017. See also: “A Vatican Valentine’s Experience” by Paul Morisi and Alison Laird, and “Pope Francis Meets Newlyweds From the Diocese of Brooklyn” by Paul Morisi.

Ordinary Time?

One of the characteristics of Catholicism—indeed, of any liturgically-oriented church—is that the pattern of our worship follows a cycle of feasts and seasons. Our seasons run like this: Advent, which starts right after Thanksgiving; Christmas, which begins on Christmas Eve; a brief period of Ordinary Time, followed by Lent, Triduum, the Easter Season, and then a long stretch of Ordinary Time.

What is Ordinary Time? We usually define it by what it’s not. It’s the season when there’s no other season going on. If seasons were flavors, Ordinary Time would be vanilla. Of course, as any good cook will tell you, vanilla has its own, often underrated flavor, with its own nuances and characteristics.

To my way of thinking, Ordinary Time is the most challenging season. The prayers and scriptures chosen for Ordinary Time emphasize living and growing in discipleship. Just as Advent stresses preparation and anticipation, and Lent focuses on repentance, Ordinary Time asks us to grow deeper into the mystery of our faith every day. The focus of our Sunday celebrations throughout this season will be on following Christ every day, taking the sacraments we celebrate on Sundays, and allowing them to enrich and guide our day-to-day lives, and completing the circle by bringing those daily experiences back to the altar the following Sunday.

So, it’s a little tricky to call this season merely ordinary. It’s a long celebration of the wonders that God works every day, and the challenges of following Christ with our lives. There’s nothing “ordinary” about that.