Tag Archives: Faith

What Makes Marriage Work

Communication

What is the one indispensable ingredient for making marriages work? Family life educators usually answer: communication. This is good news, because effective communication can be learned. Skills such as active listening, using “I” statements, paying attention to my feelings and those of my spouse, and learning tips for “fighting fair” make marriage easier. Some couples use these skills intuitively because they saw them modeled in their own upbringing. Others can learn them through classes, workshops and reading.

Of course, the hardest part of communicating usually comes when there is disagreement between the two of you.

Commitment and Common Values

Some ingredients, if missing, can doom a relationship from the start. Two primary ones are commitment and common values.

Commitment bonds a couple together when you are tired, annoyed, or angry with each other. Sometimes, remembering your vows can prompt you to push past these problems and try to forgive and start again.

Common values are important. If you aren’t together on basic values such as children, honesty, fidelity, and putting family before work, no amount of learning or effort of the will can resolve the conflict. For example, constant tension will result if one spouse wants to live simply while the other wants life’s luxuries.

Spirituality/Faith

You might not consider yourself a spiritual person; however, anyone who seeks the deeper meaning of life, and not a life focused on personal pleasure, operates out of a spiritual sense. For many this desire is expressed in commitment to a specific faith tradition. Here one joins with others to worship God and work for the common good.

Although being a person of faith is not essential to making your marriage work, it’s a bonus. Certainly good people throughout the ages have had happy marriages and not all of them have been religious. But it helps to have faith principles to guide you and a faith community to encourage your commitment.

Church Teachings

Is it true that an annulment does not affect the legitimacy of a married couple’s children? Or that Natural Family Planning can be an effective method for regulating the number and spacing of children? (The answer to both questions is “YES.”)

“Perhaps you know the ‘bottom line’ but don’t understand why the Church teaches as it does?”

Many couples wonder what, exactly, the Catholic Church teaches about important moral issues, like:

These articles offer helpful FAQs about the Church’s teaching. If you’d like to learn more about any of these teachings, or other parts of the Catholic faith, here are definitive sources for information about Catholic teaching:

Seven Day Virtual Marriage Retreats

Looking for a way to enrich your marriage? Take one of our seven day virtual retreats! Each day for seven days, set aside some time for prayer. Read about the theme for the day, reflect on a real-life marriage scenario, and think about ways to strengthen your own marriage. End each mini-retreat by praying a prayer for married couples. If possible, do the retreat together with your spouse!

Marriage Retreat 2020: “Stories from the Domestic Church”

This retreat will help you ponder how each marriage, each family is the domestic church. Full of inspirational stories of overcoming adversity and finding grace in everyday moments, this retreat is perfect for anyone who wants to pray and reflect on finding God in family life. For a complete version of this retreat, click here. For a PDF version, click here.

Day One: Ten Years of “I Do”
Day Two: Christ in Our Midst
Day Three: The Mystery of Marital Faith and Its Fruit
Day Four: Parenting with Friends
Day Five: The Tree that God Grows
Day Six: Love in Truth
Day Seven: Learning at a Later Stage

In Español: Historias de la iglesia doméstica

Marriage Retreat 2019: “Marriage: Made for a Reason”

This retreat will help you further reflect on what makes marriage unique as established by God, between a man and woman, as the basis for family and society. For a complete version of this retreat, click here. For a PDF version, click here.

Day One: Marriage: Made by God
Day Two: Marriage: Made for Love
Day Three: Marriage: Made for Each Other
Day Four: Marriage: Made for Life
Day Five: Marriage: Made for Freedom
Day Six: Marriage: Made for the Common Good
Day Seven: Marriage: Made for Eternity

In Español: El Matrimonio: Hecho por una Razón

Marriage Retreat 2018: “Marriage: School of Life and Love”

These reflections are drawn from a few magisterial documents: Mulieris Dignitatem, an apostolic letter on the dignity and vocation of women by Pope John Paul II (1988), Humanae Vitae, an encyclical by Pope Paul VI on the regulation of birth (1968), and Amoris Laetitia, the post-synodal apostolic exhortation by Pope Francis, as well as from the Catechism of the Catholic Church, and Sacred Scripture. For a complete version of this retreat, click here. For a PDF version, click here.

Day One: Marriage is a School of Life
Day Two: Marriage Lasts for Life
Day Three: Marriage Welcomes Life
Day Four: Marriage is a School of Love
Day Five: Marriage Reflects God’s Love
Day Six: Marriage Lives by God’s Law of Love
Day Seven: Marriage as a Domestic Church

Marriage Retreat 2017: “Amoris Laetitia” and “Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan”

This retreat is based on Pope Francis’s apostolic exhortation Amoris Laetitia (2016) and the USCCB pastoral letter Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan (2009). For a complete printable version of this retreat click here. For a PDF version, click here.

Day One: Marriage is a Blessing and a Gift
Day Two: Marriage is the Unique Union of a Man and a Woman
Day Three: Marriage is a Communion of Love and Life
Day Four: Marriage is a Sacrament of Christ’s Love
Day Five: Marriage is the Foundation of the Family and Society
Day Six: Marriage is a Journey of Human and Spiritual Growth
Day Seven: Marriage is a School of Love and Gratitude

Marriage Retreat 2016: “A Retreat with Pope Francis”

This retreat is based on advice from Pope Francis to married couples and families, given at his general weekly audiences. For a complete printable version of this retreat, click here.

Day One: Marriage is the Icon of God’s Love
Day Two: Christian Love is Concrete
Day Three: The Family is the Domestic Church
Day Four: Christ Gives Couples the Confidence to Say “Yes” Forever
Day Five: Three Pillars of the Spousal Relationship
Day Six: The Family as the Birthplace of Communicate and Love
Day Seven: Take Forward the Meaning of the Family

Marriage Retreat 2015: “Marriage and Mercy”

This retreat is an extended reflection on the theme of mercy. It was created during the Jubilee of Mercy in 2015. For a complete printable version of this retreat click here.

Day One: With Mercy, God Goes First
Day Two: Mercy and the Sacraments
Day Three: Mercy is Slow to Anger and Quick to Forgive
Day Four: Mercy and Tenderness
Day Five: Mercy and Patience
Day Six: Jesus Shows Us the Face of Mercy
Day Seven: Forgiveness in the Family

Spiritual Direction

One of the great resources of our Catholic tradition, and one that’s in increasing demand today, is the discipline of Spiritual Direction. In order to define what it is, I think it’s important to start with what Spiritual Direction is not. It’s not therapy, nor is it Pastoral Counseling. It’s not sacramental confession and reconciliation, either, although in some cases there is some cross-over between the two.

Spiritual Direction is a process through which one shares one’s spiritual journey with an experienced– and presumably wise– person who has the training and aptitude for careful listening and reflection. It is a conversation in which we endeavor to discern to movement of the Holy Spirit in our lives, and to discern how to respond with integrity to the Spirit’s prompting. Ongoing spiritual direction is virtually a requirement for those in formation for priesthood and religious life, but it is also helpful for anyone facing an important life transition, or struggling with a question of spiritual discernment.

A spiritual director meets regularly with a directee, perhaps once a month. Like other personal relationships, it’s important to find a director whose approach and style are a good fit with your own.

Perhaps the greatest challenge in the field of spiritual direction today is finding a director. Many priests and religious sisters or brothers can provide spiritual direction, but their numbers are far exceeded by the demands for their services. Fortunately, there are formation programs developing around the country to train lay people in the art and practice of spiritual direction. If you think you might benefit from spiritual direction, a good place to start is your local Catholic parish, who may be able to put you in touch with spiritual directors in your area.

A good spiritual director is like having a trusted friend who can hold up a mirror to your life and help you see yourself– and your relationship with God– more clearly.

Faith and Spirituality

When couples are on the verge of a major life transition such as marriage, they begin to think about life, love, values…and the future. To a great extent this is what spirituality is about – our human search for happiness and the meaning of life. Is life just about the here and now? Do morals make any difference? Is death really the end? Is there a reason to live beyond my own comfort? Is that all there is?

Perhaps you’re putting off some of these heavy questions for a rainy day when your job is more settled, or wedding pressures subside… or you reach retirement. Whether you address them or not, however, the big life issues will not disappear. They may go underground until a crisis appears – an accident, a child with a serious illness, or a looming divorce. All of a sudden, you start wondering what is the rock on which you ground your life? That’s the way some people discover their spiritual sides, but you don’t have to wait for a crisis. It’s so much easier to let faith keep your relationship strong, rather than rescue you in an emergency.

What difference does faith make to a marriage? This time before marriage is an opportunity to take stock of your basic beliefs. Share them with your beloved and chart how you will live out your beliefs and values together.

Does this mean you have to share the same faith? That’s nice, but it’s more important to talk about what God means to you, what spiritual practices you find meaningful, and how you can support each other once you are married. If only one spouse believes that faith is important, how does he or she stay motivated to attend services if the other is sleeping or recreating? It’s not impossible, but it’s more supportive to go to services together.

Pew Research from 2015 found that 39% of Americans have a spouse who is of a different faith. Research conducted by the Center for Marriage and Family at Creighton University (1999) showed a higher incidence of divorce among interchurch couples (20.3%) than among same-church couples (14.1%). (Interchurch couples are Christians of different denominations, e.g., a Baptist and a Catholic or a Methodist and a Presbyterian). Religion can bring spouses together or push them apart. Couples may be of different religions, but that in itself does not predict marital instability. What’s important is whether couples engage in joint religious activities. For example, do they pray together or read the Bible together?

Although research finds that greater religious practice is related to lower rates of divorce there is not necessarily a causal relationship. It may be that people who are more actively religious are more likely to oppose divorce, or maybe they work harder at their marital relationship.

Let’s say you are both religious, but from different religions. Perhaps you share spirituality but not a church home. Certainly some spouses, strongly committed to their faith, will continue to worship regularly and be active church members, but it’s harder to go alone, split financial support, and devote time to two separate congregations.

The solutions to these dilemmas are as unique as the couples who marry. Here are some steps that any couple can take, regardless of faith affiliation.

Talk with each other about important stuff.

Start with the basics:

  • Who is God for you?
  • What code of ethics guides your life?
  • Do you value weekly worship?
  • What kind of prayer is comfortable and satisfying to you?
  • How important is it that your spouse shares your religious beliefs?
  • Are you lukewarm in your religious commitment and likely to fade away if you have to do it alone?

If you’ve never practiced a religion, consider giving it a try.

Although becoming more spiritual is a value for anyone, styles of worship vary as much as the unique people who are seeking the meaning of life. Try out more than one place of worship. If the first one doesn’t fit you, try again. It’s worth the effort.

Visit each other’s church/synagogue/mosque.

If each of you belongs to a different faith tradition, learn more about the beliefs of that religion. You’re not trying to convert the other but to understand what shapes your partner’s values.

If you are getting married in a religious ceremony, use this opportunity.

If you are getting married in a religious setting it means that faith is important to at least one of you. Use this opportunity to discuss questions of faith with your spiritual leader. These are the kind of conversations that you may have intended to explore some day, but you’ve put it off. Now your life is about to change. Use your contact with the priest, minister, rabbi, or imam to go deeper.

Become a grown-up person of faith.

Often people are raised in a religious home. They attend religious education classes, and maybe even Catholic or other religious schools for 8, 12, or 16 years. But their faith formation got stuck in childhood. If you have grown distant from the faith of your childhood, check it out again on an adult level. If you were a lawyer or doctor you wouldn’t think of practicing your profession based on high school information. Update your knowledge of your faith. You don’t have to have a degree in theology but you should not rely on childhood explanations in an adult world.

Make your home a place of unity.

Even if the two of you come from different faith traditions and are committed to continuing them, make your home a place where you merge prayer, rituals, and religious traditions. Since prayer at home is less formal, you can develop creative, inclusive times of prayer and faith devotions together. Experiment with the rituals of each other’s faith and blend them to fit your family. The point is not whose church you go to, but rather that you bring it all home.

Don’t wait until you have a child.

It’s tempting to put off decisions about how you will share your faith (or ignore it) until you have your first child. Don’t! A child is too important to become a battleground. If faith is important to you, discuss how each of you wants to share your faith with any children you may have before you are married. If you are Catholic, this question will be part of your marriage preparation. Discussing how you will raise your children can clarify how committed each of you is to your faith and beliefs.

Are Faith-filled Couples Happier?

David and Amy Olson did a national survey with a sample of over 21,000 couples in 1999. Part of their survey was questioning couples regarding their spirituality and how it affected their relationship with their spouse. According to their survey, one’s spiritual life does have an impact on their marriage.

If you share a spiritual life with your spouse it tends to go along with a happy marriage. Happy couples tend to agree about how they express their spiritual beliefs. They find that shared beliefs bring them closer together, and they rely on their spiritual beliefs during difficult times.

According to Dr. Olson, “Their faith helps them focus on the positive aspects of each other and to encourage and respect each other. Their marriage is a sanctuary – a source of care, mutual protection, comfort, and refuge. When feelings change, their faith tides them over and sustains their relationship.”

The Journal of Family Psychology (by Mahoney, et al, 1999) also reports that couples who make religion an important part of their marriage have less conflict, more verbal collaboration, greater adjustment to their marriage, and they see more benefits in their marriage.

Marriage Prep Resources

You’re engaged. Congratulations! The Church rejoices with you as you prepare to enter the Sacrament of Marriage and embark on this great vocation of love and service.

The Catholic Church has long been a leader in providing high-quality marriage preparation programs for engaged couples. These programs come in many forms: weekend retreats, a series of evening meetings, one-day events, online programs, or meetings with a priest or mentor couple. But they all share the common goal of providing engaged couples with the knowledge, skills, and formation they need to have a happy, holy, lifelong marriage.

Each diocese has its requirements for marriage prep, so check with the church where you’ll be getting married to see what program(s) is recommended or required in your diocese. Below are some widely-used marriage preparation programs and other resources for engaged couples.

Your engagement is also a great time to take Natural Family Planning (NFP) classes to learn more about the beautiful gift of fertility and prepare to live a marriage that is open to life and God’s plan for your family.

For couples who are currently civilly married outside of the Church and would like their marriage to be recognized by the Catholic Church, please see Convalidation: Bringing Your Marriage Into The Church.

Disclaimer: Please note that the content on this page is provided solely for your information and should not be interpreted as an official endorsement of the organizations, programs, and websites listed. To the best of our knowledge, the information listed here did not conflict with Catholic teaching and was accurate at the time of posting.

Table of Contents

Complete Marriage Preparation Programs

Agape Catholic Marriage Prep
A division of Agape Catholic Ministries, dedicated to the building of strong Christ-centered marriages since 2004. Online, interactive, and mentor-led Pre-Cana Program that can also be given in-person by trained instructors. Available anytime from anywhere. Based on Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body and the teachings of the Catholic Church. Available in English, Spanish, and French.

Contact: info@catholicmarriageprep.com, 800-208-1364

Better Together from Dynamic Catholic
You dream about your wedding day, your honeymoon, and growing old together. What about everything in between? Better Together equips you with the tools you need to build a lasting, happy, and faith-filled marriage.

Catholic Engaged Encounter
An in-depth, private, personal marriage preparation experience within the context of Catholic faith and values. The weekend retreat offers a “time out” where engaged couples can dialogue intensively about prospective lives together and hear helpful presentations from married couples. Weekends are offered periodically throughout the country; map of upcoming weekends here.

Contact: fill out the form on the website

Catholic Marriage Prep Class Online
The Marriage Group’s online, on-demand courses are enjoyed by thousands of Catholic couples every year, worldwide. Featuring videos from experts and married couples, followed by exercises and discussion guides, these courses are interactive and convenient. The courses are produced in collaboration with several diocesan offices, ministry leaders, and published authors/speakers. Courses available in English and Spanish.

Email: hello@themarriagegroup.com,1-855-PRE-CANA (773-2262)

EverMore in Love: Marriage Preparation
This mentor-led course helps engaged couples understand the Theology of the Body and practically implement it into their daily lives. It is available at the parish level and live online in both a one-on-one and group setting. When the course is complete, couples are invited to continue their formation with their mentor couple and an online community of other couples striving to live this way of life. (This course was formerly called Preparing to Live in Love.)

Contact: ruth@evermoreinlove.org, 610-640-4105
EverMore In Love

For Better and For Ever
A parish-based “sponsor couple” approach to marriage preparation. Married couples of the parish are trained to meet the engaged “where they are” to dialogue about the vocation of Matrimony. Sponsor couples host a series of 4-6 meetings with the engaged couple in their own home (or Zoom), then after the wedding, they follow up with the newly married couple through the first year(s) of marriage. Available in English, Spanish, Vietnamese, and French.  Training/enrichment of “sponsor couples” on Zoom is a FREE SERVICE.

Contact: robcssr@gmail.com, 210-534-1129

Joined by Grace: Preparing for the Sacramental Journey of Marriage, by Ave Maria Press, John and Teri Bosio, and Spirit Juice Studios
Grounded in Church teaching and incorporating the wisdom of Pope Francis’s apostolic exhortation Amoris Laetitia (The Joy of Love), the Joined by Grace program allows pastoral leaders and mentors to help couples build strong, life-giving, and lasting marriages. Offering couples the tools they need for life after their wedding day, Joined by Grace shows how the seven sacraments can help build marriages that are rooted in Christ by teaching couples to accept and be fully present to one another, give themselves completely, and serve and forgive each other. While developed for use in six sessions by mentors and engaged couples or small groups, the Program Manual offers a weekend retreat format as well.

The Joined by Grace program includes a Program Manual, Mentor’s Guides, Couple’s Guides, and a DVD. The DVD includes videos by pastoral leaders and the witness of real-life couples unscripted in their homes. An online library includes free resources to support marriage ministry coordinators, mentors, and engaged couples: JoinedbyGrace.com.

Contact: Ave Maria Press, 800-282-1865

Joy-Filled Marriage
Includes a virtue-based life skills component (“Living a Joy-Filled Marriage”) and a component focused on the Sacrament of Marriage and the Theology of the Body (“God’s Plan for a Joy-Filled Marriage”). Both components have Leader’s Guides. The two parts can be used separately, perhaps as a supplement to an existing marriage prep program, or together. Published by Ascension Press.

Contact: info@joyfilledmarriage.com, 1-800-376-0520

A Marriage in the Lord – The Marriage Group
Staged in a traditional style and setting, this course version offers engaged couples the opportunity to view videos on topics that are helpful in a Catholic marriage. There are Questions for Reflection and downloadable worksheets for you and your future spouse to fill out and discuss. Upon completion of all the videos and Questions for Reflection, a Certificate of Completion will be issued to you. You can take this class anywhere you have an internet connection, anytime that is convenient for you 24/7/365.

The Picture of Love Marriage Preparation Program
The Picture of Love Marriage Preparation Program is available for both Engaged Couples and Convalidation Couples explores the joys and challenges of living out the Sacrament of Matrimony with a special focus on the importance of inviting Jesus to be the center of marriage and family life. Originally released in 2002, Picture of Love is an officially sanctioned and proven Marriage Preparation Program, currently used in Catholic parishes and dioceses across the nation. The newly revised 2017 version of Picture of Love has received the imprimatur of Archbishop Jose H. Gomez, Archdiocese of Los Angeles.

Smart Loving Engaged Online
SmartLoving Engaged Online combines psychological insights with the Theology of the Body to equip couples to navigate the joys and challenges of married life. Now available online, couples can access the course anytime and from anywhere in a self-directed capacity or invite a married sponsor couple from the parish to accompany them at no extra charge. Flexible and affordable, the course has an imprimatur and is approved for use in many dioceses throughout Australia, the UK, the USA, Canada, Africa, and Asia. If you and your fiancé are separated by distance, you can complete the course separately meeting on Skype after every lesson to complete the activities together.

Contact: info@marriagerc.org

Theology of the Body Marriage Preparation
This marriage prep program, which Dr. Janet Smith calls a “real contribution to the need for truly useful marriage preparation materials,” gives poignant, refreshing insights into personal growth, communication skills, finances, catechesis, and more, all from the perspective of the Theology of the Body. The unique diagrams and charts—which Dr. Peter Kreeft lauds as “delightful” and “memorable”—flesh out St. John Paul II’s insights, make tough concepts accessible, and offer food-for-thought for discussions by couples. This complete program comes with a slide show presentation with the facilitator’s notes and three downloadable files (Facilitator’s Guide, TOBET Tips for Presenting, and Addressing Tough Issues: A Theology of the Body Pastoral Response). TOB expert Monica Ashour can be brought in to train the trainers. Written by Monica Ashour, MTS, M Hum, and members of TOBET (Theology of the Body Evangelization Team). Available in English, Spanish, and Vietnamese.

Contact: Monica Ashour, mashour@tobet.org,972-849-6543 (for content questions);
info@tobet.org (for order questions).

Three to Get Married
The Three to Get Married Marriage Preparation Program draws upon the best in contemporary psychology, practical wisdom from the experience of married couples, and the beauty of the Catholic Church’s teachings on marriage and family life to give you the best foundation on which to build a successful marriage. This marriage preparation course is an intensive preparation experience true to the teachings of the Catholic Church. It aims to provide each couple with a reflective and in-depth preparation for a joyful, faith-filled marriage—based on love that not only endures but grows stronger year after year.  “Prepare to Love for a Lifetime!” Virtual and in-person weekend sessions are available

Contact: Betsy Ring, bring@ourladyofbethesda.org

Together in God’s Love
Together in God’s Love uniquely combines cultural perspectives, modern psychology, and Catholic theology as couples prepare to become one in Christ through matrimony. Using very practical, multi-sensory, and active learning techniques, the program focuses on the areas of Faith, Communication, Sexuality, and Stewardship to express marriage as a communion of persons, just as the Holy Trinity is a communion of persons. It is attentive to various learning styles as well as cultural diversity through the use of language, games, role-playing, and self-assessments.

Transformed in Love: Building Your Catholic Marriage
Transformed in Love (revised 2020) provides the groundwork for engaged couples to begin the noble and holy work of marriage. It was developed by a team of ministry leaders, professionals, and laity who work closely with engaged couples in the Boston Archdiocese. It allows for the transformative power of kerygmatic witness, scripture, and Catholic teaching while engaging couples in activities to practice the skills provided. It can be used in a variety of formats (mentor-led, retreat, or weekly sessions) and has an accompanying Leader Guide with downloadable resources to assist with the in-person or virtual gatherings. It is now available in Spanish –Transformados en el Amor and can be found at www.evangelizeboston.com.

Contact: Liz Cotrupi, cotrup_e@rcab.org

Unveiled
Unveiled was created by the Catholic Diocese of Richmond to blend marriage preparation and evangelization. This innovative video-based solution offers a consistent, comprehensive, and captivating approach to marriage preparation. Unveiled allows you to ensure the integrity of the theological and practical content, focus your efforts on training facilitator couples to be story-telling evangelists, and implement a dynamic educational methodology that integrates beautiful media. Unveiled can be used as an online e-learning course, run at the parish level, or offered on the diocesan scale.

Contact: marriageprep@richmonddiocese.org, 804-622-5109

When the Cake is Gone
When the Cake is Gone is based on the “Back to Back, Face to Face and Shoulder to Shoulder” (corresponding to the three vows of Christian marriages) model of marriage enrichment created by Dr. Healy. Over 100,000 copies have been purchased. Dioceses and parishes frequently give the CD to all the engaged couples who go through their programs.

Witness to Love
Witness to Love is a tool for parishes that want to use the marriage prep process to benefit engaged couples by building a support system to accompany them before and after the wedding, integrating them into parish life, focusing on evangelization, and getting the most out of the marriage prep process. This is not just a program but a system that will help enhance the current offerings that a parish, or diocese, already has in place and it is compatible with any PMI or marriage prep program listed on this page. Witness to Love was established in response to St. John Paul II’s apostolic exhortation Familiaris Consortio and operates under the guidance of the Archdiocese of New Orleans. Online or live training for clergy or marriage prep personnel is available. Available in English and Spanish (Testimonio de Amor).

Contact: Mary-Rose Verret, info@witnesstolove.org

Your Marriage
“Your Marriage” is a parish-based marriage prep resource from Liguori Publishing as part of their Sacramental Preparation Series. It is led by marriage prep leaders in small or large groups or individually, with an emphasis on regular meetings with the parish priest. The program includes a solid and thorough, yet accessible, presentation of Church teaching regarding marriage, as well as practical application to address the needs and challenges faced by couples today. The series includes a DVD of testimonies from married couples and spiritual direction from Fr. Byron Miller, CSsR corresponding with each chapter, as well as additional resources available through the publisher’s website. Available in English and Spanish.

Contact: Mary Wuertz von Holt, mwuertz@liguori.org, 636-223-1435

Premarital Inventories

A premarital inventory, or PMI, is a common tool in marriage preparation for an engaged couple to gain a deeper understanding of themselves and each other and to identify subjects that may need additional discussion or consultation. Best practices for PMIs include having the engaged couple go over the results of their inventory with a trained priest or mentor couple.

Better Together Inventory
Great communication is essential to having a great marriage. Our marriage prep inventory is a free questionnaire designed to celebrate strengths and highlight opportunities for growth between engaged couples.

Catholic Couple Checkup
A comprehensive premarital inventory with an illustrative report and discussion guide can be sent to a priest or mentor couple to discuss with the engaged couple. Promoted by The Marriage Group, the Catholic Couple Checkup can be used together with their popular online marriage preparation program (comes free with the program) or separately by couples.

Couple Checkup
Couple Checkup is an online relationship assessment that is tailored to each couple and the Catholic faith. The computer-generated report helps couples discover their strength and growth areas across several relationship categories such as communication, conflict resolution, roles, financial management, personality, and more. Couples can bring their results to a priest or premarital counselor to work through their results. Powered by Prepare/Enrich.

Contact: 1-800-331-1661

F.A.C.E.T.
The questions in F.A.C.E.T. are intended to open up areas for discussion under thirteen different topics. There will be opportunities for couples to review their results with facilitators, but they are encouraged to begin a dialogue with each other as soon as they are finished. In addition, couples are given some open-ended questions to take home that are intended to stimulate further discussion on the same topics. F.A.C.E.T is not a test, but an opportunity to keep communications moving in a positive direction between two people who plan to get married. In English and Spanish

FOCCUS
Premarital inventory that covers major areas engaged couples should discuss. Offers research and training that Facilitate Open, Caring Communication, Understanding, and Study. After taking the FOCCUS pre-marital inventory, couples meet with a trained facilitator. Available in Spanish, Chinese, and for couples with English as a second language.

Also REFOCCUS for a second marriage.

Contact: foccus@foccusinc.com, 1-877-883-5422

Fully Engaged
A Catholic catechetical pre-marriage inventory that carries a Nihil Obstat and Imprimatur. This comprehensive, catechetical tool forms engaged couples in the riches of the Church while equipping them with the essential skills necessary for a healthy marriage. This program utilizes a catechetical workbook for the engaged couple and contains a detailed Facilitator’s Guide for the Facilitator. Follow-up formation emails are sent to the newlywed couple for one year after their marriage. Fully Engaged also contains a complete Convalidation Inventory for civilly married couples.

Contact: For more information or to order a Preview Package, call 800-624-9019 or email fe@gw.stcdio.org.

IPI Intercommunications Publishing
IPI was the first to offer pre-marriage inventories, beginning in 1980. We have programs available for various premarital situations, such as never-married couples, couples entering a second marriage, couples having their civil marriage convalidated, couples from different faith traditions, and more. Inventories are available both in hard copy and online with English and Spanish options.

Contact: 800-999-0680

Prepare/Enrich
An online relationship inventory and skill-building program based on a solid research foundation. Custom-tailored to a couple’s relationship and provides a couple with exercises to build their relationship skills. It can be used both for engaged and married couples. After taking the inventory, couples meet with a trained facilitator.

Contact: 800-331-1661

Spirituality and Religion in Your Marriage: A Reflective Process for Engaged Couples by Dr. James Healy, Director of the Center for Family Ministry in the Diocese of Joliet

This booklet contains a short inventory that places the individual in one of four categories: 1) high in both Spirituality and Religion, 2) high in Spirituality and low in Religion, 3) low in both Religion and Spirituality, and 4) high in Religion and low in Spirituality. It affirms strengths and encourages growth in both the individual and the couple towards category number 1. Available in Spanish.

Workbooks and Books for Engaged Couples

The following workbooks can be used as a supplement to existing marriage preparation programs, or by engaged couples on their own for additional formation.

A Marriage in the Lord, 6th edition
This Catholic marriage preparation workbook helps couples to prepare for a lifelong happy, healthy, and holy marriage. The revised edition includes a discussion of the Theology of the Body, threats to marriage, and couple prayer. Bulk discounts are available. Provided by the Marriage and Family Ministries Office of the Archdiocese of Chicago.

Contact: 312-534-8351, email through this form

The Mission of Love: A Sacramental Journey to Marital Success by John Curtis, Fr. Dominic McManus, O.P., and Mike Day
Focused on helping engaged couples embrace their mission and vocation in the Sacrament of Marriage. A unique vantage point encourages couples to design their family’s mission statement and “job descriptions” for each member. Book format and Couple’s Guidebook with exercises. Available in Kindle version.

Contact: newpriorypress@opcentral.org, 312-243-0011

Revolution of Love: the 21st Century Home – Seven Ways to Bring Love into the Home
Reflections from Pope Francis, St. Josemaria, and Cormac Burke; published in 2016.
This beautifully presented handbook features compelling photographs and quotes that capture hearts with a joyful, loving vision of marriage, family, and home. Brief chapters reflect on such topics as “The Warmth of Home,” “Marriage: A Divine Adventure,” “Communication in the Home,” “Prayer: Loving God with Affection,” “Pursuing Our Dreams,” and more. Pope Francis’s addresses and writings are a primary source of the book’s text, beginning with the first quote in this handbook, taken from The Joy of the Gospel, “The Son of God became man to summon us to a revolution of tenderness.” This handbook hopes to offer, in Pope Francis’s words, “ways to restore and safeguard God’s loving plan for humanity.”
For both engaged and married couples.

Contact: rolbooks2016@gmail.com for group discounts & more information.
This book is also available on Amazon (see the “Look Inside” feature).

Theology of the Body Marriage Preparation
This marriage prep guide—which Dr. Peter Kreeft lauds as “delightful” and “memorable”—gives refreshing insights into personal growth, communication skills, finances, catechesis, and more, all from the perspective of the Theology of the Body. The unique diagrams and charts flesh out St.John Paul II’s insights, make tough concepts accessible, and offer food-for-thought for discussions by couples. Dr. Janet Smith calls this program a “real contribution to the need for truly useful marriage preparation materials.” Written by TOB expert Monica Ashour, MTS, MHum, and the members of TOBET (Theology of the Body Evangelization Team). Available in English, Spanish, and Vietnamese.

Contact: Monica Ashour, mashour@tobet.org, 972-849-6543 (for content questions); info@tobet.org (for order questions).

Supplemental Curriculum

10 Great Dates Before You Say “I Do.”
Want to help couples discern if they are right for each other—even before becoming engaged? Then this video-based curriculum, disguised as fun dates, will help you help couples decide if they should take the next step toward marriage. You can also use this book as homework assignments for your parish marriage prep or mentoring couples, or combine them with the video date launches for the greatest impact. The DVD (with host couple Heather & Peter Larson) was a joint project with Prepare/Enrich and designed to help couples develop the skills and put into practice what they learned about each other after taking a premarital inventory. It’s a match made in heaven!

Contact: Arps@marriagealive.com, 865-690-5887

Natural Family Planning Classes
Natural Family Planning (NFP) is an umbrella term for methods of fertility observation used to achieve or avoid pregnancy. Couples preparing for marriage are encouraged to take an NFP class to learn this holistic way of respecting the life-giving nature of married love. Various methods are available, in both in-person and distance-learning classes.

Learn NFP Online™
The Marriage Group offers online, on-demand courses introducing couples to the good news of Natural Family Planning. NFP Life™ provides an overview discussing what NFP is all about. A full course is also available focusing on the Billings Ovulation Method™

For more Natural Family Planning options, contact: USCCB Natural Family Planning Office, nfp@usccb.org

Navigating Engagement with Peace, Joy, and Gratitude – by Emily Wilson
This is a video series for women about what really matters during engagement – your heart, and what is going on inside of it during this time! Speaker, YouTuber, and author, Emily Wilson Hussem (@emwilss), will walk alongside you like a sister on your journey, covering a vast array of topics that you will encounter during engagement, but topics that are rarely talked about or addressed. Topics include; The Trap of Comparison, Discerning a Choice, The Wedding Night, Bachelorette Parties, Loving your Fiancé Well, and so much more to help you cultivate peace throughout your engagement, and on your wedding day.

Contact: info@emilywilsonministries.com

The Roadmap to a Happy Marriage by Verily Magazine
This easy-to-access online course was designed to give people seeking a healthy, happy, lasting relationship the tools they need to achieve it, whatever their current relationship status. The course consists of videos, worksheets, and some practical exercises and covers issues such as how your family of origin impacts your approach to relationships, conflict, and communication styles, and how to navigate practical issues as a couple. While it is not aimed at Catholics, the course content is consistent with Church teaching and can be taken alongside any other marriage prep engaged couples might be receiving through their parishes. It’s also helpful for single people who want to take a more intentional approach to relationships and dating, people who are dating and trying to discern whether they are ready for marriage, and newlyweds looking for a refresher.

Contact: support@verilymag.com

Videos

“Saying I Do: What Happens at a Catholic Wedding”
Produced by the USCCB. Walks the viewer through the Rite of Marriage both within and without Mass, and answers FAQs about Catholic weddings. Designed for engaged couples, both Catholic couples and those marrying non-Catholics. Also helpful for those who are helping to prepare engaged couples for marriage.

Contact: marriage@usccb.org, 202-541-3013

BELOVED: Finding Happiness in Marriage – Parish Edition
Beloved is a video-based study program by the Augustine Institute that explores the true meaning of the Sacrament of Marriage. In twelve sessions, couples will discover the deepest spiritual, emotional, and practical realities of Marriage through Scripture, Tradition, and Church teaching. They’ll see firsthand how to experience the wonder, mystery, and joy of this sacrament—from that first “I do” through the rest of their lives. Beloved sessions are presented on a 6-DVD set, and kits come complete with Couple’s and Leader’s Guides – everything you need to experience the full power of Beloved for a marriage preparation program.

For more information, contact Colleen at (866) 767-3155 or visit augustineinstitute.org/beloved.

“When Two Become One”
Produced by the Diocese of Rockville Centre’s Office of Faith Formation. In this 25-minute DVD engaged couples learn about the Sacrament of Marriage, love, sexuality, natural family planning, and more through the witness of four couples sharing their experiences, challenges, and joys.

Contact: 516-678-5800 ext. 223

Marriage Boosters™
Engaged and married couples are invited to personalize their marriage preparation and enrichment with videos and supplemental materials that relate to particular circumstances. Register for free and gain immediate access to content including Unique Challenges of Military Families, Cohabitation, Forming a Stepfamily, Children of Divorce, Second Marriages, Interfaith, and Interchurch Marriages, and Strengthening African–American Catholic Marriages. Marriage Boosters are offered as a free resource by The Marriage Group.

Preparing for the Wedding Liturgy

The high point of a Catholic wedding is the Order of Celebrating Matrimony, where the bride and groom become husband and wife in the lifelong bond of marriage. The below resources assist engaged couples planning a Catholic wedding to understand and prepare for the wedding liturgy. On For Your Marriage are walk-through articles about Catholic weddings within Mass, without Mass, and between a Catholic and non-baptized person.

A Catholic Bride’s Wedding Planner, by Tracy Becker
Practical tool for Catholic brides (and grooms). Includes reflections on engagement and the Sacrament of Marriage, steps for getting married in the Catholic Church, a calendar with stickers to mark important moments leading up to the wedding, and an organizational section for wedding vendor contact information.

Catholic Wedding Help
A step-by-step guide to planning a Catholic wedding, including Scripture readings, the vows, various parts of the wedding liturgy, and information about Catholic marriage. Provided by Our Sunday Visitor.

CatholicWeddingPlanner.com
Offers assistance for clergy and engaged couples to plan the wedding ceremony. Engaged couples can select prayers and Scripture readings for the liturgy, organize musical choices, and create printed programs. Clergy can provide liturgical options to the couples they serve and receive a complete ceremony printout.

The Order of Celebrating Matrimony Complete Set, from Ave Maria Press
Approved as an official liturgical document by the USCCB, this all-in-one wedding resource for parish ministers is based on the revised Catholic wedding rite, The Order of Celebrating Matrimony. The complete card and ceremonial binder set includes 19 tabs and 144 three-hole-punched ritual cards with a single scripture reading, prayer, or blessing from the approved text of The Order of Celebrating Matrimony. The cards are printed in large, bold, easy-to-read type. Ave’s The Order of Celebrating Matrimony corresponds to the 2016 edition of Together for Life. The cards and binder are also available separately.
Contact: Ave Maria Press, 800-282-1865

“Saying I Do: What Happens at a Catholic Wedding”
Produced by the USCCB. Walks the viewer through the Rite of Marriage both within and without Mass, and answers FAQs about Catholic weddings. Designed for engaged couples, both Catholic couples and those marrying non-Catholics. Also helpful for those who are helping to prepare engaged couples for marriage.

Contact: marriage@usccb.org, 202-541-3013

Together for Life: Celebrating & Living the Sacrament, by Joseph M. Champlin, with Peter A. Jarret, C.S.C.
With more than nine million copies sold, Together for Life provides all of the tools engaged couples and their ministers need to plan the liturgical celebration of their wedding—prayers, Bible readings, vows, and sample intercessions. Together for Life also includes catechetical commentary to help couples deepen their understanding of the Sacrament of Matrimony. The sixth edition incorporates the changes and additions in The Order of Celebrating Matrimony, and includes all approved liturgical texts for planning weddings within Mass, without Mass, or between a Catholic and a Catechumen or non-Christian. The text is supported by Together for Life Online, which helps couples through their engagement, the first years of their marriage, and beyond. Also available in Spanish.

Contact: Ave Maria Press, 800-282-1865

Prayer Resources

“If we were to offer any advice to a couple preparing for marriage it would be this: Pray. Pray a lot.” – For Your Marriage blogger Sara (Suchy) Rennekamp

Advice about prayer from Pope Francis
“On this journey [of marriage] prayer is important, it is necessary, always: he for her, she for him, and both together. Ask Jesus to multiply your love. In the prayer of the Our Father, we say: ‘Give us this day our daily bread’. Spouses can also learn to pray like this: ‘Lord, give us this day our daily love‘, for the daily love of spouses is bread, the true bread of the soul, what sustains them in going forward. … This is the prayer for engaged couples and spouses. Teach us to love one another, to will good to the other! The more you trust in him, the more your love will be ‘forever,’ able to be renewed, and it will conquer every difficulty.” – from an address on St. Valentine’s Day, Feb. 14, 2014

Catholic Household Blessings and Prayers
A book with numerous blessings and prayers that can be prayed at home in the domestic Church, including a blessing for engaged couples, a prayer of a future wife and a future husband, a table blessing for weddings, and a blessing of a son or daughter before marriage.

Available through USCCB Publishing: www.usccbpublishing.org, 877-978-0757

Reflections to Accompany a Rosary Novena for a Couple Preparing for Marriage by Dianne M. Traflet, J.D., S.T.D.
These beautiful reflections, based on the Mysteries of the Rosary, guide the engaged couple and those praying for them to a deeper appreciation of the sacrament and vocation of marriage.

Other Resources

CatholicMatch Institute
The CatholicMatch Institute is focused on providing dating and marriage resources for singles, couples, and church leaders. They publish online daily content as well as printed resources that are especially useful in parishes and dioceses. The resources encourage purposeful dating that helps increase the number of healthy marriages.

Contact: 888-267-8885 ext. 3

Spoken Bride
Under the patronage of Our Lady and Sts. Louis and Zelie Martin, Spoken Bride is a site that offers resources for newly engaged and married women pursuing beauty in their vocation. Spoken Bride features a variety of Catholic vendors who care not only about the externals of the wedding day but the depth of the meaning of the Sacrament of Marriage. The blog features practical help for the wedding day and sacramental preparation, engagement and wedding stories from Catholic couples, and Christ-centered reflections for spiritual growth.

Contact: hello@spokenbride.com

I Believe in Love
I Believe in Love is a storytelling website written by and for young people who want more for their romantic relationships. At our site, we invite ordinary young adults to tell their stories—their successes and failures, their hopes and their worries about love, dating, sex, and marriage to inspire themselves and readers to find lasting love in marriage. I Believe in Love is a project of the Chiaroscuro Institute, a nonpartisan nonprofit organization dedicated to reconnecting sex, marriage, and children to promote flourishing communities.

Contact: editor@ibelieveinlove.com

Getting Married Catholic

The Catholic Church has a long history of helping couples to prepare for marriage. It has learned a great deal that can benefit any couple, regardless of religion.

Because the Catholic Church wants couples to form strong, lasting marriages, couples who wish to marry in the Catholic Church are asked to:

  • Contact and meet with your parish priest as soon as you are engaged.
  • Take at least six months to intensively prepare for your marriage. This goes beyond choosing a date and church, reserving a place for the reception, and picking out dresses. It means using this time to delve more deeply into your relationship and approach this momentous day with prayer and reflection.
  • Attend an approved marriage preparation program. There are many different formats for marriage preparation programs ranging from intensive weekends, to a weekly series, to “in home” mentor couple programs. Check out the most common national programs here. To find what programs are available near you, contact your diocesan family life office. Catholic marriage preparation programs are usually presented by a team of lay married couples and a priest or deacon. They are not restricted to Catholics, but they are always in keeping with Church teaching.
  • Most dioceses ask couples to take a marriage preparation inventory (such as FOCCUS, PMI, or PREPARE). These are not “tests” to determine whether you can get married in the Church, but rather discussion starters to assess what issues you already agree on and what you might need to discuss further.
  • If you are seeking to convalidate your civil marriage (meaning make it a valid Catholic marriage), please visit this page.

Most importantly at the time of your engagement, the Church welcomes you to this sacrament of Marriage in the spirit of Jesus who said:

This is my commandment: love one another as I love you.
No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
(John 15:12-13)

For Further Reading: