Tag Archives: Engagement

Remarrying Well with Children

The Situation

Sam (45) and Sally (37) have been married for 2-1/2 years. It’s a second marriage for both. Sam was married at 20. He divorced at 35 and obtained an annulment. Sam has done co-parenting with his ex-wife for a number of years. Sam brings two children from his first marriage, ages 14 and 12.

Sally was widowed for three years prior to her marriage to Sam. She has a 10-year-old daughter and a six-year-old son from her first marriage. While the initial phase of dating, courtship, engagement, and early marriage went well, there is a lot of competition among the children today. Sam and Sally often feel frustrated with the behavior of their respective children. This has caused tension between the couple and resentment towards the children. They both want this marriage to work well.

A Response

Keep talking. Besides the beauty both Sam and Sally find in each other, there are many gifts and challenges that need to be acknowledged. They need to keep talking about the gift of each member to the family. They shouldn’t minimize the challenges, but always preface what is said by, “I say this because I love you.” Sam and Sally need to recognize that the challenges they face are normal and developmental. They are hurdles that all stepfamilies face. This reality: “We are going through tough times, but it’s normal,” can be consoling.

Read a lot. The Internet offers sites that provide simple, clear articles on stepfamilies. A great source is the National Stepfamily Resource Center. The local library and the State Cooperative Extension Service are useful resources. Ohio State University’s site has helpful handouts.

Take time to be a couple. Given their ages, Sam and Sally have the possibility of a 35-year marriage, of which only 10 to 15 years will be spent in active parenting. Nurturing their relationship is important, even if these “dates” are time at a diner over coffee and pie. Regularly scheduling this time as a couple also sends a message to the children. Sally and Sam can also commit to going to marriage enrichment programs offered in their parish or community. They are a married couple first and also parents.

Don’t be afraid to seek help. Seeking help from a competent marriage and family therapist can be very beneficial. It is a sign of great love to suggest this help early, rather than when in the middle of a crisis. The therapist should be familiar with stepfamily issues. The local parish priest, diocesan Catholic Charities office and the National Registry for Marriage Friendly Therapists can recommend marriage and family therapists. If Sally and Sam are really struggling in their relationship, attending a Retrouvaille weekend and follow-up program would be helpful. Retrouvaille has helped stabilize many marriages. Also, Sam and Sally should talk to other parents in stepfamilies. This will help them normalize their experiences as a family.

Examine priorities. Sally and Sam might need to accept that in their children’s eyes loyalty to their parent might come before the marital relationship. While this is contrary to a couple’s belief that the marriage comes first, children need to feel that they will never be abandoned, especially after major losses. Children need to know that they will always be first in their parents’ concerns. Thus, Sally and Sam need to make sure to acknowledge the importance of their children’s loyalties, even as they nurture their own marriage. Talking this through is essential to a successful remarriage.

Remember that change takes time. Sally and Sam need to accept that in some stepfamilies the experience is like a roller coaster ride. Acknowledging that time can heal one’s hurts and also begin to create loving relationships is essential.

It takes time for a stepchild to love a new stepparent, just as it does for the stepparent to love a new stepchild. Sam and Sally should try to do things individually with each child, when the opportunity arises. This can happen when they drop a child off at band practice or go to the hardware or grocery store. A little time alone with each child goes a long way in cementing relationships. Also, each parent should accept that the missing parent (the mother of Sam’s children and Sally’s deceased husband) are very important to the children. Let them grieve their losses and support them, even though some time has elapsed after the death/divorce. The Rainbows program can be of great assistance to their children.

Trust that God is in the messiness of family life. Sally and Sam need to keep acknowledging to each other and themselves that God is present in the ordinariness of daily life. There is a real gift–grace–given to us in our sacramental marriage. Sally and Sam can pray daily for and with each other. They can recognize everyday victories (a good report card, a soccer game well played), and acknowledge unsettling challenges (an upsetting day at work, a sick child). In all this, Sally and Sam can give thanks to God for the gift of married love and family life.

About the author
Bill Urbine, a licensed marriage and family therapist, is a permanent deacon and Director of the Office of Family Life Ministries for the Diocese of Allentown, PA. He is past president of the National Association of Catholic Family Life Ministers (NACFLM).

View more Marriage Rx prescriptions here.

Family of Origin Exercise

In my family of origin…

Affection was:

A. Shown warmly and often

B. Rarely shown in public

C. Other __________________________

My home was usually:

A. Neat and clean

B. Comfortably cluttered

C. Other __________________________

Decision making was done by:

A. Father

B. Mother

C. Both parents in consultation

D. Everyone in the home (including the kids)

E. Default (Nobody seemed to make decisions. Life just happened.)

F. Other _____________________________

When my parents disagreed or fought:

A. They yelled and screamed

B. One usually gave in to the other

C. They compromised

D. They separated to cool off

E. One or both used the “silent treatment”

F. I wouldn’t know. They never fought in front of me.

G. Other ____________________________

Responsibility for keeping the home picked up belonged to:

A. Everyone picked up after themselves

B. Mother or father picked up after the kids

C. I never noticed. It was never an issue.

D. Nobody picked up. (It was pretty messy.)

Privacy was:

A. Respected

B. A sign of secretiveness and selfishness

Money was:

A. Saved for a rainy day

B. Spent only on necessities

C. We were always in debt

D. Used freely for recreational pursuits

E. Other ______________________________

Relationships were:

A. Close. We had many times of fun together.

B. Cordial, but each person primarily recreated by themselves

C. Strained

D. Other ______________________________

Household chores were divided according to:

A. “Women’s work” or “Men’s work”

B. Who had the most time or skill at the chore

C. Both parents took equal responsibility

D. Other ________________________________________

On Sunday or religious holy days we would:

A. Go to religious services together

B. One parent would attend services, the other stayed home.

C. Neither parent was involved in an organized religion.

D. Other _________________________________________

On Christmas, we:

A. Put a tree up and decorated early

B. Christmas Eve was the big celebration when we opened presents

C. Santa Claus decorated the tree when the kids were asleep and we opened gifts Christmas morning.

D. We’re non-Christian and don’t celebrate Christmas

E. Other _______________________________

 

Exchange answers with your fiancé(e). Which experience of your fiancé(e) is most different from yours? Discuss what impact this might have on your future marriage.

Marriage Prep Resources

You’re engaged. Congratulations! The Church rejoices with you as you prepare to enter the Sacrament of Marriage and embark on this great vocation of love and service.

The Catholic Church has long been a leader in providing high-quality marriage preparation programs for engaged couples. These programs come in many forms: weekend retreats, a series of evening meetings, one-day events, online programs, or meetings with a priest or mentor couple. But they all share the common goal of providing engaged couples with the knowledge, skills, and formation they need to have a happy, holy, lifelong marriage.

Each diocese has its requirements for marriage prep, so check with the church where you’ll be getting married to see what program(s) is recommended or required in your diocese. Below are some widely-used marriage preparation programs and other resources for engaged couples.

Your engagement is also a great time to take Natural Family Planning (NFP) classes to learn more about the beautiful gift of fertility and prepare to live a marriage that is open to life and God’s plan for your family.

For couples who are currently civilly married outside of the Church and would like their marriage to be recognized by the Catholic Church, please see Convalidation: Bringing Your Marriage Into The Church.

Disclaimer: Please note that the content on this page is provided solely for your information and should not be interpreted as an official endorsement of the organizations, programs, and websites listed. To the best of our knowledge, the information listed here did not conflict with Catholic teaching and was accurate at the time of posting.

Table of Contents

Complete Marriage Preparation Programs

Agape Catholic Marriage Prep
A division of Agape Catholic Ministries, dedicated to the building of strong Christ-centered marriages since 2004. Online, interactive, and mentor-led Pre-Cana Program that can also be given in-person by trained instructors. Available anytime from anywhere. Based on Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body and the teachings of the Catholic Church. Available in English, Spanish, and French.

Contact: info@catholicmarriageprep.com, 800-208-1364

Better Together from Dynamic Catholic
You dream about your wedding day, your honeymoon, and growing old together. What about everything in between? Better Together equips you with the tools you need to build a lasting, happy, and faith-filled marriage.

Catholic Engaged Encounter
An in-depth, private, personal marriage preparation experience within the context of Catholic faith and values. The weekend retreat offers a “time out” where engaged couples can dialogue intensively about prospective lives together and hear helpful presentations from married couples. Weekends are offered periodically throughout the country; map of upcoming weekends here.

Contact: fill out the form on the website

Catholic Marriage Prep Class Online
The Marriage Group’s online, on-demand courses are enjoyed by thousands of Catholic couples every year, worldwide. Featuring videos from experts and married couples, followed by exercises and discussion guides, these courses are interactive and convenient. The courses are produced in collaboration with several diocesan offices, ministry leaders, and published authors/speakers. Courses available in English and Spanish.

Email: hello@themarriagegroup.com,1-855-PRE-CANA (773-2262)

EverMore in Love: Marriage Preparation
This mentor-led course helps engaged couples understand the Theology of the Body and practically implement it into their daily lives. It is available at the parish level and live online in both a one-on-one and group setting. When the course is complete, couples are invited to continue their formation with their mentor couple and an online community of other couples striving to live this way of life. (This course was formerly called Preparing to Live in Love.)

Contact: ruth@evermoreinlove.org, 610-640-4105
EverMore In Love

For Better and For Ever
A parish-based “sponsor couple” approach to marriage preparation. Married couples of the parish are trained to meet the engaged “where they are” to dialogue about the vocation of Matrimony. Sponsor couples host a series of 4-6 meetings with the engaged couple in their own home (or Zoom), then after the wedding, they follow up with the newly married couple through the first year(s) of marriage. Available in English, Spanish, Vietnamese, and French.  Training/enrichment of “sponsor couples” on Zoom is a FREE SERVICE.

Contact: robcssr@gmail.com, 210-534-1129

Joined by Grace: Preparing for the Sacramental Journey of Marriage, by Ave Maria Press, John and Teri Bosio, and Spirit Juice Studios
Grounded in Church teaching and incorporating the wisdom of Pope Francis’s apostolic exhortation Amoris Laetitia (The Joy of Love), the Joined by Grace program allows pastoral leaders and mentors to help couples build strong, life-giving, and lasting marriages. Offering couples the tools they need for life after their wedding day, Joined by Grace shows how the seven sacraments can help build marriages that are rooted in Christ by teaching couples to accept and be fully present to one another, give themselves completely, and serve and forgive each other. While developed for use in six sessions by mentors and engaged couples or small groups, the Program Manual offers a weekend retreat format as well.

The Joined by Grace program includes a Program Manual, Mentor’s Guides, Couple’s Guides, and a DVD. The DVD includes videos by pastoral leaders and the witness of real-life couples unscripted in their homes. An online library includes free resources to support marriage ministry coordinators, mentors, and engaged couples: JoinedbyGrace.com.

Contact: Ave Maria Press, 800-282-1865

Joy-Filled Marriage
Includes a virtue-based life skills component (“Living a Joy-Filled Marriage”) and a component focused on the Sacrament of Marriage and the Theology of the Body (“God’s Plan for a Joy-Filled Marriage”). Both components have Leader’s Guides. The two parts can be used separately, perhaps as a supplement to an existing marriage prep program, or together. Published by Ascension Press.

Contact: info@joyfilledmarriage.com, 1-800-376-0520

A Marriage in the Lord – The Marriage Group
Staged in a traditional style and setting, this course version offers engaged couples the opportunity to view videos on topics that are helpful in a Catholic marriage. There are Questions for Reflection and downloadable worksheets for you and your future spouse to fill out and discuss. Upon completion of all the videos and Questions for Reflection, a Certificate of Completion will be issued to you. You can take this class anywhere you have an internet connection, anytime that is convenient for you 24/7/365.

The Picture of Love Marriage Preparation Program
The Picture of Love Marriage Preparation Program is available for both Engaged Couples and Convalidation Couples explores the joys and challenges of living out the Sacrament of Matrimony with a special focus on the importance of inviting Jesus to be the center of marriage and family life. Originally released in 2002, Picture of Love is an officially sanctioned and proven Marriage Preparation Program, currently used in Catholic parishes and dioceses across the nation. The newly revised 2017 version of Picture of Love has received the imprimatur of Archbishop Jose H. Gomez, Archdiocese of Los Angeles.

Smart Loving Engaged Online
SmartLoving Engaged Online combines psychological insights with the Theology of the Body to equip couples to navigate the joys and challenges of married life. Now available online, couples can access the course anytime and from anywhere in a self-directed capacity or invite a married sponsor couple from the parish to accompany them at no extra charge. Flexible and affordable, the course has an imprimatur and is approved for use in many dioceses throughout Australia, the UK, the USA, Canada, Africa, and Asia. If you and your fiancé are separated by distance, you can complete the course separately meeting on Skype after every lesson to complete the activities together.

Contact: info@marriagerc.org

Theology of the Body Marriage Preparation
This marriage prep program, which Dr. Janet Smith calls a “real contribution to the need for truly useful marriage preparation materials,” gives poignant, refreshing insights into personal growth, communication skills, finances, catechesis, and more, all from the perspective of the Theology of the Body. The unique diagrams and charts—which Dr. Peter Kreeft lauds as “delightful” and “memorable”—flesh out St. John Paul II’s insights, make tough concepts accessible, and offer food-for-thought for discussions by couples. This complete program comes with a slide show presentation with the facilitator’s notes and three downloadable files (Facilitator’s Guide, TOBET Tips for Presenting, and Addressing Tough Issues: A Theology of the Body Pastoral Response). TOB expert Monica Ashour can be brought in to train the trainers. Written by Monica Ashour, MTS, M Hum, and members of TOBET (Theology of the Body Evangelization Team). Available in English, Spanish, and Vietnamese.

Contact: Monica Ashour, mashour@tobet.org,972-849-6543 (for content questions);
info@tobet.org (for order questions).

Three to Get Married
The Three to Get Married Marriage Preparation Program draws upon the best in contemporary psychology, practical wisdom from the experience of married couples, and the beauty of the Catholic Church’s teachings on marriage and family life to give you the best foundation on which to build a successful marriage. This marriage preparation course is an intensive preparation experience true to the teachings of the Catholic Church. It aims to provide each couple with a reflective and in-depth preparation for a joyful, faith-filled marriage—based on love that not only endures but grows stronger year after year.  “Prepare to Love for a Lifetime!” Virtual and in-person weekend sessions are available

Contact: Betsy Ring, bring@ourladyofbethesda.org

Together in God’s Love
Together in God’s Love uniquely combines cultural perspectives, modern psychology, and Catholic theology as couples prepare to become one in Christ through matrimony. Using very practical, multi-sensory, and active learning techniques, the program focuses on the areas of Faith, Communication, Sexuality, and Stewardship to express marriage as a communion of persons, just as the Holy Trinity is a communion of persons. It is attentive to various learning styles as well as cultural diversity through the use of language, games, role-playing, and self-assessments.

Transformed in Love: Building Your Catholic Marriage
Transformed in Love (revised 2020) provides the groundwork for engaged couples to begin the noble and holy work of marriage. It was developed by a team of ministry leaders, professionals, and laity who work closely with engaged couples in the Boston Archdiocese. It allows for the transformative power of kerygmatic witness, scripture, and Catholic teaching while engaging couples in activities to practice the skills provided. It can be used in a variety of formats (mentor-led, retreat, or weekly sessions) and has an accompanying Leader Guide with downloadable resources to assist with the in-person or virtual gatherings. It is now available in Spanish –Transformados en el Amor and can be found at www.evangelizeboston.com.

Contact: Liz Cotrupi, cotrup_e@rcab.org

Unveiled
Unveiled was created by the Catholic Diocese of Richmond to blend marriage preparation and evangelization. This innovative video-based solution offers a consistent, comprehensive, and captivating approach to marriage preparation. Unveiled allows you to ensure the integrity of the theological and practical content, focus your efforts on training facilitator couples to be story-telling evangelists, and implement a dynamic educational methodology that integrates beautiful media. Unveiled can be used as an online e-learning course, run at the parish level, or offered on the diocesan scale.

Contact: marriageprep@richmonddiocese.org, 804-622-5109

When the Cake is Gone
When the Cake is Gone is based on the “Back to Back, Face to Face and Shoulder to Shoulder” (corresponding to the three vows of Christian marriages) model of marriage enrichment created by Dr. Healy. Over 100,000 copies have been purchased. Dioceses and parishes frequently give the CD to all the engaged couples who go through their programs.

Witness to Love
Witness to Love is a tool for parishes that want to use the marriage prep process to benefit engaged couples by building a support system to accompany them before and after the wedding, integrating them into parish life, focusing on evangelization, and getting the most out of the marriage prep process. This is not just a program but a system that will help enhance the current offerings that a parish, or diocese, already has in place and it is compatible with any PMI or marriage prep program listed on this page. Witness to Love was established in response to St. John Paul II’s apostolic exhortation Familiaris Consortio and operates under the guidance of the Archdiocese of New Orleans. Online or live training for clergy or marriage prep personnel is available. Available in English and Spanish (Testimonio de Amor).

Contact: Mary-Rose Verret, info@witnesstolove.org

Your Marriage
“Your Marriage” is a parish-based marriage prep resource from Liguori Publishing as part of their Sacramental Preparation Series. It is led by marriage prep leaders in small or large groups or individually, with an emphasis on regular meetings with the parish priest. The program includes a solid and thorough, yet accessible, presentation of Church teaching regarding marriage, as well as practical application to address the needs and challenges faced by couples today. The series includes a DVD of testimonies from married couples and spiritual direction from Fr. Byron Miller, CSsR corresponding with each chapter, as well as additional resources available through the publisher’s website. Available in English and Spanish.

Contact: Mary Wuertz von Holt, mwuertz@liguori.org, 636-223-1435

Premarital Inventories

A premarital inventory, or PMI, is a common tool in marriage preparation for an engaged couple to gain a deeper understanding of themselves and each other and to identify subjects that may need additional discussion or consultation. Best practices for PMIs include having the engaged couple go over the results of their inventory with a trained priest or mentor couple.

Better Together Inventory
Great communication is essential to having a great marriage. Our marriage prep inventory is a free questionnaire designed to celebrate strengths and highlight opportunities for growth between engaged couples.

Catholic Couple Checkup
A comprehensive premarital inventory with an illustrative report and discussion guide can be sent to a priest or mentor couple to discuss with the engaged couple. Promoted by The Marriage Group, the Catholic Couple Checkup can be used together with their popular online marriage preparation program (comes free with the program) or separately by couples.

Couple Checkup
Couple Checkup is an online relationship assessment that is tailored to each couple and the Catholic faith. The computer-generated report helps couples discover their strength and growth areas across several relationship categories such as communication, conflict resolution, roles, financial management, personality, and more. Couples can bring their results to a priest or premarital counselor to work through their results. Powered by Prepare/Enrich.

Contact: 1-800-331-1661

F.A.C.E.T.
The questions in F.A.C.E.T. are intended to open up areas for discussion under thirteen different topics. There will be opportunities for couples to review their results with facilitators, but they are encouraged to begin a dialogue with each other as soon as they are finished. In addition, couples are given some open-ended questions to take home that are intended to stimulate further discussion on the same topics. F.A.C.E.T is not a test, but an opportunity to keep communications moving in a positive direction between two people who plan to get married. In English and Spanish

FOCCUS
Premarital inventory that covers major areas engaged couples should discuss. Offers research and training that Facilitate Open, Caring Communication, Understanding, and Study. After taking the FOCCUS pre-marital inventory, couples meet with a trained facilitator. Available in Spanish, Chinese, and for couples with English as a second language.

Also REFOCCUS for a second marriage.

Contact: foccus@foccusinc.com, 1-877-883-5422

Fully Engaged
A Catholic catechetical pre-marriage inventory that carries a Nihil Obstat and Imprimatur. This comprehensive, catechetical tool forms engaged couples in the riches of the Church while equipping them with the essential skills necessary for a healthy marriage. This program utilizes a catechetical workbook for the engaged couple and contains a detailed Facilitator’s Guide for the Facilitator. Follow-up formation emails are sent to the newlywed couple for one year after their marriage. Fully Engaged also contains a complete Convalidation Inventory for civilly married couples.

Contact: For more information or to order a Preview Package, call 800-624-9019 or email fe@gw.stcdio.org.

IPI Intercommunications Publishing
IPI was the first to offer pre-marriage inventories, beginning in 1980. We have programs available for various premarital situations, such as never-married couples, couples entering a second marriage, couples having their civil marriage convalidated, couples from different faith traditions, and more. Inventories are available both in hard copy and online with English and Spanish options.

Contact: 800-999-0680

Prepare/Enrich
An online relationship inventory and skill-building program based on a solid research foundation. Custom-tailored to a couple’s relationship and provides a couple with exercises to build their relationship skills. It can be used both for engaged and married couples. After taking the inventory, couples meet with a trained facilitator.

Contact: 800-331-1661

Spirituality and Religion in Your Marriage: A Reflective Process for Engaged Couples by Dr. James Healy, Director of the Center for Family Ministry in the Diocese of Joliet

This booklet contains a short inventory that places the individual in one of four categories: 1) high in both Spirituality and Religion, 2) high in Spirituality and low in Religion, 3) low in both Religion and Spirituality, and 4) high in Religion and low in Spirituality. It affirms strengths and encourages growth in both the individual and the couple towards category number 1. Available in Spanish.

Workbooks and Books for Engaged Couples

The following workbooks can be used as a supplement to existing marriage preparation programs, or by engaged couples on their own for additional formation.

A Marriage in the Lord, 6th edition
This Catholic marriage preparation workbook helps couples to prepare for a lifelong happy, healthy, and holy marriage. The revised edition includes a discussion of the Theology of the Body, threats to marriage, and couple prayer. Bulk discounts are available. Provided by the Marriage and Family Ministries Office of the Archdiocese of Chicago.

Contact: 312-534-8351, email through this form

The Mission of Love: A Sacramental Journey to Marital Success by John Curtis, Fr. Dominic McManus, O.P., and Mike Day
Focused on helping engaged couples embrace their mission and vocation in the Sacrament of Marriage. A unique vantage point encourages couples to design their family’s mission statement and “job descriptions” for each member. Book format and Couple’s Guidebook with exercises. Available in Kindle version.

Contact: newpriorypress@opcentral.org, 312-243-0011

Revolution of Love: the 21st Century Home – Seven Ways to Bring Love into the Home
Reflections from Pope Francis, St. Josemaria, and Cormac Burke; published in 2016.
This beautifully presented handbook features compelling photographs and quotes that capture hearts with a joyful, loving vision of marriage, family, and home. Brief chapters reflect on such topics as “The Warmth of Home,” “Marriage: A Divine Adventure,” “Communication in the Home,” “Prayer: Loving God with Affection,” “Pursuing Our Dreams,” and more. Pope Francis’s addresses and writings are a primary source of the book’s text, beginning with the first quote in this handbook, taken from The Joy of the Gospel, “The Son of God became man to summon us to a revolution of tenderness.” This handbook hopes to offer, in Pope Francis’s words, “ways to restore and safeguard God’s loving plan for humanity.”
For both engaged and married couples.

Contact: rolbooks2016@gmail.com for group discounts & more information.
This book is also available on Amazon (see the “Look Inside” feature).

Theology of the Body Marriage Preparation
This marriage prep guide—which Dr. Peter Kreeft lauds as “delightful” and “memorable”—gives refreshing insights into personal growth, communication skills, finances, catechesis, and more, all from the perspective of the Theology of the Body. The unique diagrams and charts flesh out St.John Paul II’s insights, make tough concepts accessible, and offer food-for-thought for discussions by couples. Dr. Janet Smith calls this program a “real contribution to the need for truly useful marriage preparation materials.” Written by TOB expert Monica Ashour, MTS, MHum, and the members of TOBET (Theology of the Body Evangelization Team). Available in English, Spanish, and Vietnamese.

Contact: Monica Ashour, mashour@tobet.org, 972-849-6543 (for content questions); info@tobet.org (for order questions).

Supplemental Curriculum

10 Great Dates Before You Say “I Do.”
Want to help couples discern if they are right for each other—even before becoming engaged? Then this video-based curriculum, disguised as fun dates, will help you help couples decide if they should take the next step toward marriage. You can also use this book as homework assignments for your parish marriage prep or mentoring couples, or combine them with the video date launches for the greatest impact. The DVD (with host couple Heather & Peter Larson) was a joint project with Prepare/Enrich and designed to help couples develop the skills and put into practice what they learned about each other after taking a premarital inventory. It’s a match made in heaven!

Contact: Arps@marriagealive.com, 865-690-5887

Natural Family Planning Classes
Natural Family Planning (NFP) is an umbrella term for methods of fertility observation used to achieve or avoid pregnancy. Couples preparing for marriage are encouraged to take an NFP class to learn this holistic way of respecting the life-giving nature of married love. Various methods are available, in both in-person and distance-learning classes.

Learn NFP Online™
The Marriage Group offers online, on-demand courses introducing couples to the good news of Natural Family Planning. NFP Life™ provides an overview discussing what NFP is all about. A full course is also available focusing on the Billings Ovulation Method™

For more Natural Family Planning options, contact: USCCB Natural Family Planning Office, nfp@usccb.org

Navigating Engagement with Peace, Joy, and Gratitude – by Emily Wilson
This is a video series for women about what really matters during engagement – your heart, and what is going on inside of it during this time! Speaker, YouTuber, and author, Emily Wilson Hussem (@emwilss), will walk alongside you like a sister on your journey, covering a vast array of topics that you will encounter during engagement, but topics that are rarely talked about or addressed. Topics include; The Trap of Comparison, Discerning a Choice, The Wedding Night, Bachelorette Parties, Loving your Fiancé Well, and so much more to help you cultivate peace throughout your engagement, and on your wedding day.

Contact: info@emilywilsonministries.com

The Roadmap to a Happy Marriage by Verily Magazine
This easy-to-access online course was designed to give people seeking a healthy, happy, lasting relationship the tools they need to achieve it, whatever their current relationship status. The course consists of videos, worksheets, and some practical exercises and covers issues such as how your family of origin impacts your approach to relationships, conflict, and communication styles, and how to navigate practical issues as a couple. While it is not aimed at Catholics, the course content is consistent with Church teaching and can be taken alongside any other marriage prep engaged couples might be receiving through their parishes. It’s also helpful for single people who want to take a more intentional approach to relationships and dating, people who are dating and trying to discern whether they are ready for marriage, and newlyweds looking for a refresher.

Contact: support@verilymag.com

Videos

“Saying I Do: What Happens at a Catholic Wedding”
Produced by the USCCB. Walks the viewer through the Rite of Marriage both within and without Mass, and answers FAQs about Catholic weddings. Designed for engaged couples, both Catholic couples and those marrying non-Catholics. Also helpful for those who are helping to prepare engaged couples for marriage.

Contact: marriage@usccb.org, 202-541-3013

BELOVED: Finding Happiness in Marriage – Parish Edition
Beloved is a video-based study program by the Augustine Institute that explores the true meaning of the Sacrament of Marriage. In twelve sessions, couples will discover the deepest spiritual, emotional, and practical realities of Marriage through Scripture, Tradition, and Church teaching. They’ll see firsthand how to experience the wonder, mystery, and joy of this sacrament—from that first “I do” through the rest of their lives. Beloved sessions are presented on a 6-DVD set, and kits come complete with Couple’s and Leader’s Guides – everything you need to experience the full power of Beloved for a marriage preparation program.

For more information, contact Colleen at (866) 767-3155 or visit augustineinstitute.org/beloved.

“When Two Become One”
Produced by the Diocese of Rockville Centre’s Office of Faith Formation. In this 25-minute DVD engaged couples learn about the Sacrament of Marriage, love, sexuality, natural family planning, and more through the witness of four couples sharing their experiences, challenges, and joys.

Contact: 516-678-5800 ext. 223

Marriage Boosters™
Engaged and married couples are invited to personalize their marriage preparation and enrichment with videos and supplemental materials that relate to particular circumstances. Register for free and gain immediate access to content including Unique Challenges of Military Families, Cohabitation, Forming a Stepfamily, Children of Divorce, Second Marriages, Interfaith, and Interchurch Marriages, and Strengthening African–American Catholic Marriages. Marriage Boosters are offered as a free resource by The Marriage Group.

Preparing for the Wedding Liturgy

The high point of a Catholic wedding is the Order of Celebrating Matrimony, where the bride and groom become husband and wife in the lifelong bond of marriage. The below resources assist engaged couples planning a Catholic wedding to understand and prepare for the wedding liturgy. On For Your Marriage are walk-through articles about Catholic weddings within Mass, without Mass, and between a Catholic and non-baptized person.

A Catholic Bride’s Wedding Planner, by Tracy Becker
Practical tool for Catholic brides (and grooms). Includes reflections on engagement and the Sacrament of Marriage, steps for getting married in the Catholic Church, a calendar with stickers to mark important moments leading up to the wedding, and an organizational section for wedding vendor contact information.

Catholic Wedding Help
A step-by-step guide to planning a Catholic wedding, including Scripture readings, the vows, various parts of the wedding liturgy, and information about Catholic marriage. Provided by Our Sunday Visitor.

CatholicWeddingPlanner.com
Offers assistance for clergy and engaged couples to plan the wedding ceremony. Engaged couples can select prayers and Scripture readings for the liturgy, organize musical choices, and create printed programs. Clergy can provide liturgical options to the couples they serve and receive a complete ceremony printout.

The Order of Celebrating Matrimony Complete Set, from Ave Maria Press
Approved as an official liturgical document by the USCCB, this all-in-one wedding resource for parish ministers is based on the revised Catholic wedding rite, The Order of Celebrating Matrimony. The complete card and ceremonial binder set includes 19 tabs and 144 three-hole-punched ritual cards with a single scripture reading, prayer, or blessing from the approved text of The Order of Celebrating Matrimony. The cards are printed in large, bold, easy-to-read type. Ave’s The Order of Celebrating Matrimony corresponds to the 2016 edition of Together for Life. The cards and binder are also available separately.
Contact: Ave Maria Press, 800-282-1865

“Saying I Do: What Happens at a Catholic Wedding”
Produced by the USCCB. Walks the viewer through the Rite of Marriage both within and without Mass, and answers FAQs about Catholic weddings. Designed for engaged couples, both Catholic couples and those marrying non-Catholics. Also helpful for those who are helping to prepare engaged couples for marriage.

Contact: marriage@usccb.org, 202-541-3013

Together for Life: Celebrating & Living the Sacrament, by Joseph M. Champlin, with Peter A. Jarret, C.S.C.
With more than nine million copies sold, Together for Life provides all of the tools engaged couples and their ministers need to plan the liturgical celebration of their wedding—prayers, Bible readings, vows, and sample intercessions. Together for Life also includes catechetical commentary to help couples deepen their understanding of the Sacrament of Matrimony. The sixth edition incorporates the changes and additions in The Order of Celebrating Matrimony, and includes all approved liturgical texts for planning weddings within Mass, without Mass, or between a Catholic and a Catechumen or non-Christian. The text is supported by Together for Life Online, which helps couples through their engagement, the first years of their marriage, and beyond. Also available in Spanish.

Contact: Ave Maria Press, 800-282-1865

Prayer Resources

“If we were to offer any advice to a couple preparing for marriage it would be this: Pray. Pray a lot.” – For Your Marriage blogger Sara (Suchy) Rennekamp

Advice about prayer from Pope Francis
“On this journey [of marriage] prayer is important, it is necessary, always: he for her, she for him, and both together. Ask Jesus to multiply your love. In the prayer of the Our Father, we say: ‘Give us this day our daily bread’. Spouses can also learn to pray like this: ‘Lord, give us this day our daily love‘, for the daily love of spouses is bread, the true bread of the soul, what sustains them in going forward. … This is the prayer for engaged couples and spouses. Teach us to love one another, to will good to the other! The more you trust in him, the more your love will be ‘forever,’ able to be renewed, and it will conquer every difficulty.” – from an address on St. Valentine’s Day, Feb. 14, 2014

Catholic Household Blessings and Prayers
A book with numerous blessings and prayers that can be prayed at home in the domestic Church, including a blessing for engaged couples, a prayer of a future wife and a future husband, a table blessing for weddings, and a blessing of a son or daughter before marriage.

Available through USCCB Publishing: www.usccbpublishing.org, 877-978-0757

Reflections to Accompany a Rosary Novena for a Couple Preparing for Marriage by Dianne M. Traflet, J.D., S.T.D.
These beautiful reflections, based on the Mysteries of the Rosary, guide the engaged couple and those praying for them to a deeper appreciation of the sacrament and vocation of marriage.

Other Resources

CatholicMatch Institute
The CatholicMatch Institute is focused on providing dating and marriage resources for singles, couples, and church leaders. They publish online daily content as well as printed resources that are especially useful in parishes and dioceses. The resources encourage purposeful dating that helps increase the number of healthy marriages.

Contact: 888-267-8885 ext. 3

Spoken Bride
Under the patronage of Our Lady and Sts. Louis and Zelie Martin, Spoken Bride is a site that offers resources for newly engaged and married women pursuing beauty in their vocation. Spoken Bride features a variety of Catholic vendors who care not only about the externals of the wedding day but the depth of the meaning of the Sacrament of Marriage. The blog features practical help for the wedding day and sacramental preparation, engagement and wedding stories from Catholic couples, and Christ-centered reflections for spiritual growth.

Contact: hello@spokenbride.com

I Believe in Love
I Believe in Love is a storytelling website written by and for young people who want more for their romantic relationships. At our site, we invite ordinary young adults to tell their stories—their successes and failures, their hopes and their worries about love, dating, sex, and marriage to inspire themselves and readers to find lasting love in marriage. I Believe in Love is a project of the Chiaroscuro Institute, a nonpartisan nonprofit organization dedicated to reconnecting sex, marriage, and children to promote flourishing communities.

Contact: editor@ibelieveinlove.com

Frequently Asked Questions by Engaged Couples

How do I know if I’m ready to marry?

  • Do most people consider you emotionally mature, able to compromise, communicate well, share your feelings, and handle anger constructively?
  • Do you love this other person so much that you are willing to put his or her happiness before your own?
  • Are you marrying out of strength (I know who I am and am happy with myself) rather than weakness (I need someone to fill the gaps in my personality)?
  • Have you developed strong friendships that have lasted over time?
  • Are you able to keep commitments and delay gratification?
  • Do you struggle on a regular basis with harmful habits or addictions, e.g. to alcohol, drugs, or pornography? That’s not necessarily a reason not to marry, but it is something that left untreated can seriously weaken your ability to have a healthy marriage.
  • Is God calling you to marriage? Have you prayed and discerned about this?

How do I know if this is the right person?

  • Do you share similar basic values about respecting human life, fidelity, commitment, what’s right and wrong, honesty, life goals, and lifestyle?
  • Does your significant other bring out the best in you, and you in him or her?
  • Are you physically attracted to this person?
  • Can you imagine growing old together?
  • Do your trusted family members and friends support your relationship and affirm that it’s healthy and respectful?
  • Do you experience ongoing conflict or, worse, violence and abuse in your relationship? That is a red flag to slow down and seek advice and help, ensuring your safety if necessary.
  • Is God calling you to marriage with this person? Have you prayed and discerned about this?

Is it necessary to feel “chemistry” between us for this to be the right person to marry?

Chemistry, or feeling like you “click” with another person, is a natural part of a deepening relationship, and a wonderful part of falling in love, but unfortunately, chemistry is sometimes confused with infatuation, which can be fleeting.

In the good sense, chemistry means you feel a strong physical and emotional attraction to the other person and want to become closer to him or her. You feel happy in his or her presence and enjoy your time together. This sense of unity and joy at the other’s presence can be a great foundation for a happy marriage.

In contrast, infatuation means you are consumed with thinking of the other person to the point of doing silly or risky actions to be together. You are blind to the faults of the other and consumed with being noticed by him or her. Your need to be liked is so strong that you are willing to give up your own personality or morals for the other’s affection. Often infatuation is an unequal relationship between the object of adulation and the infatuated person. If this describes your relationship, you may want to step back and reevaluate.

Doesn’t living together before marriage prevent me from marrying the wrong person and thus getting divorced later on?

Although it may sound counterintuitive, studies show that cohabiting couples:

  • Increase their risk of breaking up after marriage (46% higher divorce rate)
  • Increase the risk of domestic violence for women, and the risk of physical and sexual abuse for children
  • Have lower levels of happiness and well-being compared to married couples

Why should I attend a marriage preparation program? We’ve known each other for a long time and can’t imagine we’d learn anything new.

You don’t have to discover all the things that make a marriage work by trial and error. Others have done some of that work for you. At a marriage prep program, you get a glimpse into other couples’ marriages so you can have a more realistic sense of what’s normal and what’s not, and you can get solid advice on how to have a happy, holy marriage.

Although every marriage relationship is unique, there are many tips experienced couples can share that will help you when you face bumps in your own marriage. Marriage preparation programs also give you an opportunity to talk with each other about the wide spectrum of “must-have conversations” before marriage. You’ve probably talked about most of them, but you may have avoided a few. This is a time to check yourselves.

Most likely you will find that you gain confidence in your decision to marry as a result of attending a marriage preparation program. Occasionally, attending a marriage preparation program can make you realize that it isn’t the right time to marry, or that this may not be the right person. That’s okay, because engagement is a time to discern marriage actively and intentionally.

How much income should we have between us to marry?

Many couples, especially younger ones, start their married lives together without a large income, and possibly with debt. This can be a challenge, but it shouldn’t necessarily delay marriage. There’s no magic number when it comes to the income and financial assets a couple should have before marrying, and bride and groom promise to be faithful “for richer” or “for poorer.” At the same time, it’s important to realize that financial hardship can cause conflict in a marriage, and to talk with each other about your plan for meeting your basic needs. Don’t be afraid to seek wise counsel if you’re not sure how you’ll make ends meet.

How much does a typical wedding cost?

Many wedding planners will tell you that the average wedding costs between $20,000-$30,000, but it definitely doesn’t have to! Although the ante has been rising as to what is considered “typical” for a wedding, simplicity can be elegant. Consider asking friends and family for help on your big day, having a smaller wedding if cost is a major concern, or researching inexpensive do-it-yourself alternatives. Don’t let the perceived cost of weddings keep you from saying “I do.” And remember, a wedding is a day; a marriage is a lifetime.

Second Marriages

The Catholic Church stands for lifelong marriage. Sometimes, however, couples are not able to achieve this ideal. Marriages break apart because of a spouse’s infidelity, addiction, or mental illness.

Sometimes, the couple thought they were mature enough to make a wise decision but were blinded by infatuation or youth. There are many reasons why marriages fail. They are personal and not easy to sort through.

The Church offers a process to help divorced men and women who entered into what they thought was a valid marriage at the time. After examining the evidence, the Church may find that some essential ingredient was missing from the very beginning. This process is called an annulment. When a man or woman receives an annulment, they are free to re-marry in the Catholic Church.

The issues facing couples entering a second marriage are more complex than first marriages. Although many people who divorce have successful subsequent marriages, the divorce rate of remarriages is higher than that of first marriages. Preparation should be more comprehensive. Most dioceses offer specialized programs that include such topics as:

  • Lessons learned from a divorce
  • Ability not to let an idealized memory or loyalty to a deceased spouse block a new marriage
  • Assessment of “baggage” (bad habits, unresolved anger or guilt, self-defeating attitudes) from the previous marriage
  • Blending families, becoming instant step-parents
  • Mixing finances, pre-nuptial agreements to protect inheritances
  • Blending long-standing lifestyles

Contact your local Diocesan Family Life Office using the Find Catholic Marriage Support locator.

For Further Reading:

Getting Married Catholic

The Catholic Church has a long history of helping couples to prepare for marriage. It has learned a great deal that can benefit any couple, regardless of religion.

Because the Catholic Church wants couples to form strong, lasting marriages, couples who wish to marry in the Catholic Church are asked to:

  • Contact and meet with your parish priest as soon as you are engaged.
  • Take at least six months to intensively prepare for your marriage. This goes beyond choosing a date and church, reserving a place for the reception, and picking out dresses. It means using this time to delve more deeply into your relationship and approach this momentous day with prayer and reflection.
  • Attend an approved marriage preparation program. There are many different formats for marriage preparation programs ranging from intensive weekends, to a weekly series, to “in home” mentor couple programs. Check out the most common national programs here. To find what programs are available near you, contact your diocesan family life office. Catholic marriage preparation programs are usually presented by a team of lay married couples and a priest or deacon. They are not restricted to Catholics, but they are always in keeping with Church teaching.
  • Most dioceses ask couples to take a marriage preparation inventory (such as FOCCUS, PMI, or PREPARE). These are not “tests” to determine whether you can get married in the Church, but rather discussion starters to assess what issues you already agree on and what you might need to discuss further.
  • If you are seeking to convalidate your civil marriage (meaning make it a valid Catholic marriage), please visit this page.

Most importantly at the time of your engagement, the Church welcomes you to this sacrament of Marriage in the spirit of Jesus who said:

This is my commandment: love one another as I love you.
No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
(John 15:12-13)

For Further Reading:

Must-Have Conversations

As a dating or engaged couple, conversation probably comes easily. The two of you enjoy talking about just anything. Just about anything that is, except ugly disagreements. This doesn’t change much in marriage except there are more things to disagree about. You can’t run away from prickly conversations – for long. If anything, marriage accentuates the mild differences you have while dating or engaged. They can become serious disagreements once the initial excitement of new love becomes the comfort of secure love.

Before you marry, consider “must have conversations” on these topics:

You’ve probably already talked about most of these topics – at least to some degree. Great! That should confirm your decision to marry.

But don’t avoid topics that might be sensitive. This is the time to face difficult conversations and make sure you are on the same page. You don’t have to agree on everything – just the important things. Use your time of courtship and engagement to explore the serious and controversial issues that are ahead of you. A marriage preparation program will help you to address these issues more thoroughly.

You may come to an impasse on an issue. That doesn’t mean you aren’t meant for each other. It does mean you should pause and study this issue more carefully. Perhaps it’s a sign you need to consult others with experience or expertise in the area.