This May 2009 article is part of a series of archived “Marriage Today” posts.

“The average age of American men marrying for the first time is now 28,” up five full years from 1970, said Mark Regnerus, associate professor of sociology at the University of Texas in Austin. Women, on average, are marrying two years younger than men, he reported.

In an opinion piece April 26 in the Washington Post, Regnerus discussed several reasons young people today tend to delay marriage. Titled “Say Yes. What Are You Waiting For,” it seemed clear that Regnerus believes the young today often delay marriage for reasons that deserve discussion by culture at large.

The writer and his wife married at age 22. They believe the benefits of their early years of austerity still benefit them. Yet, Regnerus insisted in the article, his “job is to map trends.”

Regnerus said he has found in his research that “many women report feeling peer pressure” not to think seriously about marriage until their late 20s. He suggested that accountability for the trend to delay marriage lies less with young people than their parents, whose ideas about marrying changed as they obtained advanced educational degrees and progressed in their careers.

Parents now advise children to complete their education, begin their careers and seek financial independence before contemplating marriage, according to Regnerus. As a result, he said, young people have developed a sense that marrying young may be foolish, even “socially harmful.”

Regnerus suggested that current views on the right age for marriage are shaped by an awareness that marrying young “remains the No. 1 predictor of divorce.” However, he thinks people commonly misunderstand what social scientists mean by “early marriage.”

The “best evaluations of early marriage” refer most prominently to teenagers when speaking of the link of marriage age and divorce, he said. Marriages that begin at age 20 or later “are not nearly so likely to end in divorce as many presume,” he said.

Another reason Regnerus gave for the trend to delay marriage involves the phenomenon of “online dating personality algorithms and matches.” He thinks Americans have become acquainted with the notion that combining marriage with science somehow assures that the right two people are involved.

But other factors are what really count when it comes to making marriage good, Regnerus said. It isn’t a matter of “matches, but mentalities,” he explained.

Thus, what really matter are such qualities as “persistent and honest communication, conflict-resolution skills, the ability to handle the cyclical nature of so much of marriage and a bedrock commitment to the very unity of the thing.” Regnerus said he has met some quite young people who possess these qualities and some 45-year-olds who do not.

About the author 
David Gibson served for 37 years on the editorial staff at Catholic News Service, where he was the founding and long-time editor of Origins, CNS Documentary Service. David received a bachelor’s degree from St. John’s University in Minnesota and an M.A. in religious education from The Catholic University of America. Married for 38 years, he and his wife have three adult daughters and six grandchildren.