Although this wasn’t the first time, Daniel and I talked more seriously this week about what we want for Charlie if something were to happen to the two of us. Imagining a circumstance where Charlie would need to be raised by someone else is painful, of course, and choosing a guardian for him in such a circumstance is proving to be difficult as well. There are so many things to take into consideration, primarily these four:

1) Who would be best able to love Charlie as much (almost) as Daniel and I do?

2) Who would be in the best position to take on the sudden responsibility of raising a young child?

3) Who would be willing to take on this responsibility?

4) Who would be best able to raise our son so as to fulfill everything that we want for him, as detailed in my August 13 post? Who would be able to help Charlie become a “happy saint”?

Daniel and I have not come to any 100% definitive answers to these questions, but we really can’t keep putting it off. It’s funny, I think, that the legal document we need to sit down with a lawyer and create, is called a “will”. It is not my will that anything should prevent Daniel and me from raising Charlie ourselves. It is my will that both Daniel and I will live to old age together, raising Charlie and his future siblings, fighting with them as teenagers, seeing them find their vocations, and playing with our grandchildren and maybe even great-grandchildren.

Really, a legal “will” is a Plan B. And that’s what we need to figure out. If what we will is not what will be, what do we will then? I must admit that I’m having fun with all these “wills”! Ready for another? Because here’s the kicker: none of this is really about my will. At least, it shouldn’t be. Repeat: it’s not about my will.

So, yesterday I dedicated a Rosary, which includes several prayers of “Thy will be done,” to asking for help in making the right decisions regarding who should care for Charlie in the event that we are not able. I’m asking that the One whose will it all actually is about will show us His will. He’s the one who knows what the future is, anyway, and He’s already planned for it. We just need to be guided in the right direction. And quickly. After all, we don’t know what might happen tomorrow, or even this afternoon.

Dear Lord, you know what it is that I want for my family. Still, “Thy will be done.” (But please let your will include a long life for all members of my family. Amen.)