This May 2009 article is part of a series of archived “Marriage Today” posts.

“Most couples really want to be happy. They just get into occasional slumps. Then they start distracting themselves with attitudes and behaviors that really build walls between them,” Joanne Lucier said.

The story of what she and her husband Mark did for their marriage is told in a feature article titled “Transforming the Ordinary,” by Bob and Joyce Leonetti, that appeared in the Feb. 13, 2009, edition of the Catholic Star Herald, newspaper of the Diocese of Camden, N.J. The Leonettis’ article explains the workings and impact of a Marriage Encounter weekend.

Before their wedding, the Luciers participated in an Engaged Encounter weekend. Some years later they recalled a suggestion by one of the weekend’s presenting couples — that after a few years of marriage they might consider participating in a Marriage Encounter weekend. The presenting couple said this would be a great way to reconnect once disillusionment set in.

Disillusionment? The Leonettis write: “At the time, Mark and Joanne never seriously envisioned a day when they would be disillusioned.” But much later “they felt powerless to bridge the ever widening gap between them.” With work, chores and parenting, the couple felt they had little time or energy left for each other. “After six years of marriage they were emotionally drained.”

According to Mark Lucier, “Disillusionment in marriage works like a car that is running rough and just needs a tune-up so that all the parts start working together again.” He said, “If you don’t tune it up, the parts start to break down, and before you know it you get tired of repairing the old car.”

But “married couples just don’t have the tools” they need for this, Joanne Lucier said. So the Luciers decided to take the advice given them and participate in a Worldwide Marriage Encounter weekend. The weekend, 10 years ago, has not made all the couple’s problems “disappear, but it has given them tools to cope with them and grow from them,” the Leonettis comment.

A key element of a Marriage Encounter weekend is the communication technique it teaches, “one that allows couples to share their thoughts and feelings in a safe and structured venue,” the Leonettis explain. This communication technique, they add, requires a daily investment of 20 minutes, 20 minutes that have become part of the fabric of life for the Luciers.

Worldwide Marriage Encounter says the emphasis of its weekends is on communication between husbands and wives. A Marriage Encounter weekend, it says, is not a retreat, a marriage clinic, a group sensitivity experience or a substitute for counseling. Instead, the weekend aims to revitalize a marriage. The goal is to turn a good marriage into a great marriage.

The Luciers say that “their relationship, which had become stagnant, now continues to grow stronger every day,” according to the Leonettis. They report that the Luciers also “credit the weekend for helping them become better parents.”

About the author
David Gibson served for 37 years on the editorial staff at Catholic News Service, where he was the founding and long-time editor of Origins, CNS Documentary Service. David received a bachelor’s degree from St. John’s University in Minnesota and an M.A. in religious education from The Catholic University of America. Married for 38 years, he and his wife have three adult daughters and six grandchildren.