We’ve all been there. An argument with a co-worker or spouse flares up. A good friend or the boss does that thing that makes us crazy. It could be about anything—schedules, chores, unmatching expectations, communication styles, money, overtime hours, disciplining the kids—even something small, and our reaction seems overblown and unconstructive.

Or maybe it’s about a bigger thing that should definitely get resolved, but we’re too triggered to tackle it, so we bury it, knowing it’ll resurface in the future. There’s some sort of block, an unresolved deeper issue, and we just want to avoid it, turn away to a distraction, and self-medicate with overwork, screens, or substances.

What’s going on here? Deepening our communion through healthy people and relationships is the central goal of Level 2, Person & Relationships. But what to do when we don’t feel particularly healthy and so find we can’t deepen our relationships?

Granted, we are not psychologists, but in our own life and work with families, we’ve seen these blocks to growth and how crippling they can be to increasing our life of communion in all our various relationships—with family, friends, and even at work. But even though life is this complicated, we’ve also seen that healing is possible.

First, what is the deeper cause of these blocks? This is almost too simple a question. Putting aside other people’s faults, when we are in a good place, we all know that many of our own “issues” stem from some sort of unresolved trauma. We experienced something confusing or painful and never fully processed and transcended it.

On our good days, we are able to keep painful, past experiences and our feelings about them under wraps. But when we are weakened, stressed, or challenged in a way that reminds us of unresolved pain, watch out—another cycle of relational pain and destructive coping mechanisms may be about to play out.

So we all have past experiences that can limit our ability to grow and relate. But what do we do about it? How do we stop the spin cycle? Here are a few suggestions: 

• Entrust your healing to the Lord and prioritize your daily life of prayer and your physical health (diet, exercise, sleep). Getting the grace and strength you need to show up for your own healing is key.   
• Accept the “slow-growth” nature of healing and avoid imposing artificial timelines. Get up when you stumble and fall, and don’t judge yourself harshly. Know that, despite your wounds and flaws, our heavenly Father’s love for you is unconditional.    
• If you haven’t already, allow yourself time and space to acknowledge and even grieve your past painful experiences.   
• Demonstrate curiosity, gentleness, patience, and listening with yourself and those you love. 
• Seek counseling or other resources even as you immerse yourself more deeply in Christ’s love and the gift of the Eucharist and the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  

Be patient. Short of a miracle, deep wounds are not healed overnight. But even though this work will be difficult and ongoing, it will also make our highest goals—personal growth and deepening communion with God and our loved ones—possible.

So with Jesus Christ at our side, we can each take a deep breath and either begin or continue to wrap our minds around our past. By God’s wondrous and unfailing grace, let’s say “yes”—even just in small, quiet ways—to the Lord’s invitation to healing and freedom.