“Marriage is indeed a vocation, and it is at the crisis point in too many homes,” said Archbishop John Vlazny of Portland, Ore. Thus, the Catholic community today not only confronts a crisis of vocations to the priesthood and consecrated life, but a marriage vocation crisis as well, the archbishop noted in a recent column.

Archbishop Vlazny cited a recent article on the marriage vocation crisis by Bishop Earl Boyea of Lansing, Mich. “We have a vocation crisis in America. This is not what you think. It is a vocation crisis in marriage,” Bishop Boyea wrote in the December 2008 edition of Faith magazine. He added:

“Many are no longer getting married — and too many do not see their marriage as a sacrament, a means of grace for themselves and their families. Yet marriage and family are the natural heart of our society and the spiritual core of our church.”

Archbishop Vlazny said that “successful marriages don’t just happen.” Instead, he wrote, they require “lots of care, attention and hard work.” The archbishop’s column appeared in the Feb. 12, 2009, edition of the Catholic Sentinel, newspaper of the Portland Archdiocese.

“Today’s culture demands a quick fix for every problem,” said Archbishop Vlazny. He wrote, “With approximately half the marriages in the United States ending in divorce, the indicators signal that couples nowadays have little stomach for ‘toughing things out’ and working through their misunderstandings and grievances.”

The archbishop said an important question for married couples is, “What have you done for your marriage today?” Successful marriage, he continued, “simply doesn’t work on automatic pilot.” The archbishop pointed out the resources available on this Web site, www.foryourmarriage.org.

Given all the challenges involved in “maintaining a loving relationship and growing into a mature marriage, a little expert advice may help,” Archbishop Vlazny said. He called it “rather naive” to think that newlyweds “can simply go it alone.”

While acknowledging that “some of the demands and sacrifices that eventually creep into a person’s life in living out a serious commitment like the one embraced in marriage are hard,” the archbishop said they also are often “the source of life’s greatest blessings and satisfaction.”

Some matters “are more important than others in making a marriage work,” the archbishop wrote. He cited:

• Communication: “Skills such as active listening, paying attention to feelings and learning tips for ‘fighting fair’ ease the burden.”
• Commitment and common values: “Commitment helps us overcome those moments when we are tired, annoyed or angry with each other.”
• Shared values: “Sharing basic values such as children, honesty, fidelity and putting family before work go a long way.”
• Spirituality: “Last but not least, spirituality helps couples seek the deeper meaning of life, one not focused simply on pleasure, but the common good.”

Seldom do marriages “die overnight,” Archbishop Vlazny wrote. Rather, “they tend to fade away because people have not attended to one another, allowed things to slide and naively presumed that bumps on the road would not unsettle their journey together.”

A marriage that lasts means “never taking anything for granted and making sure each partner regularly and faithfully takes steps to support and strengthen the bonds of love and fidelity,” said Archbishop Vlazny.

About the author 
David Gibson served for 37 years on the editorial staff at Catholic News Service, where he was the founding and long-time editor of Origins, CNS Documentary Service. David received a bachelor’s degree from St. John’s University in Minnesota and an M.A. in religious education from The Catholic University of America. Married for 38 years, he and his wife have three adult daughters and six grandchildren.